1) Ain't That a Kick In The Head
Chapter 1 - Aint That a Kick in the Head
The streets of Baltimare grew crowded as ponies flocked to the Inner Harbor for a day on the town. All kinds of trade ships came into port bringing all sorts of exotic food, spices, and silks. The Market was crowded with foreign merchants of all species. Zebras, Griffons, and even a Minotaur all had little colored stalls.
It was a rather peaceful day for the crowds of ponies all browsing the stands. But for me, it was just another day of keeping lookout.
I sat there watching the crowds move throughout the market. It was Saturday, which in Baltimare meant, shopping day. The pickle barrel I sat on was very uncomfortable, but it beat just standing on all fours.
This was our hourly routine; one of us would watch the crowds for any sign of the guard. It wasn’t all boring, I would sometimes read, pony watch, or hum to myself.
But right now, the only thing I was doing was staring into space. Boredom.
“Say there miss, you look bored, if you don’t mind me asking” said a voice from out of nowhere.
“Wh-what?” I replied with the upmost grace. The voice came from behind me, and where it came from stood a creature that I never saw before.
“Now no need to be flabbergasted miss, names Dragoon, Crystal Dragoon. And what would be yours miss?” he said with quite a bit of charm. He was a Centaur, half pony, half Minotaur. His lower body was a light blue coat, while his upper torso was a pale tan. He had a curly mustache that I instantly recognized as fake. I think. Could mustaches curl that way on their own?
I had to think of a fake name fast, Giving that my real name could land me in trouble, so I looked around for the first thing. Got it! “Um, my name is Lemon Zest. Yeah, Lemon Zest.” Sweet name Emerald, Almost as bad as my mother.
“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you Lemon. Now back to that boredom. You look like you haven’t had fun in quite a while.” It was at this point I noticed the brown briefcase next to him.
“Oh yeah, sure.” I really didn’t want to talk to this guy.
“Now tell me, what would you say if I were to bring the fun to you?” He said with a smile that was larger than life.
Is he for real? This has got to be a scam. I might as well play along with it.
“I would say, ‘Oh wow fun’.” I remarked with a hint of sarcasm. I don’t think this guy can take a hint.
“Well great! Now, allow me to show you what's in my briefcase.” he said as we reached into his briefcase. “This little item will make your life more fun than ever.” He fished around for a while, but found what he was looking for with an “Ah ha!”
He pulled out a watch. A plain, boring watch.
“It’s a watch.” I replied flatly. Did I really expect anything more? It was a dull, plain, boring watch. I don’t even think it was working.
“Oh. But not just any watch! It’s the C-1000x Super Pony Watch!” Is this guy for real? He is wasting our time over a watch. I could feel the rage starting to boil inside me. This guy needs to have the bullshit wiped off his stupid face. Where all centaurs like this?
I was getting tired of this real quick, so I spoke up, “Look mister, I like the watch, but I don’t have any bits on me. So if you could just take your little watches and go scam some other pony, that would be great.” I replied with the biggest and fakest smile ever.
Once I said that, his act dropped completely. His hair seemed a little flatter, even his silky smooth accent turned rough and course.
“Look lady, I’ve got kids to feed, money to make, and debt to pay. You will buy some of my Celestia damned watches.” He said with a slight annoyed tone. This guy was so desperate I could almost smell it. Smelled like sewage.
“Alright Crystal, I get it. You want to get rid of the stupid watches. And I want you out of my face. If I just give you twenty bits and take a watch will you leave me alone?” I said my nerves on their ends.
His demeanor shut up and his smile returned. Even the phony accent returned. “Done and done ma’am!” He took my bits, gave me the watch, and walked away with a smile.
It was then that the stall owner returned with a large bushel of cabbages in two baskets on her sides.
“Hey there Emry, how’s business?” said the ice blue Unicorn with a cheer. She set up the cabbages in two little crates on the stalls front table.
“Well, besides some poor bastard selling me this phony watch, and not to mention annoying me to death, I would say today has been rather dull, as usual,” I replied with no hint of whimsy. “But how about you, Miss Autumn? Did anything interesting happen while you were out?” Autumn Salad ran this little stall. She knew my mother as a filly, and when she found out we needed a place to lay low. She was more than happy to offer us her storage shed behind her stall.
“Oh nothing, bought me some good cabbages from the farmers market, gonna sell them for even more.” She always wanted to make money off cheap items. I think that was her special talen, you couldn’t really tell when your cutie mark is 2 bits. “Any sign of the guard?”
“Other than the occasional guard walking through, no signs that they know we are here.” And thank Celestia for that.
“My stars, can ya’ll believe they would want to lock away you and your family for nothing?” Autumn always looked out for me and my family. When we took off from Manehattan, first place my mother told us we were going was Autumn’s place in Baltimare.
Abruptly interrupting our conversation, a group of ponies shopping approached the stall. I knew best to go on back when she had customers.
“I’m going back, see ya later Autumn.” Quickly I picked myself up and pulled open the flap to the back area of the stall.
Her stall was one of the more frequently visited ones, well, when she was there anyways. Not many ponies trusted strange ponies to run a stall well when the shopkeeper isn’t around.
The back room of the stall was little more than storage. A radio sat on a crate, playing a commercial for a Cruise the Canterbbean. Other than that, there was little more than boxes, crates, barrels, and a refrigerator with a rusted door. It wasn’t much, but it was home.
“Hey there Emerald how’s the stall?” said my big brother Maiden from atop a crate. He was carving a figure out of soap with a kitchen knife. I think he was making a duck.
“It’s boring, as usual.” I said with my usual glee.
“That’s too bad. Hey, did you see where Moms went?” Mom was gone? Not that this was any surprise. Normally she went out at night when it was safer, less guard around.
“She went out a while ago before I woke up, haven’t seen her since. I was hoping you would know.” A frown formed on his pale blue face.
This was bad, he never worried like this. Normally he never worried about her. But I got the feeling that something was off. I had to find mom. “Want me to go look for her? She has to be around the Market.”
“I’ll go with you. Safer that way. We better get our disguises.” Our disguise’s where nothing more than 2 mane wigs, a false cutie mark, and a stripped vest. It wasn’t much, but it never failed us.
We slipped on our disguise and grabbed our saddle bags. I wrote out a note for Autumn in case she went into the back looking for us. We slipped out under the side flap and made our way through the crowds. There were a lot of ponies out on the market today. That wasn’t the unusual part. The unusual part of all this, was that Gazpacho was missing from his stall.
Gazpacho was a mammoth, he stood on two legs, with a short body that was, well, big. He was a big guy. He was rivals with Autumn, both running food stalls, but they got along well enough. But it was odd that on such a busy day he would be missing from his stall.
We approached his stall. On the counter was a note that read
Not available, check later
-G
“Oh for crying out- GAZPACHO GET OUT HERE” I screamed, he couldn’t fool me.
“Not now Emerald, can’t you read the sign?” He shouted from somewhere behind the counter. I leaned over and saw him cowering under a table. Typical Gazpacho.
“Gaz, get up!”
“SHHHHH” she shushed at me. His voice was hushed and quick paced. He had sweat rolling down his face, and his eyes were bloodshot “Are you trying to get caught! Where is your mother? Why are your out in public? And what's with the outfits?!” He said in a very low tone. I’ve known Gazpacho since we came here weeks ago, he was a calm guy, but I’ve never seen him this worried.
“What's going on!?” I said in a shushed tone myself. “Why are you hiding? And you don’t know where our mother is?!”
Now I was starting to worry. If the guards know we are here, he needs to tell us everything he knows.
“Look, now isn’t the time! The guard is onto you guys, they came by my stall today asking if I knew you! I said no of course, but then they smashed my barrel of Saddle Arabian rum!” I turned my head to see a large wet spot on the ground next to some splintered wood. “That cost me over 200 bits! I don’t have that kind of money to waste! So I told them that you were at one of the stalls in the market!” It was at this point I noticed tears. He honestly felt bad that he ratted us out.
So the guard was asking people if they knew us. They could be asking Autumn right now! We need to get out of here soon.
“Did you tell them!?” I asked sharply. He just sat there, staring into space. His eyes looked puffy and red. “Did you!?”
“Look! I’m sorry, your mother came to me earlier and asked why I was closed, and I told her ‘they knew!’ She ran off in the direction of Autumn’s stall. I assumed she went back to get you guys!” He was shaking at this point. I knew Gazpacho wasn’t a big tough guy, but this was pure cowardice.
Gazpacho cared for us, he would always help us when we needed it.
We stood there for what seemed like hours, but it was only mere moments.
Maiden was the first to speak. “Gaz, you keep an eye on yours and Autumns stalls, don’t tell the guards anything!” He spoke with a stern voice. Gazpacho nodded swiftly, tears still falling freely. “Emerald, go back and tell Autumn we are leaving!” he gestured his head towards her stall.
Suddenly it felt as if the world was throwing as many problems at us at once. I nodded and galloped as fast as I could back to the stall. Time was short, and I only had one thing on my mind.
Where is mom?
