Celestia Hates Google+

by TheCupzy

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1282

Celestia is irritated over the new google+ youtube integration

Imagine browsing the internet, and then one day, your favorite file-sharing website on the internet has been destroyed by a company you once loved. Now, let's imagine that again, but with Ponies this time.

Published 2014-01-03 18:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-03 18:30:02 UTC

Celestia Hates Google+

"SISTER!!!" A booming voice rung through the castle, resonating through the halls and causing nearby paintings to become crooked. Because that's what always happens when people scream. The paintings wobble and tilt slightly. It symbolizes imbalance or some crap.

A few minutes later, a dazed princess of the night came crashing through the bedroom doors, clearly having just awoken from her beauty (totally not slacking off or anything like that) sleep. Clearly, such a loud and blood-chilling scream would mean that somepony was currently endangering her sister's life? Well, you should've seen the look on her face when she barged into the room, horn blazing, only to find that the cause of the scream came in the form of a tiny LCD monitor.

"..."

"..."

"Sister...? What's wrong?" Luna asked carefully.

"Oh, Luna, you're here! Something terrible has happened! A travesty! Something that rivals King Sombra, Discord, and Pinkie Pie combined!" Celestia shouted, her face contorted into an expression of pure terror.

"Are you sure? I don't see anything..." Luna said, almost disappointed that there wasn't something that she could use her magic wibbly-wobbly sparkle powers of doom on.

"Just look at this!" Celestia shouted, quickly using her magic to spin a small laptop around. On the small appliance rested the homepage for youtube, a file sharing website. Or more importantly, a website to make untalented and uninspired videos to share with other idiots.

"I believe that's simply youtube, sister... Wait, aren't you supposed to be working right now?"

"Irrelevant! Don't you see what they've done!?" Celestia shouted, violently tapping her hoof against the screen multiple times.

"I really don't see what you're getting at, sister." Luna replied. Celestia let out an annoyed sigh.

"You know how google made that really bad facebook clone a little while ago?" Celestia asked, finally lowering the tone of her voice.

"Yes. I believe it was called google plus." Luna replied.

"Well, they've added support for google plus on youtube!" Celestia shouted.

"But... That doesn't sound terribly awful..." Luna replied, putting a hoof to her chin.

"Oh yeah? Well now, you HAVE to have a google plus account if you want to do ANYTHING on youtube anymore!" Celestia shouted, the force of her voice sending out potentially-lethal bullets of spit travelling at an extremely high velocity (Okay, that would be awesome for a kid's toy. I am so copyrighting that.)

"That sounds preposterous, sister." Luna said, dumbfounded.

"Don't believe me? Just look at this! You can't comment!"

Dramatic gasp!

"You can't subscribe!"

Dramatic gasp!

"You can't make videos!"

*Exhale quickly* Dramatic gasp!

"Why would google do such a thing?" Luna asked.

"Because they thought it would be a good way to 'connect' us with our friends!" Celestia shouted.

"What do you propose we do?" Luna asked.

"We should go to google headquarters and force them to change the system! I control the sun, they HAVE to listen to me!" Celestia shouted.

"Sister... Google headquarters rest within another dimension..."

"I don't care! If they can spread their influence to Equestria, then we can spread our influence to them!"

"But you're the only Pony in Equestria who owns a laptop. You also refuse to explain to me the logistics of how you managed to acquire an internet connection..." Luna said, slowly losing the will to live.

"Fibre-optic broadband, sister! So good, it can travel between dimensions!" Celestia shouted. (Yeah, so if sky could just lend me a few thousand pounds because I advertised, that'd be great. k, thnx)

"That still doesn't explain how-"

"Oh, come on! Can't we create, like, a portal or something!? We're goddesses, for Celestia's sake! Oh, wait..."

"That would cost a lot of magical power, sister. And you need it to maintain the sun's-"

"Forget the sun! The fate of the internet rests on our shoulders, Luna!"

"But surely the safety of Equestria is more important than your subscription box?"

"Hogwash! I still haven't had my daily dose of Nerdcubed and rage against Pewdiepie!" Celestia shouted.

"So what do you propose we do?"

"I dunno. Blow stuff up?"

"That seems impractical..."

"Impractical, but awesome."

"Sister, I should inform you that there are multiple recreational facilities in Equestria that would certainly suit your needs."

"What are you trying to say, Luna? I'm a perfectly healthy Pony. The dentist still gives me free candy for having good teeth!"

"I was talking about your mental health, sister."

"Why are you changing the subject, Luna? Google is still at large."

"What? But... I- Wait... Ugh..." Luna muttered, hoof meeting face. "Why don't we just send a message to google addressing our worries?" She asked.

"What? Google? Addressing worries? That's a good one, Luna. You should become a comedian or something. I'm pretty sure google headquarters have this HUGE paper cutter that they throw all the complaints into."

"Then why don't we-"

"Attack them? Fantastic idea, Luna! Although, you'll have to take the blame if anything goes wrong. I'm so happy that you're willing to accept that responsibility!" Celestia shouted, suddenly beaming.

"What!? I never agreed to-"

"Guards!" Celestia shouted. Before long, an auburn Pony ran through the doors, standing to attention in front of the duo.

"What are your orders, Princess?" The guard asked.

"Inform the military force that we're- Mmph!?"

"Giving them the day off! Inform the military force that we've decided to give them the day off. You can go now!" Luna shouted, clasping a firm hoof over Celestia's mouth. The guard nodded uneasily at the siblings before cautiously leaving the room, closing the door on his way out.

"What was that!? You could've doomed us all!" Luna shouted, releasing the hoof from Celestia's mouth.

"What? It seemed like a good idea." Celestia replied.

"Charging into an alternate dimension to destroy a multinational organization because they accidentally caused you to create a google plus account seemed like a good idea to you? I'm starting to question why so many people respect you..." Luna said.

"Because taxes are low. We don't really need government taxes when me can literally materialize money out of thin air, do we?" Celestia asked, a small golden coin dropping into her hoof after a quick flash of her horn.

"That's besides the point. You almost caused full-blown war."

"For a good cause."

"Yes. I'm sure everypony in Equestria wants free access to a website they don't even know about."

"When did I ever say I was doing this for Equestria?"

"So you're doing this for your own gain?"

"Well, I'm a pretty important Pony, right? If I don't get what I want then I won't be happy enough to give other Ponies what they want. See? I'm putting logic and stuff into this."

"Why don't you just create an multi-dimensional petition or something? I'm pretty sure you can't ignore those things by law." Luna asked.

"A multi-dimensional petition... That's brilliant! Why didn't I come up with something like that?"

"Because you have the intelligence rating of a plank of wood."

"This is fantastic! I must create this petition, post-haste!" Celestia shouted, apparently ignoring Luna's snide remark. Celestia quickly dashed out of the room, leaving Luna alone with her laptop.

"I wonder if..." Luna muttered, quickly moving towards the laptop. She pressed the small button at the top of the webpage and scrolled down to a button titled 'History'

"Two mares, one cup. What's that supposed to-"

Celestia stopped in her tracks, listening to the faint sounds of screaming rupturing through the castle.

"Whoops. Did I leave that thing on?"

Author's Note

I have a strange feeling in the bottom of my stomach that I've violated at least one of the terms and conditions on this site.