Ith a Wonderful Life

by Bok

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Twist
Length: 2423

Feeling lonely and out of place so close to Hearth's Warming Eve, Twist wishes she had never been born.

Feeling lonely and out of place so close to Hearth's Warming Eve, Twist wishes she had never been born.

Published 2013-12-20 01:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-20 01:40:06 UTC

Ith a Wonderful Life

It had all come down to this moment. Twist had finally gathered up enough courage to ask the Cutie Mark Crusaders if they wanted to have a slumber party over at her house.

Twist hadn't had any real friends since Apple Bloom had straight-up dumped her for her new set of blank-flank comrades. The attempts Twist made to win her friend back had only backfired, so she had finally decided to just insert herself into the group. Her solitude was becoming unbearable.

For one brief moment during her friendlessness she wasn't quite as lonely; Truffle Shuffle gave her some attention on Hearts and Hooves Day, only for her dreams to come crashing down when she discovered Cheerilee paid him to pity-date her with some cake.

The CMC argued amongst themselves on the playground, constantly spouting absurd ways to earn their cutie marks. Scootaloo suggested they try Dragon Riding, Sweetie Belle alternated between Cutie Mark Crusader Magicians and Cutie Mark Crusader Cultists, and Apple Bloom suggested something related to apples. Honestly, Twist never really understood what she said under that drawl.

"Hey, guyth?" Twist interjected. All three of the CMC turned towards her with very confused expressions, as if they were shocked that she existed. "What about Cutie Mark Crusader Thlumper Party at Twitht's?"

All three of the Crusaders blinked at the same time. Apple Bloom's head tilted slightly. "Uh, do we know you?"

"Ith me, Twist! Your best friend!" Twist cried.

"Are you new here?" Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo cocked an eyebrow. "Wait, aren't you that filly Ms. Cheerilee paid Truffle Shuffle to give that card?"

Tears welled up in Twist's eyes. "THATHT'S NOT TRUE!" she screamed, shaking her head violently, "I DON'T CARE WHAT DIAMOND TIARA OR THILVER THPOON THAID!"

It Apple Bloom had thumbs, she would have snapped them in revelation. "I got it! Your name is Loops!"

"I HATE ALL OF YOU!" Twist bellowed, whipping around and running off in the other direction. When she had cleared the playground, Applebloom broke the awkward silence.

"What was that about?" she asked.

Scootaloo shrugged. "Beats me. Now where were we? Oh yeah! Sweetie Belle, we could totally outrun an angry dragon if he doesn't wanna be tamed. And where would we even get knives for your Colt Est idea?"

Twist kept running and crying. So deep into winter, the sun had already set when she finally ran out of energy. She was far out of Ponyville now. In fact, she had ran all the way into the edges of the Everfree Forest. She had wound up near some of the ancient ruins that dotted the wild growth; a massive bridge situated over a river far below.

Exhausted and dejected, she slowly walked over to a nearby stone bridge and sat on the cold stone, gazing into the rapids. A stray pebble lay at the end of her hoof; she gently nudged it over the edge, the rock instantly disappearing into the white, raging mists.

"Apple Bloom barely rememberth me, Diamond and Thilver hate me, and everypony elth doethn't even know I exitht." She sighed. "Equethria would be better if I wath never born."

"A wish made in grief is not a wish at all." a sagely, kind voice said from behind her. Twist turned around to see a soft glow forming behind her, and before she could re-adjust her glasses to get a better look, the unmistakable form of Princess Celestia grow from the light.

Twist was far too awestruck to say anything and certainly not prepared for the large blob of darkness that began to pool next to Celestia, bubbling until Priness Luna herself emerged from the mass.

"P-Printheth Thelethia? Printheth Luna?"

"Yes, Twist," Luna declared, "It is we, your immortal princesses of the day and night. And we have come to you with a message."

Celestia smiled. "Twist, everypony is special in their own way. Every citizen of Equestria is a beacon of light, and the world would be darker without them."

Twist sniffed, tears already welling back up. "Everypony 'thept me."

Luna's horn began to radiate with a blue hue. "Thou say that Equestria would improved by your absence. We can show you such an Equestria, and what a dark place it would be."

Celestia's horn horn glowed blue along with her sister's, and Twist was forced to shield her eyes as a blinding shower of colors enveloped them both before overtaking her.

Twist slowly came to her senses, the blinding light slowly replaced with the normal, warming rays of the sun. When her strength had returned, she stood up to take in her surroundings.

It was Sweet Apple Acres, yet...it wasn't. Where there would normally be massive rows of abundant apple trees, there were instead barren fields. The entire farm looked abandoned, and a slowly-moving Apple Bloom moved down the dirt road leading to the rotting barn, her head held low.

Luna surveyed the desolate farm. "See here, Twist? If it were not for you, Apple Bloom would never have any friends and drop out of school entirely. Her failure leads to depression and infects the whole family. Eventually, all are too saddened by even the simplest of duties."

"Thatht horrible!"

Celestia nodded. "Indeed. And we've only just started..."

"Wait!" Twist declared.

"Yes?"

"Why's she going to the barn? Can we see?"

Celestia and Luna exchanged a glance before releasing another burst of energy to fill Twist's request. With a flash of light all three where inside the barn, closer than ever to Apple Bloom.

"Apple Bloom is most likely a wandering vagrant now, only seeking shelter in this barn to protect herself from the elements." Luna observed.

Celestia had opened her mouth to agree with her sister, but paused when she saw Appleblom tapping a specific piece of the barn's wooden wall, the places her hoof touched lighting up with varying shades of color. The filly withdrew her hoof and the entire barn began to shake.

Apple Bloom turned around an elevator emerged from a stack of hay behind her. Despite the barn's appearance, the elevator shined with a finished chrome touch, and the immaculate, black doors hissed open to reveal a luxurious and spacious inside, with polished mirrors and gold trim lining the machine. Apple Bloom stepped inside and pressed one of the many buttons.

"Ground Floor." a voice came from a box inside the elevator. The doors slammed shut and the elevator few down, giving no sign that it had been there at all.

"What wath that?" Twist finally managed to say.

Celestia's mouth was still agape as she answered. "I...I don't know. Perhaps Apple Bloom—"

"This is most queer, sister." Luna interrupted. "Before we continue, I too would like to know the answers behind that strange contraption."

"I...Actually I'd like to know as well." Celestia replied. Light swallowed the three once again.

When they re-appeared, all three of them had to do double-takes. A massive complex lay before them, ponies busily running about in lab coats and hard hats. As far as the eye could see there were massive tanks holds millions upon millions of apples. Ponies with notepads and calculators carefully watched each tank, jotting down notes and writing calculations on chalkboards. Before they could take in any more of the facility, they heard a hiss.

They whipped around to see Apple Bloom's elevator arrive. The filly stepped out, still looking like her dreams had been crushed.

"Apple Bloom!" a draw said from off to the side. They turned to see Applejack. It was the same Applejack they knew, save the jewel-encrusted stetson. "Why you lookin' like a mole in a parking lot?"

Apple Bloom sighed. "I just got word from our division in Phillydelphia. We won't be doin' that hostile takeover of Flim and Flam Inc. after all."

Applejack chuckled. "Aw, is that what's all that's about?" Applejack walked over to another box like the one in the elevator and pushed a bright red button. "Big Mac?"

"Eeyup?" a staticy, but stoic voiced answered.

"Think you could re-crunch the number ah bit and see if we can't throw a few more billion bits for Apple Bloom's little project?"

"Eeyup."

Apple Bloom's sour mood instantly disappeared and she bounded up to her sister, hugging her closely. "Oh, thank you! You're the best big sister ever."

Applejack smiled while she took off her hat and returned the hug. "Aw, it's Big Mac you should thank. Ain't nopony can tally up numbers like he can."

When the hug was over, the earth pony put her hat back on and pressed the intercom's button again. "Attention staff. Since you've all been such good workers, and ah'm in a good mood, ya'lls salaries are getting permanently doubled! Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!"

Cheers bounded throughout the facility, with several of the ponies throwing up their hardhats in celebration.

"This doesn't make sense." Celestia muttered, "this is supposed to show how bad Equestria would be."

"We probably just mishandled the spell," Luna lied aloud to herself. "We should try again."

Celestia nodded. The group teleported once again.

Twist had gotten used to the spell, and only needed a slight moment before she recognized her surroundings. They were in the Golden Oaks Library.

Sort of.

While Golden Oaks was normally very placid, only interrupted by the occasional patron, Twist found herself nearly crushed by the crowd that filled the hollowed-out tree.

Celestia quickly surveyed the tree and came up with an explanation. "Twist, since you were never born, the tides of fate instead dictated that Golden Oaks library's peace and quiet be turned into this near riot."

"Attention everyone!" a familiar voice said from the top of the staircase. All three saw Twilight Sparkle descend the staircase. "Shimmy Shake will be down for the book signing in a moment. If you could all form a line in front of that desk over there, we'll be with you shortly." Twilight turned and walked back up the stairs, prompting the princesses to reuse their spell.

They teleported to the second floor where Twilight had gone to find her talking to a cream-colored earth pony with orange hair, who was busily writing down on a piece of parchment.

"Thath my mom!" Twist declared, waving excitedly.

"She cannot hear you." Luna stated. "We are mere phantoms glancing into the aether of what could have been. Although, this alternate past seems b—"

"What my sister meant to say is your mother is very lonely in this universe, burdened with work and fame."

Twilight walked up to Shimmy Shake. "Shake? You ready?"

"One moment, Twilight," Shimmy Shake answered, "I'm just writing down some more book ideas."

"On top of the fifty you've already written?"

"I swear, if I had a kid I'd never have this kind of free time!"

"Your books have helped countless ponies kick their Poison Joke addictions. I don't know what Equestria would do without them!"

Shimmy Shake nodded. "Me neither. Did you know Empress Celestia and Luna are going to knight me next week? I'm so excited!"

"Wait a minute," Twist shrieked, "Where my mom'th lithp?"

"She...she doesn't appear to have one." Celestia replied.

"Wait. Did that citizen call us both empresses?"

Twist had made a break towards her mother to ask a variety of questions, only to be teleported again by the two princesses.

They re-appeared in Canterlot Castle, in Celestia's bedroom. There alternate Celestia with a much more elaborate crown sat playing Go Fish with her sister and Discord. Discord wore a monocle and trim coat, and his normally chaotic horns had been polished to a fine sheen.

"I say," Discord said with a haughty aristocratic accent, "If someone told me 12 years ago—"

"Thath how old I am!"

"—That I'd be playing cards with Celestia and Luna, I'd have laughed in their faces."

Luna drew a card. "We all make mistakes, Discord. Why, once I almost allowed myself to be taken over my evil spirits and instill eternal night. But me and my sister talked it out. Think about how horrible that would have turned out!"

Alternate Luna, Celestia and Discord laughed amongst themselves. Princess Luna's eye was twitching as she turned to her sibling

"Sister, I was never banished in this world. Ten centuries I wasn't imprisoned! How is this world worse off without the redmane!?"

Celestia stepped back slightly, struggling to find any other pony to visit and prove that Twist's existence was worthwhile. "Uh...Pip!"

"...Pip? The stunted child I met on Nightmare Night but discovered later was unfathomably bothersome?"

Celestia nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Pip's likely even more unbearable here!"

"Sister, that doesn't even make sense."

Twist pushed up her glasses. "Thome of thezthe thingth happened before I was even born..."

Luna's eyes went white with magical power. "SILENCE!" she screamed at the filly.

As if on cue, a servant opened Celestia's door. "Empresses? Sir Discord?"

Celestia laid down her card. "Yes?"

"Uh...he's back."

Empress Luna groaned. "I thought we told him to stay away from the castle."

"Oi!" a shrill, accented voice cried from below. Luna sighed and walked over to the balcony and looked down. The princesses and Twist followed.

There was Pip, with somehow even more brown spots than his normal incarnation. "Oi, Luna!" he said, "Ye said we could 'ave a rotten good banger at six bong at the ol' castol! What's your gib?"

At that moment, a piano crashed on top of Pip. Alternates and originals alike looked up to see Derpy dusting off her hooves. From what Celestia could see, Derpy's eyes were both correctly aligned and wore armor that indicated her high rank within the Royal Guard.

Derpy saluted Empress Luna and returned to her rounds.

"I'VE SEEN ENOUGH!" Princess Luna roared.

A wave of magic rushed over them and they were back at the bridge. Luna lifted Twist with her own front hooves. "YOU HAVE PLUNGED PONYKIND INTO A DARK AGE FROM WHICH IT MAY NEVER RECOVER! I WILL CLEANSE THIS BLIGHT MYSELF!"

"Wait!" Celestia commanded.

Luna paused and glanced back at her sister. Celestia's horn glowed, summoning a long piece of rope and a cinder block. "You'll need these."

Celestia and Luna exited the forest in silence, still somewhat ashamed of what they had done.

But only somewhat. A bright flash of light came out of nowhere right next to them and Discord appeared, holding a deck of cards.

"So this is gonna sound crazy, even for me, but who's up for a friendly game of Go Fish?"