Twilight cast a glance at the peach sitting across the table from her, then she guiltily looked away. It was wrong — everything about it was wrong.
She wished that things could go back to the way they used to be.
She wished that the one thought had never occurred to her, that one thought that had been eating at her since it had sprung into her mind.
But it would not leave her alone, and now she was trapped, trapped between what she knew was right... and the peach. She teared up once more just thinking about it.
Earlier, Spike had sent Princess Celestia a letter. He was probably concerned, she thought. It was right of him to be, too. When Celestia’s letter had come back, Twilight hadn’t responded. She already knew, of course, that she was welcome to share anything, any burden, with her fellow princess.
But some things could never come to light.
The peach sat there, vulnerable, its slightly furry exterior hiding the tender flesh beneath.
No, some things nopony could be allowed to know. She would be seen as a monster, reviled by all. Nopony would ever be able to look up to her again. Her newly acquired subjects would demand her removal from the throne if they ever found out. Her friends, the ponies she could least afford to lose, would shrink back and shun her.
Ostracized.
The word filled her mind, and that was a welcome distraction, an almost pleasant diversion from the terrible thoughts that had occupied it a moment ago. She would be ostracized if ever she was discovered.
Pinkie would find out eventually, she knew. Pinkie always knew when it came to food.
But what could she do? The peach, resting so innocently across from her, called out to her. Its fuzz called up memories she wished desperately to repress. Her mind tormented her with aromas she knew could never be but wished for regardless.
It wouldn’t be the same, she knew. But maybe... it would be close enough. Maybe it would sate her craving. It had to, lest she go mad.
Twilight tore her gaze away from the peach and settled it on the clock. Seven hours. That was a perfectly reasonable amount of time to argue with oneself; she had had longer ones before. But she recognized the signs of a losing battle. Once, she had caught herself reaching out for it. Another time, she had noticed her magic dragging it a little closer.
Twilight’s stomach rumbled. Should she eat something? Yes, her mind screamed, she should, just as long as it was not the peach. But the peach was the only thing she wanted. It was what she craved.
She cursed her body, cursed its needs and desires.
The peach was trembling in fear now, Twilight felt. She wished it would run.
No!
That only brought up horrific mental images. Her mind was what had gotten her into this situation to begin with, and it certainly wasn’t helping her escape it. No, it was doing just the opposite. As she sat and thought, more and more reasons not to fear came to mind. Surely nopony would be able to discern what her true motivations were. Even if somepony broke the law and used a spell to read her mind, she could learn a counter-spell. She had the perfect cover to learn one anyways. But with every thought like this, what she contemplated seemed more and more criminal.
Twilight looked down at the peach in her hooves. Her subconscious was against her even more than ever, she reflected. Deep in her heart, she knew that her resolve couldn’t last, and big, fat tears splashed onto the peach’s fur-like skin.
By now, she was just so tired of resisting. It would be easy to succumb to the temptation and take a bite of the peach’s succulent flesh, to masticate its yellow-orange fur. Unbidden, Twilight began to drool.
There was nothing she could do. Even if she resisted this once, the pull would only grow. It was better to give in now than to fall prey to the siren song of peaches later. After all, this was a controlled environment, and there was nopony around to see her. What if she saw a peach while at Rarity’s house or, Celestia forbid, Fluttershy’s.
She had lost to her baser self.
She had lost to the peach.
With a trembling hoof, she lifted the peach to her mouth. Her eyes clenched shut as she opened her jaw. No, she decided, that would not do. It would only allow her vile imagination more freedom. She forced herself to look at her victim, the peach.
It looked nothing like what she was imagining it to be, and she counted that as a small miracle. But that could be changed, a part of her said. A simple transfiguration spell could change its shape, and then she could place it on a bun and...
Twilight pushed the thoughts away. She didn’t want to make this anything more than it already was.
All it was — she cringed — was giving up on her morals.
As she slowly placed the peach between her teeth, she couldn’t help but recall how, after returning from the other world, she had asked Luna and Celestia to explain more about the other side. When she realized what she had eaten there, she had been repulsed. To consume animals like that was simply... animalistic. Ponies were better than that. She was better than that, or so she had thought.
But as she bit down into the peach and a burst of sweetness followed, Twilight only tasted bitter disappointment. It tasted just as she remembered. There wasn’t even the slightest hint of meaty goodness that having a fur might suggest.
She finished eating the peach. It had been the only food to pass her lips all day, and it had done nothing to satisfy her craving, the craving that nopony could be allowed to know. Her stomach rumbled again and, dejected, Twilight looked out her window. In the branches of the tree was a plump, fuzzy squirrel.
Twilight licked her lips.
Author's Note
I'm so, so sorry...
