With Malus Aforethought

by Schismatism

Rating: everyone
Tags: Big Macintosh, Random, Discord, Slice of Life, Granny Smith, Main 6, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 9305

The Apple Family Reunion's rolling around again, once more in Ponyville - but Applejack's meticulous plans are interrupted by a certain draconequus.

It's that time of year again: summer is on the cusp of fall, the air is hot and heady with anticipation, and for the Apple family, the Reunion is rolling on in again. With barely a week until all her relations arrive, Applejack and her family are preparing - with, of course, the help of one Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends - when a small draconequus-shaped snag appears in the proceedings.

After all, just because he's bound to use his powers mostly for good, that doesn't mean Discord necessarily has to be nice, and a harmless little prank is still right up his alley. So with a snap of his fingers, all of Sweet Apple Acres undergoes a rather significant change... and Applejack rapidly starts fraying at the edges.

Published 2013-12-18 21:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-09 05:27:35 UTC

Chapter 1 - Apples to Oranges

"Right, so we want the maypole just about there, with enough ribbons f'r all the fillies an' colts..."

"Rightyo! One maypole, coming right up!"

The sun was shining hot over Sweet Apple Acres that morning, still beaming down with an almost unrelenting heat, despite the Summer Sun Celebration's conclusion almost a month and a half ago. August was fast approaching, and with the eighth month of the year came that most vaunted of celebrations (at least to some): the Apple Family Reunion. Ordinarily, these were every hooffull of years, but last year's had been... less than ideal. Hence, the Apples had simply taken a mulligan, so to speak. RSVPs had already been received from most of the nearby relatives, though some of the farther ones had declined, mostly on the basis of having their own business - still, this year's promised to be almost as grand.

"How're the plans for the rodeo o'er there?"

"Lookin' good!"

After what could be politely referred to as last year's 'debacle', Applejack wasted no time in asking her best friends to assist in the setup this year, and not a one of them demurred. After all, they reasoned, it wasn't as though they themselves had a terrible amount of work: Rarity's fall line of fashion was nearly complete; Pinkie's Nightmare Night setup was still a speck on the horizon, and Twilight Sparkle's studies were... well, she could be convinced to take a break from them. Even Rainbow Dash got in on the assistance, promising in an uncharacteristically studious display to ensure - through a lengthy sheaf of bureaucratic paperwork - that all the storms would be cleared up well ahead of time.

"All those apples for the party stocked and stored?"

"Ee-yup."

Finally, to help resolve what concerns remained, Applejack had taken the liberty of starting a full week in advance. It would, of course, leave a bit of applebucking to catch up on, but with any luck, that could be handled right after the reunion, especially with everyone a bit more rested and relaxed. Any sort of disaster was prepared for, any sort of potential problem handled readily ahead of time.

Well, aside from a certain pegasus prankster dumping a load of water on everyone's heads.

Assorted shrieks and groans rang out, along with the standard accusatory statements: "Dangit, Dash, what the hay was that all about?!" "My hat! It will take simply forever to dry!" "Um, why did you...?" And so on, and so forth. In response, the rainbow-maned pegasus simply replied with her cheeky grin, "Hey, it's a hot day! You all looked like you could use a bit of cooling off."

Twilight sighed, looking around at her fellow suddenly-drenched workers, before casting a spell to hasten the evaporation on everypony. "I'll admit that we're all getting a little hot out here," she agreed, observing a few frazzled (and now damp) manes, not to mention the sheen of salt on Applejack and Big Mac. "It's just past noon, and we might as well pace ourselves; we are ahead of the game, after all." Her checklist unrolled, showing to all that they were halfway done the preparations.

For a moment, Applejack considered declining, then shook her head, water droplets spraying from her ponytail. "Yeah, that sounds about right," she agreed begrudgingly, looking around at the others. "It has been a pretty long mornin', so I guess we can say we're done for today. After all, we got a week to go, and most've these things can sit fer a while." Things like apple snacks were almost guaranteed to all be done on the last day, but with Sugarcube Corner assisting, they were almost guaranteed to be complete in no time flat.

"Thank you, dear," Rarity smiled lightly, tossing her once more expertly-coiffed mane as her horn ceased to glow. "While I'd love to stay and help in this dazzling weather, I truly do think I might be able to get more done in my own workshop. And of course, I simply must complete my work on Fleur's request..." Her head tilted slightly, as she asked in hopeful tones, "Are you certain you won't need us for anything else today?"

"Nah," came Applejack's weary response. "We're pretty much wrapped up - oh right, here's for yer help." Two baskets of apples were brought to each of the five impromptu assistants, with a grateful nod by Big Mac; Pinkie Pie in particular seemed thrilled, promising to make all sorts of apple-themed treats for tomorrow. "Oh, an' that reminds me, we'll be gettin' your barrels of apples over to Sugarcube Corner in a day or two. Just keep an eye out, aright?"

"You betcha! I'll be keeping BOTH eyes out, and I bet Gummy'll have an eye or two to spare, and so will Mrs. Cake and Mr. Cake, and so will Pumpkin and Pound, and I'll make sure that we have plenty of milk to go around!" This, naturally, was the response from the constantly-hyper Pinkie Pie, her frazzled mane barely touched by the deluge of water from a few minutes ago. "And when I get back there I'll make sure that we've got lots of banners, and I bet I can find some apple-shaped balloons, and all that and more!" Typically enough, the 'pink menace' was absolutely thrilled at the thought of any celebration, let alone one so big as this.

So, with that morning's brief bit of work and planning completed, the five non-Apples wandered back to their homes and businesses, knowing well that the next few days would be calm, relaxed, and easy.

Applejack wandered through what seemed like an endless orchard in a pitch-black night, her voice calling out to any who might hear. "Hello? Anypony out there?" Alas, nothing seemed to respond beyond a faint echo. "Y'there, Applebloom? Granny Smith? Big Mac? ...Girls?"

No response was incoming, and Applejack's hackles began to rise. Shivers rolled down her spine as she looked about at the unfamiliar orchard, the fruit seeming... off, somehow. This certainly wasn't Sweet Apple Acres, not with these in it: there was a lemon tree, there was a cherry tree, there a lime...

In a blink of an eye, Applejack found herself surrounded by piles of fruit, a cornucopia in every way but one: there, bananas rolled across the plain, followed by bouncing pears and peaches, plums sailing through the air to a merry tune of brass instruments. There, a pile of grapes sang happily, bouncing along like the parasprites of a year or two ago, and in the background, cranberries splashed into a pond with the crash of cymbals.

It took her a few moments for the pony's addled brain to recognize what was wrong with this picture: there were no apples. Not a single example of the fruit littered what she knew in the back of her mind was a dream, be it a tart green or a bright red or even, impossibly, a blue: every other genus was represented but that.

Whirling around in a panic, Applejack flew through openings in the overwhelming mounds of fruit, looking for that one familiar sight - before her eyes widened, taking in a glimpse of what lay before her. There, in an unblemished clearing, lay a single, golden apple, glistening in a sourceless light.

Somehow, the farm pony knew that she had to reach it, had to grasp it, as though it were the last apple in existence. A rainbow of colours rushed past as she lept with her heart singing in panic, the golden fruit taking up every last thought in her semi-conscious mind, and with hooves outstretched--

THUD.

The orange-and-blond pony groaned as she hit the floor hard, her eyes spinning momentarily as the room came into view. The sun peeked through her blinds, just past sunrise: sure enough, Applejack's internal alarm clock was as flawless as ever. Normally, it didn't come with this sort of rude awakening, but usually, she didn't have nightmares, either... "What in tarnation was I dreamin' about, anyhow?" Those memories were slipping past her like snow on a warm summer morning. "Must've just been the preparation gettin' to me, or something."

With a loud yawn, she cocked an ear to hear the birds chirping outside, the rest of the farm mostly still. "Well, they seem happy, at least," she muttered to herself, leaning over to pull the blinds up and let the morning into her room. The warm breeze helped to clear up the remnants of the night, bringing it with it the redolent scent of oranges.

"Ah, that's a bit more like--" Applejack paused as something twinged in her head. "That ain't..." In an instant, Applejack rushed to stare out at the lovely morning, hooves atop the windowsill, and took in the sight of a beautiful, flowering orange grove.

Author's Note

Aaaand here we go! The first fanfic that I'm actually planning to publish, on the grounds that I've got most of the plot figured out in a frighteningly quick manner. It won't actually be too long, but I'm planning to have a lot of fun with these ideas.

Chapter 2 - Gonna Eat a Lotta Peaches

Halfway across Ponyville, a certain lavender alicorn was still fast asleep, her bedroom carpeted in darkness. It did face the sun, but Twilight Sparkle was rarely awake in time to watch her former mentor's glorious sunrises... something which niggled in her mind from time to time, but hardly caused enough concern for her to fix it. Night-time, after all, was the best time for studying, well away from the hustle and bustle of Ponyville in the hectic days.

Nonetheless, she had promised Applejack that she'd assist with preparations, and for that reason, she set her alarm a full hour earlier than her normal time. And so it was that with a familiarity well-known to any student, the alarm clock sprung into motion, filling the room with an overwhelming din... right before a well-placed hoof silenced it forever.

The tired groan of the eternal student replaced it instantly, Twilight rubbing her now-sore hoof against the bedsheets. Before she'd become an alicorn, she was accurately able to judge how much effort it took to shut an alarm off without damaging it... but now, it was far too easy to overdo it. With a flick of her horn, the now-ruined apparatus sailed into the garbage, following the other three from this week alone.

"Spike, are you awake yet?" she asked, rubbing bleary eyes and stretching each wing in turn, the bedsheets flying away through a minor force of will. The only response was a loud snore from the smaller bed across the room, and a grumble about some manner of jeweled muffin. "Ugh..." The alicorn shook her head, resolving to let Spike get at least a bit more rest before she resorted to the ever-popular bucket of water.

A few minutes later, Twilight was considerably more awake, and much more coherent, aided in no small part by a mug of steaming coffee and a pair of waffles. The book she'd been reading for the past day or two, Malus Mundi: A History of the Apple Family, floated next to her while she ate, and a flick of her horn added a bright apple to her breakfast. Or at least, it would have...

What actually hit her plate was rather sizeably different. It took Twilight a moment to register, but before her eyes lay a mottled, orange-and-yellow fruit, not entirely dissimilar in shape and size, but far from alike in composition. Rather than the shiny skin of an apple, the object's outer layer was covered in a light fuzz, and rather than a long stem, it had a shorter, more fragile twig stemming from the top.

A careful sniff of the item confirmed Twilight's suspicions: this was a member of prunus persica, rather akin to but not entirely similar to a nectarine: this, in fact, was a peach.

"Spike...?" she asked curiously, looking up to her bedroom as she tossed the peach back in its basket. "You didn't buy any peaches yesterday, did you?" The dragon was known for occasionally being frivolous with his allowance, though she suspected he had a hoard of bits stashed somewhere on the grounds that, well, dragon. "Spike?" Another snore met her ears, and she sighed, looking back over at the container.

A casual inspection showed that her first instinct was mistaken: sure enough, the basket was one of the two which Applejack had provided her, and stamped on the bottom was indeed the signature maker's mark of the Apple family. Nonetheless, this basket was filled with peaches, rather than apples... With a curious tilt of her head, Twilight wandered over to the cupboard where she'd stored the other basket, a small suspicion worming its way into her brain.

The cupboard barely creaked as it opened, revealing - sure enough - yet more peaches.

"Okay, now this is just too strange. Metamorphosis is one thing, but fruit? I'm wondering if this might be Rainbow Dash's idea of a prank..." Closing the cupboard once more, Twilight returned to her breakfast, picking up one peach and slicing it along the equator. The pit she set aside, planning to study it later, before she segmented the remainder of the fruit into sixteenths vertically.

"At least it'll be a nice change," the alicorn shrugged, lifting a slice of waffle and peach to her mouth--

"TWAILIIIIGHT!"

Fork clattered to the table, spilling a little bit of syrup and fruit as the door to the library practically vibrated off its hinges. "Twilight, open up!" came a familiar farmpony's shout, before another set of rattling bangs echoed through the library.

"Alright, ALRIGHT, I'm coming!" Twilight sighed, looking at the mess on the table before rushing to the front door. The last thing she wanted was for Applejack to buck the door right off its hinges - again. "Hold on, already, will you?" With a click, she unlocked the door to take in the sight of...

"Twilight, you've gotta help! Somethin's really, really wrong with Sweet Apple Acres! It's horrible! It's beyond horrible!"

"Applejack, you--"

"It's gotta be the work of Discord! You've gotta come and help, do some sorta magic to fix this, I mean, you're a Princess, you've gotta be able to do somethin'!"

"Applejack, calm down, stop--"

"I swear, if this cain't be fixed, I dunno what's gonna happen! Granny's practically off her rocker, Big Mac's almost catatonic..."

"Applejack, CALM DOWN!"

The farmpony's eyes were wide, irises the size of pinpricks, but the force of Twilight shouting managed somehow to get through her addled brain. Her rump hit the ground hard, the ordinarily reliable mare shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. But none of this proved to Twilight what an emergency this was so much as one simple observation:

Applejack had forgotten her hat.

"Okay, hold on." Twilight sighed slightly, looking back at her ruined breakfast before levitating her saddlebags over. Spike would be up to eat the breakfast before too long anyway, so it certainly wouldn't go to waste - though she would truly have preferred a few longer-acting carbohydrates before the day began proper. After a pause, she added some small grain bars and a few of the aforementioned peaches to the pack... then turned around to see Applejack shaking again at the sight.

"What... in tarnation are those?" The farmpony's voice was dangerously level, with barely a quaver to her words, but that was somehow even more frightening than the sound of her panicking. "Those... things you just packed in there...?"

"They're just peaches...?" Twilight's answer came out in the form of a question, the alicorn looking back at the table from which she'd pulled them. "I think Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie must have pulled some sort of a prank, because when I woke up this morning, your apples had gone missing, and all there were were these peaches." Twilight shrugged. "Not that I don't like peaches, but..."

Applejack interrupted with a harsh bark of laughter, her body shaking again. "C-come on... we've gotta get to Sweet Apple Acres fast as we can." The farmpony'd been rattled before - and been under a lot of stress in the past - but this was the first time Twilight had seen Applejack really cracking up since that Baked Bads incident. So, she made a snap decision.

"Alright, hang on - we'll teleport over." And with that, the pair were gone in a flash of magic.

A yawn from the library resounded outwards, the sound of a dragon finally waking up from a long nap. "Hey, Twilight? I thought I heard Applejack a second ago..." He stamped down the stairs slowly, nose following the aroma of breakfast, until he came to an empty kitchen - and an empty library, at that. "Twilight...? Huh, she must've run off in a hurry."

With a shrug, Spike looked over at the plate of waffles and fruit, then muttered, "Well, waste not, want not." And, with a happy chomp, Spike ate a peach.

Author's Note

I couldn't resist.

Chapter 3 - Going Pear-Shaped

Some hours earlier...

Sugarcube Corner, being the town's de facto bakery, coffee-shoppe, and parlor for the taste buds, rarely slept for long. Fortunately, the Cakes were able to work in shifts to provide Ponyville with practically all of the essentials, day-to-day: from the muffins which the mailmare raided before starting her shift to the doughnuts the few guards happily devoured, all were prepared more than a few hours in advance of the dawn. The ovens always ran at practically maximum capacity from a few hours before daylight, and usually the pony in the kitchens was one Pinkie Pie, Baker Extraordinaire!

At the moment, the pink mare was happily darting around the kitchens with a surprising minimum of racket, her thoughts merrily spinning away into all the delicious apple treats she was going to help provide for the family: apple fritters, apple dumplings, apple doughnuts, apple-upside-down-cake, appletinis...! The possibilities spiraled before her eyes into a seeming abyss of delicacies, an infinite host of delights...

The sound of ding interrupted her reverie, and she pulled open the oven with a grace which belied her ordinarily hyperactive modus operandi, easily replacing one tray of banana-nut muffins with a set of cranberry-apple ones. "Hmmm, I wonder if Applejack'll be angry if I serve some of these to her family? After all, they're cranberry, but they're also apple, and they like everything apple, after all!" Her voice was astonishingly quiet in the kitchen, owing to the knowledge that the twins were still very much in bed, but she still found it better to voice her thoughts rather than let them rattle around in her head...

With a nod out of a professional's handbook, she surveyed the fruits of her labor so far, finding it good... before the world started to quake and bounce like a bowl of jelly! "Whw-whw-whwhwhwaaaaat?!" she vocalized with surprise, before realizing that it wasn't the world that was shaking - it was her! "I-it's-a-dooo-oo-oozy...!" she gasped, pots and pans (thankfully cool) falling from the counters to clatter against the tile floor, her ears flicking back as the racket awoke Pumpkin and Pound upstairs.

It took about fifteen seconds for her Pinkie Sense to finally stop going off, Mr. Cake already having rushed into the kitchen to watch Pinkie vibrate her way across the floor. Through some miracle of design, virtually none of the baked goods had fallen to the floor - save for one large donut which, by the nature of these things, had hit icing-side down. With a quiet sigh, having grown inured to these things over the course of several years, Mr. Cake asked, "Pinkie, what's going on?"

"I dunno!" came the merry response, Pinkie's voice no longer quiet (as, up above, the shrieks of toddlers caused a painful din). "But it was one heckuva doozy! I haven't felt one like THAT for ages!" The party pony punctuated her passage with a peek around the room, seeking out anything which was out of place. Something was wrong, after all...

"Well, do you think you could keep it down if it happens again? It'll take a while for the dear to get the twins back under control..." That, again, was the voice of long experience, the foal and filly having a predeliction for waking up at the worst possible times.

"I'll do my best!" proclaimed Pinkie, saluting the weary stallion. With a nod, he returned to the front counter, where he was preparing the shoppe for those hectic opening hours.

"I wonder what that was all about..." Her voice came to a pause as she spied a pair of small baskets which had been left by the door last night. Beforehand, they had been filled with bright green Granny Smith apples, tart and tasty - a perfect addition in a recipe which might otherwise be too sweet. Now, however... they had changed. Rather than those neon-green delicacies, what remained in that basket were a group of bright orange, small, round fruit, ovoid in precisely the manner of hens' eggs. The occasional pointed leaf sprung from the remaining stems, and the smell emanating from the fruit was decidedly citrus...

Slowly walking over to the basket, Pinkie's eyes widened further and further, her face spreading in a wide smile as she observed the rare, sour fruit. A rapid inspection of all sides was enough to prove that she wasn't simply imagining things, and the pink pony gingerly lifted one of the succulent delicacies out with a slightly-shaking hoof.

In a whisper that sounded to her like a rushing waterfall, she breathed, "Kumquat..."

Now...

With the telltale flash of magic, Twilight's teleport spell landed her and the still-shaking farmpony in the middle of an orchard. Well, some manner of orchard, in any event. Her eyes widened as she saw the sights surrounding the pair, and frantically worked over the spell she'd just cast. "What? This isn't Sweet Apple Acres! Where the-- how are we here?!"

Indeed, while they'd landed in what could best be described as a fruit farm, absolutely none of the trees in sight were apples - or anything even akin to them. To her left, a lovely lemon tree sprouted, the mouth-puckering fruit practically radiating the essence of 'sour'. Before her, a cherry tree crested a small hill, impossibly decorated with both sakura blossoms and the bright red fruit. And to her left... much less appetizingly, a crabapple tree lay there, the barely-edible fruit glistening in the sunlight.

"Sugarcube," Applejack told her with a voice still shaky, "I hate to break it to ya, but this is Sweet Apple Acres. See why I'm so, so... plumb terrified?" To punctuate her statement, she pointed at a ripe plum tree, the fruit barely darker than Twilight's own colouration. "All o' this happened overnight, and I ain't got a single clue how or why." A pause gave way to a darker tone of voice, practically a growl. "Actually... I bet I know just who did this, but..."

"Discord," Twilight agreed. "It has to be him... I can't imagine that anypony else would be capable of this. Maybe the Princesses, but I can't imagine that either of them would even consider doing such a thing, least of all so close to your family reunion. But why?"

"Who knows..." The cowpony's shock had turned to something of a simmering pot of anger, her voice very tightly controlled. "But he's gonna pay for this. Not just messin' up the farm, but doin' so like THIS? I didn't look, but I bet there ain't a single apple tree out there now!"

"Well, let's get to your family, first, and then we can start figuring out how this can be fixed. I'll send a letter to Princess Celestia once we've made sure that everypony's all right... how's Apple Bloom taking this?"

"Last I saw, she was still in shock, just like the other two. Bet they're still sittin' there, just starin' at all this, this... JUNK!" Applejack waved her hoof to describe practically the entire farm, not least the crabapples. "I mean, we're the Apple family, not the mish-mash family!"

The two set off on their way to the farmhouse, Twilight levitating a quill and scroll out of her pack to begin taking notes. "I don't recognize half of these trees, let alone these fruits... I think these are from practically all over the world..." Her voice took on a slightly excited tone at the possibility of studying, however briefly, the cavalcade of new species, and Applejack's ear flicked back at the possibility that the scholarly alicorn might not be interested in fixing things just yet.

"Now, hold on there, sugarcube. This isn't some sort of game, you know. Whatever's happened here HAS to go back to normal, tout suite, or we ain't gonna HAVE an Apple Family Reunion. Yanno, that thing you've been making all those checklists for?" Hopefully, with any fortune, that would pierce through to the studious princess' brain...

"Y-you're right," Twilight stammered, putting her writing implements away. "We need to get this fixed as soon as possible, even if..." Her eyes widened as she saw one particular tree, but with a force of will she practically stapled her saddlebag closed. "No, no. Let's get over to the others as soon as possible."

Thankfully, the trip only took five more minutes from that point, though to Applejack it seemed like hours. Every time a new, rare genus of fruit appeared, Twilight's eyes would widen a little more, to the point where Applejack was debating simply blindfolding her wayward companion. "Twai. Twilight. We're here." Sure enough, the ever-familiar red building rose up before them, as warm and inviting as always.

Inviting, that is, except for the argument going on inside.

"But Granny! My friends have gotta know about this! They're gonna be worried about me, and I don't want them to haveta wait..."

"None o' that, now. Those little friends o' yours'll be by soon enough, mark my words, and if you're not here, they'll be worried even sicker! You're gonna stay right here and wait for your sister to get back, y'hear?"

"Eeeyup."

"Awww, but... fiiiine." The last three words came in a whine perhaps better befitting a certain dressmaker, and were followed up by a quiet clomp up the stairs, the sound of a filly who knows she's right, but just can't prove it.

Twilight and Applejack exchanged a look, and a small smile, at the sound of something at least approaching normalcy in this chaotic situation. "At least they're all doing all right," noted Twilight, letting Applejack lead her inside.

"Yup, gotta say this much, at least... the Apple Family's always good 't bouncin' back..." The door opened at a touch, showing a table which, ordinarily, would be covered in a traditional Apple breakfast: pie, fritters, bread, even milk and eggs for the more adventurous. Right now, however, it was bare, save for a single, lonesome pear sitting in the middle of the table.

Big Mac and Granny were seated at opposite sides, their gazes locked on the offending piece of fruit as though daring it to move. The green skin glistened eerily, slight marks and bruises magnified in the bright light of the morning; beneath it, the wood of the table trembled slightly with the nerves of the young stallion and aged mare.

"Y'forgot your hat," Big Mac stated, not taking his eyes off the abnormality. A hoof waved in the general direction of the door, where the Stetson rested atop a hoof-carved hook; with a momentary shiver, Applejack pulled it off, setting the faithful garment in its proper place. At once, she seemed to come slightly back into focus - not a very clear distinction, but she looked, and felt, more like herself.

"Aright, now. I brought Twilight, and she's promised to help figure out how we can fix this thing. She'll be sendin' a letter to Princess Celestia in a sec, but we wanted to make sure everypony here was OK..." She paused, looking at her two family members, still locked in a battle of will with what they full well knew was an impossibility.

"Ee-yup."

"And, um, we're going to try and figure this whole thing out, and how it can best be reversed... I wouldn't want to leave any of my friends in the lurch, especially not in a case like this." Twilight slowly started backing away towards the door, her ear twitching slightly. To a regular pony, the sight of such intense study would have been frightening enough, but for Twilight, the sheer force of personality in the air was practically overwhelming.

"You'd better, young mare."

"Y...eah... Twilight, maybe you'd better get back to town. Wouldn't want that letter to go unsent, after all..." Applejack was edging her way around the room now, trying to reach the stairs without getting caught in either of the two's sights. She didn't know what would happen if she did, but it wasn't likely to be pretty.

"O...okay. You take care of your sister, Applejack. I'll be back soon." And with that, Twilight was running fast and hard, trying to put as much distance between her and the farmhouse as she possibly could.

It didn't even occur to her to teleport.

Chapter 4 - Red and Blackberries

Just an hour before...

Fluttershy's cottage, nestled in the ponds and streams near the Everfree Forest, was usually shielded from the sharp glare of the morning sun, even in the height of summer. Its warm, inviting leaves and strong branches held an enormous number of bird's nests and squirrel dens, each of which was meticulously attended to by the caretaker of the wilderness. Indeed, it could be said that well over half of the fauna in Ponyville made their home here, venturing out to the township itself to partake of the goodwill of its ever-friendly inhabitants.

The pleasant chatter of those birds was Fluttershy's alarm clock, and she smiled brightly as she awoke from a long and content slumber, leaning out of her bed to nuzzle one of her avian friends. "Good morning," she murmured in a voice as smooth as honey, shifting her bedsheets to air out the mattress. And, with a happy hum, greeting the morning's sunshine as readily as she would an old friend, she skipped down the stairs to make herself a good meal.

Her first glimpse that something was wrong came when she saw some of her old friends, Angel included, huddled over a small object in the corner. Still, she put that out of her mind for the time being, simply breathing, "Hello, everyone!" However, the cursory greeting, one which had long since brought the attention of all her friends, was ignored, the three animals in the corner - a rabbit, a squirrel, and a bear - scarfing down the contents of whatever object that was.

Fluttershy took a few steps towards the group of animals, her voice quivering slightly. "Um, is everyone there all right? I mean, Mr. Bear, it's not like you to be up so early, and Mr. Squirrel, don't you have food to find for your family? Fall is just around the corner, after all?" She let out a light giggle, which turned into a squeak of dismay as the three animals turned, in unison, to stare at her.

Around each mouth was a stain of dark red, what bared teeth there were absolutely coated in those juices. Each paw clenched and unclenched, holding some sort of eldritch, slimy substance within. Their eyes were wide with delight, stains dripping down their throats and bellies, as though they had partaken in some feast long since forgotten to mortal mare. Angel in particular seemed marked in an indiscriminate fashion, as though his hunger had overwhelmed him, driven him to acts which no sane rabbit would ever contemplate...

And Fluttershy, poor Fluttershy, had only one recourse left to her. Driven back by the hunger of these beasts, sent to her haunches by the horrific sight before her, she screamed.

"How in Equestria did you get so many CHERRIES?!"

And now...

Panting, out of breath, and utterly exhausted, Twilight Sparkle found herself - finally - at the doorstep of her home, the library's branches shielding her from the rays of Celestia's sun. "Note to self..." she gasped, slumping against the door itself. "Ask Celestia.. why... seasons." With a squeak, she found herself falling into the library as Spike opened the door, the alicorn landing on one wing in a slightly painful display.

"Twilight! I wondered where you'd gotten off to. Is everything alright?" Spike, as usual, asked the obvious question - but that was enough to get Twilight back into the right frame of mind, specifically a better solution to the problem at hoof.

"Spike, take a letter to Princess Celestia." The statement was common enough, even now, that the dragon always had quill and scroll ready - as well as a goodly number of spares. "Right! One letter, ready when you are!" With a brief pause, the alicorn dictated:

Dear Princess Celestia:

Last night, Sweet Apple Acres was... well, the best way to describe it would be 'replaced' with a variety of plants from all across the world. I believe this to be the work of Discord, and I think that it is a definite violation of our agreement with him.

I would like to meet with you as soon as possible, and hopefully restore the farm to its natural state.

Sincerely yours,

Twilight Sparkle.

"Alright, that should do it. Send it off, Spike," Twilight decreed, her eyes momentarily drawn to the empty basket on the kitchen table. With a blink, she paused, the telltale fwoof of draconic post barely registering.

"Spike... did you eat all these peaches?" Twilight asked, looking with slight accusation at the ever-hungry reptile.

"Well... c'mon, Twilight, usually you bring home apples, and the occasional orange! They are the local foodstuff, but sometimes a bit of variety's good." The dragon coughed, sputtering up a bit of light-red flame. "Besides, I figured you bought enough for the both of us! There's still that basket in the pantry!"

Twilight sighed, looking over to the aforementioned cupboard, and swung it open with a touch of telekinesis just to ensure its survival. "That's true... but you don't know that those were even safe!"

"Wait, why wouldn't those be safe? They were peaches, and you bought them yesterday, right? Just after helping Applejack with that family reunion? I mean, I don't know where you got them from, but man were they ever good! With a momentary pause, Spike went back over the past few minutes... and cringed. "You... you mean..."

Twilight's ears flicked back, and her wings twitched upwards in a display of severe aggravation. "Spike! I didn't buy those yesterday, and if you'd read my grocery list, you would've known...!" After a moment, however, she sighed, and added, "And I was going to eat them anyway. I figured Rainbow Dash was just playing another one of her pranks. I'll forgive you this time..." Twilight grinned, and looked over at Spike, who had a sudden surge of foresight, only tempered by the fact that nothing bad - yet - seemed to be happening..

"Aw, man. I'll start recataloguing the books. Again." The dragon slumped, and began stomping off to the library, but was arrested by a purple glow. "No, Spike," responded the alicorn. "You get to help us deal with what's caused all this nonsense."

Spike looked almost frantic, both with anticipation and trepidation. On the one claw, he'd gotten out of recategorization. On the other... "All I figured was that you'd bought a basket of peaches! Why do I have to help you deal with a mad chaos thingy?"

"Spike, I'm going to need an assistant to help me deal with..." Twilight paused, looking a little bit crazy all of a sudden. "Things. Besides, you might learn something here. There is more in Equestria than is dreamt of in your philosophy..." The alicorn paused, hoping that Spike might remember that line.

"Wait, that's Bacon, right?"

With a sigh, Twilight started looking for clues.

Applejack knocked with no small amount of trepidation upon her sister's door. "Applebloom? Applebloom, are you there?" The mare paused, waiting for some response... but none came, at least in any audible manner.

The orange-and-blonde farmmare slumped against the wall, sighing. "Look, Applebloom, I know that you're not rightly thrilled 'bout havin' to wait for your friends to come by, but t'be honest, I'd rather not let this thing spread too far before we're ready. If it CARN'T be fixed, then... then I don't rightly know what's gonna happen. This place's been our family homestead for... doggone generations. Can't imagine leavin' it.

"Plus, ma and pa wouldn't be too happy about us tearin' up our family roots, ta say nothin' of Granny." Applejack chuckled, then let out a sad sigh. "Look. If Discord is really jus' jerkin' us about, then he'll turn the farm back sooner 'r later. Prob'ly sooner, once the joke's run its course. Right?" Applejack paused, waiting for some sort of response, but heard nothing, not even a sob.

"So, all I'm saying, is that this is... somethin' we can get past. Right, Applebloom? Apple family?"

Silence.

"Applebloom?"

Yet more silence.

With a twist of her frame that would have been more appropriate for Rainbow Dash, Applejack lept to her hooves, kicking the door in with a swing of one muscled leg. This, as it would happen, was a little bit much, as the door exploded off its hinges, showering the room beyond in a goodly number of splinters.

"Ah-a... um, oops?" Applejack's half-hearted apology - no doubt meant for the door - was quieted by the sight of a set of knotted bedsheets, tied to the frame of the bed itself and leading its way out the open window - from which, no doubt, her sister had made a rather obvious and evident escape.

"Why THAT LITTLE...!"

Applebloom let out a quiet sigh as she heard her sister rush off, peeking over the edge of the roof to watch Applejack fly in the direction of Ponyville. "Well, that was easy," the filly murmured to herself as she slipped down to the dirt below, rapidly making her way over to the CMC's treehouse.

Chapter 5 - Blueberry Waffles

Eight hours, it could be argued, was more than long enough for a pony to sleep. It provided a sensible amount of recovery, allowed for dopamine production to return to normal levels, allowed ponies to rearrange their memories on a subconscious level (something aided, it must be said, since Luna returned), and - above all - still allowed for a great deal of relaxation while maintaining a high-performing day.

It was also by no means enough for Rarity.

The sound of birds chirping outside her windowsill was bad enough, even when she slammed her windows shut with a clamor which would have awoken anyone else around. By Celestia, why did I spend so long last night working on those dresses? The sun peeking through her blinds was quickly shut out with a thrust of her alabaster horn, blanketing the delightful morn with tasteful shade. And why, oh why, did I agree to help Applejack so extensively? The smell of smoke was quickly whiffed away with a hoof fan, before the pervasive scent returned in spades. And why did I ever let Sweetie Belle cook breakf--

That thought process terminated in an angry crash as Rarity lept out of bed, stumbled upon her sheets, threw off her nightgown, and rushed downstairs in hopes that it wouldn't be too late. Even the faintest scent of smoke could potentially ruin her masterpieces, but that was next to nothing in comparison to the blazing inferno she expected upon reaching the kitchens, and the state of her sister...!

As Rarity practically dove into the kitchen, her eye for detail took her on a grand tour through the onslaught. Pots and pans were strewn about as though disturbed by some angry giant; her carefully arranged crystal windchime was laying next to the window, in casual disarray. Her stove was spewing black clouds of smoke, undoubtedly caused by some filly which had left nearly an entire bowl of batter upon the burner... and her prized, personally-signed Donna Bella hoofmitts were practically smouldering, their fabric singed and seared.

But, at least, her sister was alright.

After catching her breath in the smoky kitchen - smoke which, she noticed, a very contrite Scootaloo had been pushing through an open window via the hummingbird-esque buzzing of her wings - Rarity collected herself. Everything seemed to be perfectly normal. Everything was absolutely fine now. The kitchen was a mess, but the kitchen was almost always a mess. The slabs of charcoal on a plate were simply her sister's way of expressing her love. All of this the fashionista carefully compiled into a stack, to be taken from the top.

"What in Celestia's name did you think you were doing?!"

Sweetie Belle cowered from her angry sister, looking almost sick as she tried to explain. "Well, um. Rarity, Scootaloo came over early, and saw that basket of blueberries, and we figured that, um, maybe... you'd like blueberry waffles for breakfast?"

Rarity's gimlet eye alit upon the waffle maker, randomly shoved into a corner and still steaming slightly.

"...waffles?"

Celestia's morning was a regular affair, filled with the endlessly boring necessities which only an immortal alicorn could truly grow accustomed to. Awaken early in the morning, greet her sister, brush her mane, raise the sun in conjunction with the moon's nadir, and finally, adjourn to a fine breakfast on one terrace amongst many. Her trademark smile was already plastered on her face as she took her seat upon a silken cushion, the table before her already laden with a pot of tea and two fine ceramic cups.

To her terminally anxious attendee, Stoneware Platter, she gave a gentler gaze, all the better to put her at ease -- which achieved precisely the opposite effect, as the mare nearly dropped her notepad. "Y-yes, your highness?" the Earth pony asked, looking for all the world like she wanted to flee as fast as possible. To herself, Celestia sighed: Is there no place in this kingdom where I won't be treated like a goddess? The thought of escaping to Zebra lands and disguising herself played as always upon her mind, before she simply discarded it.

"Yes... would you please bring me a plate of blueberry waffles, and perhaps a bottle of that marvelous Gryphonia syrup?" The alicorn smiled once more, a gentle radiance which could light up the world if it so chose - and the mare before her could only nod twice in quick succession before bolting off, looking for all the world like an inferno had been lit under her flanks.

Celestia let out the sigh she'd been holding in, taking in the delights of the Canterlot gardens below her. There, a flock of birds of paradise soared into the sky, tasting the air in preparation for their yearly migration. There, a set of small fauna - squirrels and chipmunks - basked in the knowledge that they'd have very little to do, the castle staff regularly feeding them a wide variety of slightly-off nuts. There, a draconequus--

"Largo al factotum della citta. Presto a bottega che l'alba e gia...!!"

Without warning, the cup held in her delicate magic shattered in twain, spilling tea across the table. The saucer began a small samba across the cast-iron surface, vibrations assailing it from every corner - and the teapot simply rolled across the surface, nearly smashing itself across the balcony before Celestia's magic caught it.

Not all of this, of course, was due to the absolutely piercing voice which had suddenly resounded from the gardens below her, but any other odd coincidences could easily be attributed to that source.

Nostrils flaring in a puff of air, Celestia began making her way downwards from the balcony, interrupted only by a brief pause to write a note to her wayward waiter:

To Stoneware Platter,

Don't worry about me being gone. I merely have some small business to which I must attend. If you would kindly keep the dish warm until I return, I would be most thankful.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Had her Princess the time to compose herself, she would perhaps have predicted that the poor mare would hyperventilate herself into unconsciousness before the end of the third line. But, alas, such was not to be.

Were an educated observer to take the time to parse precisely what Discord was singing, they might have remarked on what an absolutely astounding operatic voice the draconequus had. They would have applauded his range, his versatility, his tenor, his bass, his soprano, his pitch, his absolute breadth.

"V'e la riSOrsa, poI, dE mesTIere cOLla donnetta... COL caVILere..."

Then, they would have lamented the fact that Discord was using his not inconsiderable talents not only to sing off-key, but without tempo or even the slightest consideration for the terms crescendo or diminuendo. They would have wailed at his mispronunciation of even the simplest Bitallian words...

"Figaro! FIGARO! Figaro!"

And, somewhere along the line, they'd have probably torn off their own ears.

Celestia had decided to take the stairs down, rather than teleporting or simply leaping from the balcony, for two reasons: first, it was the most likely way to let her rage simmer, then cool down. Having her regular breakfast interrupted was simply not done, not in many, many years. Naturally, Discord was never one to play by the rules, but even then, there were matters of propriety to be observed!

Secondly, she wasn't entirely sure that she would reach the grounds the short way without some manner of practical joke leveled against her. Her wings disappearing halfway down had been funny precisely once, and only because Discord had been kind enough to let her land in a vat of gelatin.

On her way down, a third reason presented itself to the scion of the sun: a cloud of smoke materialized as though from nowhere, revealing a slightly worn scroll sealed with her student's sigil. For a brief moment, Celestia's sombre mood stabilized, the wax stamp parting easily under her magic, but as her eyes scanned the text, a mental thunderstorm began to rage once more.

Her mood was not in the slightest bit improved as her surprisingly casual path was blocked by a unicorn noble, one Siren Wail. The ebony-maned, cyan stallion stared at her with wide eyes, flecks of foam falling with every panting breath. "Your Highness!" the unicorn all but screamed. "There's some kind of monster in the gardens! It's... it's horrible! Lady Octavia has already--"

"The situation is under control. Please move aside." Celestia's voice was even, calm, quiet, and utterly absolute, and the unicorn found that he'd flattened himself against the wall before even an ounce of conscious thought had entered his brain. The Solar Diarch passed without qualm or concern, heading towards the gardens, before something occurred to her. "Have the medics attended to her?" she asked, her one visible eye pinning Siren to his spot.

"Y-y-yes, your highness... she'd merely passed out. They're t-tending to her now." A slight gulp across a dry throat might have spelled out the unicorn's doom, at least in his mind, but Celestia simply nodded, returning to her very precise route.

The moment Princess Celestia had left the sight of the guards and noble, every ounce of tension in the air popped like a balloon. The noble's eyes rolled back in his head before a huge faint took him - and the three guardsponies - by surprise. One by one, they looked from Siren to each other, before noting, in unison,

"I'm not cleaning that up."

"Pronto prontissimo son come il fumine: sono il factotum della citta."

Celestia almost literally stormed into the gardens, her horn brightly lit, horns flashing, wings flaring, and scroll held very carefully indeed. It would not do to have it ignite, after all, before the draconequus saw it. "Discord," she breathed, her voice very quiet - the stillness of the eye of a hurricane.

In the centre of the Royal Gardens lay what could perhaps, in some alternate universe unbounded by scale, be defined as a 'modest birdbath'. And, despite Celestia's claims that a centerpiece should not overshadow the rest of the features, it might have begun as such. However, the architect, laden as she was by the demands of nobles, worn down by the constant claims for more features and offers of higher payment, had succumbed to economy and produced, at enormous expense, a masterwork piece. The fifty-hoof height of what could only truly be called a 'pagoda' glistened in the morning dew, mechanical and magical effects producing rainbows and fountains far more appropriate for a Gala installation than a mere garden piece.

Nonetheless, Celestia had proclaimed her appreciation for the piece. It would certainly not do to break a heart which had poured its very essence into such a creation. And so the fountain was placed here, where any visitor could see it - and where the birds at least certainly had a wonderful place to swim.

And now a certain draconequus was showering in the fountains, which were, in defiance of all logic, spewing strawberry syrup. Were it possible for a statue to look affronted, these would have quite the sour looks. Instead, they merely gazed upon the sight of a chimaera bathing himself with a loofah rod which - unaccountably - looked quite like Princess Sparkle's head on a stick.

"Discord." Celestia's voice rose twenty decibals, her astral mane taking on a few undertones of orange and crimson. From their vantage points high above, the guards took a step back in unison, quite certain as to what was about to happen.

"Ah, bravo Figaro! Bravo, bravissimo; a te fortuna non mancheeeeee--"

"DISCORD! Celestia's mane finally flared with the power of the sun, colours disappearing in a wave of pure white. Her horn flared, the strawberry jelly resolving into its regular, watery state; the rod in question disappeared, surely to return later; and Discord fell two feet into the water he'd been hovering above, claw and paw clutching at smarting eyes.

"Ow, ow, ow, OW!" The chimaera whined pitifully as he splashed around in the fountain, his tail nearly soaking the alicorn before him. Even that trick was denied him, however, as the residual heat from Celestia's flare evaporated the liquid before even a drop could hit her mane. "Why in the name of Solaris did you--erk."

Celestia's magic caught the draconequus around the throat as she simply yanked him out of the fountain, her patience exhausted. "What. Is. This." she asked in a dangerously level tone, holding up the scroll for Discord to read.

With a casual gesture, Discord kept one eye on Celestia, popping out the other one to roll over the page. "Well, if I'm not mistaken, this would be a lovely piece of ink-stained paper, circa--" A bit of magic squeezed around Discord's chest, and he wheezed slightly before sighing. "Alright, alright. Really, you did interrupt my bath. You'd think I'd deserve a little bit of levitas in ret--ghk!"

Celestia growled loudly, her stomach barely a moment behind. "Explain, Discord, why my student believes that you've violated that pact of yours."

With a snap of his fingers, Discord teleported behind Celestia, instantly free of her magic, and snaked around to chuckle in her ear. "Why, that's because, Celestia, in an emergency, your student is so bereft of imagination. It's something of a failing in your precious ponies, I daresay. Applejack and Rainbow Dash just plow ahead; Fluttershy simply hides, for the most part; Twilight Sparkle barrels ahead with her magic. Not a one of them has an ounce of lateral thought... that I've seen, at least. The only two of them who are likely to see what I'm really up to are Rarity and Pinkie Pie, and they're both likely to be on my side."

One ear flicked, and Celestia turned to level a low glare at Discord - only to see herself staring into a mirror. The only difference was that the Celestia in the mirror was dressed in a lovely samba dress, with a hat comprised of a panoply of fruits - practically a tree's worth, albeit of assorted types. "That's quite a good look for you, Celestia!" Discord's voice was crowing, the monster's face somehow supplanted onto a pile of grapes. "Tell me, do you like... mmm, bananas?" From nowhere, a cha-cha band invisibly sprang up, playing a jaunty tune.

"Discord... " While Celestia's usual discontent at Discord's antics was still in full force, her abrupt and - admittedly, uncharacteristic - anger began to simmer to that lower stage. "If you decide to tell me what's going on, and if you're sincere, then perhaps I can persuade Fluttershy not to be angry."

"You wound me, Celestia!" The draconequus flitted away from her, only to have a literal manifestation of the word 'heartbreak' pierce his chest. A single tear fell from his eye, and he hit the ground, gasping for air. "Rose... bud..."

For her part, Celestia simply tapped a hoof - though she did surreptitiously levitate a small grape into her mouth.

"Oh, all right, then." Discord sprang back to life, wielding a pair of maracas and a sombrero, a guitar across his back. The music picked up - a rather more lively tune than before - and the draconequus led her into a small dance across the suddenly-blooming gardens. Into her ear, he whispered, "You'll honestly find it funny. That, I promise."

"Finally!"

Twilight Sparkle rushed across to grab the letter which had just been sent via Spike. Applejack was nowhere to be found, and Pinkie Pie was somewhere, but at least Fluttershy was here. The butter-yellow pegasus had initially been concerned about her friends, but after a bit of communication, she'd finally come to the conclusion that 'they all really, really like cherries'. The question of Sweet Apple Acres was still on her mind, though.

"Okay, let's see," began Twilight, unrolling the scroll.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I have recently questioned Discord, in depth, on the purpose behind his recent actions, and he has informed me - with great sincerity and with absolute logic - that this is in no way a violation of the pact. His intentions are, in this case, wholly beneficial, but it falls to you and your friends to learn how.

Discord has pledged that Sweet Apple Acres will return to normal 'in the fullness of time'. Sadly, he disappeared immediately after saying this, so I cannot provide you with a proper timeframe. Don't worry, my faithful student. I'm certain that you and your friends will be able to make it through this.

Sincerely yours,

Princess Celestia.

"B...but... but how does that...?"

"Oh, thank goodness. I knew that Discord wasn't really going back to his old ways." Compared to her ordinary reticence, Fluttershy practically exulted in that letter, entirely smiles, and even Twilight couldn't help but lighten up slightly at the sight.

"You're right, Fluttershy. I'm sure Princess Celestia knows what she's doing. But... what'll we tell Applejack?"

The two mares stared at each other for a long while.

Author's Note

Well, that took long enough. More chapters to come soon, I promise. Bonus points go to whoever caught the references here, of course!