If Only In My Dreams

by Thunderbug80

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Changelings, Pony Joe
Length: 3010

On Hearth's Warming Eve, an outcast female changeling searches for kindness in the most unlikely of places.

Featured on Equestria Daily.
Featured on FiMFiction.
Featured in Twilight's Library.
Audio Book Version by Obabscribbler.
Audio Book Version by Snogwritts
Review by PaulAsaran
Review by Ghost Mike

Hearth's Warming Eve.

For the ponies of Equestria, it is a time of giving and great joy, but for little Rose Aphid it could be the last day of her life. For you see, Rose is an outcast female changeling, and it has been a long time since she has felt love or kindness.

With time running out, her journey takes her to the most unlikely of places in search of love.

The first story in the Life of a Rose.

Published 2013-12-19 03:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-19 03:00:05 UTC

If Only In My Dreams

If Only In My Dreams

Beneath the trees, little Rose Aphid shut her eyes against another gust of wind that whipped her white and pink mane about, and took a moment to rest. Her legs were sore from walking for so long, but she'd had no choice. She was a female changeling who wasn't the Queen, and that was all it took for her to be cast out of the hive. From the moment she had been deemed fit enough to travel alone, she had been sent away, and that was that. She had been given no instructions and no advice; she was completely alone. The weight of her solitude had increased with every tiny step she had taken until it finally threatened to crush her entirely. Yet, though she could not understand why, her will to survive was strong, and her weary legs had gradually taken her a great distance on the chance that perhaps she could discover that there was more awaiting her than just a cold, lonely death.

The air before her condensed into a wispy cloud as she exhaled. She was running out of options. It had been a very long time since she had felt any love, and she was so very hungry. In fact, the only act of love she could remember was when her father had cast her out of his home. Not to do so would have resulted in her immediate death. This way, there was a chance, if only a small one.

The wind finally died down, and Rose opened her light coral-colored eyes. They moved left and right, scanning her surroundings, as she hoped to find some sign of life. It was now or never; she would not last another day. Seeing nothing of interest, she sat down in the snow, wrapped her tail around herself for warmth, and blinked away tears as she stared at the sky above.

It was turning out to be a very beautiful, and very cold, Hearth's Warming Eve. The chill, morning wind whipped the freshly fallen powdery snow up from the ground and set it swirling through the air in sparkling patterns. Overhead, branches that were disturbed by birds, squirrels, or other woodland creatures sent additional snow cascading down from above. All around, the grass and vegetation were either completely covered in white powder, or it shimmered with a thin coating of frost.

So this is it, she thought. Her destiny would be to live a short life that amounted to nothing at all. In all the time she had traveled, she had held onto that last act of kindness from her father, saving it for when she would need it the most. But now, it didn't matter. There was nothing to move on to. Her journey was over.

Rose sighed and watched another breath condense and swirl up into the sky. As the tiny cloud dissipated, she blinked and rubbed her eyes with a snow-covered hoof. She thought she had seen something far above, in the distance. Squinting, she stood up and slowly walked forward, eyes glued to the sky. Suddenly, the clouds parted and revealed what she had seen.

It could not be. She had thought it was just some made-up tale from when she was too young to travel. She had heard of the Great Defeat in a glittering palace in the sky, but she never once imagined that the place could actually exist. Yet there it was, its snow-covered spires rising proudly on the side of a tall mountain overlooking several half-frozen waterfalls.

Canterlot.

If the stories were true, she would be offered no kindness from the ponies. And yet, what other choice did she have? She didn't even know if she had the energy left for a transformation, but anything would be better than dying alone. With nothing left to lose, she did the only thing left that she could do.

A small burst of warm energy surged through her as she consumed the last loving memory she could remember. It was an act of desperation; kind and loving memories didn't offer much sustenance and, once consumed, were lost forever.

Another sharp gust of wind sent the snow swirling once again. When the tree branches stopped swaying and the snow finally settled, Rose Aphid's form had changed from that of a changeling into that of a small, white-coated pegasus filly. With her eyes fixed squarely on Canterlot, she shook the snow out of her mane and began her journey anew.

..o0o..

"Hm, I dunno. I think you've had enough for one day."

"Oh come on, Pony Joe. It's Hearth's Warming Eve. One more hot chocolate won't hurt me any."

Another hot chocolate sale would do good for the day's profits, but Pony Joe knew when somepony had had enough. He set down the mug he had been drying on his apron, leaned over the counter, and gave the old stallion a stern frown. "Yeah, well I ain't cleaning up no mess if you go and bring it up all over this freshly mopped floor." He waved a hoof to indicate the other patrons in the shop. "I don't see nopony else in here who's gonna do it either, so you gonna call it a day or what?"

"Fine, fine!" the old pony conceded. He stood up and threw on a heavy jacket, then placed a small pile of bits onto the counter. "Can I maybe have one for the road?"

"For the road is right," a bearded patron near the back corner of the shop yelled out. "It's gonna be all over the road if he lets you have it!"

A chorus of laughter arose, and even the old, hot-chocolate-loving stallion joined in.

"Alright, alright," the stallion said. He headed toward the exit and waved over his shoulder. "Happy Holidays, everypony. I'll see y'all after the break."

"Have a good one, Thirsty," somepony called out.

"Yeah, Happy Holidays!"

"See ya, pal," Pony Joe said as the old pony made his way outside. The wind brought in a few flurries in the short amount of time the door was open.

It was a blustery day, that was for sure. Business usually wasn't all that great on Hearth's Warming Eve – just the regulars, really. Today, even some of them hadn't shown up.

But he wouldn't have closed the shop up for anything. Sure, just about every shop in the city would be closed on Hearth's Warming Day, including his own, but he saw no reason to do so today. The patrons in here were like a second family, and besides, if anypony wanted to be home on a day like today, they'd already be there. It was as simple as that.

..o0o..

Rose Aphid's legs locked up, and she nearly slipped and fell to the ground. Before her, further up the winding, freshly shoveled dirt road, stood the towering gate into Canterlot City. The gate was flanked on each side by white-coated royal guard ponies in golden armor, their demeanor stoic and alert. She wanted nothing to do with them, but flights into and out of the city were restricted, and Rose wasn't sure she could fly even if she wanted to. If she was going to get in, she would have to face the guards.

They looked just like she imagined in the stories, and while the guards themselves hadn't posed much of a threat in them, the spears they wielded were real and looked quite sharp. She swallowed and marched forward on wobbly legs until she was right in front of the gate, where she stopped and slowly raised her eyes up to look at the guard closest to her.

Only his eyes moved, lowering briefly to look down upon her. They then moved back up into a straight-forward position where they remained. Rose looked around for some kind of indication as to what she was supposed to do. The guard rolled his eyes and cleared his throat.

"Enter," he offered.

Rose stared up at the guard wide-eyed, her mouth slightly open. Clearly, she had misheard. Nothing in her life had ever been so easy.

With Rose awestruck, the guard sighed through his nostrils and gave her bottom a slight nudge with the blunt end of his spear.

"Go on, kid," he whispered. "Nothin' in this city's gonna hurt ya." He offered a small half-smile.

Somehow, Rose doubted the truth of that statement, but it was all she needed to get moving. With one last look back at the frozen wilderness far below the mountain, she stood up and slowly made her way into the city.

From the moment she stepped inside, her eyes grew wide, and she had difficulty taking it all in. The city sprawled further into the distance than she could possibly have imagined from way down below in the valley. Buildings of all shapes and sizes rose everywhere. To one side of her, a row of wooden stands and carts arranged in a neat line, which she assumed would be full of fruit, vegetables, and other wares, had the weather been more forgiving, stood ready for market day. On her other side towered a tall, thin building that looked to be carved from stone. A sign indicating that it was a bookstore hung over the door. Before her, the road stretched onward, lined on both sides with structures promising to hold even more wonders.

Rose had never seen anything quite like it. When her journey had first begun, she'd come across a few small settlements, but she had been far too nervous to attempt to get any closer, thinking that she had plenty of time to find another place to feed. The little huts back home certainly couldn't compare...

She stopped herself. She no longer had a home, and what memories she had of that old place were a bit hazy. As she thought about it for a moment, she realized that she couldn't even remember one good thing about her old home, anyway.

Clearing her head of her thoughts, she brought herself back to the task at hoof. Without any further hesitation, she slowly stumbled her way deeper into Canterlot in search of sustenance.

..o0o..

"I tell ya what," the stallion in the corner said, peering out the window and wiping hot chocolate from his beard. "I would so not want to be out there right now."

"Yeah, me either," another patron agreed. "If I went out there, I'd have to go back home to the wife!"

The shop erupted with laughter and the sound of hooves pounding on tables. Pony Joe filled another mug as he eyed the snow piling up outside on the windows.

"I gotta say, I almost feel bad that I gotta kick you guys outta this joint in a couple of hours." He rolled his eyes at the groans and jeers that erupted from the patrons. "Yeah, I know, I know. Look, maybe if you all can behave yourselves, I might consider stayin' open a bit longer, alright?"

As predicted, the jeering turned into cheering, with ponies promising to put on their best behavior. That wasn't saying much with this lot, but he wouldn't try to change them for the world. It was going to be a late night, but the bits he'd collect would make it more than worth it.

As the snow started up again and darkness began to fall over Canterlot, the bright neon signs outside Pony Joe's Donut Shop flickered on.

..o0o..

It was hopeless.

The streets of Canterlot were almost completely barren of life, and those few ponies who had been outside had been in too much of a hurry to get indoors to offer her more than a passing glance. Homes and shops alike were closed up as the citizens prepared for the last night before Hearth's Warming Day.

Rose exhaled softly. She had traveled all this way, had even managed to enter the city where her kind had been utterly defeated, and it was all for nothing. Her legs were too weak to carry her to another village or settlement, her eyes too weary to stay open for much longer. She was certain that her disguise would fail at any given moment and she would be discovered, and there would be no mercy for her kind from the ponies.

Her legs gave out on her, and she fell hard to the cobblestone. As she lay in the street watching the last few stragglers enter their homes and slam the doors shut, she slowly resigned herself to her fate. She stood up and searched for a quiet place to die.

..o0o..

"Aw, come on! Can't ya stay a li'l longer?" somepony asked.

The bearded stallion shook his head. "Sorry, you guys, but I've got to head out. Got some last-minute preparations to deal with for tomorrow. I held it off as long as I could, but–" he made a mock salute "–duty calls."

"Hey, you gonna be alright gettin' home?" Pony Joe called out from behind the counter. "How many have you had?"

The stallion waved him off. "Ah, I'll be alright. I can handle my chocolate a lot better than Thirsty can."

"Everypony can handle chocolate better than Thirsty can!" another patron exclaimed.

The shop erupted in laughter again. Smiling, the bearded pony opened the door a crack and squinted as the wind blew some of the snow inside. "Happy Holidays, you guys. I'll see you all in a few days."

He opened the door wide and made to exit, but then hesitated and peered out into the street for a moment.

"Hey, maybe he did drink too many," somepony said. "We're indoors for a reason. Shut the door, ya ninny!"

"Sorry, sorry!" the stallion said. "Just thought I saw some kid all alone out there. Can you believe that? In this weather?" He shook his head and took another peek outside. "Huh. Whatever it was, it's gone now. Must've been my imagination. Snow's playin' tricks on me." With that said, he opened the door again, bid one last farewell, and disappeared into the night.

..o0o..

Rose had collapsed next to a cardboard box and wrapped her tail around herself for warmth, but it did little to hold back the cold bite of the frosty air. A small blanket of snow had settled onto her mane and coat, but she was too weak to shake it off. Her breaths came in short, ragged bursts, and it was difficult to keep her eyes open.

Just a few minutes earlier, she had heard the sounds of laughter, and watched from her spot in the alley as a group of ponies left the building she was lying next to. They had been maybe ten yards away, but she couldn't muster up the strength to go to them, much less stay focused enough to try and derive any kindness from them.

Now, they were all gone, and here she was lying in a cold, wet, empty alley preparing to die. She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

She never even heard the shop's side door open, or the sharp intake of breath when somepony noticed her lying in the snow. Her eyes opened a fraction to reveal a rather plain-looking unicorn wearing a white hat and an apron. She had seen similar uniforms earlier in her travels – he was some kind of baker, perhaps. His eyes were wide as he moved to untie his apron and wrap it around her. He was saying something, but she couldn't hear it. It was too late.

Her energy utterly spent, she lost her grip on her disguise.

Pony Joe let go of the apron's strings and stared open-mouthed as the little white pegasus filly who had been lying before him transformed into a pink-maned changeling.

His face grew red as he frowned. He remembered all too well the day that Canterlot had nearly been conquered: the damage to his shop and home, his family and friends running through the streets as they were pursued by the winged vermin that were the changelings, and the stories his patrons had brooded over for months afterward. He glared down at the creature before him.

Rose made no effort to move. She couldn't have, even if she wanted to. She just continued to lie on her back, staring up at the scowling pony above her. Her chest rose slightly with every raspy breath she drew. Snowflakes fell onto her face and melted, mingling with the few tears that ran down her cheek.

Maybe death will be just like a dream, she thought. Maybe... maybe I can dream of a home. A place to call my own. She closed her eyes then, at peace with her fate. I'll be home for Hearth's Warming Day, if only in my dreams.

Suddenly, she heard a clinking noise as something heavy landed beside her, followed by warmth as something was tucked around her body. Rose opened her eyes to see the unicorn walking away. He stopped at the end of the alley and looked back over his shoulder.

"Happy Holidays, kid. Now don't let me catch ya outside again." He turned around and walked away without looking back again.

Looking down, she saw that the pony had wrapped his apron around her. Next to her was a cloth bag, which she opened to reveal the day's entire earnings for Pony Joe's Donut Shop.

It wasn't a permanent solution. Her journey wasn't finished, and there was still every possibility she would fail. But as the warm energy gained from love and kindness began to fill her body, little Rose Aphid stared after her savior with wonder. He had given her another chance, and that was more than she could have hoped for. It was a memory she would cherish until the end of her days, for she vowed she would never consume it, no matter the circumstances.

"Thank you..." she whispered.

The End of Rose's First Tale