Shake Your Groove Thing, Shake Your Groove Thing, Yeah, Yeah - Everybody Do It Now!
Twilight had a problem. She was, quite honestly, in a funk…mainly because she didn’t have the funk. For all her sobriquets as Princess Celestia’s prized student and the newest alicorn of Equestria, she still could not bust a move on the dance floor. Dancing was, and never would be, even remotely a skill she could count in her inventory of talents.
It got so that when her friends went clubbing, they started leaving her out of it. The first time, they apologized, thinking she was sick. But the second time, when she just happened to go to the danceclub to practice – nopony is going to say no to a Princess! – and noticed her friends all groovin’ along – in particular, Fluttershy’s little dress that left nothing to the imagination as she was grinding with Snowflake; and Rarity, also in a hot little number, twerking with Rainbow Dash, Twilight realized that she had to do something about it.
Of course, she panicked first. After Mt. Twilight blew its volcanic topic in a pyrotechnical display of insanity, the girls all got together and knew they had to do something about their regent and friend.
“Twilight, dear,” Rarity said as she patted her friend on the withers, “it seems that we are in need of some heavy-duty assistance for you. Fortunately, I have a particular expert that is a friend of mine that I can refer you to.”
“Will this friend help me improve my moves?”
“Of course, dear – look at Derpy Hooves. Before she went to my friend, she couldn’t even do the funky chicken. But now, she can b-boy with the best of them.”
Twilight smiled; she was sold. The next day, she went off to meet Rarity’s vaunted expert.
“Peaches,” Vinyl Scratch said with an air of authority. “I always eat peaches before a set.”
“Really? Is that it?” Twilight asked.
Vinyl Scratch nodded. “They’re packed with energy and vitality and just enough power to get you moving. You’ll see, Princess: once you down a few, you’ll be fine.”
“But I thought it was long and complex an—”
“Oh, nah, pony, why would it be? Just eat some peaches, put on a little black dress, and get out there and shake what the Princess gave ya!” Vinyl assured her. “Trust me. If I can get someone as stiff as Octavia Melody to shake her stuff on the dance floor, then I can do the same for you. And all it takes…is peaches.”
Armed with that knowledge, Twilight returned home that evening. “Spike! I need some peaches!”
Her dragon assistant showed up, dressed as if he was going out. “Twilight, you know peach season is already over! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grind with my mane mare. Might get lucky tonight – don’t wait up!” With that, the baby dragon headed off towards Rarity’s.
Twilight was now desperate. Her chance to get down with it was slipping out of her hooves. She had to act, and she had to act fast. She immediately dived into her books, looking at agrimancy, summoning and other vital applications of magic that would be necessary to get those peaches she so desperately required.
Within a few minutes, she’d created a summoning circle. It was an unusual one, by any standards: a large circle, with a single line that continually looped around the inside until it ran into a larger, hollowed circle in the center. If Twilight had any knowledge regarding Vinyl’s particular trade, she would have recognized it as akin to a record album. But this what was going to be needed in order to summon the peaches she so very much needed.
Also, she probably needed some herbs as well, she realized. Not for the spell, or for dancing, but because she used all the spices in making dinner last night.
Her horn glowing like a magenta star, the juniormost alicorn started the summoning circle, which started to spin, slowly at first, but eventually reaching a spin of 33.3 revolutions per minute. The room started to darken and fade away as the summoning circle became a stage.
Smoke – actually, artificial fog – filled the air. Music of a deep, bassy, rhythmic nature started to fill the room. Lights of all colors began to flicker and flash. And then, suddenly…voices.
Voices telling her to shake her groove thing.
Voices telling her to give all her love here.
Voices telling her that being reunited felt so good.
Suddenly, two figures stood before her, noble and sterling, and she knew these two had what she so very much did not. These two elemental creatures had the funk.
“Who are you?” Twilight asked.
The first, clearly a human male, answered for both. “We’re Peaches & Herb, baby! Hottest stars of disco and the 70s! I’m Herb, and this here is Peaches.”
“Usually we play more packed venues, honey,” Peaches answered, looking elegant in a peach-colored gown that contrasted with her dark skin. “But we come when we’re called. And somehow we knew someone needed the funk.”
“I need the funk!” Twilight said, raising her hoof. “I can’t dance. It’s like I have four left hooves. I can’t get down on the dance floor with my friends and as a result, I end up missing out on all the fun.” A tear fell from her violet eye. “I can’t stand being funkless anymore.”
Herb planted a reassuring hand on her head, a grin showing through his bushy mustache. “Oh, don’t worry, little mama. All you need is a little help, a little push to get down with the music and feel that inner groove.”
Twilight’s eyes glowed as both Peaches & Herb detailed the rules of getting down and being funky.
The alicorn’s eyes suddenly flickered like twin mirror balls.
She understood.
As was their wont, the others were at the usual club that night, having fun and hitting the dance floor. But something was different about tonight, as the lights suddenly turned off.
Without warning, the ground turned into a grid of constantly changing, multicolored squares, as an alicorn stood there, on her hind legs, hoof in the air. Wearing a white suit and an open black shirt, she looked like she belonged on the dance floor.
Everypony gasped in shock and delight as Princess Twilight Sparkle busted a groove.
And all was right with the world.
Author's Note
I'm going to hell for this one.
