Who Do I Think I Am

by Demonkawala

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad
Length: 890

Heartbreak, anger, rage, tears, mental duality

A progression of writings about heartbreak and the attempt to overcome it. This includes the duality of the mind, the raw feelings after a painful falling out, and a sad yet hopeful outlook for the future.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-13 02:21:09 UTC

Rainbows Turned Grey

Beautiful and strong

An aura of power swirls around my body

Cold and steely to others who cannot see the

True person

Eyes bright and shining

Hips swaying, smile playing

Confidence

A whistle, a whoop

Not a trained panther

I am wild and free

Baring my teeth at those who want to

Change me.

________________________________________________________________________________

A wounded creature

A mocking bird put to death

Tender wings broken

Hiding in a corner

Weeping openly

A pain stricken face in the crowd

Heart strings, tattered and broken

Nothingness...

The One

The essence of your very being makes my skin crawl

You are a liar to the worst degree

You stabbed my heart with a dull blade

I thought you were my friend

How could you betray me this way?

What crime have I committed against you?

I have been there for your sorry soul for over a decade

So low and foul you are, your image is deceit incarnate

Uttering your name makes me want to wretch

All the time I wasted with you

You are the one I blame for this display

You left me helpless and calling out

Such a self-centered act you played

Pretending to be there for me

Turning against me a second later

I feel so choked and smothered

I will put on a brave face

But my feelings for you now will never change

Cravings

What DO I want?

Love, Acceptance, Joy

Do I deserve them?

I hope that I do

I try to grasp these things

But I am like a fish in

Dank, icy water

Breath stripped from my lungs

Pain in living hated

Never able to reach, even the surface

Or the world of "Happy"

How many more times will I try

Just to find my dreams broken,

Hearts smashed and shattered

Friendships battered like an acorn that has been run over by a truck

How many more times will I be lied to?

How many more times will I take it?

Why do I deserve it?

What have I done?

I'm so sorry...

Indecision

Desire held deep in my heart

For the one who takes my breath away

Coursing through my veins like a serpent

The one I long for in the dusky twilight

I never wanted to leave

Thought I was in for the rest of my life

Lives completely intertwined

Ripped apart at the very core

Loves last high tried to linger

But my heart turned to ice

A fire raged while the stone attacked my mind slowly and painfully

The moon as my sole company

On nights where I am riddled with nightmares from the past

Ghosts that still chill my bones

I hope to warm this heart

One near fatal nosedive is not a reason to stay numb

Once again opening my heart may be the hardest thing

I must let it feel the love and passion it once did

It may never be the same

I still have to try

The flutter of a young child's hear now replaced with a faint distressing putter

Just bundled up in my own self doubt

One more day of endless trials

I may never let my self believe the truth

Nightmare

She lays there completely still. On the fringe of the dark abyss that is unconsciousness. Blurry spots scatter from her sight as she achingly raises herself up onto her knees. Shadowed figures stared with soulless eyes back upon her pallid face.

She knew she would find him, why did it frighten her? Stumbling once she rose from her warm imprint. Staggering forward, using the aisle chairs for support, she gradually made her way to the front of the train, never once looking back upon the eyes she knew were glued to her crumpled figure. A frail looking filly wormed her way past nearly sending her tumbling back unto the carpeted floors.

The lights became all to bright once again as flashes of gold and silver glinted their evil glares through each passenger window. Mesmerizing and nauseating their faces were from such a speed reached only by such a vessel.

Aisle after aisle, bolted steel door after door she inched toward her goal at an infuriating pace. No time to waste, no time to wait yet, she could not press herself to move even a fraction faster. The world grew slow, the lights became jagged celestial lines in her peripheral. Chatter rose up out of the gloom. Unearthly sheiks of laughter and hollow bellows.

A screeching halt forced her to cling unto a plush velvet chair lest she be flung onto the floor once more. A glaze covered her eyes as the bodies began to stir around her. The moment the doors opened it became a frantic spasm to de board. Thrust along gruffly and nearly trampled, she was finally free.

The air felt so clear to her collapsed lungs, she almost felt like singing in joy. She spun around happily arms stretched wide unaware of the closeness and collided with a stallion. It was him. A menacing smile spread across his thick lips. The world began to melt around her. A scream of terror caught in her throat. Jolting awake with sweat moistening her cyan coat. Curling up in her blankets she lay there unmoving, the dream replaying in her mind.