Parasitic Plants: A Hearth's Warming Romance
Twilight crested the final hill and surveyed the west orchard of Sweet Apple Acres. She leaned against a tree trunk to catch her breath. It didn't take long to spot Applejack; the orange earth pony stood out like a sore hoof against the leafless trees and thin snow covering the ground. Applejack was awkwardly shifting side-to-side and was repeatedly glancing at the barren apple branches overhead, as if trying to align herself perfectly with some unseen spot above: to catch the most sun in the chilly morning air or perhaps catch a glimpse of some bird or pegasus through the branches.
Admiring the rakish angle of her hat and the way the winter sunlight lent her mane a lustrous golden glow, Twilight smiled at her friend and soon found herself galloping down the hill toward her. She saw AJ turn to face her, probably alerted by the echoing hoofbeats off the surrounding hills. When they met each other's eyes, each pony beamed; a strange and silent contest to see who was happiest to see who. But while the two ponies would normally run foreward to meet each other, Applejack remained steadfastly in place.
As Twilight approached, she noticed a tangle of bright green leaves snarled in the branches directly over Applejack's head—and on further inspection, in several of the other trees in this section of orchard.
"Howdy Twi." Applejack adjusted her hat nervously, still smiling but a blush turning her cheeks the color of perfectly ripe apples. "I'm mighty pleased you came all the way out here to help little ol' me."
"What exactly do you need help with, AJ? Apple Bloom was so mysterious about it—and she couldn't seem to stop giggling."
Applejack muttered something under her breath.
"What was that?" Twilight asked.
"Nothin'. Just my sister ain't always the most subtle pony."
Twilight opened her mouth to ask just what Applejack could mean, but decided to file away her question for later and focus instead on the problem at hoof. She prowled around the tree examining every detail of it, paying special attention to the leaves and small white berries growing in the upper branches. It almost looked like a bird's nest—made by a bird who'd snuck some of Granny Smith's special cider.
"This is an apple tree, isn't it AJ?"
Applejack turned in place, pointedly not moving from the spot she'd chosen beneath the lowest-hanging tangle of greenery, although this kept the gnarled tree trunk between the two ponies. "Sure is, sugar. This here was one o' the best producin' apple trees on the whole farm last year."
"But those little berries can't possibly be apples, can they? Is the tree sick?"
Applejack sighed. She stepped from behind the tree and stood muzzle to muzzle with Twilight. They were uncomfortably close—Twilight couldn't help but imagine herself leaning in to kiss the other mare. It would be so easy; and so easy to ruin the friendship they'd built up over the last four years. No, better to focus on helping her friend rather than fantastical flights of fancy.
"In a manner o' speakin'."
"Huh?" Twilight couldn't remember what question Applejack was answering. The earth pony drew in a deep breath.
"The tree is kinda sick. That's mistletoe growin' up in there. Granny calls 'em varmit vines."
"Oh! I've read about this! Thrushwing and Birchgrove's Introduction to the Parasitic Flora of Equestria has a whole chapter on plants like these. The seeds are spread through the guano of fruit bats who've eaten the berries. When the guano sticks to a tree, the seeds sprout and dig tiny roots, or haustorium into the branches of the host tree to absorb nutrients. They're a problem for farmers because they reduces the yield of infected trees and keep coming back unless every last trace of the haustorium is removed."
Catching the look of nondescript unhappiness on Applejack's face, Twilight cut herself short. She realized she'd been lecturing again, she was trying so hard not to do that. And this was the kind of thing Applejack knew all about, she was a farmer after all. It must feel insulting to be lectured about your own specialty by somepony who had just read one book on it.
So what did Twilight have to do with this? Why was she here? Those berries were growing high up in the apple trees. Twilight had seen a ladder over by the barn a few times but it didn't seem terribly safe for earth ponies to climb that high, especially if they had unicorn or pegasus—or even alicorn—friends. Wouldn't it be much safer and easier to ask somepony for help? It was nice to see Applejack remembered that terrible applebucking season for once.
"So you want me to help you get rid of them? That shouldn't be too hard."
"Me and Mac both used to ask Dash every year, but she's not very... gentle. An' Shy helped out last year, but she's too much the other way. 'Sides, now that she and Mac are... er... anyhow, I know you're all busy being a princess now but I was hoping..." Applejack trailed off. She adjusted her hat. She slowed her breathing and seemed to gather herself, trying to find the right words to explain. Twilight could relate.
"Aww heck Twi, varmit vines aren't the only reason I asked ya here. I—"
"It's really no big deal. Don't worry about it. I know just what to do." Twilight closed her eyes tight and reached out with her magic.
Tendrils of lavender light radiated from her horn and spread to entwine each tree in this part of the orchard. The light intensified, and soon a rapid popping and snapping emanated from the surrounding trees, faint purple lightning bolts crackling among the upper branches. The sound reminded Twilight of Pinkie's "fluffy puffy exploding party corn".
When Twilight opened her eyes, Applejack's jaw was hanging wide open. "How the hay'd you learn to do that. I thought you were just gonna fly around and nibble on 'em or somethin'."
"Oh, I've been dying to try that spell out. I've been giving myself a crash course in agricultural magic for the last couple weeks; I'm glad I finally got an oppurtunity to demonstrate something I learned. It's really an interesting subject, you know..." Twilight forced herself to abort the lecture she felt coming on, Applejack looked so sad all of a sudden. Was it something she'd done?
"What's wrong, AJ?"
"Nothin'. Ain't nothin' wrong. I just thought this was gonna take a bit longer is all."
"Why would you be upset that I'm more efficient than Rainbow Dash?"
Applejack sighed. "I'm not upset with ya, sugarcube. Just disappointed is all." She scrunched her face awkwardly and squinted at some point above and to the right of Twilight. "It's just that now I got no excuse not to help Mac with the... rocks. Yup, gotta go tend the rocks. Bye!"
Twilight wondered if this was the same kind of rock farming the Pie family was known for, but before she coul ask, Applejack was galloping off toward the north orchard.
The orange speck was retreating into the distance much to fast for Twilight to catch—she still felt unsure of her wings at high speeds—so she turned forlornly back toward the farmhouse. Twilight was glad she'd been able to help AJ with her problem, but it had been over far too soon. Maybe there was something to be said for a little inefficiency now and then.
***
Big Macintosh was helping Apple Bloom make snowponies in front of the farmhouse as Twilight trudged back along the slippery path from the west orchard. She must have been frowning at them because Apple Bloom stopped mid-wave, looking like she was about to tear up.
"What's wrong, Twilight? Where's my sister at? Why ain't she with you?"
Twilight trotted up to the pair and forced a smile onto her face for Apple Bloom. "I guess I don't know. She said she was going to help you with the rocks, Mac." The gears in Twilight's mind turned frantically. Applejack wasn't a very good liar. It was so obvious looking back on their parting words. What had she been hiding? "You don't farm rocks at Sweet Apple Acres do you, Mac?"
"Nope."
"AJ seemed upset after I helped her with the mistletoe. Any idea what that could be about?"
Big Macintosh blushed; he must have turned extremely red for the effect to be visible through his coat. "Nope." He was almost as bad a liar as his sister, but Twilight decided not to push the issue. He didn't seem like the kind of pony who could be pressured into talking once he'd made up his mind. These Apples were too stubborn for their own good sometimes.
"What about you Apple Bloom? Any ideas?" Twilight asked hopefully.
Mac raised an eyebrow significantly at his youngest sibling, but she seemed not to notice.
"Well did ya kiss 'er good enough? Maybe your not a very good kisser."
A bead of sweat crept down Twilight's forehead. "What?! What makes you think we'd be doing anything like that. Applejack and I, kissing, that's absurd."
Twilight flapped her wings and took off in a panic. A foot from the ground she flipped head-over-hooves and crashed face-first into one of the snowponies.
Apple Bloom sighed exasperatedly. "You been hanging 'round here every day lately, and AJ wastes a whole mess of time fixin' her mane before you show up. Y'all aren't foolin' nopony. AJ hemmed and hawed all week and finally went through with it and asked you to help her with the varmit vine. You're supposed to go down there and kiss and then y'all can be secret special someponies for a couple years so Granny don't find out, and then you get married and live happily ever after! That's what varmit vine's all about. Why d'ya think Mac asked Flut—. Oooph."
A snowball the size of Apple Bloom's head sent her sprawling into a nearby snowbank. She glared at her older brother. "What'd ya do that for? Are we gonna have a snowball fight now?"
"Eeeyup."
Mac dived behind a snow drift much too small to hide a pony of his size. Apple Bloom pelted snowball after snowball at whatever parts of his big red body were vulnerable as he futilely tried to hide his bulk from the onslaught.
It had certainly been an effective distraction, Twilight had to admit. The little filly was cackling wildly every time she scored a hit. She was unlikely to divulge any details about what exactly had happened between Mac and Fluttershy last Hearth's Warming.
Twilight shook her mane and took to the air with slightly more grace this time. She might not be a fast flier, but she could easily glide above the orchards until she found Applejack.
As Twilight circled the farm and surrounding orchard, she mulled over what Apple Bloom had told her. Had AJ really asked for her help as an excuse to kiss her? Had she been planning to admit some heretofore unacknowledged crush? It didn't seem possible that Twilight's nightly fantasies about the rugged farmpony might not be so hopeless after all. It was too perfect.
And the whole situation had gone completely over Twilight's head. Stupid Twilight. It was just like every pony she had ever liked back in Canterlot. She focussed so hard on reading every little interaction for clues, and then realizing she was reading too much into things, convinced herself that nothing she had noticed was real. It was a cycle as old as puberty. She conjured up specious evidence of what she wanted to see if ponies didn't like her, and convinced herself that she was misreading the signs again when they really did.
And of course she'd just blithely wiped out every sprig of mistletoe for miles. What an idiot.
After what felt like hours of searching—Twilight knew it was at most one but it felt longer, an uncomfortable distinction—she spotted an orange, pony-shaped splotch huddled under one of the biggest and oldest apple trees out by the edge of the Everfree.
Pulling her wings into a half-dive just as Dash had taught her, Twilight bled speed and altitude steadily until she was circling close enough to hear the quiet sobbing coming from Applejack. She'd never heard the stubborn mare cry, and the thought that she was the cause ripped Twilight's heart open. Still, Twilight pulled up from her descent and flapped back toward Ponyville, checking behind her to make sure her presence hadn't been noticed.
She hated to leave her friend alone and upset like this, she wanted to be there for her, to comfort her. But Applejack was a stubborn pony; she'd never admit what was wrong—would probably even try to hide her feelings as soon as she saw Twilight approach. A confession that her feelings were mutual might soothe AJ's worries but it would forever taint any relationship that might follow: Applejack would always worry that pity rather than affection had brought them together. And Applejack did not take pity well, even if it was imaginary. No, to solve this, Twilight needed to give her the romantic, spontaneous feeling that she'd obviously planned for the morning—before Twilight had ruined it with her stupid magic.
No, she mustn't get down on herself. There was no time for self-pity. Who would know where to get more mistletoe?
***
Sugarcube Corner always smelled delicious, but at this time of year the scent of gingerbread and chocolate wafted out to perfume nearly half of Ponyville. By the time Twilight reached the front door, she already found herself smiling again.
She nudged open the door and was immediately knocked to the ground by a pink blur, who gave her a light peck on the snout.
"Uh... Hello to you too, Pinkie. What was that for?"
"That was for standing under the mistletoe." Pinkie gestured up at the sprig of leaves above the door. "I have to catch everypony before they get too far into the shop or it doesn't count and since you're one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world I had to make extra sure I caught you in time. Do you know why nopony besides Rainbow Dash has been in all day? Everypony is asking for cookie deliveries instead of just coming to buy them, but I don't mind because then I get to go all over town and see everypony instead of being shut up inside waiting for somepony to walk through the door. Mr. Cake says I have to do all the deliveries."
"I can't imagine why that could be, Pinkie." Twilight climbed to her feet. "Actually, I came here to talk to you about mistletoe. I don't suppose you know where I can get any?"
"Ooo, ooo, ooo, I know this one!"
Twilight raised an eyebrow and waited, silently. It was often the best approach to getting information from Pinkie she'd realized.
"Applejack has a whole bunch of it growing out in the west orchard. It's super pretty and she said it was alright to take some, but I had to leave a bunch of it around because she needed a whole lot of it for some reason."
"That's... that's all gone now. I killed it."
"Why would you do something like that?! Applejack had some special somepony she wanted to kiss a whole bunch of times so she needed a whole bunch of mistletoe and you ruined it for her?! That's so mean." Pinkie backed away from Twilight, her ears lowered against her head and her tail beginning to de-poof.
"That's why I'm here, Pinkie. I think I was that special somepony. And I was stupid." Twilight averted her eyes, studying the floor tiles of Sugarcube Corner rather than the glare of her friend. "I thought she invited me out there to help her get rid of them because they're a parasite, so I... I helped. And then Applejack stormed off and I couldn't figure out what was wrong until Apple Bloom told me about the kissing thing and the worst part is, I've been trying to figure out how to tell AJ I like her for months now. I need you to help me fix this, Pinkie."
Twilight looked up, expecting Pinkie to still be glaring at her. To her surprise, the pink earth pony had tears in her eyes, and was somehow smiling, laughing, and crying at the same time.
"It's so perfect, so perfect," she sobbed.
Pinkie shook from head to hoof, like Winona after a swim in the lake. Her mane and tail were somehow fluffier than before.
"I know exactly what to do. We'll have a party!"
"And I can talk to her at the party?"
"No, silly. You can kiss her at the party."
***
By the time the midwinter sun was setting over Golden Oakes Library, Pinkie had pranced out to Sweet Apple Acres, talked Applejack into attending the Hearth's Warming Party, and still had time to spend several hours decorating and baking in preparation.
The bookshelves were festooned with boughs of evergreen trees and mirrored beads that twinkled in the light of the roaring fire. Pinkie had somehow brought an entire spruce tree into the larger tree: it sat in the center of the main room, hung densely with ornaments of every shape and size. A dozen varieties of cookie lined the buffet tables, along with bowls of punch and cider—both had been spiked with applejack by a cackling Pinkie Pie. There were also a substantial number of balloons, but that was to be expected.
Pinkie and Rarity were just finished setting up when there was a firm-but-hesitant knock on the library door.
"Oh, that must be Applejack," Rarity said. Raising her voice, she yelled, "Come in darling!"
Applejack stepped nervously into the big room. Twilight gave her a shy smile, while Rarity and Pinkie looked ecstatic—and a bit crazed.
"Well, we must be on our way. Isn't that right, Pinkie?"
"But what about—"
Rarity kicked Pinkie's knee with her delicate back hoof.
"Ohhh. Yuppers, we gotta go. Still got a bunch of ponies who didn't get invitations yet. Gotta make sure they all know about the party. Have fun you two!"
The two ponies vanished in a pink and white blur, slamming the door behind them. Dainty paper snowflakes fell from the balcony, shaken loose by the shaking tree in an effect so beautiful it almost looked planned.
Applejack looked confused. "So the party don't start for another hour? Why'd y'all tell me to be here at 4 o'clock sharp then?"
Twilight pawed the ground nervously. It was now or never.
"Um, AJ, I, um, I had Pinkie ask you hear early so you and I could talk before the party got going. You know how these things can get when Pinkie Pie invites everypony she knows."
"Ya mean everypony in town? Yeah, I know how that is. What'd ya wanna talk about, Sugarcube." Both mares laughed at this.
"I figured out why you really asked me to help you with the mistletoe this morning." Twilight paused here, meeting Applejack's eyes and trying her best to look calm and inviting, although her heart felt like she was doing the Running of the Leaves again.
It was Applejack's turn to look nervous. "An' how do ya know that? What is it ya think ya know, exactly?"
"Well Apple Bloom told me about Big Mac and Fluttershy last year, and from there it isn't hard to—"
"That little varmit." Applejack took a deep breath. "Look, Twi, I'm awful sorry. I know I shoulda just talked to you, so you could break it to me easy instead of puttin' ya in an awkward spot like that."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, AJ. I really was trying to help by getting rid of the mistletoe. I can be extremely dense sometimes."
Applejack chuckled. "S'alright Twi. You did a mighty fine job. Better'n Dash or Shy. That's why I like ya—whenever somepony needs somethin', there ain't any half-measures. You come over and get the job done as best ya know how. And nopony I ever met knows as much about everythin' as you do, Twi. I understand why you wouldn't wanna be with somepony like me. You need someone high class. Maybe that Prince o' Rarity's—"
"Stop talking, AJ."
Twilight's horn was glowing; she gestured upward with her eyes. Applejack looked overhead to see a pair of white berries and a sprig of mistletoe floating in the air above her. She looked down.
"What in tarnation. Mmmph."
Twilight jumped forward and kissed Applejack. There was a moment of stunned resistance before the kiss was returned, but when it was, it was returned with a vigor.
Eventually, the two mares had to come up for air.
"Well golly, Twilight, if'n I knew ya felt that way, I'da spoke up a lot sooner."
"Me too. I'm glad we figured this out, AJ." Twilight let out a content sigh. "So, now that that's out of the way, we've still got about forty-seven minutes until the other ponies show up for the party. What do we do until then?"
"Oh, I reckon I can think of a few things."
***
The ponies of Ponyville partied and sung late into the night. They told stories around the fire and even had a short-lived game of hide-and-go-seek suggested by Pinkie Pie. One by one, everypony grew tired and stumbled off to their individual homes. When all but one particularly tall candle had burned down to stubs, Applejack said her goodbyes to Twilight. After several minutes of goodbyes, she finally left.
Twilight snuggled up beside her sleeping baby dragon in front of the dying embers of the fire. She opened a notebook, summoned a quill, and tried to capture the feeling of this night, this best Hearth's Warming Eve. This is what she wrote:
Sitting under the mistletoe
Pale-green, fairy mistletoe
One last candle burning low,
All the sleepy ponies gone,
One last candle burning on,
Shadows lurking everywhere:
Somepony came, and kissed me there.
Tired I was; my head would go
Nodding under the mistletoe
Pale-green, fairy mistletoe,
No hoofsteps came, no voice, but only,
Just as I sat there, sleepy, lonely
Stooped in the still and shadowy air
Lips unseen—and kissed me there.
Author's Note
Twilight's poem is a very slight alteration of Walter de la Mare's poem "Mistletoe", which is in the public domain.
Why is "de la Mare" not a pony-poet from Prance yet? This must be rectified.
Thanks to Ara for prereading!
