How To Reach The Moon In Two Easy Steps
How to get to the Moon in Two Easy Steps
Blueblood had one dream and one dream only. He wanted to travel to the moon, to be among the stars, to play in the hauntingly empty craters, to meet the mare in the moon.
So he researched, he searched, and eventually he found. A single book hidden deep in the bowels of Cantorlot castle, buried deep beneath a pile of dust.
This particular book was written by a fairly competent historian approximately nine-hundred and eighty-eight years before Blueblood found it. Inside the book lay the true history of Nightmare Moon. It explained about her past as Luna, how she was once one of the two leaders of Equestria, and how she moved the moon.
If that had been all the book explained then Blueblood would have been satisfied because it meant he would eventually travel to the moon. But the book explained more, much more. It explained about what happened to Luna, all in extreme detail, perhaps because the author feared retribution from Celestia (She was known to hurt people quite harshly if they mentioned anything different about the time her sister was around). In any case the history had been written clearly. Luna had been a positive figure for millennia upon millennia, creating the night all ponies knew.
Then one night everything changed. Darkness flooded the land, filled with terrible beasts with teeth like iron and skin like sand. And heading the procession was Luna, dressed in armor of the darkest night, with fur once tinged a dark blue, now a pure black.
Luna had became the dreaded Nightmare Moon, a character whom to all ponykind was merely legend, but whom Blueblood now knew to in fact be real.
Celestia, obviously quite worried about her sisters wild changes in demeanor, had gone to speak with her sister, but been rebuffed.
Violently. Luna- Nightmare moon rather- had gravely wounded her sister, casting her deep into the earth. For weeks the sun lay hidden behind it’s mountain hideaway and Night reigned supreme.
Then, one day(though at this point night was all that existed), something arose from the earth right in front of Nightmare Moon and after a oddly short scuffle the moon had recieved it’s first and only occupant.
Sadly, after this point came pure speculation by the author, declared as such with large bright red letters, began as no one actually knows, or knew for that matter, who performed the deed. The most popular theory stated Celestia rose from the ground like a titan and sent Luna to the moon in punishment. The author believed the entire argument to be poppycock, though one would only know by reading between the lines. Celestia had been found hurt nearby, the author did not dispute this fact, but the stones she espoused to be the manner in which she defeated Nightmare moon were, upon inspection by many a pony, merely rocks painted in an interesting pallet of colors and even those had washed away under a short torrent of rain which followed the Nightmare’s defeat.
When questioned about the discrepancy Celestia merely stated the powers must have been depleted and needed to be recharged over time.
The author scoffed at this, or at least obviously would have if he hadn't been so worried about Celestia’s wrath. No, something deeper must be at work. The author’s theory was quite simple. A group of extraordinary ponies rose from masses and gathered their own power from places unknown, or had them already, the author wasn't choosy.
Of course Blueblood ignored ninety percent of the political intrigue in the book. After all, he wasn’t interested in who did or did not solve Equestria’s problems, he was interested in getting to the moon!
So, carrying the book in his levitation spell, Blueblood traveled up three stairwell, down three hallways, and through a large, regal door to his room and began to plot. Obviously the easiest method to go to the moon was to do as Nightmare Moon had done and bring chaos and despair to the land of Equestria.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t a pony of massive arcane might, so he needed to revise his plan slightly.
So his plan was simple. He would become the nicest pony on the planet, helping old mares across the street, giving money to orphanages, helping out his neighbor when they needed ingredients. He would become the ultimate role model for ponies everywhere. They would adore him.
Then one day he would suddenly and, the next bit being quite important, inexplicably become the meanest and nastiest individual anypony ever saw. No longer would he help old ladies across the street, au contrair, he would be knocking them to the ground. He would steal money from orphanages and hand it out to the rich, HE WOULD REQUEST INGREDIENTS FROM THE NEIGHBORS! Perhaps he would even degrade a mare or two at a gala for the hell of it. Who knew? He was going to become evil after all.
Then, as his perfect plan worked, they would send him to the moon and he would finally be able to see the glorious world on which Nightmare Moon lived.
___
Over many years he put his plan into action. Celestia seemed quite shocked, which actually bothered him quite a bit seeing as he had rarely seen his aunt, to see Blueblood doing all the nice things he had promised to perform. They seemed almost alien in one so young. Still she rewarded him greatly for his efforts. Colts his own age looked up to him as a role model of what they wanted to be and fillies, and mares as he grew older, began saw him as the type of stallion they wanted to be with. He became the pinnacle of what a prince, and most of the general public, should be.
What started as an act soon defined who Blueblood truly was. No longer was he simply a foal trying to reach a fairly selfish goal, he was now also the leader of the flock of the next generation.
He loved his work, which made the next part of his plan so much harder to implement, but his dream of traveling to the moon would not be denied.
So one day, without warning Blueblood began his one pony crusade against all which was good and wholesome.
And failed…miserably.
All of his supposedly evil actions came to positive outcomes. The time he pushed a mare into the street turned out to be the time a giant anvil fell out of the loose hooves of a passing mail carrier. The time he robbed an orphanage? Well turned out they weren’t so much an orphanage as a racketeering scam and the money he had stolen was the final piece of evidence the police needed to send them to slammer. Finally, when he asked the neighbors for ingredients, some so exorbitantly difficult to obtain that they were nigh on impossible to find, THEY GAVE THEM TOO HIM!
Blueblood quickly became flummoxed. What was he to do? How could he get everyone to think he was evil?
Then he had an epiphany. Perhaps if he brought back Nightmare Moon they would realize he was as evil as they came and send him back to the moon with her! Yes! A perfect plan.
___
He put his plan into action. It seemed whatever spell had placed Nightmare Moon in the moon had also been granted a return spell. Surprisingly the thing was rather simple, and kept in a public place, under the rather obvious title of ‘Returning Ponies From Space Part I’. What in the world was wrong with Celestia?
In any case, ignoring whatever stupidity is invested with a semi-immortal being of neigh-on unimaginable powers, Blueblood cast the spell and summoned forth the being known as Nightmare Moon… Who had apparently been wasting away on the moon with the complete lack of food, harsh weather conditions, and complete and utter lack of oxygen.
Well Blueblood certainly couldn’t let her go out in such a condition. Who would possibly believe such a weak skin and bone creature to be the neigh invincible creature who once tried, and almost succeeded, in bringing night eternal. He’d have to care for her and get her back to full health before sending her out into the night.
Perhaps then they would believe him truly evil and banish him to the moon!
___
For the next year Blueblood took pains to keep Nightmare Moon hidden, if they found her so weakened they might simply off her and declare him some kind of hero, even as he, quite obviously, cared, fed, and brought her back to pink of health.
Then one night Blueblood entered the room and found it empty. Nightmare Moon had disappeared. Well that was quite alright with Blueblood. He was sure she would mention at some point that it was he who summoned her from the moon and brought her back to health. Then he would be on the moon for his crimes.
___
Bullocks and Poppycocks. Apparently Nightmare Moon was not all she was cracked up to be.
The moment she left she interrupted one of Celestia’s pompous Ceremonies, hidden in the Everfree forest, and attempted to kill a set of six mares. All of which was quite fine and dandy, she was acting the evil part and if she mentioned him sometime during her rampage then he would be on the moon at any moment.
Of course there was one tiny little hiccup. One little wrench in works. One giant problem. The group of six mares REMOVED NIGHTMARE MOON from Luna! And of course such a thing didn’t make her forget little Blueblood who first brought her back from the moon and nursed her back to health, even knowing she was evil.
How unlucky.
His face was once again posted on the front page of every newspaper and tabloid in Equestria. No matter where he walked, no matter what the paper, the words glared back at him in large blocky text, mocking him at every turn.
“BLUEBLOOD SAVIOR OF THE PRINCESS!”
Another failure in a long line. What did one need to do to be considered evil!?
Well he had devised one last ditch plan. A plan so stupid, so idiotic he was quite afraid to put it into effect, but desperate times call for desperate measures…
His hoof rubbed against the stubble on his chin, maybe he should grow a goatee.
Now how was he going to destroy the Gala?
___
Apparently giving the six mares who destroyed Nightmare Moon tickets to the Gala had been a smashing way to destroy the Gala. Honestly, he hadn’t even considered such a thing would happen. He’d only hoped that he would be able to utterly annoy the heck out of the guests in order to completely ruin his image. His work with that one mare had been a stroke of genius.
She’d even thrown a cake at him, how many paparazzi had taken a picture of that moment and were going to run with it? IT WOULD BE ABSOLUTE BEST MOMENT OF HIS LIFE!
___
He raised the morning newspaper and read the headline.
His eye twitched. “WHAT!? BLUEBLOOD SAVES GALA! EVERYONE HAS GREAT TIME BECAUSE OF SURPRISE GUESTS!? WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED!”
He deflated. This was it. He couldn’t take it anymore! He set out to become the best only to one day become the worst person imaginable, but apparently he couldn’t be evil. Nothing he ever did seemed to work! Every bad deed he tried came running up to thank him. He was done. He couldn’t take it anymore.
He fell to the floor and cried. It just wasn’t fair. All the work he’d put into everything and it all became a mess.
The door to his room slid open and a powerful, authoritative voice boomed. “WHAT IS THIS SOUND WE HEAR?”
Blueblood didn’t say anything. He was done.
“BLUEBLOOD WHY IST THOU CRYING?” Luna shouted.
“B-because n-nothing i-is g-going r-right. E-everything I-I d-do g-goes p-perfectly! WAH!” The salty tears rolled down his white coat, messing up his coat.
Luna blinked. “WHAT DOST THOU - I mean what do you mean?” She wrapped a hoof around Blueblood. “If everything is going well then why are you crying?”
He looked up at her with tear stained eyes. “B-because I want everything to fail! I-I’ve been trying to travel to the moon for the last decade! The book said if you were good then evil you would be sent to the moon!”
“What?” Luna asked, eyebrow raised. “Why would you think such an odd thing?”
“Because it happened to you! What else!”
Luna winced and Blueblood suddenly felt a tinge of guilt. “I believe those were… extenuating circumstances…” She looked upon Blue blood with an odd expression. “But why did you not simply ask ‘Tia if she would send you? I’m sure she would be willing. In fact why did you not simply ask me? I can do so quite easily. It is my domain after all.”
“R-Really?” Blueblood asked, giving his aunt the largest smile he could manage. “You really mean that?”
“Of course! Here.”
*Bamf*
Author's Note
So I wrote this story a long time ago, thought it was decent, and thought why not.
