Fallout Equestria: Slice of Life and Death
Lemon Honey’s Story: Some Things Are Worth Living For
"I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream."
Hello out there, this is DJ P0n-3 broadcasting live with some very important breaking news!
If there's anypony still left out by the old Whitetail Highlands, don't be. Take my advice and get moving while you still can. I'll explain what's going on, but if you're there, you better already be packing your bags while I give you the lowdown, cause you don't have much time. There's practically an army of raiders moving in from the North and you're right in their sights.
Now I know there are a lot of good, hard working ponies living in that area, and I hope this message reaches you in time. All the blood, sweat and hardship you've gone through to squeeze something wholesome out of this wasteland is nothing short of miraculous, and we're all grateful for it, but its not worth your lives.
Remember that story I told you a month back about the savior of Marchador? Well I guess you can call her the EX-savior of Marchador, cause a couple days ago she came back and wiped the town clean off the map with scarcely a word or a warning, and nopony's heard so much as a peep out of the region since.
I just got a report over the airwaves, not two minutes ago, that she's sweeping through the highlands with a group murderers and thugs, burning and looting everything in their way. They're well armed, organized, and they're moving your way fast. So please, please take this seriously. I know running can't be easy, but make no mistake, these ponies will kill you if they catch you.
For everypony in the path of danger, you had better already be out the door. For everypony else, listeners far and wide, this next song is for the brave pony whose final act of generosity was to warn others. You have my thanks."
"Honey! Honey! Where are you?"
Terror. In all the years I've known Willow Leaf, I've only heard him take that tone of voice once before. This wasn't the hushed fear of ghost stories, it wasn't the kind of upset worry that you get when realize you might have burned the pies, but neither was it a senseless panic. It was the kind of urgent pleading that you'll only ever hear from somepony who is staring the reaper in the eyes. I could hear his hoof steps as he raced through the house, and I'd only just moved my pot of bubbling jam from the stove when he burst into the kitchen.
"What's the matter Willow? You sound like you've..."
I admit that I was still kind of in shock, not quite thinking straight. I could feel the seriousness of the situation, I could hear it in his voice and I saw it written on his face, but it just hadn't quite sunk in yet. When he cut me off though, it started to.
"We've got to go, right now Honey. Its raiders."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Its not that I didn't trust him. No, I was sure he was telling the truth, but it still didn't make any sense. We'd never backed down from raiders before, and our militia had gotten quite skilled at keeping those wretched, non-contributing thieves and lowlives at bay. I was worried because he was, but the thought of going away seemed worse still. What safety would we find exposed and vulnerable in the open?
"Shouldn't we radio the guard?"
"I already tried, they're gone Honey. We've got to..." *Pac pac pac* *FWUMP*
It was only then that I heard the sound of distant gunfire, and something perhaps much bigger. I didn't know if I had missed it before because I hum to myself when I cook, or if it was just that much closer, but it was a shot of adrenaline that threw me wide awake.
"...Oh, Celestia have mercy, they're already at the Basil's stead." The terror in his voice was starting to give way to despair.
My earlier protests had only lasted a few seconds, but I hadn't realized just how important those seconds would be. The Basil family lived less than a two minutes' gallop away, and the time I'd just wasted was immeasurably precious. It was a realization that I should have come to the moment I first heard Willow Leaf's terrified voice.
"Ok, love. Get some food and water together, I'll go wake up Winter Bloom."
I tried to sound firm but calm, as if I could pull success from thin air, spin it into thread and pass it around, in part to reassure Willow Leaf but also because I was getting close to a panic myself. There was perhaps a hint of relief on his face as I turned to leave, but at that moment my thoughts were focused entirely on our daughter. The old wooden planks creaked and complained as I flew up the stairs as fast as my three little legs could carry me. Steady with the first, lift with the second, then push off with my one remaining hind leg; it had been an awkward gait to get used to at first, but over the last several years it had become second nature. Not even in the dark of night did I have to worry about stumbling and falling, I knew the house. It was just as much a part of myself as my legs. Every turn, every doorway, every nook and cranny that I usually didn't even have to think about, I found myself purposefully not thinking about. Trying not to think that I might never see my home again, because there were more important things to worry about.
I opened the door to her bedroom gently, and gingerly stepped past her few scattered toys that were laying on the floor. Maybe it was force of habit, but even in my haste I couldn't bear to startle her awake. However, as my eyes adjusted to the faint blue light of her glow-bug night-lamp I could see her already looking in my direction, her head partly hidden underneath thick fuzzy blankets. Her face was scrunched up in worry and she had pulled the covers tightly around herself, had she heard the gunfire?
"Winter Bloom..."
"Mom? I-I heard shouting downstairs. Why's dad yelling at you? A-are you..." Her voice wavered.
Muffled by the floor, she hadn't been able to hear what we were talking about, just the sound of raised voices. At the time, I wasn't sure what would have been worse, the truth or her misunderstanding. Either way, I couldn't think of any honest way to assuage her fears. I just stepped over to her and gave her a gentle nudge with the tip of my nose.
"Hush now, quiet now. Its nothing like that, but I need you to get up. Hurry up, we've got to go."
When she didn't immediately get moving, I nudged her again, this time more insistently. The thought of being more forceful than that was almost alien to me, but once I had gotten her attention, I began to feel the seconds slipping away again. The sound of cabinets slamming and jars rattling around downstairs was more than enough to keep me from getting too distracted.
She squealed softly in a half-hearted protest. "Mooom! What's going on? Where are we going?"
In Winter Bloom’s face, I was looking at myself in the mirror, my eyes staring right back at me with the same look of confusion I had just given Willow Leaf a minute ago. And again, I had no honest answer for her question, no idea where we were going. I remember literally shaking my head, banishing the creeping doubt from my mind. There simply wasn't time for it.
"I'll explain later Winter Bloom, but for now, grab hold of my tail and stay quiet. Can you do that for me?"
She just nodded her head as she finally rolled out of bed and onto her hooves. A gentle tug was the only signal I needed before I made my way back out of the room, starting slow and gradually picking up speed until I felt her falling behind with an unintended tug. She was still tired and struggling to keep up. I considered trying to carry her on my back, but she was a bit too old and heavy for that. She might not have had her cutie mark yet, but in another year or two, she'd be her own mare. Assuming we survived that long anyway.
Through the hallway, down the stairs, around the corner we went. Willow Leaf had a pair of saddlebags across his back and was just putting a jug of water into my old pair when I came around the corner, and it was at that same moment that everything went wrong.
The back door burst off of its hinges, the hard oak and tin panelling perforated by a pair of shotgun blasts, followed by the roar of some kind of machine gun. Then there was blood. Willow Leaf didn't see it coming, he didn't even have time to react. One instant, he was glancing in my direction with a look of hope in his eyes that might have convinced even me, the next instant he was gone. A rag-doll with its strings cut.
I closed my eyes and backed into Winter Bloom. I didn't want to see his lifeless stare, I didn't want to see the nightmare that my kitchen had become, but the image was already burned into my mind. I think Winter Bloom might have screamed, maybe thats what pulled me back, why I wasn't still peeking around the door when the Raiders rushed into the kitchen. Winter Bloom was still behind me, and so I turned and pushed her back towards the stairs, away from the kitchen.
"Quick, into the crawl space!" I wasn't sure whose words were coming out of my mouth, nothing felt real.
Underneath the staircase was a small closet, Winter Bloom pulled open the door and I followed her inside. I'd just finished closing the door behind us when I heard the front door burst open as well, with more raiders storming into the room we'd just been standing in. Winter Bloom certainly knew what was happening by now, because while I struggled to think, act or breathe, she squeezed ahead of me. Back behind the tiny forest of hanging saddle blankets was a little panel that could be pulled away, leading to a crawl space underneath the floorboards. It was dusty, full of cobwebs, and awfully cramped for a full grown mare like myself. I had to lay on my side and push myself along the concrete foundation in order to fit, scraping my legs and getting covered in dust and webs. Winter Bloom wasn't the little filly who could duck through with ease anymore, but she still fared better than I did.
Any other time, the sensation of being trapped in a cramped dark space with an unseen bug crawling across my neck would have left me screaming, but neither of us made a sound. We waited, listening to the voices of the ponies that were trying to kill us.
"I bagged a twenty pointer in the kitchen, d'ja find any more? I coulda sworn I heard somepony else."
"I didn't see anypony, but there better be. I keep missing out on all the good ones."
"I bet they're hidin'! Prolly got a buncha lil' forties gift wrapped up in the attic or somethin'."
"Well, start looking then! Just don't get yourself tagged by some old codger with a shotgun."
There was something wrong with them, something terribly wrong with the way they talked, what they said, the way they sounded. These ponies weren't anything like the kind of raiders I was familiar with. They weren't lazy thugs with hair-brained schemes to steal the hard work of their betters, they were killing ponies for sport. It was like something I might have expected to hear out of some old war story, some far away relic of a terrible past, not something I'd ever thought to experience myself.
More gunfire, more sounds of splintering wood and stomping hooves. They were tearing the place apart looking for us, but they must have been short on time because they weren't very methodical. Instead of finding our hiding spot, they simply thrashed around above us in futility.
"I can't find em anywhere. You don't think that twenty was the only one do ya?"
"No way, I saw toys'n filly junk upstairs. I betcha three corn cakes there's at least one forty around here somewhere. Maybe they gave us the slip?"
"Then we better go run em down. Miserable rats, we ain't got time fer this. Threat's contained. Lets jus' light er up and keep movin'. Second wave can deal with the rest ah this."
We were trapped, and I was sure we were about to die. I couldn't think of anything else to do but hug my daughter, give her some measure of comfort before the end, but in that cramped little box, I couldn't even do that. Instead, I just sat and I waited. I listened for the sound of their hoofsteps as they faded away, I listened to their muffled laughter as they carried on with their cruel work, I listened to my daughter start to sniffle, I listened as a faint crackling sound turned into a dull roar. I listened. Slowly the temperature in the crawl space was rising.
"M-mom, I'm scared." She was still doing her best to stay quiet, just like I asked, but this was too much.
"Its ok Winter Bloom, start backing up, we're going to..."
I was interrupted by a loud crash, something heavy fell on to the floor in the room above us and suddenly smoke was pouring into our tiny hideout. As the temperature skyrocketed, my heart started racing. I tried tugging on her tail, but Winter Bloom cried out and started thrashing and coughing wildly, in panic or pain I couldn't tell. I only narrowly avoided a hoof to the face, but my head began pounding as though I'd been kicked anyway. I begged, I beseeched, I pleaded with her to ease down and come back out of the crawl space with me, but my words fell on deaf ears. I was getting short of breath, my face felt like it was swelling up, but I couldn't bring myself to abandon my daughter. If she died, I didn't figure there was any point for me to keep living either.
Eventually her thrashing subsided, but instead of backing out, she only lay limp against the ground. My whole world began spinning, but somehow I managed to grab ahold of her tail and pull her back to the closet. I couldn't tell if she was breathing, but then again, I couldn't tell much of anything. My vision was blurring and I was starting to see little ponies dancing around out of the corner of my eye. Little ponies running, frolicking and playing all around me, but whatever songs they were singing, all I could hear was the crackling roar of the fire.
Fire crept along the walls of the living room, swirled around the ceiling as little flecks of ash fell like snow. A large timber had fallen into the middle of the room, wrapped in flame, it blocked my path to the front doorway. I might have been able to jump it by myself, but not while I was carrying Winter Bloom around by the scruff of her neck. I dragged her towards a section of wall that wasn't on fire yet and started kicking, lashing out with every last bit of strength I had left until it finally, mercifully, gave way. I thought that it would have been smart to look and see if there was anypony waiting outside to gun us down the moment we broke cover, but all I could see in front of me was a smear of orange and black.
I dragged my daughter out into that darkness, stumbling like a drunk, and willing myself not to cough. Even though my throat and lungs burned, a coughing fit might have caused me to drop Winter Bloom, and in my state, I wasn't sure I'd be able to pick her back up again. I hobbled like that for a good thirty yards, up until I reached the ditch that ran in front of the house, which I tripped and fell face first into. Unable to pull myself back to my hooves, I crawled instead. Dragging Winter Bloom along beside me, I pulled the two of us to a little culvert that ran underneath the path to our front door, and with that I was spent. If they found our hiding place, there was nothing else I could do.
I wrapped myself around my daughter for comfort, but as I did, I realized that she really wasn't breathing. I tried squeezing her chest to force air through her lungs, but my forelegs weren't listening to me, no matter how loudly I shouted, scolded or begged in my mind. I could still move my neck though, so I craned my head around as far as I could and tried breathing into her mouth. Seven times. I breathed in and out again and again until she made a pitiful little cough and started breathing again. Ragged and labored at first, but gradually settling into a shallow rhythm. I nuzzled my face against hers, and while she didn't respond, at least I knew that she was alive.
Luna's unrequited generosity.
I didn't believe in the goddesses, I hadn't believed in them for a long time, but I felt that old prayer tickle its way to the tip of my lips before it was smothered by my fear of being caught. If there was somepony up there though, somepony who held the reigns of good luck, whose generosity could never be returned, I wished I could say thank you. Even though I had never realized all the good fortune I'd had until it was gone, I thought perhaps I was lucky enough to appreciate the important things, and I was luckier still to have been able to show my appreciation for them when I still could.
It was an appealing fantasy, but the real world slowly came back to me, and as much as I wanted to hold onto that ray of good will, I felt it slipping away. I thought about what else I might have left to lose, and I knew I hadn't reached rock bottom. Yet.
I sat there in the dust and the darkness, yearning for sleep that never came. I listened to the sounds of hounds in the distance, no doubt hunting down some poor ponies who were trying to flee. I listened to faint pops of gunfire and explosives, gradually fading away until there was only the occasional shot or two, fired at what, if anything, I would never know. I yearned for sleep, but closing my eyes only brought back the same horrible image. Instead I stared at the flickers of firelight painted on the hillside and waited.
The sound of approaching hoof steps prompted me to hold Winter Bloom tight, ready to cover her mouth in case she woke up. From the sound of it, there must have been dozens of ponies and one little squeak was all it would take to spell the end for both of us. They were undoubtedly the second wave that first raider had been talking about. Their voices were muffled, but I recognized the tone. Every word was dripping with the same laughter and derision as the others, yet more contestants in some kind of sick and twisted game.
Shortly after they arrived, I began to hear a strange noise. It was loud, sharp and had a certain rhythm to it, but when I heard a tumbling crash I understood. They were chopping down my orchard, my life's work, my mother's and grandfather's life's work. He'd been among the first to settle the highlands after the stables opened, wash away the filth from the soil one barrel-full at a time and over a generation of toil, coax something green from the Earth. It was my special talent, caring for those trees. It wasn't enough that the stole my companion, my partner and lover; took away every comfort and every memento, they had to take away my reason for being.
And there was no reason for it, no answer for why anypony would destroy so much so senselessly. How could anypony benefit from tearing down what we'd created? How could they even appreciate the value of what they were taking? It didn't seem possible.
For a short while, I thought that I might begin to cry, but the more I thought about it, the farther away everything felt. Every resounding chop took a piece of me with it.
"Mom, I think they're gone, wake up! Please?"
Sometime during the night I must have fallen asleep, but I couldn't remember when. I didn't remember much of anything at first really, couldn't tell where I was or what was going on. In those first moments, the only thing I knew for certain was that something was terribly wrong with myself. Everything was a little bit fuzzy and far away, and even though I didn't know where I was, I wasn't panicking. I should have been panicking. It was... odd. Nothing seemed real. There was some kind of soreness running throughout my whole body, some faint bitterness in my mouth.
I could have sworn I heard someone calling my name.
Hiding in a culvert, I remembered that part. I remembered falling face down in the dirt, suspected that my nose was probably still filled with ash from the burning house. Oh yeah, the house. There had been raiders that came out of nowhere, and they killed Willow Leaf. They ruined the jam I'd been cooking.
What an absurd thing to think about. Willow Leaf was dead and I was thinking about a bubbling pot of fruit. If nothing else, I should have felt remorse for Willow Leaf. Nothing.
I tried running the memory through my mind again, the door, his eyes, the blood. I thought that maybe I could squeeze a tear out of my eye if I pushed hard enough, but it was an idiotic idea. As if expressing sorrow could make me feel it as well, when in the end I could do neither.
I knew what was happening to me, I'd been in that place before. Willow Leaf had pulled me through it last time, but this time I was on my own. I knew what I had to do. I had to put on a strong face for Winter Bloom's sake, will my body into motion. I was hurt, yes, but the real wounds weren't physical, and I couldn't let her see what had happened to me.
"Mom!"
Winter Bloom was nudging me with her head, had she been there the whole time? Her eyes were puffy and red, it was obvious she'd been crying for some time already. As her mother, I knew I had to do something.
"I'm awake now dear, I'm awake. Come here." I tried to wipe away the tears and soot from her face, but as clean as my hooves were, all I managed to do was smudge it around.
"They... Dad... H-he's not. He didn't..."
I wrapped my hoof and neck around her in a bit of an awkward hug as she started crying again, but she huddled up close in spite of the cramped fit, resting her head against my shoulder. I whispered words of comfort to her, words I knew I had said before in times of trouble. I don't know if I managed to sound sincere or not, but I know I didn't sound like I felt. I wasn't even really sure what I was saying, I was just going through the motions. We sat there for hours.
I could barely tell that it was midday through all the smoke. Pillars of ash still reached towards the sky from the smoldering farmsteads, coating the sky in a second shroud. It looked as though they'd burned everything in the highlands to the ground, every cottage, every shack, every plot of grass. The aftermath was eerily calm and quiet. Gone were the echoing gunshots, the shouts and the screams. Through the smoke and ash, I thought I could see a rainstorm brewing in the valley, but up in the highlands there wasn't so much as a breeze.
When Winter Bloom was finally able to stand up without trembling we left the shelter of our tiny drain, and in the faint light of day, I saw the ruins of my life. However careless their attitude might have seemed, they were thorough in their work. There was nothing left. Our home had been brought down to the foundation and the cellar walls collapsed. They'd cut down every last tree, shattered the stadium lights my mother had salvaged from Manehattan and smashed the water tower practically to splinters. But for some reason, they hadn't bothered to steal the fruit hanging on their branches. It just sat there covered in a filmy black residue, an oily looking slime that had been sprayed over just about everything. It had an acrid, chemical smell to it and it seeped into the ground around everything it touched. I dared not get too close.
So that was the end, it truly was over. It would take another lifetime of work to fix what had been dashed in a single night, but I didn't have the resources that my ancestors did. There was no newly opened stable full of prepackaged rations to subsist on this time.
Food. Even in the state I was in, I still managed to feel hungry. I appreciated the irony, but it wasn't funny. With nothing left for us here, I did the only thing I could think of, I turned and started limping away.
"Lets go Winter Bloom, we need food and shelter."
"Mom... where are we going?." She looked away as she talked.
There was an edge to her voice, as if she was cutting the words from stone. Whatever was going through her mind, I may never know, and I couldn't bring myself to ask her about it. I was concerned that if I did, I might not be able to care about the answer. I was alive and present for her, but only just. Anything more than that and I'm sure I would have been about as helpful as a giant rock.
"I- I don't know, but we can't stay here." It was honest, but it wasn't a real answer. I just couldn't find the drive to think of anything better.
She didn't complain, she didn't say another word. Perhaps she was trying to emulate my composure, but behind that tear stained face, I knew she was in trouble. A different kind of trouble than myself. At least the wasteland proved to be a distraction for her, and as we moved into unfamiliar places, she payed attention.
She walked along beside me, alive and alert, as if the shadows would rise up and attack her. For all I knew, they might. I'd been out in the wasteland before and I knew what to expect, but this was so far removed from anything she'd ever experienced. Sure, we'd tried to teach her what she would need to survive, Willow Leaf and myself, but there's no substitute for seeing and doing something yourself.
She was alive.
That was what really mattered. Even if I couldn't feel it, I knew it was true. It had to be true...
Daylight fell towards the earth and all around the world was filled with silence. The smoke of from the fires behind us was still visible even as we descended into the lowlands and the setting sun turned the world from an endless sea of ash into an endless sea of rust. The air in the valley was cool, but there was a heaviness to it that stuck to my coat.
We had walked for the better part of the day without without seeing anything or anypony, just dust and gnarled dead trees. A whole day without eating, it wasn't a new experience for me, but it was not something I'd done in a long time. Even the long dead bark on the trees looked good enough for a feast, but even though we'd stayed out of the Whitetail Wood, I didn't dare bite into anything that sprouted up from the ground in a place like this.
Winter Bloom was faring worse. "I'm hungry mom," she had said. It wasn't a request or a plea, just a resigned statement of fact. After that, the only statement she made was with her gradually slowing pace.
I didn't know what to do. How do you make decisions when you don't really care about the outcome? It all seemed the same to me. Did we stop and rest for the night and lose ground against starvation, or did we soldier on and face the dangers of the wasteland in a state too exhausted to escape. We'd been lucky enough that no predatory beast had stumbled upon us, or perhaps the raider army took care of them as well, but I didn't expect our meager fortunes to last.
I still didn't know where we were going.
"Mom!" her voice was a whisper, "Do you hear that?"
It turned out I didn't have to make a decision at all. Reacting on instinct, I crouched low to the ground while Winter Bloom took cover behind some ancient tree stump. In the distance, I could faintly hear the rumble of a wagon and a few different voices. Their demeanor wasn’t the same as the bands of raiders I remembered, but I couldn't be sure it wasn't more of them. It seemed just as likely that they were simply bored from the lack of ponies left to kill.
"Stay put Winter Bloom, I'm going to go see if they're friendly."
The look of fear in her eyes informed me I didn't need to tell her twice. I'd already taken a step towards the noise before I stopped to consider what might happen to myself.
"If... If I don't come back, I want you to keep going okay? Don't come after me if you hear gunfire."
It turned out that I didn't really care who it was that I was walking towards. My mind was puzzling over whether my words had been an encouragement to carry on or if I'd just frightened her more, but such a simple mystery was beyond me. I had to remind myself to pay attention when the wagon came into sight.
It was large wagon, for a single axle anyway. One pony pulled while three others walked alongside. They didn't seem to be in any hurry, instead they moving slowly and cautiously, but I couldn't tell much more than that. It was difficult to see in the now rapidly fading light.
"Hello there!"
If they were trying to be cautious though, they certainly didn't notice me until I called out to them. They scrambled about, drawing firearms and trying to take cover behind the wagon. They must not have been able to see me though, because they were pointing their weapons every which way and one of them took cover with his back facing me. They didn't seem like raiders at all, but that still didn't mean they were friendly either.
"Hold it right there! One false move and you're dead, you can count on it."
They didn't seem very friendly, but at least they weren't already shooting. "Please, don't shoot. I'm unarmed, and um... you're pointing the wrong direction?"
Would an act of generosity be rewarded in turn? I could have slipped away, not said anything and just vanished, but once I had corrected them, I found myself staring down the barrel of a rifle and the pony at the trigger looked like she was perfectly capable of making good on her promise.
"Why don't you step a little closer so we can see for ourselves. Nice and slow like too, I've got the drop on you."
I hobbled closer as gracefully as my three legs would allow, and I guess they must have realized I was telling the truth when they lowered their weapons. One of them had a look of shock on his face and mumbled a curse under his breath, but the mare I'd been talking to was all business, so I figured I better get down to it before her patience ran out.
"Please, I could really use your help." I guess I hadn't really expected to make it this far, and I found myself struggling to come up with something to say. "Raiders destroyed my home, and I... I know I can't give you much in return but the promise that I'll repay any debt, but please, even if all you can do is tell me how to reach someplace safe, that might be enough."
I really hadn't thought it through. I had nothing to offer, and they didn't have any reason to trust me. What would I have done in their place? Perhaps one day earlier I would have gone to the aid of a stranger and asked for nothing in return, but without my home... without Willow Leaf, our neighbors or the network of support the highland provided, the answer was not so clear.
"Very well, you can ride with us till our next stop," The mare's voice was still firm, but at least she wasn't threatening to kill me anymore. "but you'd better be able to lend a hoof when we get there. Nopony is going to want to put up with freeloaders."
"Thank you." I did not sound sincere, "but there's another pony traveling with me, is there room for her to come too?"
"Uhg, fine... But she better not cause any trouble. Remember, there's still four of us."
I nodded in agreement. "Winter Bloom! Its safe to come out! Just... Just take it slow so they can see you're not dangerous."
At least, I hoped that this would be safer than traveling alone in the wasteland. If nothing else, I figured we might not have to worry so much about wild beasts as well armed as they were.
"Damn, a Filly? Are they even going to be able to keep up?" Somepony on the other side of the wagon saw Winter Bloom approaching first.
"They can ride in the back." The mare who seemed to be in charge of this crew didn't have a whole lot of patience for her own companions, or anything for that matter.
"Are you kiddin' me? This wagon doesn't pull..."
"Shut your mouth Iron Tire or I swear I'll shut it for you!"
Sooo... definitely not very friendly either, but we were still alive and I figured that should count for something.
I helped Winter Bloom up into the wagon and with a little bit of scrambling, was able to get in myself. It was a tight fit and a bumpy ride, but I was so exhausted, even if I'd been able to care I don't think I would have bothered. I let Winter Bloom curl up in the best spot, a sack of dried pintos next to a rolled up tarp... The lap of luxury indeed.
As we started moving, one of the other ponies trotted up behind the wagon and actually tried to start up a conversation. He seemed genuinely interested in what had happened to us anyway.
"Hi, my friends call me Crash. I, I hope you don't mind me saying but, Celestia's Mane, you look like hell. What happened to you?"
Perhaps if I hadn't been so exhausted I would have caught on to what he was saying, perhaps I would have caught a lot of things that I missed, but instead I just gave him a confused look.
"I mean, wow. At first I thought you were a ghoul... only three legs and your face... you look like a piece of burnt toast."
"The leg? Thats old news. As for the rest, yes, there was burning involved." I hadn't actually seen my face, but I could guess.
He caught on that I was not in the mood to talk about it, but it didn't deter him. He just changed his demeanor a couple of shades more serious.
"I'm not trying to pry or nothing, but the truth is we're at a bit of a loss right now ourselves. We were supposed to be conducting some, you know, business out here. When we got to where we were headed though, everypony was gone. You're the first sign of life we've seen all day."
I gave him the abridged version, told him about the raiders and the fire. I told him about how they had leveled everything in the highlands. He didn't seem too bothered by it.
"Whoa, I guess we lucked out big time. Last night we heard a whole heap of gunfire and hunkered down for a bit. Some ponies riding a big old pre-war... thing, I dunno what, went zoomin' right by where we were hiding."
Yes... lucky them.
"Hey, you go on and take this." He pulled a tin out of his saddlebag and passed it off to me, "You look like you could use something to eat, don't worry, its on me."
I thanked him with as much feeling as I could fake and set it down where I could get a look at it. The label had been worn down ages ago, and the little remnants of paper and glue held no clues as to its contents.
"Go on, open it." He was still watching me intently.
"What is it?"
"I dunno, I'm kinda curious myself. Pretty sure its food though." It turned out to be sliced peaches.
I tested one of them to make sure they were still good before letting Winter Bloom eat her share. She thanked Crash with a smile.
"That was the best canned food I've ever had Mister Crash."
"Think nothing of it little Miss, it wouldn't do for you to go hungry before we reach town now would it? Why, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
For a moment, I might have sworn I felt something tickling at the back of my mind, worry, yearning, doubt or relief maybe. It was gone before I could figure out which though, and I was busy finishing off the rest of the peaches. Eating felt... better. The emptiness in my stomach went away as I ate, but all the rest remained.
Winter Bloom was eagerly carrying on a conversation, something that I didn't have any strength left to fake, and so I let the sound of her voice carry me off to sleep. Her voice a welcome distraction from the image that had burned its way into my mind every time I closed my eyes.
"You left me..." Willow Leaf's lifeless eyes stared back at me, his blood covered the floor, the walls, and myself. This time, however, I could not look away.
"No. You left me." I was sure I should have felt something, either anger or sadness, but all I could think to say was the cold, hard truth. "You went and got yourself killed first."
Gently, I sank to my knees and leaned into him. He didn't return my embrace, he didn't move at all, but his body was still warm and I let myself savor the familiar feeling. I still remembered every bump, wrinkle and every patch of rough, work worn hair. Nuzzling up against his jaw, I could still smell him, though the aroma was tinged with unpleasant notes of salt and iron. I wanted to stay there forever.
"You left us..." Willow Leaf's voice was a gust of wind through naked branches.
"You left me..." There was another voice, something from a long forgotten dream. It was something that should have been familiar, but was scratchy and indistinct, like an old record.
Standing in the doorway was Marmalade, my precious little colt. He would have been older than Winter Bloom now, but here he was barely more than a foal. It was all he would ever be. Once again, I thought perhaps I should feel fury or despair, but I had told myself that it was better if he had never existed. All I could think to say was the truth.
"I tried to save you."
I could see the Rad-tler's massive jaws still grasping his tiny back. It was a huge, monstrous creature, but I had already stomped the life out of it, and seeing its ruined form dragging along the ground failed to evoke the same sense of fear it once had. The burning sensation I felt when it buried its fangs into my now missing leg caused me to seize up, but the pain was not as intense as I remembered it, and it quickly faded. All that was left was a vague soreness in my legs, like I had been running for too long.
"...you failed, and then you left us."
Who was talking to me? I wasn't sure anymore. I hadn't been gone that long, had I? Days? No... months? Had it really been a year? Lying in bed while my leg rotted, lying on the table as the doctor cut it away, lying on the floor as Willow Leaf forced soup down my throat and Winter Bloom grew up without me. How long had it been before I was able to feel again? I couldn't even remember what her first words had been.
"...she needs you. Don't leave her, don't leave her like you left us."
"You're not around either."
They had no right to criticize me, they were nothing more than hypocrites. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to carry that weight by myself.
"Mommy?" It was Winter Bloom's voice.
"I'm trying, sweetie. I'm trying." Trying and failing.
"Mommy, help!" Where was she? Her voice sounded so far away.
"What do I have left to give?"
"Mommy please, wake up!"
The only light in the whole world was the faint glow of a dying fire, not even a hint of moonlight shone through the ever-present blanket of clouds. Opening my eyes hurt for some reason, and even though I couldn't see anything, the world still seemed like it was spinning.
"Mom, please... please wake up! Help!"
"Aww, don't be like that sugar, Uncle Crash just wants a little bit of appreciation. We're saving your life you know."
"I swear Crash, you're one sick fuck. Just dose her already and get it over with."
"No way, its no fun if they're not moving around a little."
"Mom, please!"
"At least tie her up and gag her or something, or Luna's tits, learn to appreciate a limp fish. I can't take any more of her whimpering. Besides, if she gets away, I am taking your share of the old mare, not that anypony is gonna pay much for a three-legged old nag."
"Will you two both shut up? Crash, you've got ten minutes and then I'm dosing her for you. I'd like to get some sleep tonight."
"Alright, alright, she's just not *oof* cooperating here."
"Help!"
Voices. Something was terribly wrong, my legs didn't want to move, my head was on fire, and I couldn't really be certain I wasn't dreaming. I was trying to make sense of what I was hearing, but it hurt to think. Were these ponies that took us in actually slavers? In the end, it didn't really matter. If I couldn't make myself care, I could at least listen to my daughter. Winter Bloom was asking for my help, and I had promised to take care of her, hadn't I?
I tried moving my legs again, and this time I could feel them sluggishly respond. That vague soreness I felt came into sharper focus and I realized they had put shackles around my forelegs. My single hind leg was still free though. Perhaps without a pair, they didn't have anything to bind it to.
Another try, another improvement in response. I must have been drugged with something, but Winter Bloom's cries were spurring me forward. The world around me was getting easier to focus on, and I was even able to lift my head. I moved slowly. If I could hold onto the element of surprise, perhaps I could accomplish something.
Three ponies were sitting comfortably on their rolled out mats around what was left of the fire. Had I really neglected to get their names? Crash was off to the side, trying to pin Winter Bloom under his hooves while she kicked and twisted around.
Never give up. I used to say that to her often, Willow Leaf said it too.
My shackles clattered a little as I pulled myself up, and one of the other three slavers looked up, but before she could comprehend what she was seeing, I threw myself into the fire pit.
Burning was getting to be a familiar sensation, and I knew that the wound I had just inflicted on myself had the potential to be much more dangerous than the minor burns I already had. However, I figured that the cloud of glowing cinders it sent flying in all directions, into the faces of those three captors, was the only way I would pull this off. My own shout of pain was drowned out in a chorus shock and surprise, and in that burst of light before the firelight was snuffed out completely, I saw Crash turn and look in my direction.
My shackles jangled like crazy as I scrambled to my hooves. I couldn't separate my forelegs, but years of hobbling on a single hind leg had given me a certain sense of balance. I pushed myself into the air with my hind leg and brought my fore hooves down squarely on Crash's face. I was satisfied with the meaty thump that he made, but before I reared up to finish stomping the life out of him, I remembered why I was doing all this in the first place.
"Run, Winter Bloom, run!"
It was dark, very dark, but I could hear the sound of galloping hooves ahead of me and I tried to follow along. I wouldn't call what I was doing galloping exactly, effectively I only had two legs to work with, but I was bounding as fast as I could.
Angry shouts and curses from behind us were soon followed with gunfire. If they couldn't catch us, it would seem that they aimed to kill us, but in the dark they were only shooting blindly.
Eventually, the sound of gunfire stopped, but I kept on running. Eventually, their angry shouts faded away, but I kept on running. Completely blind, the only thing I could do was run forwards until I discovered something with my hooves that wasn't flat ground. The last thing I remembered was falling.
Lying in a heap, the dull grey of daylight greeted me as I woke up, and a strange sound tickled my ears. I couldn't quite place it at first, it was a sound that had no rightful place existing in the wasteland. It was the sound of laughter.
Not just any laughter either, it wasn't the cruel laugh of somepony triumphant over another, it wasn't the bitter laugh of somepony trying to hide their feelings deep inside. It was warm, honest and clear as polished glass. I rolled over on my side, trying to see what was making that sound. I couldn't help but wince reflexively as I rolled over the patch of skin I'd burnt the night before, but I didn't care.
A short distance away, Winter Bloom was hopping around with a carefree enthusiasm that left me baffled. She was playing. A little butterfly was fluttering around by the ground, and my daughter was giving it a merry chase. Occasionally it would stop and perch on some ancient twig or exposed root, and Winter Bloom would move in close until it lifted off again and the chase resumed. It would flit away, and then flit back, and if I didn't know any better, I would have thought it was playing along.
"Hehe! You're not going to find anything to eat over there, Mr. B." The sound of laughter, it was coming from her. "I hope you find something, hehe yeah, I'm pretty hungry too."
I was captivated by the sight. It was beautiful, so beautiful it hurt. Pins and needles prodded me in my chest and my eyes began to sting.
I FELT.
The dam I had built up around myself shuddered in protest with each bout of innocent laughter, I could feel the tension welling in my heart, and I tried to hold it in, but with one final resounding blow, I fell to pieces. How could something so good exist in a place that was so vile? It wasn't fair! I had lost so much, why me? Why couldn't I keep what was precious to me? Where were the Goddesses? How could they let this happen?
I cried. A wretched, pathetic sobbing mess.
Celestia and Luna didn't exist. Maybe they never had, but that little spot of color had fluttered into our dismal world, as if the goddesses themselves had come down from the sky to grace us with their presence. Somehow, it was enough.
"Mom? Mom, are you alright?"
Embarrassment crushed itself down against me along with all the grief. Is this the kind of example I would set, a helpless wreck of a mare? Would Willow Leaf disapprove? I tried to calm myself down, at least enough to let Winter Bloom know that I was ok, but I couldn't. She rushed over, her fleeting friend already forgotten, and wrapped me up in a hug. I felt a stabbing pain.
"Oh no, is that... Mom, you're bleeding. What do I do?"
The burn from the night before must have been worse than I thought. Even if it healed on its own, if I couldn't get help, couldn't get it cleaned, it was bound to get infected. However, unlike my missing leg, I wouldn't be able to amputate my torso. Hearing the panic in Winter Bloom's voice helped me find my voice though.
"Hush now. Its... its ok, I'll be f-fine." I wished as hard as I could that I hadn't just told a lie, and I searched my heart for the truest words I could find in order to wash the thought away. "Winter Bloom, I... I love you so much."
I tried to wrap my still shackled hooves around her in a hug, but I was only able to press them both against her side, holding her as close as I could while trying to ignore the painful burn.
"Mom, what..."
"Shhh, shhh. Its ok. Just promise me, no matter what happens, promise me you won't forget how to smile."
I didn't let her go until she agreed, although I am sure she didn't quite understand what she was agreeing to.
"Alright, ok. I won't, I got it. But... what about you?"
"We keep moving, we get help. Thats all we can do."
We separated and I managed to pull myself to my hooves. I still had no idea where we were headed, or even where we were, but I knew that if we stayed put, we would eventually starve to death. We'd already gone a day and a half with nothing more than a half a can of peaches and no water, and being honest with myself, starvation was the most likely end no matter what we did.
I couldn't bear the thought of Winter Bloom's last moments being filled with hopelessness though, and so we walked on. Or at least, Winter Bloom walked, and I hobbled as best I could on two legs. It was miserable and exhausting, but as long as I kept my daughter moving, I would hobble myself into the ground.
It was midday or maybe early evening before I saw another living soul. I knew I had a little bit of strength left in me, maybe enough to keep moving until nightfall if I was lucky, but figured that if I was going to take a chance, I might as well take this chance.
"Stay here while I go on ahead and see if they’re friendly."
Winter Bloom nodded and crouched low against the open ground. While mountains loomed up ahead in the distance, around us at the moment, there was no cover to be found. Still, as dirty as the both of us were, she managed to blend in nicely.
Ahead of me, I could see a small crowd of ponies, moving along beside a pair of wagons. They hadn't noticed me yet, but they would soon enough, and I recalled what the last pony had said. Rather than have them think I was a zombie pony, I called out as loud as I could. As dry as my throat was, it took me a few tries before I pulled off a decent shout.
"Hello! ...hello!" I couldn't think of anything else to say.
At least I had introduced myself though. The caravan ground to a halt and most of the ponies stood around gaping, pointing, and chattering amongst themselves. I was still a ways away, and they probably didn't know what to make of me. I could see that some of them were wearing armor, with bits of shiny metal stitched in here and there, and I could tell they were armed. Perhaps they could see that I was unarmed, because they didn't immediately start shooting, and they didn't try running away.
As I got closer though, it was my turn to be shocked. I heard somepony up ahead call out my name.
"Lemon Honey, is that you!?"
I couldn't place the voice, but it was familiar. When I didn't respond immediately, one pony broke away from the caravan and started galloping in my direction. A cream colored stallion painted with black spots came racing up to me, and I realized I recognized him too, but I still couldn't place where I knew him from, or what his name was.
"Lemon Honey? Oh merciful Celestia, guide my hooves. What happened to you?"
Finally a fragment of a memory came back to me. I didn't know this pony, but Willow Leaf did, a long time ago. We'd only seen each other once or twice, but somehow he remembered me, and covered in dirt and ash as I was, he somehow recognized me.
"T-Tail Wind? Is that... am I... how did you?"
A friend. An honest to goddess friend. I tried to think of something to say, some way of explaining what happened, but all I managed to do was work myself into a fit of sniffling tears. There was no hiding from the memory this time, and I barely managed to keep myself from collapsing. He moved to hold me upright when my legs started buckling, but he stopped short when he saw the patch of blackened, ruined flesh on my side.
"Medic, Medic!" His voice was filled with genuine concern, "Just hold tight Lemon Honey, but you gotta tell me, is there anypony else?"
My voice still refused to cooperate, so all I could do was nod.
"Did Willow Leaf... is he, did he make it?"
I didn't even have the composure to shake my head. I had admitted it to myself, but that was as far as I'd gotten. I hadn't even admitted it to Winter Bloom yet, though she must have known, and he seemed to get the message just as easily.
"Oh, Luna's breath, I'm so sorry. I didn't..."
I'm not sure what happened next, I think I lost myself for a moment. All I could think about was Willow Leaf standing in the kitchen as the light went out from his eyes. There was so much blood. The moment played itself over and over again, as if playing it just one more time might cause it to turn out differently.
When I came around, I was lying on the ground and an unfamiliar mare was hovering over me. The burn on my side felt numb, and I thought I heard Winter Bloom talking to somepony.
"... It was the night before last, we've been walking ever since. No, I don't know where we're going. She says we’re heading towards food and shelter, but I think we’re lost. She won't give me specifics."
That clever, clever little mare. Maybe I didn't give her enough credit, but I wasn't about to let my daughter get off the hook that easily.
"I f-found us help, d-didn't I?"
As soon as I spoke, everypony's attention was on me, and somehow it managed to make me feel even less comfortable. At least Winter Bloom had enough manners to look embarrassed.
"Welcome back, try not to stand too fast." The unfamiliar mare spoke first, "You're suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and I've put you on painkillers. If you need a hoof, just let me know."
Standing was honestly the last thing on my mind, but I wasn't about to argue. Tail Wind had apparently been talking with Winter Bloom before I had distracted him, and he nodded along with the medic while he watched my reaction.
"We should get moving as soon as possible, can we carry her?"
Of course, the dangers of the wasteland never sleep. I felt better though, thinking a little more clearly perhaps, so I knew I could keep going on my own. Moving carefully, just like the doctor ordered, I pulled myself up once more and started shuffling along. All four of us worked our way back to the caravan, and as we approached, I could see the anxiety on everypony's faces. They must have had some idea of what was happening.
"Um... Lemon Honey? You wouldn't mind riding in a wagon, at least until we can find a way to get those cuffs off you, would you? It'll be a bit bumpy, but..."
"No, that's alright." Maybe I shouldn't have interrupted him, but I was getting tired of ponies fussing over me. I was still alive, after all. "We're all in a hurry, aren't we? I don't want to slow you down."
“Only way you’ll be slowing us down is by walking, and we’re not leaving you behind, so get in.” He raised one hoof to nudge me in the right direction but stopped himself. I suppose he didn’t want aggravate my injuries any further.
“Besides, well, I know what I’d go through to look after my own.” He regarded Winter Bloom with a quick glance, “We can carry the extra weight, don’t worry.”
Tail Wind gave Winter Bloom and myself a leg up, and then climbed into the wagon after us. We were moving again before we had a chance to settle in, but I didn't mind. As bumpy as the ride was, it really did feel good to be moving.
"Hey Hazel why don't you come up here too?" Tail Wind looked out over the side panels and moments later a young stallion, who looked a just a little bit younger than Winter Bloom, jumped into the wagon with us. Unlike myself and Winter Bloom, he didn't look quite so happy to be stuck with the bumpy ride.
"Hazel, I want you to meet Winter Bloom and Lemon Honey." He turned to me and smiled proudly, his grief in an old friend’s passing already swept aside or buried deep, "This here's my little colt, Hazel."
"Daaad, I'm not a little colt anymore. I'm gonna get my cutie mark any day now, you'll see."
Young stallion, or old colt, he seemed to like his father's joking even less, sitting himself down in the corner in a huff. And yet it was the discomfort of sitting still, not the sight of bloody, injured ponies that bothered him. I tried to sound as disarming as possible, it didn't sit right with me to see such a young little pony in a foul mood, no matter what the reason.
"I'm pleased to meet you. I didn't know Tail Wind had a colt, erm, I mean a young stallion."
"Eyup, life's just full of surprises isn't it?" While Hazel wasn’t particularly talkative, Tail Wind always seemed to have something to say.
Hazel responded to his father's comment by leaning over and whispering something in Winter Bloom's ear, and whatever it was caused her to burst into a fit of giggles.
There was something terribly ironic about it, after what Winter Bloom had been through, she seemed to be in higher spirits than her new-found friend. I sat there for a while and just watched the two of them talk between themselves, and wondered what was really going on inside my daughter's mind. She hadn't taken things as hard as I had, but I knew she was covering something up inside. However deep that something was though, it was a question for another time. The path in front of us needed my attention here and now.
"So..." Both Tail Wind and I spoke at the same time, but he bowed his head and urged me to go first.
"So, where exactly are we going? Winter Bloom was half-right, we might have gotten a little bit lost."
Before he replied, he passed his canteen over to me. Apparently Winter Bloom had already gotten some, and I felt grateful enough that I didn't let his response bother me too much.
"We're going to Shattered Hoof."
"You do know they're a bunch of raiders, don't you?" Bothered, yes, but not too much.
"They're really more like bandits, or maybe thugs." Tail Wind scratched his head with one hoof, obviously not thrilled about the idea either, "But I've dealt with them before. As long as we show plenty of respect and give them a discount, we'll be safe."
"We've got goods to trade," he paused and pointed at the shackles on my arms, "and I don't mean ponies, in case you were wondering. It might not be a nice place, but with those raiders from Marchador running around..."
"Who are these 'Raiders from Marchador' anyways?" I wondered out loud.
"Who knows? It doesn’t make sense, but you're not the only ponies on the run. Although, I admit, we haven't come across anyone who was in as bad a shape as you. Word is, they're destroying everything and everyone they find. We need to reach some place safe before they find us, and Shattered Hoof is practically a fortress."
I was about to argue, politely of course, but Winter Bloom cut in and reminded me what was at stake.
"Do you think they'll like me?"
Seeing my daughter worried like that, worried about more than simply existing for another day, was more than I could bear. She should never have had to go through all this. She should be at home right now, safely tucked in bed with the stuffed pegasus I made for... no, I had to stop myself from thinking about home. I knew those memories could only lead me to dark places right then. If other ponies lived in the likes of Shattered Hoof, we could too.
"Lots of ponies live there, sweetie. I'm sure that some of them will. They can't all be bad, can they?"
I put on the best smile I could and ruffled her mane up with my hooves. She seemed to believe me, and I ran the notion through my head again, hoping I could believe myself. I had always believed that ponies were good at heart, but now I wasn't so sure anymore. If Tail Wind thought it was safe enough for one of his own though, I had to at least respect that.
"Alright, my turn." Tail Wind brought me back to reality, "How are you holding up? Do you... do you want to talk about what happened? If you don't thats ok, I just thought... you know, if you wanted, I'm here to listen."
I looked down at my hooves and thought. I wasn't sure I wanted to confront those memories just yet, but before I could make a decision, Tail Wind took my silence to mean a no.
"Sorry, I know it can't be easy..."
"No, its alright." I tried to sound as reassuring as I could, but he was right. I didn't want to talk about it.
"Do you think maybe... could you tell me about him instead?"
"What do you mean? Willow Leaf?" He looked more than a little confused, "You must have known him better than anypony."
"Yes, I did, but... I want to hear it from somepony else."
Tail Wind nodded slowly as comprehension dawned on him. It took him a little while, but eventually he leaned back against a barrel of something or another and put a smile on his face.
"You know, I only travelled with Willow for about three years before he met you and ran off to get married, but we were fast friends from the start. You don't meet good, dependable ponies like that every day, you can be sure of that. So yeah, I guess I knew right away that he'd settle down sooner or later, the open road is just hard on those types. Oh, you should have heard him when he first met you, he was insufferable. Lemon Honey this, and Lemon Honey that... if he hadn't left, I probably would have bucked him in the face."
"I'm sorry, by the way." his expression dimmed as he spoke, "I should have visited when Marmalade... and you... when I heard about it. You know, I think he was a better friend to me than I was to him."
"Its ok." I said it, and I meant it, "He always spoke highly of you, I'm sure he knew you still cared."
"Heh, listen to me, I've got us talking about me and I'm supposed to be telling you about Willow. Here, how about this..." He straightened himself up and rubbed his forehooves together.
"Willow would kill me if he knew I was telling you this story, but since he'll have to wait till I die to get his revenge, I think I'll go ahead and risk it."
"The first year we were in the caravan together, ohh, it was a cold winter. We'd stopped in Vanhoover to trade when a wild blizzard came out of nowhere and dumped so much snow you'd be up to your eyeballs if you tried walking through it. So there we were, stuck on our haunches with nothing to do until Stubbs could find the damn skids and get 'em rigged up, and I tell ya, he was taking his sweet time too."
"Hey, I heard that!" A voice from beside the wagon called out.
"Ok, ok. Maybe we didn't pitch in and help as much as we could have, what can I say, it was cold out there. Anyways, we decided to stay warm by visiting the local watering hole. Me, Willow, Gumdrop and Sparks were sitting around, minding our own business, playing a nice friendly game of cards. Although, I still say Sparks was cheatin'. When this bunch of hot shot stallions come trotting in like they own the place. There were six, maybe seven of em."
"It was six!" The same pony from beside the cart spoke up again.
"Six, yes. I was not embellishing the story, Stubbs, and I resent the implication. Its just been a little while."
"Anyways, like I was saying. They come marching in like they own the place, pushin' ponies out of the way, bossing the bartender around. We were minding our own business, like I said, and besides we'd all had a few to drink already, but then those ponies start messin' with this poor group of locals. Now, we were all pretty big and tough, ya gotta be for caravan work you know? But these stallions were even bigger, no idea what they'd been eating, and those locals looked like they counted caps for a living."
"And I mean, sure they were messing with everypony, but it was like that one group offended them for some reason, and they didn't want to let it go. One of those stallions pulls out a knife, and Willow Leaf, he just stands up right then and there. And oh my, you should have seen the look on his face. 'I'm gonna go take care of something,' he says, and we're all trying to wave him off, get him to sit back down, but he's not having any of it."
"He walks, or maybe staggers a little, over to the knife wielding lunatic, calm as can be and says, 'You know what you get when you cross a parasprite with a radigator?' I tell ya, the whole place went dead silent in an instant, and suddenly he's got seven angry bucks getting ready to jump all over him."
“Six!” The voice beside the wagon called out again, but Tail Wind didn’t even skip a beat.
"'Whuf few pheyin?' the pony asks, but 'course he's got that knife in his teeth, an’ Willow is still playing it cool, 'a parasprite and a radigator, you heard me. I can't quite hear you though.' You could tell that bully was getting really pissed, cause he spits out his knife and practically sprays his words all over Willow’s face. 'You wanna die or sumthin? Whut'er you talkin about?'"
"Willow just keeps a straight face and says 'Nothing, I just wanted you to drop the knife so I could do this...' and BAM! He bucks the guy right in the face. Well, I said we'd all had a few to drink already, so we rush in to try to save him before he gets himself torn to pieces, except for Sparks who was hiding under the table... bless his heart, I wish he was still with us. No it wasn't then, it was bloodwings outside of Fillydelphia... Sorry, anyways, we rush in, and half the bar rushes in too, but these bucks were serious muscle bound freaks of nature, I tell ya. If the sheriff and his posse hadn't come charging in..."
"And just who went and told the sheriff you might ask?" Stubbs called out again.
"Right, right. If Stubbs hadn't overheard the ruckus and went to get help, we probably wouldn't have walked out of there. Once it was all over, and we'd sobered up a bit... spending a night in the clank'll do that... but once it was over, I asked him why he did it. He looks at me and says, 'That mare was kinda cute, I guess I lost my head.' Well let me tell you, I don't know if he got any better over the years, but when I knew him, he was a terrible liar. Side effect of being dependable I guess. He did it because he thought that stallion was going to kill somepony, a total stranger."
"Ahh shoot, listen to me. Now I sound like I'm trying to make a point or something, but I guess maybe I did anyways. Winter Bloom told me a little of what happened, and I know he didn't get to make the choice this time, but if he had. You know, between saving himself and saving his family, well... I know he'd be glad you made it out alive."
I just sat there and listened, too dumbstruck to say a word. I knew it was true too, even if I hadn’t heard the honesty in Tail Wind's voice, I knew Willow Leaf too well. Thankfully, Winter Bloom never had to worry about finding her voice.
"No way! Dad was actually chasing after a mare that wasn't Mom? What did she look like?"
"Winter Bloom, thats enough." She was good at finding my voice for me too.
I couldn't stay mad at her for more than an instant, especially not as I watched her double over in laughter. Hazel seemed to think it was pretty funny too, and it proved worth a chuckle from Tale Wind. It was just too contagious, and I thought I might have felt a hint of a smile on my own face.
"I'm sure he loved you more than anything." Tail Wind leaned in close, trying to reassure me, but it was entirely unnecessary.
"I know." I really did.
He stayed with me when I was broken. He could have left, maybe he'd have been better off leaving. I might have stayed like that forever, never returning his affections, but he stayed. I realized then, that if I hadn't seen him die with my own eyes, I would have stayed too.
It was almost night by the time we were nearing Shattered Hoof. The mountains had grown up out of the plains over the afternoon as we drew near, and they reminded me a little of bushes, or maybe great big potatoes. I had just about convinced myself that the worst was behind us. Even Tail Wind's cryptic musings about how strange it was that we hadn't seen any griffins yet wasn't enough to get under my skin.
"Alright, look alive everypony!" Someone in the caravan shouted, "The gates are just around the corner, so remember, we're here to trade, not to fight. No sudden moves."
I could see the lights from Shattered Hoof illuminating the cliffs above it, even though I couldn't see the compound itself. I don't know what I was expecting, I tried not to get my hopes up, but perhaps what I had just been through had prepared me for what happened next.
Without warning, the world around us erupted in bursts of fire and heat. Explosions ripped the wagon ahead of us into splinters and sent the wagon we had been sitting on tumbling violently onto its side. Moments later, through the ringing in my ears, I could hear the now familiar sound of gunfire and panicked shouting. I was sprawled on the ground, all of my injuries past and present conspiring to weigh me down, when a caravan guard rushed up beside me, trying to use the wagon for cover.
"Its the raiders, its the bucking Marchador raiders." I heard somepony shouting.
Some of the ponies bolted back the way we came, and some of them might have gotten away, I couldn't see well enough to be sure. Those I could see however, were gunned down. When I saw the guard next to me go limp, the bullets passing right through the wagon like it was paper, I closed my eyes. I didn't dare watch another pony die right in front of me, even if I was about to die myself.
Winter Bloom. I couldn't let myself give up, not now.
"Winter Bloom? Are you there?" When I didn't hear a reply, I forced myself to open my eyes and look around.
Winter Bloom and Hazel were huddled behind an overturned crate, and there weren't many of the caravan ponies left. Tail Wind was taking refuge behind the overturned wagon too, using his unicorn magic to lift pieces of thick plated armor out of a box and put them on. A few others were huddled behind the lead wagon, keeping their heads down for now.
When Tail Wind saw that I was still alive, he stepped over to me so he could speak without being drowned out by the roar of this one-sided battle.
"Here, we'll split these. They're my last two, but they should keep us alive until help arrives." He tossed a small healing potion to the ground at my hooves.
"Help? What help?" My mind was racing, eyes looking around frantically for any way out, but seeing only impassable cliffs boxing us in with the raiders. Once again, precious seconds were slipping between my hooves.
"If we're lucky, help from Shattered Hoof."
It was a terrible plan, but it was a plan, and that was better than anything I had at the moment, so I held on for dear life.
"Ok, what do I do?"
"There's a small drainage ditch on the other side of the road." Tail Wind pointed with one hoof towards the cliffside, but it all looked like featureless grey stone to me.
"Hazel and Winter Bloom are small enough, they should be able to use it for cover if they keep their heads down. All we need to do is distract these raiders long enough for them to reach it, and they can follow the ditch all the way to Shattered Hoof. I've got some smoke grenades, if I make a break for it, maybe I can draw their fire without getting cut down."
"Thats it? Thats, the plan?" Its not that I was skeptical, I was just hoping he had another trick up his sleeve.
"If you've got a better idea, I'm all ears, but the way I see it, there's only two options. Take the long shot, or give up."
"No." I glanced at our two frightened children and shook my head, "There's only one option."
"Thats right.” His voice was confident as he spared a glance in their direction as well, but his legs were visibly shaking. “Ok, are you ready? We only have one shot at this..."
"Here, give me a few of those grenades, maybe I can confuse them a little."
He stamped his hoof on the ground, testing for traction while he levitated three little metal cylinders, each about the size and shape of an apple, to the ground by my hooves. I grasped the pin in my teeth in preparation.
"Three, two, one, go!"
The first grenade enveloped the wagon in an instant with a soft *fwump*, the second clattered across the road before graciously providing some cover for the little ones. Tail Wind held one in his mouth and ran as it discharged, dragging a cloud of smoke behind him. The intensity of gunfire reached a crescendo as soon as he stepped out from behind the wagon, and I struggled to toss my remaining grenades in his path. It was harder than I thought it would be, not having much in the way of working legs, and my sight being obscured by smoke just as much as theirs.
I couldn't see what hit him, but Tail Wind barely made it a dozen meters before he crumpled to the ground. I tried to toss my last grenade at his body, hoping against hope that his wounds might not be fatal, and it that it might buy him more time. As I put my body into the throw, however, one of the raiders must have realized that I was back there. Countless holes were punched out of the wagon bed, and I felt myself burning again. The ground raced up the meet me.
With the whole world spinning in agony, I reached for the healing potion only to find that it wasn't where it was supposed to be. I couldn't see through the smoke, I could barely see my own hooves in front of me, and I didn't dare look at my wounds. I could hear the sucking burbling noise I made when I tried to breathe, and that was enough.
By the time I finally got my hooves on the potion, the incoming gunfire had slowed to a trickle and the smoke was starting to clear a little. I popped the cap off of the bottle and chugged it down in one gulp. The burning lessened, but didn't disappear completely. Looking at my surroundings, I couldn't find any sign of Winter Bloom or Hazel. I could only hope they had made it to safety. Hoping for them to return with help seemed like too much to ask at that moment.
Finally, I willed myself to look at myself.
"Look at me... I'm full of holes." Damn, what a stupid thing to say.
I must have been losing my mind, or maybe I was just losing too much blood. If I could hold out for another healing potion, maybe two, I'd be alright. However, things had not reached rock bottom yet. Now that the gunfire had slowed to a trickle, I was able to hear the sound of dogs barking.
"I saw the forties too, probably hiding behind some rocks. Damned smoke. Go get 'em boy, get 'em!"
The barking got closer, and I knew I still had work to do. I tried to scream, to get their attention, but all I could manage was a raspy wheeze. Full of holes indeed. I tried again, this time putting my whole body into it, pressing against my chest like it was a balloon. It didn't sound like any noise a pony should make. It was a feral, desperate shriek.
"Come... and get... me."
The words were more for myself than anyone else, I was the only one who could hear them, but even whispering in defiance gave me a sliver of courage. It wasn't enough for me to keep my eyes open and see what was coming for me though, I knew I had its attention. I tried to wrap my hooves around my head as best I could, and moments later I could feel teeth sink into my forearm and begin to shake, rip and tear.
Its funny what the mind focuses on in moments like that. The hound continued tearing into my flesh, but somehow the sound of an angry voice felt closer and more real. Somepony nearby was shouting, and I'm not sure I can remember ever hearing another voice so dripping with anger.
"Hold your fire, hold your fire damnit! You were ordered to hold and wait for my signal, now you've given away our position."
"But boss, there was a big group of tw..." *BANG*
"You, you're in charge now. You, get up to the ridge. Tell them they'd better have that artillery set up and firing in five minutes. Don’t fail me. GO! I'll deal with this myself."
The voice said something in a language I didn't recognize, and the hound released its grasp, backing away obediently. A short time after, the voice's owner walked around the corner of the wagon. She was a small grey unicorn wearing a strange blue and yellow suit. It had some kind of writing on it, maybe a couple of big bold letters, but I couldn't read it. There was too much dust and blood. More than anything though, I could hardly believe that angry voice belonged to this little wide eyed mare. She didn’t look like she could hurt a bloatsprite, and yet she moved with an air of authority. She was in control of these monsters.
She reached for something that was clipped to her saddlebag, but she stopped when she saw me looking back at her.
"You understand true suffering, I can see it." The voice was definitely hers, but now it was dipped in melancholy instead. "I could use a mare like you by my side."
She knelt down beside me and a spell lit up on her horn, but I couldn't tell what she was doing.
"Life is suffering, you know this better than most. Without Celestia, the best the world can hope for is a slow, lingering death. All those essential elements of life slowly falling apart, being consumed until there is nothing left to sustain us."
Was she talking to me? Why was she talking to me? I felt something tingling in my mind. I tried to scoot myself away from her, but there were other ponies standing around me now. When did they get there?
"We have a momentous opportunity though. We don’t have to wait for the end to take us. We can end the suffering once and for all, one final sacrifice and then no more pain, no more death or loss or heartbreak.” She hesitated, that look of sadness returning for just a moment. “...No more ponies."
I tried to wrap my mind around her words, but she wasn't making any sense. Life was painful, but I had learned the hard way that there are some things worth living for, I was sure of it. No matter how much I lost, no matter how far I fell, there was always another path to climb.
The tingling sensation in my head intensified and suddenly I knew what her spell was doing. She was going through my memories, could she even be erasing them? Was she going to turn me into a mindless killer like these raiders? I'd heard stories about the Ministry of Morale from long ago, and I was seized by an uncontrollable fear.
"Get out! Get out of my mind." I made a pitiful squeak and the mare stepped back, though her horn kept on glowing.
"I'm sorry." She sighed, "You must think I'm a monster."
"I was wrong about this one." She turns to the pony beside me, "She's no use to us after all. Make it painless..." *BANG*
Good morning wasteland! This is DJ P0n-3, bringing you all the latest news.
A lot of ponies out there have been wondering about the former Savior of Marchador. Where are they going next, are we safe, what caused her to snap, and of course, what happened to all those ponies in the Whitetail Highlands? I hope they got out safe too, children.
But we've got good news. Just last night the threat from the Marchador Raiders has been put down for good. Eyup, you heard right. Sounds like they went and bit off more than they could chew by attacking Shattered Hoof. After a lengthy battle and heavy losses, the ponies and griffins at Shattered Hoof were victorious.
I gotta say, except for a hoof full of caravanners that somehow got caught in the middle, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving bunch. Sorry to all my listeners in Shattered Hoof, I know you're out there and I know it hurts, but that's the honest truth. As far as the wasteland cares, unless you can clean up your act, you're a bunch of raiders too. But if you try, you might just succeed, and helping out what's left of that caravan would certainly be a good place to start, especially those poor foals.
Until next time, this is DJ P0n-3 bringing you all the music and news your great big hearts can handle.
Author's Note
I wrote this story over a year ago, and really hadn't been intending to publish it at all, but a friend managed to convince me to go ahead and post it anyways. I usually don't like sad fics, so the irony of turning around and writing one myself is not lost on me.
