Just a quiet day at work.
Type a few words. Check the papers. Type a few words. Call my boss up. Type a few words. Hit send.
The company I worked for dealt in pharmaceutical distribution. Each day, I'd come in, send a few emails, then leave to make my rounds. My entire life consisted of emails and anti-itch creams.
It sucks, to be blunt.
But I can rest easy, knowing that when I head home there will be an equally quiet place to relax.
I live alone. I've had a series of failed relationships in the past, but none of them went far enough for me to be the least bit upset.
Basically, I'm just trying to say that my life was one of near silence and solitude.
That's why the knock at the door was so unwelcome.
Again, the day thus far had been quiet and uneventful. The most I expected out of that knock on the door was a travelling sales-pony or something.
I unlocked the door, nearly opening it before the knock came again, very quick and almost erratic.
"Yes, yes. I'm here."
There was a dramatic gasp from the other side. "Mel?"
All at once, I was afraid to open the door. I knew that voice. I knew that nickname. It meant my life was about to go to hell.
I opened the door.
There stood a pony I had bot seen in many years. Her coat was so pale a white it almost glowed, and her mane was so bright a blue it burned. She wore a ridiculous pair of sunglasses over her wild red eyes, which she took off using the blue magic of the horn that protruded from her rat's nest of hair.
"Mel, it's you!" The mare leapt at me, pinning me to the ground with a bear hug.
I sighed. "Yes, it's me, Vinyl..."
"I need you to come with me. I've got a wild idea." She stood, grabbing my hooves and yanking me upright.
"Of course you do..."
"I'm a vampire now!" She flashed me her fangs.
I groaned, falling back to the floor.
~~~~~
"Whoa! Mel! Didn't think you'd faint, you wuss!" She laughed, pulling me up again.
"No, Vinyl. This isn't happening. Unlike you, I have a life." I brushed myself off, straightened my bowtie, and tried to shoo Vinyl out of the house.
Vinyl suddenly looked disappointed. "You... you don't even want to say how much you've missed me? Dude, I missed you so much! It's been..." She stopped to count. "Uh... a lot of years."
"Yes. And I'm not interested in picking up where we left off." I continued to push her backwards towards the door.
"But Mel!" she whined dramatically. "We were best friends! I didn't come all this way with the most awesome business proposal ever for you to push me back onto the streets!"
I didn't answer, just hooked my front hooves under her armpits and lifted her front hooves off the ground.
"You asked for it!" she yelled, going limp in my forelegs.
"Don't you dare go boneless on me!" I yelled back.
Vinyl did not reply.
I dropped her on the floor, where she landed with a dull thump.
"Ow!" She rubbed the back of her head, then whined annoyingly.
I sighed. "Look, I have a job already, Vinyl."
"Really?" Vinyl looked perplexed,
I scoffed. "Yes."
"Huh." She stood up, jerking her head to make her mane return to its normal, gravity-defying state. "That what you've been doing all these years?"
"Yes."
Vinyl was silent for a moment. "What have you been doing, Vinyl?" she squeaked, putting on a horrendously offensively Bittish accent. "Oh, not much. Finally finished Grand Theft Equus IV, held a series of odd jobs, the most recent being a brief stint as a DJ: DJ P0N-3. They thought I was too loud, so most clubs won't let me play anymore. Also, it is apparently unprofessional to yell 'FAIL!' every time somepony trips, falls, or pukes on the dance floor."
"Not your best idea."
"Suck it, Mel."
I was silent.
Vinyl cleared her throat. "Th-this is the part where you say 'you suck it' and do something moderately stupid to accompany it."
"Vinyl, we are not in high school anymore," I said. "Quite frankly, I count that as a blessing," I added under my breath, going to pack up my cello.
Vinyl groaned again. "But we don't have to be in high school to act like idiots! Or, at the very least, best friends!"
"You're not presenting your case very well..." I muttered. "Where'd you get the vampire teeth?"
"Won 'em at a carnival." She grinned. The teeth fell out of her mouth. "Dammit..."
"What makes you think anypony would believe this dumb charade?" I asked, snapping the locks on my case. "Your voice is all garbled with those in, and you don't actually drink blood."
Vinyl chuckled, almost evilly. "You're interested, aren't you?"
"No. I 'm just wondering what combination of thoughts made you believe that this--" I gestured towards her "-- would actually work."
She shrugged. "You wanna get some pizza?"
I paused. "Pizza?"
"Or we could do food trucks. Those are always fun. Ooh! There's this great spot down on--"
"I haven't seen you since senior year! I can't just go with you, I have a job!"
Vinyl threw a hoof around my shoulders. "Mel, when did you get so uptight? First off, this is about the third time you've mentioned the job. Obviously, you aren't working right now, so I don't see a problem with this. Second, you were so much fun in High School! Must by dying to cut loose! Anyway, we'll discuss things over a steaming hot pizza with a side of extra crispy hay fries. You like black olives?" She pulled me away from the door and down my front porch.
"W-wait! I have to lock up!"
Vinyl scoffed, her hoof still draped around my shoulders. "Don't worry. The bogeyman isn't gonna steal your socks while we're out."
I growled deep in my throat.
"Dude, chill. It's just pizza and some catching up, " Vinyl said in an attempt to calm me down.
"Don't call me 'dude.' Ponies have had a certain respect for me since I got out of High School, and I'd really like to keep it that way."
Vinyl chuckled again. "You? The pony who threw up during a spelling bee?"
I grumbled again. "I was sick."
"You know, you say that, but we all saw you turn green."
"It was the lights."
"Wasn't the lights, Mel. You opened you mouth to spell 'Pegasi' and--"
"I remember." I muttered. "Not the sort of thing you forget."
Vinyl laughed uproariously.
"Har, har," I mocked. "How did you find me?"
Vinyl shrugged. "I looked you up. Still not married, huh? Me neither."
"Vinyl, I can't do this!" I stopped.
"Why not?" Vinyl looked confused.
"Because! I've moved on! I'm not just jumping back into High School again! I went to college, I got a job, I have a life!" I sighed. "This is too sudden. You couldn't have called first or something?"
Vinyl shrugged.
"S-stop shrugging! Tell me what you wanna say!" I looked at her. "Did you even go to college?"
"Eh... college isn't really my thing. It's sort of... stifling." She grinned, whipping off her sunglasses. "Besides. I've got a job."
"Oh yeah?"
"Well... almost. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Yes. The 'most awesome business proposal ever,' " I remembered.
"Exactly! You ready to hear this?"
I sighed. "Sure..."
"Okay, okay." She jumped in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. "Wait for it... private detectives!"
What did this have to do with the vampire thing? "I'm confused."
"Lemme explain: everypony knows that vampires are psychic--"
"I've never heard that."
"Suck it, Mel. Anyway, somepony once thought I was a vampire--"
"How drunk were they? Scale of one to unconscious." I interrupted again, smirking a bit.
"Dude! The eyes, the coat! I'm super pale, and I have red eyes. That's pretty much a textbook vampire," she explained. "Anywho, you remember how clever I am! 'Cause my stupid dad had to be a cop, and all that weird training crap..."
"Skip the daddy issues. I remember."
"Right. So I figured I could pretend to be psychic by pretending to be a vampire and solve crimes!" she smiled proudly.
"Okay. How drunk were you when you thought of this?"
Vinyl groaned loudly. "Look, it's genius, and you know it."
I was beginning to smell the pizza shop. I knew I had to get out of this, and quickly. "Why don't you just be a cop?"
" 'Cause my dad always wanted me to, and I won't give him the satisfaction. Plus, I..." she muttered something under her breath.
"Excuse me?"
"I got arrested a couple years ago..." she whispered.
I laughed. "Oh! That's great! For what?"
"Reckless driving."
I opened my mouth to scold her, or possibly just berate her some more, but she interrupted me.
"Dude, it was a chopper, and it was awesome. It was also impounded..." she murmured sadly.
"I'll bet it was."
"Suck it."
"That is the third time you've said that," I reminded her.
"I keep hoping you'll finish the bit. Guess I was wrong. Bet you don't even go by 'Mel' anymore, do you?" Vinyl complained, kicking a small pebble along.
"You were the only one who called me that. Nopony nicknames a last name, Vinyl. That's just odd."
"Which is another way of saying it was clever and you loved it."
"Mm... no, not exactly."
"So ponies actually call you 'Octavia?' That's so obnoxious!" Vinyl complained loudly.
"It's perfectly normal. It's my name."
"Eh." Vinyl kicked the pebble into the street, and gave up on keeping it in front of her. "So, what do you think of the business idea? Would you wanna... you know, solve crimes and junk with me? Don't lie, Mel, I know it's your secret dream to be an old-timey private detective."
"Gumshoe," I corrected, without thinking about it.
Vinyl looked hopeful.
"Hm... I'll have to think about it... does it have a name?"
Vinyl gasped, bouncing up and down. "Dude, that's the best part! I call it... SINBAD," she said dramatically.
" 'SINBAD?' What does that mean?" I asked.
"It's an anagram thingie... wait, no... acronym! It stands for 'Supernatural Investigations 'n' Bad Ass Detectives." She laughed. "Awesome, right?
"That literally makes almost no sense. Why not 'and? I mean,' 'n'? Really?" I commented.
She sighed. "Because. If it had 'and,' it would be SIABAD, which is a stupid name. SINBAD, however... pure awesome..." she said wistfully.
"Interesting. Would we have an office?"
"A big one! With a huge front window, and everything!" She stopped me again. "Picture it: 'SINBAD: Private Detective Agency.'"
"Would we get paid?"
"Yes. Duh."
"Could I work it part-time?" I asked.
"You're actually considering this, aren't you?" Vinyl squealed.
"Maybe. But let's get one thing straight: I am not quitting my job to work with you. Oh, that's another thing: it will be with, not for." I poked her in the chest, making sure each important word was punctuated.
Vinyl held up a hoof. "Scouts honor. But you have to promise to lighten up. Also, help me find some better vampire teeth..."
"Fine," I agreed.
"Seriously?"
"Er... yeah."
Vinyl laughed triumphantly, bouncing in circles around me. "Yes! I knew I could do it! I knew I'd convince you!" She stopped in front of me, sticking out a hoof.
I bumped it.
Goodbye quiet, boring life.
Hello, Vinyl Scratch.
Case #1 (pilot): The Bitter Letters (Part 1)
The chill night air was colder than
A brisk breeze met my
It was cold outside. Really cold. Cold and dry. But outside wasn't what mattered just now. In a little house on the edge of the city, a lonely pony was getting mail.
It was very late at night, on a Sunday, and the sound of the mail flap caught the pony by surprise. He stood slowly, groaning and complaining. He threw down his paper, the ink already having stained his cream-colored hooves, and stomped to the door.
He muttered something about annoying foals. He had been pranked this way before. Surely, that is all this was. Just another 'flaming turd' joke. Those idiots.
Instead the anticipated package, only a thin envelope laid on the floor.
He picked it up, studying it carefully.
It had no defining marks, no stamps, no return address. It was too thin to hold any sort of joke, so the stallion ripped the top away.
Inside was an average letter, written with elegant strokes in blue ink.
The stallion brought the envelope over to his favorite easy chair, reclining as he read the contents.
As the letter wore on, the stallion became more and more intent on the paper, his shaking hooves just barely keeping a grip. When he had finished, he coughed several times, his breathing suddenly erratic and wheezing.
The paper dropped from his hooves...
"Hm..." Vinyl had been pouring over a binder of possible office spaces for a long time. I sat nearby, typing up a quick email.
"You'll need to clear out of here soon. I have to make my rounds, and the office should be locked," I said.
"Eh." Vinyl tossed the binder aside. "I can lock up."
"Absolutely not."
Vinyl leaned back in her chair.
"Don't do that..." I warned.
She pushed it back further, just to spite me. The chair toppled backwards. "Ow..." Vinyl whined, not moving.
"Yeah. Not leaving you here alone. You're welcome to join me on my rounds, however," I suggested.
" 'Welcome to join me on my rounds!' " Vinyl mocked. "I can't think of anything more boring."
I sighed. "Then go home, pick out an office space. Make it a small one, though! We need to actually be able to afford the down payment."
"Yeah, yeah..." Vinyl fixed the folding chair, picking the binder up off the floor. It had fallen open on a page she had not seen yet. "Dude... dude, this is it!" She lifted the binder with her magic, showing me the image of a ratty, tiny office space with a large window facing the street.
"Huh." I took it from her, checking out the particulars of the place. "We could actually afford this. And, look! It's got the window you wanted!"
Vinyl laughed manically, her front hooves leaping off the ground in short bursts. "Oh my god! Oh my god, Mel! We're gonna be private detectives! Dude, this is so awesome!" She threw her forelegs around me in a constricting hug. "This is the best day of my life!"
I chuckled, patting her gently on the head.
"Uh... could you let me go?"
"Sorry."
~~~~~
I slowly peeled the backing off the decal, leaving behind a crisp letter 'D' on the window pane. With our combined efforts, we had done a pretty good job of cleaning up the gross little office.
By combined, of course, I mean just my efforts. Vinyl wouldn't be caught working if her life depended on it. In fact, at the moment, she was playing what she called 'wastebasket NBA' against herself.
Which is why this idea had caught me by surprise. This entire business idea rested on Vinyl's being able to work, and I was kind of proud that she had moved into a new phase of her life. Maturing.
"She scores! DJ P0N-3 wins again!" Vinyl screamed quietly, mimicking the roaring crowd.
Who was I kidding. Vinyl hadn't actually matured past her teens. "What is this DJ thing?" I asked. "I thought you were, you know, done with that."
Vinyl shrugged. "Don't argue with the cutie mark, sister."
She was right. Her cutie mark showcased two eighth notes.
"Well, my cutie mark's a treble clef. You don't see me playing in the Canterlot Orchestra, do you? I mean, sure, I tried... but I was like that stupid intern who's always screwing up." Memories of the Gala came rushing back to me, when I had mistakenly taken a request from a rather hyper pink mare.
I shuddered.
"Well, you never know. Maybe you're like Treble from Mega Mare. Remember? The little dog sidekick that could turn into a jetpack or something?" Vinyl reminded me.
"I have no idea what that means," I said honestly.
"That's fair... Mega Mare lost something after part five..." Vinyl lobbed another wad of paper at the trashcan. It hit the rim, bouncing off and thwacking me in the face. "Didn't count."
I sighed, not bothering to comment. I stepped back from the window. "Well? How's it look?" I asked, proud of my handiwork.
Vinyl maneuvered her swivel chair to my side. "It's backwards."
I chuckled at her joke. I then realized she wasn't joking.
"Just-- go look at it from the outside." I ordered her.
"Oh, I'm sure it's fine. Too lazy right now." She rolled back to her spot across the room. "Oh! Guess what?"
"What?" I asked, bored.
"We are the only psychic detective agency in the lower-middle Canterlot area! Totally cornered the market, dude." Vinyl pumped her hoof happily.
"What?" I asked, this time in utter disbelief. "There is another psychic detective agency in the city?!"
"Yup. They're called 'Lyra the Lycan.' She's a werewolf. It's awesome." She grabbed a paper cup of soda off the desk and sipped slowly.
"I don't believe this..." I put a hoof to my forehead. "There is no way in Tartarus that's a coincidence."
"Oh, it is," Vinyl replied. "They've been there for two years."
"No, I meant on your end. Nopony knows we exist yet, they couldn't have stolen it from us. Am I to understand that you just... had this brilliant idea? That you were completely unaware of this werewolf place until now?" I questioned.
"Mel." Vinyl frowned. "I can't believe you'd think so low of me."
I arched my eyebrows.
"Well... maybe I... sensed their presence." She made a goofy motion, trying to convince me that she had channeled dark powers.
"You aren't really psychic. I'm the only one who knows that." I reminded her.
"Fine. But, you gotta believe me, I came up with this on my own," Vinyl pleaded. "... after I saw an ad for their agency."
I smacked my forehead on the window. I bounced back violently, a red spot spreading outwards.
And then the doorbell rang.
It was very old, so the normal four-note chime came out sounding like a dying opera singer.
"Oh, Celestia..." Vinyl stood slowly, a smile widening on her face.
"Don't get excited. It's probably the health department come to arrest us. Have you seen this molding?" I pointed to the seal on the window. It was an oozing black-green. "This used to be white! Probably..."
Vinyl barely listened, leaping out of her seat and galloping to the door. I followed her with a fair amount of eye-rolling and sighing.
Vinyl held a hoof to her temple, being sure she was in the perfect pose before she opened the door.
There stood a small filly, tears staining her cheeks. She could not have been more than eight years old, and she was clutching a fluorescent yellow paper to her chest.
"Oh..." Vinyl dropped her hoof. "Are you lost?"
The filly shook her head, pointing at the word on the window.
"You came to see us?" Vinyl asked.
She nodded.
"You have a case for us?" I asked.
She nodded again.
Vinyl grinned, sweeping the filly inside.
"Whoa-whoa-whoa." I smacked her hoof away.
The filly looked confused.
I knelt down to her eye-level. "Where are your parents, sweetie?"
"At home..." she murmured.
"Do you need our help to get home?" I asked.
"No... but I need you to find something for me..." she whimpered.
"Are you gonna pay us?" Vinyl asked. I elbowed her in the chest. "Ow!"
"What is it you need us to find?" I kept my voice low and kind.
The filly held the paper out to me. It was a lost flyer for a small family dog. "His name's Brandy... could you find him for me?"
Vinyl smiled. "You bet!" She grabbed the paper from the filly. "What's your name? We'll have him back to you by the end of the day!"
The filly's face brightened. "Really?"
"Uh-huh!"
"Yay! Uh, my name is Dinky... that's my house across the street!" She pointed, then trotted away.
I sighed. "What were you thinking? How can we find a dog?"
Vinyl smirked. "Check it out: this poster's only professional-looking element is the photo, right? The rest is hoof-written in sharpie. It doesn't even have those little tab thingies with the numbers on them."
I glanced over at the paper. Vinyl was correct, the writing was sloppy and some words were spelled wrong. There was no contact information on the poster, either, just useless factoids about the dog.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Well, that plus the fact that her parents are obviously unaware of her wandering about, my guess is the dog got out," Vinyl explained.
"We already knew the dog got out, Sherlock. Where is it now?" I demanded.
Vinyl sighed. "Weren't you listening? Neglectful parents, possibly non-existent. The dog jumped ship, wandered about, got taken by animal control. Little Dinky is all on her own in this hunt, and she forgot to check the local pounds."
"How can you know that for sure?"
Vinyl held up the poster again. "This isn't photocopied. It's the only poster out there. Kid has no clue what she's doing."
I nodded. "Pretty good."
Vinyl grinned. "You bet. Let's go."
She got a few steps out the door, then turned around. "Where's the nearest pound?"
I laughed. "There's only one in the city. It's near Donut Joe's," I told her.
"Right. I knew that." Vinyl nodded, trying to remain cool. She trotted down the street to the right.
"Other way!" I yelled.
Vinyl said nothing, but changed direction, her head hung. I followed her, chuckling to myself.
The pound was just down the street, a small, grey, block of a building that most citizens referred to as 'an enormous eyesore.' It was, to be fair.
Vinyl marched in proudly, turning her attention to the wall of 'lost' posters not unlike the one she had held moments ago.
I went up to the desk, opening my mouth to ask about the dog.
Vinyl picked that moment to have her first 'psychic vision.' She started barking like a dog.
The large stallion behind the desk arched an eyebrow, staring at Vinyl in curiosity and almost fear.
Vinyl stopped suddenly, clearing her throat. "Sorry about that. I am sensing that a small-ish, tan lap dog was dropped off here not too long ago?"
"You... sensed it?" the stallion repeated.
"That's right. I'm a vampire, man."
The stallion looked confused. "But..."
"I'm psychic! Also, I suck my fangs into my skull during the day. Don't wanna scare anypony." She smiled, very full of herself.
"That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard," he stated blandly.
Vinyl's nose scrunched up. She tossed her mane with a quick jerk of the neck, placing her hoof on her temple. She quickly looked over the stallion, then said. "Sorry about the divorce, buddy. Don't worry, you'll bounce back. Also, might not wanna eat that sandwich you were saving for lunch. Better head next door and buy something fresh."
The stallion frowned, squinting at Vinyl for the longest time. "That's right."
"How about that dog, then?" Vinyl asked.
"Sure. I'll go grab him..." The stallion wandered into the back, throwing nervous glances over his shoulder.
When he was out of earshot, I whispered to Vinyl, "Okay, how'd you know?"
"Easy. His cork board is empty, but it's still got tacks and scraps of photo-paper on it. He recently tore down all the photos, but hasn't replaced them. If it had been a death, he would've left them up. That, plus the fact that he missed a spot shaving this morning: divorce!" she concluded in her textbook sing-song victory voice.
"And... the sandwich?" I asked.
Vinyl pointed to his lunchbox, which was open near the bars of a cat cage. "Got peed on."
"Ew..." I muttered. I hated cats.
The stallion returned, holding a familiar little puppy in his forelegs. "Here he is!"
Vinyl gasped. "Brandy!" The dog's ears perked at the sound of his name. She took the small dog from the stallion, cradling it next to her chest. She spoke baby-talk to it for a few seconds, then looked to the stallion. "Thank you so much!"
The stallion shrugged. "No problem."
Vinyl chuckled. "Don't be scared of me, man. I'm what most of us call a 'veggie-pire.' I drink the blood of willing participants and sometimes small animals."
The stallion suddenly looked to the dog that Vinyl was holding.
"Oh! N-not this little guy. Just... squirrels and stuff..." She was beginning to look nervous. Then she turned and left.
"Sorry about that..." I said half-heartedly, then went after Vinyl.
After galloping to catch up with her, I said through pants, "You scared him to death! He thought he was handing over a puppy for slaughter!"
"Yeah... that wasn't as smooth as I imagined it going..." Vinyl muttered, rubbing Brandy under the chin.
I scoffed. "Look, you'll need to write your little 'veggie-pire' story and stick to it. No more winging it, or we'll get in trouble!"
"You gotta admit, though, 'veggie-pire' was a stroke of genius."
"What does 'veggie-pire' even mean?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Don't knock the made up words. They work wonders."
I sighed. "Well, let's drop the dog off. Hopefully it will somehow lead to publicity, though I doubt it."
"Eh. Even if it doesn't we'll be helping an adorable little filly and her equally adorable dog." Vinyl trotted to the door of the filly house, knocking on it gently.
After a second or two, the door opened, revealing an unfamiliar face. A blue-gray mare stood in the door, her messy pastel yellow mane hanging in her eyes, which were focused on two separate points. "Hello?"
"Hello, miss--"
The mare gasped. "Brandy! Dinky, come here! It's Brandy!"
"A-are you her mother?" I asked.
"Mom? Gosh, no. I'm her sister. We lost our parents a few years back... It's our uncle's house."
"I'm sorry," I apologized.
"No worries!" She stated cheerfully, then turned to yell for Dinky again.
The tiny unicorn filly came galloping to the door, squealing with joy. "You found him! I knew it! I knew you would!"
Vinyl lowered Brandy to the porch, letting him run to Dinky.
"Thank you so much!" Dinky yelled happily.
The other mare stared at Vinyl. "Um... I'm sorry, who exactly are you?"
"I'm Vinyl Scratch. I'm a vampire/psychic detective. That's my office across the street." She pointed. "This is my partner, Miranda Wrights. With a 'W.' "
I growled. "I'm Octavia Melody. Excuse Vinyl, she's a bit of a prankster."
"W-well, nice to meet you both!" The mare beamed. "I'm Derpy. Thanks so much for finding Brandy. You have no idea how hard it would've been to get Dinky over it."
"No problem," Vinyl grinned. "See ya later."
We turned to go, but Derpy called us back. "W-wait! Um... can I talk to you guys?"
"What about?"
"Erm... a job, maybe?"
~~~~~
After a long talk with Derpy, the two of us decided that she would make a great secretary for this new business. It worked well for her, since she could duck home to fix meals for Dinky then come right back and keep working.
Unfortunately, the addition of Derpy to our team meant less space for the two of us, not to mention more cash for her paycheck. But it would work itself out in the end.
Probably.
With Derpy's assistance, we spent the next few days setting up the office to be quite comfortable and home. We painted the walls, bought furniture, and even solved another case or two while we were doing it. Of course, they were mostly finding lost pets or helping Dinky's friends with homework, but it was a welcome break from the heavy lifting.
Today, however, was finally the big break we needed.
Today, a great big case walked right in the door, just for us.
Well... ish.
What actually happened was this:
"Do you think the desks are in a good position?" Derpy asked.
I took a few steps back. "Yeah, I think it's fine."
Vinyl changed the channel a few times, then groaned. "There's nothing good on!"
"Maybe it's a sign, Vinyl. We could use even the smallest bit if help finishing up the office," I said.
Vinyl scoffed. "Well, you didn't say you needed my help. Plus, I'm going to be doing a ton of work really soon. I think I should break when I can."
I sighed. "We have to get this business off the ground first. And I don't see how that's possible when there's a duplicate on the other side of town."
Vinyl sat forward. "Yeah! Say, I was thinking, we should head over there! You know, introduce ourselves, maybe give some cookies? Pineapple, possibly? Those things are the best way to make friends, you know." She grabbed another hoof full of chips from a bowl beside her, shoveling them into her mouth.
"Charming," I commented.
Vinyl shrugged.
Then the doorbell rang.
We all froze, looking at each other, then scrambled to get to the door. The three of us tripped through the room, mostly over each other, and Vinyl finally pulled the door open.
There stood a face we had seen many times, smiling sheepishly in the light of the setting sun. Her cream-colored coat was rather matted, her blue-and-pink mane even more so.
"H-hey..." the pony murmured, her cheeks turning pink.
"Hey!" Vinyl shouted happily. "You're that pony from the other agency! We have a pineapple for you."
"Y-yes... I'm Bon Bon, Lyra's partner--"
"In crime!" Vinyl finished, laughing rather hard at her own joke.
"Uh..." I was stunned for a moment. "Would you like to come in?" I offered.
"If that's alright..."
"Sure thing!" Vinyl swept Bon Bon inside, sitting her down in a swivel chair near the front window.
"Why are you here?" I asked. Vinyl was the only one stupid enough to think making friends with your rivals was a good idea. So, either Bon Bon was remarkably similar to Vinyl, or something else was going on.
"Well... there's this case..." Bon Bon rubbed her hooves together. "Somepony came to the office looking for you, and Lyra took the case anyway. I just... I didn't wanna lie..."
Vinyl nodded slowly. "Wait... seriously? Somepony came to your office looking for us? Somepony wants us to take their case?" She bounced up and down slightly, but I steadied her with a hoof on the shoulder.
"Tell us about the case," I demanded.
"Oh... r-right. Well, it was this blackmail case. Apparently, this pony's father had been blackmailed for a long time, but he recently missed a payoff."
"Uh-huh..." Vinyl nodded.
"Well... he was dead the next morning," Bon Bon stopped there, looking at us.
We looked to Vinyl, wondering if she would accept such an ambiguous case. "Are you kidding? You didn't tell me it was a murder mystery!" She stuck out her hoof to Bon Bon. "We'll take the case."
Bon Bon stared at the hoof like it was some sort of foreign object. "Um... it's not that simple. Lyra already took it. I just... thought you'd wanna know..."
"Aw..." Vinyl's face crumpled. "Why would you tease me like that?"
I elbowed her, then leaned over to whisper in her ear. "It may behoove you to hold back the joy. Stop being so excited about a dead guy."
She shrugged.
"Well, I suppose you could talk to Lyra about it... she might be persuaded. You'd really have to impress her, though..." Bon Bon murmured.
Vinyl marched to the door. "No prob. Take me there."
"Vinyl..." I threatened.
"Um, sure." Bon Bon got up as well.
"Can I come?" Derpy asked.
"Stop!" I shouted. "We are not taking this case. Our office isn't even done yet!" I gestured to the room behind me.
Vinyl scoffed. "Whatever, Mel. I'm taking this case, with or without you. We need to get paid." She drew out the last word for me to hear.
"Mm..." I grumbled. "Eh... alright, fine. But we're getting paid our full fee. Deal?"
Bon Bon looked worried. "That's not up to us. It's up to the client!"
"Oh..." I felt my cheeks grow hot. "Right."
"Look, Mel." Vinyl wrapped a hoof around my shoulders. "Even if we wind up doing this for free, we'll get noticed. Everypony loves a good charity story. Propane-o."
"You mean 'pro bono,' " I corrected.
"Mm... I've heard it both ways."
"No you haven't." I sighed. "Okay. Let's just go and get this over with, I guess."
"Alright, then..." Bon Bon trotted outside, the three of us quickly following.
Bon Bon lead us through Canterlot, occasionally getting lost or confused. What should have been a twenty-minute walk ended up taking nearly an hour.
Finally, we reached Lyra's cheesy shopfront. It was decorated with all kinds of timber wolf artifacts, including an entire pelt, as well as crystal balls and tarot cards. The window pane had a design in red on it: a paw print inscribed in a hoof print, dripping as if with blood.
"This is seriously where you work?" I asked, baffled by the gaudiness of the display.
Bon Bon chuckled lightly. "Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous, to be honest, but we make a lot of money off it."
"How much?" I asked.
She chuckled again, this time almost condescendingly. "I'm not at liberty to say."
I sighed. I refused to be intimidated by this assault of supernatural crap. "Okay. Are we going in, or what?" I asked.
Bon Bon pushed the door open, a set of wooden wind chimes clattering. In the center of the room sat a mint-green unicorn, her eyes closed as she sniffed the air.
"Halt," she ordered. We did so. "Bon Bon, have you let two non-believers into my realm?"
I groaned. This was getting more ridiculous by the second. Derpy frowned a bit, too, knowing that she was also an object of ridicule here.
Vinyl grinned. "They're cool."
Lyra's ear pricked. Her eyes were still closed. "I sense that the vampire is among us. Come forth, vampire queen."
Vinyl's grin widened, and she threw me a glance as though she were some kind of celebrity. She went to sit in front of Lyra, staring up at the sad excuse for a detective.
Lyra lifted her hoof, eyes still shut tight, and placed in on Vinyl's face. And I don't mean gracefully placed it on her forehead, I mean she just mashed her hoof into Vinyl's snout. "Yes. I sense your power."
I put a hoof to my face. This was one of the stupidest things I had taken part in.
Lyra finally opened her eyes. "Hey! What's up? You're the new detective, right?"
"That's me!" Vinyl said proudly.
I blinked, astonished by Lyra's sudden mood change. "What just happened?" I asked.
She laughed. "Sorry. I like to put on a little show for new customers. Did you like it? I mean, I know I was right about everything..." she giggled.
I sneered at her, forcing out a fake laugh.
Lyra sighed happily. "So, what can I do for you guys?" she asked, grabbing a mug of steaming liquid off a nearby table. She took a sip, peering over the lip at us.
"We were told that you took a case that was intended for us," I said bluntly.
"Hey!" Vinyl elbowed me hard in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. "Could you be any more rude?" Then, to Lyra, "Excuse my partner here, she can be sort of unfeeling form time to time."
I rolled my eyes.
Derpy poked at some kind of carved wood statue of a timber wolf, and it wobbled and crashed to the floor. "Whoops..."
Lyra shrugged. It was like looking at a clone of Vinyl. I instantly felt terrible for Bon Bon.
"No big deal. Now, about this case..." Lyra put down her mug. "There's just no way to let you guys in on this. It's my case, not to mention, we're competitors. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm pleased I could snatch this client."
Vinyl nodded in understanding. "That's fair. We'll find something else."
I stuttered, trying to find the words to protest, but they caught in my throat with anger. Finally, I got out "No! Whoever this client was, they were ours to begin with!"
Lyra scoffed. "Hate to disagree with you there, but they never even went to your office. They came here first."
"But it was a mistake!" I argued. "Bon Bon told us you're making a ton of money! Can't you just let this one go?"
Lyra shook her head, her mouth shrinking to no more than a dot. "Sorry. Can't do that."
I sputtered a few more words, but none of them actually got out.
Vinyl patted me on the head. "It's okay, Mel. Let's just head back and finish the office."
"That's a good idea, boss," Derpy added.
I bit my lip, trying not to spout any profanities as they lead me out.
The wind chimes clattered once more as we left, and I stuck my head back inside. "Wind chimes SUCK, by the way!" I screamed.
Vinyl and Derpy grabbed my front hooves, dragging me away from the building.
Vinyl whistled in surprise. "Man, that was like the definition of zero-to-sixty. You alright there?"
I could almost feel the steam shooting out of my ears. "Fine."
"What made you so angry? Weren't you the one who was all like 'we need to finish the office, Vinyl,' " she repeated in her mock Bittish accent.
"Because we need money, Vinyl! Everypony needs money! Especially us! I am paying for everything!" I yelled, accenting each syllable in the last sentence.
"Mel, I let you do that! I thought you liked paying for everything!" Vinyl lied.
"Wh-- Wha--" I stuttered, fuming. "Who likes to pay for things?!"
"Shh, shh," Vinyl attempted to calm me, pulling my head down to rest on her shoulder. "Don't worry. I bet I can find enough loose change in my couch to pay for things."
I shoved her away. "I doubt it. We need to solve a case, and quickly. There's no way that the money from my other job is going to cover your living expenses. You're like a walking natural disaster, Vinyl."
"Well, we might have some options. First: we can steal a criminal file from the police station and catch him. Second: we could steal something, frame another criminal, then get paid for solving the case. Third--"
"No. Those are all awful ideas."
"I-I have an idea," Derpy murmured. "We could become police consultants..."
"That's out," Vinyl said quickly. "No way I'm working with the police."
Then it hit me. "I've got it! We need to solve the blackmail/murder case, right?"
"Sure, I guess," Vinyl agreed.
"Well, let's just beat Lyra and Bon Bon to everything! If we stay one step ahead, keeping the evidence ourselves, and the client sees us doing it, they'll drop Lyra and pay us instead!"
Vinyl was shocked at first, but she slowly began to smile. "Dude, you're the best!"
Author's Note
I'd like to know what you guys think of the characters/writing style so far, before I go to all the trouble of writing the outline for the mystery.
Although I know what I'd like the solution to be, I can't just wing it like I usually do. I'll need to plan it out.
So, again, thoughts below, please. That way the mystery will be the best it can be.
Thanks!
