The Day The Peaches Attacked!
Silence.
There was nothing but silence, its persistent ability to make one feel by her lonesome proven by the fact that everything was still. Not a bird offered a chirp, nor did the woodpeckers feel like cracking away at the walls. Every pony and animal stood where they were and did not move. If one placed themselves high enough above the crowd, one could see the reason quite clear, in all its fruity delicious goodness.
Fruity delicious goodness that threatened to tear you apart!
"Viva La Peacholution!"
"The Peach King has spoken!"
"Peach. Peach. Peach."
The sounds of a cacophonous riot echoed through the streets of Ponyville, unaware of what to think of the autonomous fruit 'army' that now marched down Mane Street. Peaches young, and peaches old found themselves in the ranks of their bretheren, pushing toward a new day when they not the ponies, would be superior. One peach in particular sported a beret and carried a golden staff with its peachy little arms. Planting the staff at its...feet? The peach turned to face the unsuspecting crowd.
"At long last! We, the underappreciated, the shoved down and beaten! We, the fuzzy vessels for the Glorious Word of our Peachy Overlords descend upon your town today to take revenge!" A storm of cheers from its peachy companions gave it a new wind. "Today, we rise above the bounds that separate pony and peach, a boundary that is crossed each day by ponies who feed! On! US! " The peach raised its staff above itself, the sunlight glimmering off its golden surface and blinding the ponies nearby.
"Are you ready, my bretheren? The moment we have been awaiting is upon us! Let us bring the Peachment Day to fruition!" The peach stopped, as if to inhale and consider something. "Now, my brothers, ATTACK!" The peach thrust its staff forward, and the veritable army commanded by it followed in what could only be described as absolute fruity genocide.
"To victory!"
"For the Motherland!"
"PEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAACCCCHH!"
The Peachment Day had arrived. This was the Day the Peaches Attacked.
Princess Twilight opened her eyes for the first time today and was met with what could only be described as a bedful of peachy goodness! She was delighted that somepony would leave her more of her favorite fruit for her enjoyment only! Twilight reached out with her magic to grab one, but the moment she touched it, it sprang into action.
"CHAARRRRGE!"
Twilight found herself overwhelmed by the nearly two dozen peaches that now threatened to strangle her with their fuzzy little arms, each fruit vying for a chance to take on the Princess of Peaches, for she was not the true Princess Peach, no, this one was far from the interdimensional glory of their leader's resolve and stance. Thus, she would have to go.
The peaches were ruthless, they were heartless, one could say they had a pit in their center, but most of all, they were peaches, and Twilight knew how to best solve this crisis before it became worse. Twilight picked one of the offending fruits off her mane, watching with curiosity as it struggled to break free of her telekinesis. The Peach Army showed resilience, patience, and of course, divine flavor, as Princess Twilight would soon come to know.
"Well, what do we have here? It appears you've tried to fight against that which you cannot! Do you know, that this is your final day, evil peach?" She grilled the fruit floating before her, slamming question after question into its mind.
The peach shuddered and fainted, returning to its previous inanimate state. Twilight brought the peach to her mouth, and bit down. The peach's flesh gave way without a struggle, the juicy insides spreading over her tongue and leaving a divine feeling of rightness. Discarding the unwanted peach pit, Twilight rounded on her 'enemies', the peaches frozen in abject horror of their commander's swift end at the mare's hooves. "Breakfast time!" She said, with a glint in her eye.
The peaches called out for mercy, they tried to run, but their stubby legs could not carry them far from the reach of the Princess of Peaches. They met their end in a swirl of motion, an elegant dance with many, many peachy casualties. One by one, Twilight snared the peaches in her magic and proceeded to finish the unruly fruit off. She came upon the final peach, cowering in the corner. She approached and lit her horn, but the peach held up a hand in surrender.
"Please! Your Highest of Highnesses! We wished you no ill will, We wished to only coexist peacefully side by side! Peaches and ponies! Living together under the peachy skies forever after!" The peach was sobbing, Twilight noticed.
Twilight picked up the Last of The Peaches with a sad smile on her face. "Now, now, mister peach, you know you're a delectable fruit with no other means than producing jellies and filling my belly! You know you never had a chance, why, the look on your bretheren's faces, you'd think they meant death for me!" Twilight cackled, her mouth watering before the last peach in her way.
"I just hoped we could co-exist peacefully!" The peach wailed.
"Oh, but we can! You just need to trust me. Can you do that?" Twilight caressed the peach in her magic, the sunlight accentuating its luscious curves, the fuzz reflecting the golden light in an array of lights that could only be described as perfection in Twilight's eyes.
"I...I trust you, Milady. May we coexist in more peaceful times to come, may we throw aside the boundary of fruit and pony!" The peach trembled a bit, then held resilient. "I am ready, Milady." The peach spoke calmly.
"Excellent, my subject, soon we will exist as one and the same! We will rule through me in the Land of the Peaches, the fields of victory! Join me now, young peach, become part of something greater!" Twilight beckoned with a hoof, bringing her target closer than ever before. She could smell the divine scent of the Goddesses under its succulent skin.
Twilight opened her mouth and advanced the peach toward an assimilated life of peace. She took a last glance at the fruit in her grasp, before snapping her jaw shut in finality, the peach now missing half of itself.
No wails could be heard, no cries, for it was just a peach, and Twilight, she was just a Princess with an agenda. A peach-ending agenda. Peachment Day was over.
Twilight awoke with a start, slamming her head on the table under which she had passed out the previous night after a long night of drinking with the girls.
"OW! My head!" Twilight rubbed her forehead in pain and confusion. 'Where did all those peaches come from?' She pondered. Was it all a dream? Twilight couldn't be sure, with her world spinning and threatening to collapse around her as the hangover slammed into her, horn first. She glanced at the tabletop, and saw the remnants of her secret peach stash scattered over the surface. "Who ate my peaches?!" Twilight called out to nopony in particular.
"You did, Twilight, don't you remember?" Spike, who had entered the room due to Twilight's calls, spoke with a smirk. "You and Dash really did a number on those peaches! It doesn't help that Applejack brought over a fresh bottle of her relatives' Peach Schnapps, or that you and Dash had a shot drinking competition!" Spike was laughing and clutching his stomach. "And then..hah..And then you proclaimed yourself Princess of Peaches and passed out on the floor! It was classic! Ahahaha!" Spike chuckled, his face turning red from the hilarity. "I mean...you were funny last night, with your talk about the 'Peach-Pocalypse' or something like that! You've really gotta discover more foods, Twi'." Spike shook his head, the smirk remaining.
"I DID WHAT?!" Twilight roared. "Ow...too loud!" Please, Spike tell me I didn't do anything drastic!" Her feathers rustled at her discomfort.
"Nah, all you did was send an official decree to Canterlot, designating yourself as Princess Peachlight Sparkle! You also asked for control of the peach industry!" Spike laughed again, hunching over in fits of chuckles.
"No...No...I couldn't have!" Twilight said with fear burning behind her irises. "Anything but the embarrassment that would bring!" Twilight wailed.
"Actually, you did, and I have Celestia's reply right here!" The young dragon held out a sealed scroll to his charge, the Royal Seal to be exact.
Twilight snatched the scroll as quickly as she could, and read it with absolute horror dawning on her face. "No...it's over! I can't let myself be seen near the Princesses again!" Twilight cried in shock.
"Oh, come on Twilight, what's the worst that could happen, Celestia asking you not to drink anymore?" Spike pondered aloud. He snatched the scroll from the young alicorn's grip and opened it wide. "Oh. My. Celestia! This is golden!"
Dearest Princess 'Peachlight',
I find myself in mild surprise that you would become such a bold authority figure in your first few weeks! Establishing a name and area of princesshood will better connect you to your subjects. As far as joining you tonight, I regret to say that Luna is feeling ill, but your letter shall cheer her up considerably. Mere months ago, I thought you to be one who never opened new doors in her life. It seems I have been wrong, since I can smell the Schnapps on your letter, the peach flavor is...intoxicating.
I cannot, however, allow you to gain access to Equestria's peach production farms, for I fear they may lose their crop to that insatiable stomach of yours. The risks are too great, and we face the chance of another Peachpocalype if control is relinquished to you. I can, however, include a peach with this letter, provided Spike isn't hungry!
I look forward to hearing of your endeavors in Ponyville, or shall we say 'Peachville'?
I will be waiting, Princess Peachlight!
Your 'peachy' teacher,
Celestia
Author's Note
I can't stop the words in my mind! GET THEM OUT! SO MANY PEACHES!
