Mien Little Kampf: Führer is Magic

by ImBecomingAMartian

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Dark
Length: 680

It was a basilisk filled, roid pumping, horomones racing day in present Equestria. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity meet an "interesting" new friend.

[WARNING] This story may or may not contain soon or not soon enough references to School Shootings, 9/11, ect. So before you go on in the comments all butthurt, don't say I didn't warn you. Not but seriously, you will shit you manny panties.

It was a basilisk filled, roid pumping, horomones racing, adrenaline filled, heroin shooting, violence filled day in present Equestria. Rarity and Twilight sit down for a discussion with their new "friend" who also happens to be a goose stepping nazi. Also there is dinosaurs, and if it's already edgy enough, Bear Grylls drinks his own piss.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-19 04:06:08 UTC

Chapter 1: Niblets

Clouds filled the skies of Equestria. The wind blew so ferociously, parents had to hold on to their fillies so they didn't fly away. All lights were off, anticipation a sudden power outage, all except on certain transsexual mare's studio, that being Rarity's. Rarity and Twilight were commonly seen sitting down for some tea, so it was not out of the ordinary to see them sipping drugged herbal tea. Rarity had invited her colleague, Snapshot, from a fashion studio she used to work at, he's now a goose steppin' Neo-Nazi.

"How's your tea Snapshot?" Asked Rarity. Snapshot sipped his tea, then looked up at the mare. He smiled.

"Please, call me Jewicide." He said. Twilight choked on her tea before gulping it down. There was an awkward silence in the room, like when a white father's wife is going through labor and a black baby comes out. Twilight tried to think of a topic to bring up to break the lull of the room. She nudged at her brain a bit before asking out of the blue,

"So, what brought you to this part of the town?" Being the hoodlum Snapshot is, he wasn't normally caught creepin' on non-inner city kids too much.

"Well if you must ask." He said politely, whipping his mouth with his napkin. "I am here doing some research for the Nazism science organization." Twilight's eyes lit up like Paul Walker. "Have you ever actually though about being a scientist Twilight? Being the intelligent mare you are..." Twilight looked in her head for an answer.

"Well yes... I-"

"How's about a position in the Nazi community?" Twilight sunk into her chair. Her, a Neo-Nazi? She was skeptical of the idea but, with further thinking, thought about the opportunities. Thoughts of yes and no bounced through her brain like bullets through the Newtown shooting victim's. She look towards Rarity, who gave a shrug of doubt, then too Snapshot. She tried to open her mouth but she was afraid ghosts might stick their dick in her mouth and make her gag. She finally built up enough strength to respond.

"YES I WOULD, " She said. "HEIL ME." The objects around the room shook at first slightly, and then shook with much force, like someone shaking a baby filly. The room jarred violently as a beam of light rained down from above. Twilight slowly rose in the air as the awestruck pony Rarity gazed at the magnificent light show. Snapshot just smirked and watched. Through the silhouette, you could see things growing on her, like a mustache.

The beam quickly blasted downward and the room seemed calm for a minute as the smog clear away to reveal the newly transformed pony. Nothing had really changed, but now she had a moostache and a Nazi arm band. She looked up at snapshot. She was at first smiling, but that soon turned into a frown. She muttered and muttered. The she directed a hoof behind Snapshot, and screamed at the top of her lungs,

"SNAPSHOT THERE'S A T-REX OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!" Her screams set the T-Rex into a rage. He crashed his little head through the window and picked Snapshot up with his mouth and shook him around. Blood flew everywhere, there was so much blood even, Spike drowned to death and Twilight put him in the microwave for safe keeping. The T-Rex dropped the now mangled Snapshot onto the floor, dead.

"That was easily the second brutal murder I've witness in this town." Rarity said, still trying to collect herself from Snapshots comical but tragic death. The T-Rex directed it's attention towards the two remaining ponies in the room. It cried out screams of anger and bashed its head into the ground, just missing Twilight but hitting Rarity. Her bones shattered and she died almost instantly. Now that was killed off most of the other ponies we can get into the Nazi part and shit. The T-Rex walked away ever so sensually, shaking his dino ass as he walked into the sunset. Twilight watched in shock.