Not Twilight Sparkle

by MrMusicalPony

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1124

Twilight Sparkle isn't a book

Hi my name is Twilight Sparkle but not really. Some ponies say I lost my mind after a horrible ink accident, but I don't think so. I got stories, but not math problems. I don't understand math.

Old piece of work I've hidden for a long while, though it still makes me laugh when I read it. Resubmitting to give the world a little crazy.

Published 2012-03-13 09:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-13 09:14:01 UTC

Not a Book

My name is Twilight Sparkle and I am writing this because my therapist said it was finally time to write down all of my thoughts. She says that I need to deal with my stress issues because she says it is slowly killing all of my brain cells but I really don't see much of a difference in my behavior, but still, I have to write. I think I'm fine, but whatever. She wanted me to write out some stories, whether they're memories of stuff I've done or things I make up when I'm bored and not trying to turn Spike into a sandwich.

Hello, I do not have a name but my name is Twilight Sparkle, everypony calls me Twi' and I don't like it, my mother likes to call me Cupcake. I don't think I have a name but that's not important, I have some stories to tell so I'm going to tell you some stories. I'm not going to tell you all of them but I'm going to tell you some of them.

So I went down to the market and I said 'hey, I don't have enough money to buy there apples' and Applejack said 'Well, I'm sorry Twi' but I can't sell you those apples if you don't got money' and I said 'Well your apples are too expensive, your prices are too high' and she said they were the same as always. I said that I don't have enough money to buy them buy she didn't seem to listen to me, and asked if I was okay, and I said 'of course I'm okay, but I need to buy some clean-ex and some fur softener and I don't have enough money' and then she asked 'well what cha gonna do?' So I said 'that's a good question I don't know what I'm going to do.'

That night I went to bed and this colt came up to me and said 'Hey! Wake up wake up wake up!' and I said 'Hey! What you doing in my house?' and he said 'Well, I just wanted to know if you wanted to keep on sleeping' and I said 'Yeah, I'd like to keep on sleeping.' Spike came upstairs and said I wasn't talking to anypony, but I know I was talking to somepony because he was waking me up in the middle of the night. He said I was crazy, and I said 'hey, I'm not crazy, I just don't got no abilities.' He seemed to give up granting a small victory to me.

Pinkie Pie has started hanging out with me more lately, and she comes up to me often, but sometimes I like to come up to her instead. She's always coming up to me, why can't I come up to her? She's always sneaking up behind me and saying I've gone loco in the coco. Everypony's been worrying about me, but I'm the same, I still read books and have a good taco every once in a while. I don't have any problems, I just saw 'no, I don't.'

I still think the same, because I still think it's important to slow down when the world stops. When the world stops you gotta slow down and look around and say 'Hey! I don't think this thing was ever moving.' What kind of world stands still? I'll tell you what kind of world stands still, our world stands still.

What an interesting feeling it was, to be in motion, except I wasn't in motion, I was still, I was stationary. And Princess Celestia rang up to me and said 'Twilight, what's your position you've been gone for three days?' and I saw 'I'm on a journey to find the Elements of Harmony' and she says 'They're right where you left them five days ago.' I say that she's lying, then she says I've been really stressed out and needs to rest. But how could I rest while the Elements of Harmony are missing? I don't know, everypony is getting crazier and crazier.

Some ponies remember when I used to read books and study friendship, but I still do those things. They say it all started when I kept on 'freaking out' after the town was on an ink shortage for a few weeks and I couldn't right a letter to the Princess. I told them that I wasn't freaking out, and that I was completely fine after that. I've never freaked out about not being able to send a letter in my life.

Letter's are very important though, and when I can't send a letter I get stressed out. I don't freak out I stress out, and some ponies say it's not good for my brain but I feel just fine and I write fine and I read fine and I sleep fine and Spike isn't a monkey I keep telling ponies that.

The Princess once asked me to do a report on Friendship and I said 'hey! I don't know nothing!' Well I did know something at that point but it wasn't much. It was a little more than nothing, but it certainly wasn't much.

Just the other day all of my friends tied me down and told me I need to slow down. But I told them I slowed down and looked around and I didn't see nothing. I told them 'I ain't got no abilities', and they said 'Well, why don't you go out there and get some abilities.' I said 'I already been out there and I didn't find hayapples.' And I was right, there certainly wasn't hayapples out there.

The next day I went up to Rarity and I said 'Hey! Where's all the hayapples!' and she said 'Why do I want my hayapples?' 'I want the hayapples of everyone, to put it in my collection.'

I made it all up, I don't got a collection. Sometimes I make things up, but I only started doing that after I couldn't write that letter cause after 2 weeks of not being able to write a letter I made up the fact that I did, and I liked it.

My therapist said that I stress out too easily about not being able to write important things to the Princess and being able to make schedules and checklists, but I told her that I'm fine and I've never been happier not to be a book. She didn't understand what I meant, but I certainly did. I told her I didn't lose my mind over it, but everypony else thinks I did. So I was going to ask her something, but I forgot what it was, but I certainly did ask her something.