End Of Peaches

by Dash The Stampede

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 2240

The apocalypse has happened, and ponykind is left with a grim reminder of the past. Peaches no longer exist, wiped out by the apocalyptic eating machine that is the Equestrian Royalty. This is the End of Peaches.

Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and Cadence have all found a hankering for the peach. However, when one princess binges, the rest follow blindly! The four convene upon their destination, the Grand Peach Orchard, in the center of Equestria to feast and indulge in the wonders of the fruit that is the peach.

Sooner than they expected, the Last Peach was before the four. A battle to decide the winner of the Last of its Kind. The battle was long, and arduous, but in the end...all peaches must be savored.

Equestria has not seen a catastrophe of this magnitude in recorded history. Now, the rulers must decide how to tell Equestria that its supply and crop of peaches is no more! The end is nigh! The End of Peaches is upon us!
***
Vaguely based on End Of Ponies by SS&E. Key word: vaguely

Published 2013-12-19 14:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-11 14:32:20 UTC

Harmonious Fuzz Extinction

Princess Celestia sat behind the Royal Dining Table, Luna at her right, Twilight at her left, and Cadence to Twilight's left. A veritable Peachy feast awaited the quartet of Peach-smitten Princesses, peach cobbler, peach pie, peach schnapps, and a veritable army's worth of dinner trays stacked full of inventive and foreign peach dishes.

"I declare the Equestrian Peachy Princess Dinner officially open!" Celestia raised her glass, a toast to the glory that is the peach.

"Dear sister, why have we not discovered this morsel sooner?" Luna laughed as she raised her glass.

"I Freakin' LOOOVE Peaches!" Twilight raised her glass.

"I find these fruits to be the aphrodisiac of life!" Cadence said with a large grin as she raised her glass.

"To Peaches!" Celestia called out.

"TO PEACHES!" came the shouted reply from the other three.

The feast was a one-sided fight of epic proportions, the plates falling before the black hole stomachs of the rulers of Equestria. Peaches were maimed and crushed in bitter loss before succumbing to the onslaught that faced them across the table. Eventually, the peach supply ran dry, its waters of golden fuzzy glory trickling their remnants into the stomachs of the yet-to-be-satisfied Princess Hoard.

"I DEMAND MORE PEACHES!" Twilight slammed her glass down, shattering it on impact.

"Indeed, dear sister, we appear to have run out of our glorious dinner stash!" Luna furrowed her brow at Celestia, who frowned.

"I see. I had hoped it would not come to this, but...in the center of our nation lies the greatest orchard in all the land! This orchard grows the only peaches Equestria has ever seen, each one a succulent, juicy, picture-perfect peach. I had believed they could supply the nation readily, as peach consumption has been falling over the last few centuries, but it appears the orchards are poised to profit from the increase in popularity." Celestia took a small sip of what remained of her schnapps. "That is why we must claim those peaches for ourselves! We cannot sit by, wallowing in this non-peachy room, whilst fresh peaches grow just outside of Canterlot! Follow me, to the Grand Peach Orchard. Our prize awaits!" Celestia rose from the table, and flew out the window above Twilight. "Tally Ho, Peachers!"

"Should we maybe...stop her?" Cadence asked the remaining princesses, each of whom had a similar look of confusion on their features.

"It would not be wise to anger my sister, young Cadence. Come, we must make haste! The fate of the peaches lies in our hooves!" Luna took to the air, soaring after Celestia.

Twilight and Cadence glanced at each other. They smirked at the same time.

"Race you." Twilight offered.

"You're ON! ThreetwooneGO!" Cadence rocketed out the window, while Twilight gave chase.

It was indeed a sight to see, the four Princesses drifting above the clouds, homing in on their target: Grand Peach Orchards. It was at that exact moment that Peachy Tea noticed the gleam of metal above the mountains in the distance. She quickly gathered her friends and co-workers, who took in the sight with mild amusement. The gleaming eventually became four distinct objects, each hurtling dangerously close to the Main Field. Peachy Tea glimpsed a pair of wings and a horn on each object. They were the silhouettes of the Princesses! Peachy Tea scrambled to get everypony out of the way of the incoming entourage of Peach-Deprived Princesses.

"Everypony get down!" Peachy threw herself over a bush, taking a few workers with her, the ponies tumbling through the weeds to safety.

All was silent. In the dead silence of the world, one thing made itself known to Peachy, and it was that her crop was now condemned to be eaten by the all-powerful Princesses. The sunlight dimmed, as the monstrosity of Peach-Doom sped toward the ground.

"We're all gonna dieee!" Screamed a mare as she ran from the incoming Peachocalypse.

"Every peach for themselves!" Peachy's assistant had run off as well.

Peachy Tea could only watch in horror and shock as the quartet of Princesses made their way to the field, landing softly, except for Celestia, who had plummeted into a tree and had already begun devouring its charges, the pits falling from the tree faster than Twilight could count. With a loud belch and a rustling of leaves, the Sun Princess darted to the next tree, repeating this peachocidal act to every poor fruit that stood between herself and a full stomach.

Twilight could not believe her eyes! She remembered coming here as a filly, seeing all the trees in bloom...But this was different, the trees sported golden tickets to PeachLand, each perfect fruit waiting for the right pony or Princess to pluck it into their baskets and make it achieve its higher purpose: sustaining the well-being of the lucky pony to come across its beautiful bounty.

Celestia darted from tree to tree, devouring them clean of all their peaches. Twilight found herself sneaking peach after peach into her saddlebags, which proved difficult when one ate two peaches for every one in the bag. Cadence was using her magic to create a trail of floating peaches that followed her every move and advanced as the peach reserves slowly drained. Luna had a hard time keeping in her laughter at all, before realizing she would be the one with no more peaches if she did not take advantage of the situation.

The four Princesses raged through the Orchards, devouring every last peachy morsel in their path, much to the shock of Peachy Tea. She found herself at a loss for words as she watched her livelihood disappear with increasing amounts of burping and fallen leaves. Peachy realized she could stay and risk seeing the true nature of an alicorn's hunger, or escape with her life and family intact. The latter was all the motivation the mare needed to turn tail and gallop back to the farmhouse, where she met with her co-workers and family.

"Auntie Peachy, what's goin' on out there?" Young Peach Cobbler asked, trying to get a glance through the door at the carnage befalling their precious trees.

"The End, my child, The End Of Peaches is upon us all." Peachy spoke cryptically, but shivered at the prospect. Would this really mean the End of Peaches? What would they do about the damage? They couldn't appeal to one of the Princesses, as they were currently responsible. That meant their option was to sit and wait.

Just sit and wait for the End.

Author's Note

I was in the shower and thought...
It would be damn funny to end this peachlist storyline with a play on that one Eldritch monstrosity (come on, it's basically in the name!) by that crazy bastard ss&e.

It will not be a magnum opus of substantial size, rather a comedic look into the End of Peaches as Equestria knows it.

Short, sweet, and damn funny was the plan. Expect one more chapter. That's right! TWO-PARTER!

Thanks to everyone who read and liked my other four peachers of peachy peachness.

All That Remains (Is the Pit)

"They're gone...They're all gone..."

A single set of hoofsteps echoed through the barren landscape, kept company only by the whispers of her fallen comrades on the winds. Peachy Tea could not believe her eyes, for they deceived her with their visions of empty fields, the grounds covered by discarded pits and leaves. Trees were bent at unimaginable angles, some having fallen or snapped clean in two. A gentle breeze carried on it the souls of thousands of peaches, their dying wails forever etched into Peachy's memory.

The farm pony walked through the desolate scene, her hooves crunching the twigs and leaves beneath her as she came upon a shadowed figure on the ground. Trotting closer, her heart stopped as she realized it was her nephew, laying prone, his eyes wide, and incoherent babble spouting from his mouth. The colt seemed to be holding onto something, curling his legs around whatever he was sheltering. Peachy Tea gently made to move one of his legs to see what he was guarding. A small, round object came into view, its ethereal sheen of gold radiating outward from the pony.

"Y...you have...one left?" Peachy stuttered. It was not possible! How had one survived? The mare silently reached out for the fruit, its fuzzy surface shimmering in her eyes. "That means...this could be the last peach in all Equestria!" Peachy was laughing before she knew it, the rumbling of her chest and the aching of her sides the only indicator as she belted out her disbelief as a wave of chuckles. Her laughter grew more pronounced, echoing through the silent orchard, her guffaws scaring off the birds from the trees around her. Little did she know that the birds weren't the only thing her laughs alerted.

A soft, almost imperceptible clink of metal on rock echoed through the trees, giving Peachy means to halt her laughter. She sat up straight, frozen in fear.

"No...Anything but them..." Peachy whispered to herself, sitting as still as possible to avoid detection. She snatched up the Last Peach in her hooves, curling up around it, and shivering with anticipation. Another clink, followed by the light hum of a magical aura igniting were the only things Peachy could focus on as she lay prone, awaiting Judgment Day. The clinks soon turned into crunches as the hooves' owner stepped over the innumerable twigs and leaves beneath them. Peachy cracked an eye in a vain attempt to view her pursuer, her eyes freezing open at the sight of four immaculate-white hooves, spindly legs that led to a lithe form, its wings outstretched and its horn alight.

"Hello, my little pony. I believe you have something of mine?" Princess Celestia stood tall over the cowering pile of leaves that sat before her, the face of a mare barely noticeable among the shreds of green. "The privilege of eating the Last Peach falls to your Princess. I have come for my claim." Celestia stepped closer, her horn lit with a golden aura, tendrils of magic snaking out and brushing the leaves off Peachy's body.

"Y...your Highness.." Peachy shivered. If she was all that stood between the Last Peach and its imminent demise, she figured she would fight to the end. "P...Please..have mercy on it! We have nothing left! If you eat that peach, you'll never have another peach so long as you live!" Peachy felt the stream of tears flowing from her muzzle before she noticed she was crying. Peachy curled tighter around the Last Peach, cradling its golden glory from the Sun Princess.

"I am afraid that is not an option, young pony." Celestia sighed, visibly irritated at the interruption to her Grand Feast at the hooves of a simple farm pony. She lifted the mare in her aura, the Last Peach falling from Peachy's grasp like its brothers before it, and into the grip of the Princess. Celestia looked upon the Last Peach with a sigh. She knew she had earned the juicy ball of goodness, but it felt wrong...taking away her ponies' livelihoods. She shuddered, imagining herself as a tyrant leader, taking from her ponies at will. She, the benevolent ruler of Equestria, nigh immortal, with more influence on everyday life than the Sun itself, was considering taking everything from her ponies...

And it felt good.

Too good.

Celestia looked down at Peachy Tea, the mare's eyes wide as the alicorn brought the Last Peach to her mouth, the fruit wavering before her as her aura faltered. Peachy's heart spiked with hope. 'Maybe she's seen what I'm saying! Maybe there is a chance-' Her thoughts were cut off abruptly by a deafening crunch above her. Peachy's vision blurred, tears prickling her eyes as Celestia bit into the Last Peach, its saccharine juices flowing down her face, her eyes alight with joy and satisfaction. A faint "Mmmm" resonated from the Princess' throat as the Last Peach unwillingly gave up its heavenly bounty. Celestia bit down again, spraying the mare with the juices of the last of its fuzzy kind. Peachy could only sob in abject horror.

"W...why?" She croaked, her voice garbled with the phlegm of sadness and shock. "You...you monster..."

Celestia froze. She had been called many a name, vulgar, sexual, or otherwise, but monster...it implied so much more was beneath that perfected public mask than could ever be imagined. Celestia shivered in delight. She had been considering a new public image...

As she bit down on the final remains of the Last Peach, its flesh all but removed, and its juices all lapped up, she smiled. She certainly hadn't planned on becoming a monster in her ponies' eyes, but as her stomach grumbled in satisfaction, she supposed it was a good change. Perhaps now she could convince Blueblood to give up his monopoly of the cake industry...

'Mmmmm...cake.'

Author's Note

Well. After being stuck in writer's block for over a month, this chapter popped out of my head and I think it was all I needed to get the gears turning again. I know, old fad and all, but I HAD promised a 2nd chapter, and I think this sums up the story nicely. Now I can feel accomplished for actually finishing a story and for writing a bit of silliness.

Perhaps this is only the beginning...

For Tyrantlestia.

Hope y'all enjoy!