story of a hipposapien

by MidnightFMare

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Crossover, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Doctor Whooves, Lyra
Length: 5372

the zany adventures of a cat, lyra, and other ponies as they tackle many things from physics, to monsters, to trolling

okay, this is something i have wanted to post for months, but, as with my usual schedule, updates may be far between, so, patience
the anthropologist gets to see the number of wonders her world has to offer, but needs a guide, so, through many incidents, including an under water duel, she sees that there is more to her world than what she knows.
will the world tour lead to her staying, or will it drive her towards leaving forever? only time will tell

Published 2013-12-22 03:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-11 16:45:42 UTC

atcoltus, the city of (read as "under") water

Chapter 2: atcoltus the city of (read “under”) water

“Oh! Bonbon! You’ll never guess where we are!’ the green pony squeals, jumping on her friend.

Bonbon sighs, “At home? Cuddling in bed? This being a lucid dream from a bad batch of candy?” then pinkie pie jumps on lyra, which knocks the wind out of bonbon “No silly! We’re underwater!”

“Here we are! The underwater city of Atcoltus! Rumored since the end of discord’s reign, a world without the prideful sun’s glare! A world ruled by the kinder, humbler moon, a world in an endless dusk and twilight, where the stars burn cool, fish are friends and pets! Where houses are grown from coral and sponge! A picture as beautiful and untamed as the everfree forest! And the best part, sea ponies! More specifically, sea horses and mer-ponies. Oh!” he pulls three amulets out of his pocket, putting them around each pony. “Those amulets will transform you into sea ponies, but only as long as you are underwater” he explains, opening the door to the dark blue. With a cream, green and pink glow, the ponies are enveloped.

In their place is a cream sea horse with cotton candy pink and navy blue hair and a cutie mark in the shape of three wrapped pearls, a mint green sea pony with a bucket on her head, similar to the first, and finally, a pink dolphin-esque sea pony with three balloons on her hip and a huge afro of bright pink hair.

The cat? Just grew cat fish whiskers.
He floats over to the sub, shrinks into a 1 inch cube, and puts it in his pocket

“Okay! Onwards to market!” the cat proclaims, waving to a snow white sea pony in shades

“Wow! Is that a sea urchin?! Cool!” lyra says, swimming over to it

“No! Sea urchins are often poisonous” the cat says, grabbing her by the tail

“WATCH OUT!” a voice calls, followed by a flash of earthy, coral colors the cat just extends a whisker and clothes lines the blur.

Pulling the whisker back he looks at the half marlin sea pony. “Where ya goin’ lil’ sea foam splash?” the sea pony looks up with large magenta eyes “Oh! Hey! You’re back! Gotta go tell everyone you’re back!” the sea pony says, shooting off in the opposite direction

“OI! Come back ‘ere wit’ my produce!” a british voice calls, followed by lyra eating a sea cabbage.

The cat puts his hand out and grabs lyra by the tail as a brown sea pony speeds up shaking a fist (fin?) at lyra

“Now, pay for the cabbage or I’ll beat it out of ya!” the sea pony threatens

“Kelpie, I’ll pay for my companion’s theft, three coins right? Here’s ten” the kitty says, tossing coins to the brown sea pony

“Don’t let it happen again” she says over her shoulder

“Lyra, what have I said about doing impulsive things?” he asks, but the mare is too busy eating the cabbage.

A coral pink sea pony with light midnight blue and light silver lavender hair swims up to them and gasps “Lyra? What are you doing here?”

“Do I know you?” lyra asks, looking confused.

“It’s me! Seaswirl!” the sea pony turns and shows a cutie mark in the shape of two dolphins spinning “And before you ask, my mother was a seapony and my father was a fisherman (similar to aquaman yes?) so I can be on land as well as underwater!” she says, crossing her arms

“Lyra, who are you talking to?” bonbon asks, swimming over

With a bishi fan girl scream, seaswirl starts to go nuts “OMC! OMC! OMC! You’re here with bonbon?! A romantic underwater stroll? I have to tell sparkle shine, berry, colgate, cheerilee, rarity, everypony! This is so OTP!”

“This is actually a trip to prove that sea ponies exist, at least, to lyra. Also, I needed some materials from here as well. And we have tea with the queen in 25 minutes so, we must be going” the cat interjects, putting the pink sea pony under his arm

(In the queen’s chambers)

“Hello queen coellocathrine, I hope I’m not late” the cat says, pulling a coral chair to the dormant black smoker tabletop. He turns to bonbon and lyra, “sit down, she rarely bites”

“So, what did you want to discuss?” the regal fish sips from her cup.

Suddenly, the cat draws his sword “prowl, kuroneko” he whispers, barely audible. The sword gelatinizes into a black liquid which forms into a replica of the executioner’s blade (zabuza momochi’s blade).

He swings it and pins the queen to the wall, her neck and head sticking out from above the groove.

“Guards!” the queen commands, armor-clad sea ponies appearing in the door way. The three other ponies swim to their guide’s side.

“Where is the real queen? The real one always addresses her guests from her couch, not the table. Of course, I’m her only casual friend” he says, eyes flashing red.

The queen smirks “So you saw through my disguise, clever” the queen morphs into a tentacle

“Pinkie! Subdue the guards! Lyra, use a tracer spell on the tentacle! Bonbon, keep her focused!” the cat commands. The green sea pony’s horn glows and a gold line leads out the door appears. Pinkie pulls out a net and captures the guards like tuna (I have learned to not ask where she gets that stuff from)

The cat shoots along the line which leads to a painting. The sword transforms into a TASER and he slams it onto the painting; it turns several colors and patterns before it falls onto the floor, having turned back into an octopus.

“I have passed your test, now where is she?” the cat asks, looking at the octopus

The octopus nods and turns one of the bed posts, which causes the bed to shift on a conver belt, revealing a set of stairs

As the cat walks down them, he looks at the lyra and bonbon. “Something the matter?”

Lyra moves to speak but bonbon beats her to it “You just electrocuted an octopus underwater, and now you want us to follow you down a dimly lit pair of stairs hidden under a bed?!”

“yes… Fine, come on pinkie, we have a date to keep” the cat says, walking down the stairs.

A few seconds later the cat stops

“Oof!” bonbon grunts, bumping into him

“Decided to come after all?” the cat smirks

“No, the octopus was looking right through us” bonbon replies, pushing him farther

“Hello! Welcome ambassador!” an angelic but aged voice calls from the room in front of them

On a hard water bed is a young looking coelacanth-pony waving to them “Oh! Ms. Pie, did you bring what I ordered?”

“Yep! Water-proof fireworks just like you asked!” the dolphin-pony replies, placing a box on the ground.

“Shall we get down to it?” the cat asks, bending his arm and with a bright flash, a smiling mask shaped duel disk appears.

“let’s get it on” she replies, pulling an abalone shell duel disk out from her bed and putting it on her arm

Author's Note

stuff is heating up, what type of decks will they use? check out the next chapter!!!

the duel

Chapter three: the duel

ROUND 01

“I draw! I summon ’ MERMAID KNIGHT’ in attack mode, set three cards face down, and activate the field spell ‘A LEGENDARY OCEAN’!” the room turns into a giant castle with tropical fish swimming around “This spell lowers the levels of all water monsters on the field and in our hands by one, and increases their attack and defense points by 200! I end my turn”

“My turn, draw! I too set three cards face down and summon ‘ARCHFIEND SOLDIOR’ and equip him with ‘SWORD OF DARK DESTRUCTION’. Attack ‘MERMAID KNIGHT’!”

The fiend jumps into the air (water?) and slashes “’NEGATE ATTACK!’”

A whirl wind blows the monster back and ends the battle phase.

ROUND 02

“Draw! I reveal my two other face downs ‘ULTIMATE OFFERING’ and ‘TAX EXEMPTION’!”

“’TAX EXEMPTION’? the cat asks

“Yes, this card chains to a continuous trap I activate before it, and makes it so that as long as it’s on the field, I don’t pay the price for the card’s effect”

“Wait” the cat asks, eyes widening “That means that you can summon as many times as you want!” he mutters something about how it’s an ingenious combo.

“I summon ‘ORCA MEGA FORTRESS OF DARKNESS’!”

“BY LUNA’S MANE!” pinkie yells, erecting a barrier (hammerspace, enough said)

“Now I play ‘POT OF GREED’ to draw two new cards, and summon ‘CANNONBALL SPEAR SHELLFISH’ and ’TORPEDO FISH’!”

“Load up cannon ball and torpedo!” the two monsters prime themselves for launch “FIRE!”

“GAH! Spell card activate ‘FIRES OF DOOMSDAY’!” With a flash of black light, two embers appear on the field

“’MERMAID KNIGHT’! GO! Double slash! Mega fortress! Full metal shell salvo!” the mermaid slashes both embers and the orca fires at the cat

CAT LP: 1700

“My turn! Draw! I play ‘POT OF GREED’! Next I summon ‘MELCHID THE FOUR-FACED BEAST’ in attack mode and using ‘ULTIMATE OFFERING’, I summon ‘GRAND TIKI ELDER’! But they won’t be around for long, because I tribute them to summon one of the strongest cards in my deck, ‘MASKED BEAST DES GARDIUS’!!” as he slams the card down, a huge three heads monster arises, boasting 3300 attack points

“Now, ‘MASKED BEAST DES GARDIUS’, attack the mammal!” the creature turns its head as if to raise an eyebrow (it can’t, but the light gives the illusion) “The whale” he clarifies

“DARK DESTRUCTION!” the monster fires a blast of energy at the whale, causing it to explode

“GAAAAHH!” the queen shrieks, from the shock wave

QUEEN LP: 3000

“We aren’t done yet, trap card activate, ‘RECKLESS SELF-DESTRUCT’! If I only have one monster on my side, and its’ level eight or higher, I can destroy it and we both lose life points equal to its’ attack points!” the monster lunges at coellocatherine and explodes on impact

CAT LP: 200

QUEEN LP: 1500

“Still my battle phase right? ‘MERMAID KNIGHT’, attack her directly and end this!” the mermaid slashes coellocatherine and her life points drop to zero

“H-how?” she mutters

“Simple, my beasts’ effect allows me to equip ‘MASK OF REMNANTS’ to a monster you control when it’s sent to the graveyard, which meant that your knight came to my side. That was fun! You almost had me!” he helps the queen up

“That was so cool!” lyra yells, coming from behind the barrier
(Later at tea)

“You want to meet princess Luna? Why?” the kitty asks, drinking his tea

“to better understand the lady of the eternal night, and to satiate my own curiosity” coellocatherine replies, ushering everyone else out

Author's Note

the duel is over, hope it was fun and cool for you as it was for me!

sometimes... gravity is not your friend

Chapter four: sometimes… gravity is not your friend

(Canterlot castle, throne room)

“Why hello ambassador mare, why are you here?” celestia asks, looking at his entourage

“Not here for you helium butt, I am here to speak to Luna, is she out?” he replies, everypony with him turning white at his blatant insult towards their solar monarch

“She is in the royal library with that book about a colt named ‘Waldo’ you gave her” as they leave she mutters to herself “Is my plot that big? Maybe if I stop eating cake and took up running… and stop sitting on the throne all day”

(Royal library)

“WHERE ART THOUGH WALDO?!” Luna bellows, the royal canterlot voice in full effect

“Right there, oh beautiful princess” the cat purrs, pointing out a single character

“Why thank you! Now I can get to putting the writer of ‘cupcakes’ behind bars…OH! Ambassador kitty! Oh how I have missed you!” the princess replies, hopping onto him, wrapping her legs and hooves around the surprised cat. Snuggling close, she rests her nose over his shoulder

The cat wraps his arms around the happy princess as she tightens her grip “My dear lady, whatever happened to bowing? Honestly, you’re making me blush!” he strokes her ethereal mane, causing her to sigh contentedly. She relents and wavers only to brush a stray hair back into place with a midnight wing. She blushes at how she acted and sits back down on her chair.

“Oh THIS will make a good story” seaswirl smirks, rubbing a hoof under her chin

“Is kitty your special someone princess?” lyra asks, her golden eyes wide

At lyra’s comment, bonbon facehoofs

Luna blushes more “W-what? No! G-goodness no!” she stammers

The cat grimaces as if hurt “You wound me my lovely blue moon bunny, though to answer the question, we are old friends”

“Also, I have a friend who wishes to meet you”

“U-uhh… W-who?” she mutters, flicking her abacus absent mindedly

(While they talk, how about we check on pinkie?)

“I wonder what’s in this closet” (By closet, she means the door covered with “do not open” signs) when she opens it, an avalanche of baseballs pours out, beaning our heroine but bouncing off her hair without effect
Grabbing one in her mouth, she bounces off to find the others

(Back in the library)

“-And that is what she asked” the cat finishes, wiggling his fingers in lyra’s direction, and letting her wrap her hooves around it

“I would love to go, but could it be tomorrow? I have many things to get done today” she replies, hiding behind a book

“HI GUYS! I found a whole closet filled with baseballs!” pinkie announces. Upon seeing the flying ball of doom, the princess manages an “eep!” before she looses a magical blast at the object
Pinkie side stepped the blast, but not kitty, he is knocked through the castle “AY! EE! I! OH! YU!” and he breaks through the outer wall “I ask myself this sometimes: WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????!!!!!!!!!!!”

As he falls, a certain gold-eyed mailmare passes under him. “Oh ditzy doo! You are always there when I need you! I love ya’ ditzy; you wonderful Pegasus you!” he brushes her mane “you look lost” he scratches her snout.

“Yeah, I can’t find this ‘sugar cube corner street’” she replies, looking at the package

“Uh, that’s the bakery in ponyville, it’s where you purchase muffins” he clarifies.

“MUFFINS!” she yells, shooting off towards her quarry

“Aw horseapples…” he mutters, before falling…

Five feet

“Huh, guess my depth perception is off”

“That was fun! Let’s do that again!” comes a voice from a fuzzy warm lump in his sleeve

“LYRA! You were there the whole time?!” the cat asks, she replies with a nuzzle under his chin

“Let’s go get bonbon” he says, holding the nuzzling pony close to his chest

Author's Note

the content of luna and coello catherine's conversation is up to you readers, so, if you have any idea of what they would talk about, post it!

meeting the local goddess

Chapter 5: meeting the local goddess

(The underwater coral labyrinth, kitty with his catfish whiskers, Luna in usual apparel [being immortal and living on the moon for a millennia means that she doesn’t need to breathe])

“So what do think about this place?” he asks, munching on sea bread

“It’s beautiful! Like an eternally changing night sky… is this realm for me?” she asks, eyes reflecting pinpricks of light

“Well, because no sunlight permeates this realm and how it reminded me of a beautiful night sky like your mane, it only seems fitting that this should be a world naturally sculpted for you” he replies, then he looks down “There is a local deity in the center of this maze, her name is Otohime, want to meet her?” he runs a sand comb through her mane, causing her to sigh and go limp

“Y-y-yes but first, I have a question”

“Shoot”

“Do you enjoy messing with others’ emotions?”

“Pardon?”

“You hug me, kiss my forehead, brush my hair, shower me with complements, and talk to me with frankness! All of those intimate things! And when you do, my heart flutters, threatening to jump out of my chest!” she yells, the noise being magnified by water

“You have subjects who love you, big Macintosh, Pipsqueak, and the doo family! They love you in their own ways, Mac speaks to you through the moon, pip plots the destruction of celestia’s rule to make you princess, ditzy has given you her heart, to dinky, you are a role model, idol, and teacher in the ways of magic, and to sparkler, you are like a knowledgeable aunt! My ‘love’ is only respect and friendship, not romantic, I am flattered by the idea, but I like you for who you are, not because of an attraction. Besides, I am over 68 billion years your senior!”

“… Pip Is plotting that, isn’t he; and ditzy has bore her heart to me… even though it’s damaged by betrayal… I’ve been blind towards my subjects… but I sense that they forgive me” luna whispers, down trodden, her mane fading

“Close your eyes” the cat says, she complies

(Kiss!)

Her eves shoot open and she sees a skeletal smile and a finger in front of her nose “Boop!” he pokes her nose

“Why is your face missing?!” she shrieks

“Ancient curse, if I kiss or I am kissed, my flesh melts away, it’s quite painful” he replies, his muscles and skin growing back

“Why did you do that?” she asks

“To make you feel better”

“It didn’t” she blushes

“What? Then the film industry has lied to me once again!” he face palms

(Distant bell chiming)

“Did you hear that? (Pulls out sonic multi-tool) hmmmmm… oh dear, DUCK!” he yells, dropping low

“A duck underwater? Whe-” Luna begins, then drifts off

“Luna? Are you okay?” he asks, unsheathing his sword

“Oh we feel just fine, why don’t you submit to your princess, hmmmm~~~<3?” she replies, swaying her hips and donning a sultry look

“PROWL! KURONE- GUH!” he grunts, having been knocked back by a bolt of magic into the hull of a sunken ship

“If you don’t finish the incantation, it won’t work” she whispers, standing on his elbows and chest

He smirks, “No, I say it ‘cause it’s fun!” and the sword turns into a giant black claw and pushes the princess away

He dusts himself off and Luna attempts to pants him “Ha! I wear a jumper! That won’t-(RIIIIP!) aw horse apples” he pulls his other half up and uses the sword as a belt

In a clearing, her feints a slash and trips himself “Sorry Luna” and kicks the underside of her head, which knocks a small ball of light out

He pulls out a transporter and beams it away

“W-what happened?” Luna mutters, rubbing her jaw

“Sonic emotional entity, it causes an increase in the affection based hormones, meaning it causes lust. They appear from time to time, but if not expelled, which involves half hour isolation, causes a chemical imbalance which then results in a non-convulsive stroke” he explains, hefting her up onto his back

(Center of the maze)

“OTOHIME! Where are you; you slimy old hagfish?!” he yells

“Hm? I thought that was you, stop calling me that! My name is aqua regia!” a voice replies

A long sea pony covered with gold bracelets and body rings embedded with jewels and runes carved into them

“Luna, meet aqua regia, the local deity and one of the best wielders of water magic I know”

She bows “Hello, I am Princess Luna of the moon and canterlot, how do you do?”

“…I thought you hated formalities” aqua says, looking at the cat

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve never met a deity before” she looks to the cat for help

“Just talk to her like you do to me” he replies

“Okay…” she mutters

Author's Note

that's it for today, i have maybe three more... but i have only so much time

Chapter 6: check-up (Or messing with the doctor)

Chapter 6: check-up (Or messing with the doctor)

(A WEEK LATER)
“Good morning Ms. Bon!” the cat says, looking down at the mare with his back at a 90 degree angle

“WA-HA! Lyra! He’s back!” she screams, punching him with a hoof.

“I know, I invited him in, he made us breakfast” the unicorn replies from the first level

“Why are you- no, not going to fall for that” she face hoofs and gets off the bed

The cat frowns and sinks through the floor like it’s air

Bonbon jumps up and runs down the stairs, and sees the cat standing in the middle of the kitchen, cleaning dishes

“How did you-“

“Magic my dear, magic” he replies, handing her a plate stacked with pancakes “Now lyra, I’m going to be outside, so when you’re done, come out and we can have some fun”

(LATER, OUTSIDE IN A MEADOW)

“Watch this” the cat says, pulling the key chain from a week back and tosses it onto the ground; with the sound of magic and metal moving, the cube unfolds into a black-gold teleport pad

“Cooool…” the unicorn gasps, but the cat smirks, “Wait for it”

(link the sounds of the TARDIS to this) A “whooshing” sound fills the air as a blue pony box appears on the platform. The door creaks open and a chestnut stallion with an hour glass cutie mark steps out with an unkempt brown Mohawk and a green tie on “Here we are, Prance, in the 200th year of celestia’s reign… wait… this doesn’t look right” he steps out and looks around

“Hi doccy!” the cat yells, smirking

“Ah flaming bollocks, YOU!” he growls, glaring at the cat

“Why do I get the feeling you aren’t happy to see me?” the cat replies

“Because you are bloody impossible! And more annoying than the master! And that is saying something!” he yells then the mail pony from two chapters ago peeks her head out the door. “Hi kitty!” she yells, flying over to nuzzle his hand

The stallion is flabbergasted (PINKIE: that’s a funny word! ME: pinkie, you aren’t in this chapter, the last time you were, I got shot through the castle PINKIE: soweees <3ME: … back to the story) “You know this… this… THING?! Ditzy! Get away from him!” the stallion yells, galloping towards the cat but is knocked over by a green flash, which stops at the cat’s feet with a death grip on one leg. The flash is revealed to be lyra, her eyes are solid golden yellow, energy sparking off the corners “IF YOU EVER THREATEN MY FRIEND AGAIN, I WILL CRUSH YOU WITH MY MAGIC!” she growls

“Oh come on! How do you always get others to protect you?!” the stallion yells after backing away

“Well then, it seems you’ll have to…” he smirks and puts on shades “Deal with it”

Calming down, lyra looks at the pad “What in glob’s name is that?”

“’God’, lyra, you’re not on ‘adventure time’ and that is the TSAREPTCM (zar-ept-i-cum) or the TSAR for short. It stands for Time, Space, Alternate Reality, Event horizon and Paradox Traversing Chronoton Manipulator. This has a larger range of destinations, like the multiverse, alternate timelines, ETC, and only I or a person I choose can use it! And unlike the TARDIS, beautiful lady it is, can self-learn and pilot itself most of the time and take whatever forms either one of us desires” the cat explains, as it turns into a card which he slips into his pocket

“But wouldn’t it have to constantly reconstruct itself every time it changes dimensions or realities? Or does the ‘event horizon’ part make all of the atoms a single string that consciously remembers it’s placement in the matter matrix as it moves through the dimensional foam, but then it would have to be faster than light to fit through the pores for any of this to be possible, which way does it work?” Ditzy asks, fluttering down next to the chestnut stallion

“D-Ditzy, how did you-?” he asks with a look of shock

“Both, but the second only in emergencies” the cat replies, stroking lyra’s head “PINKIE!” he calls

The TARDIS door opens and the pink party pony sticks her head out “Yeah?”

“Go for a spin” he says, waving to her “Okie dokie lokie!” she replies, saluting

“WHAT? How did she- how on earth does she always get in there?! I retract my statement, SHE is worse than you” the doctor yells as pinkie leads the CMCs into the TARDIS

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, TIME AND SPACE TRAVELERS! YAY!” they cheer as the TARDIS takes off

“Uh… doc?” the cat says

“Those three foals went in it, didn’t they?” he sighs, when suddenly a box appears with disembodied clapping (link canned clapping)

“That is correct! Tell him what he’s won!” a disembodied voice announces

“A punch in the face!” the cat answers as the box opens up and a boxing glove on a spring upper cuts the stallion, launching him backwards “And an evil cyborg pear!”

The pear appears with sharp teeth and proceeds to chase the stallion

“AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHH!! EVIL CYBORG PEAR!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!” he screams, ditzy following him with a mix of worry and laughter

The cat laughs so hard he fails to notice lyra licking his left hand

He turns and looks at the happy mare “Lyra, why are you licking my hand?”

“To commit the taste, the texture, the smell of it to memory and it makes me feel alive!” she replies before sucking a finger in to the webbing

Seeing his discomfort, she stops and crawls onto his chest, wraps her hooves around it, wraps her tail around his waist, and rests her head near his, nuzzling his cheek

“L-Lyra, somebody might see and get the wrong idea” the cat replies, but sighs in contentment from her nuzzling

“Didn’t humans” she starts to purr the word “human” from deep in her chest “Brand cattle and horses at some point?”

“Yes, but what does that- AAH! What did you-“ he feels a burning sensation from the hand she stopped licking and notices her horn glowing. Pulling his hand over to his face, there is a still cooling mark on the back of it. In the shape of a lyre. “Y-you branded me?” he asks, staring into the deep golden wells of her eyes.

“To prove that your hand belongs to me, duh” she replies, blowing each word into his ear, causing him to go limp

They lay there, cuddling on the soft grass, the warm sunlight bathing them; the cat scratching her head and tickling her chin, each sigh of comfort causing him to smile. She softly nuzzling his chin her tail no entwined with his, her hooves running along his back, the soft intake of breath and the whistling of the wind. She falls asleep, her heart; beating like a metronome, fills the void where the cat’s should be. For the first time in years, the cat sleeps deeply without nightmares……………………

(THREE HOURS LATER)

The stallion returns with a sweaty coat and looms over our sleeping hero. He lifts his hoof and tries to stomp on him but is stopped by a hand.

“I knew my blissful sleep would be disturbed, so, how long did it take for you to figure out it was an illusion?” the cat asks, pressing on his ankle with a forefinger and thumb

“An hour ago, I ought to smash your smug face in” he growls.

“How about this, a plate of English muffins and eggs” he offers, summoning a plate

A mechanical voice echoes “…EGGS…EGGS…EGGSzzzzz…EGGSSTeeeerrrrr…EGGSTERM…EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!” the echo turns to a cacophonous chorus of chanting one word

“…TSAR… Scan for the source of those voices…”

A measured voice answers from the black-gold card “We all know that it is a whole army of daleks form the doctor’s universe. The daleks from this one, you turned into ponies, remember?”

Lyra, having woken up by the chanting looks around confused as the chant starts to make sense, that one word: “Exterminate”. She runs screaming back to her house, not looking back and apologizing to the cat mentally

Erecting a force field around the meadow, the cat turns to the doctor “Ready for your trademark cowardice doccy-boy?” he asks, drawing his sword

“No, this is my home now, and I will fight! Give me a weapon!” he replies, straightening his tie

“Here, a delta wave generator and a force field projector. I need you to put this in the ship’s engine and the force field will protect you for 30 minutes; if time runs out, sonic it, that should keep it working as long as the sonic is focused on it. Once you get the generator in place; run. Get in, get out, get gone. I’ll handle the daleks”

“Fine. On 3, one”

“Two”

“THREE!” they shout in unison

“ALLONS-Y!”

“AHAHAHAHAHA! This should be fun!”

Author's Note

And with that, the pony doctor and the impossible cat rushed into battle to defeat the dalek army. Will they prevail? Will lyra ever get to go to earth? Will Arthur Dent ever get a decent cup of tea? I can’t answer that last one, so keep tuned in!

messing with bonbon

The story of a hipposapien

Chapter one: messing with bonbon

(Zoom in on lyra heartstrings sitting on a bench, with bonbon sleeping)

“Hey bon? You know what I wish were real?” she asks

"Humans?” the exhausted bonbon replies

“NO! Humans are real! I meant sea ponies” lyra explains, rubbing her friend’s mane

“What if they are?” a voice asks whimsically. They look up and see a tall, lanky, and black furred anthropomorphic cat standing on a tree branch. Upside-down.

Bonbon gets up and looks at the cat “I really don’t want to have to deal with your crazy stories today cat”

To this, the cat wiggles his fingers at the teal mare, who jumps from the bench and onto his arm. But when she latches on, he boops her nose, eliciting a babyish squeal.

Bonbon rolls her eyes at her friend’s immaturity. Trotting over to the inverted cat. “Why are you upside down?” but then she notices how his hair is pointing up

He smirks “how do you know that I am not right-side up and everything else isn’t upside down?” Then the world decides to do a 180 and results in both mares falling up (errr… down?)

As the two mares brace for impact, out pops pinkie from a cloud. They hit the sky with a crunch, the pink party pony bounces over to them

Bonbon sighs, “Pinkie, how are you even here? Wait, why aren’t we falling through the sky?” the green unicorn pokes the blue sky

“Sky? Is this a game? Am I in cloudsdale again? But I don’t see rainbow dash, dashie is my bestest best friend! I don’t smell her though-oop!” the pink pony is cut off by lyra stuffing a glove in her mouth

“Lyra, what the hay did you put in her mouth” she asks, instantly regretting it

“A glove! It’s a thing for hands!” the mare announces, brightening.

The cat appears, who then pulls down a zipper from his forehead to the naval level, when out pops pinkie pie! “Hi there!”

The mares stare at the first pinkie who pulls down a zipper and out jumps… pinkie pie!

Wait, that makes two pinkies!

Then lyra pulls a zipper and out steps the cat

Bonbon squeaks and pokes the first pinkie who turns out to be a cardboard cut-out. The cat and pony say in unison "a ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuse"

Bonbon pulls down a zipper and…

“AUGH!” bonbon screams, knocking pinkie pie off her chest

“You’re awake! Good! We’re almost at port!” the kitty says, looking at the upside down pinkie.

“What?” she asks, before the end chapter sign card falls.

Author's Note

yep, pinkie is in this during the beginning