A Short Tale

Chapter 2: An Introduction of Sorts

Travian stood there, looking at large colorful eyes staring directly at him, filled with either fear or curiosity. It was as if they weren't expecting him to be able to speak at all. He came in a flying metal object from space and beyond, of course he was intelligent! What being in burning metal boxes isn't sentient? He looked around his surroundings and took a good look at them, and took a few notes as well. He was in a dark forest with many vines and strange noises. It wasn't the greatest of places for him to be in but he would have been fine even if these horses hadn't come to him. He probably would have been better. Thinking of the ponies, he turned back to the horses to find them talking among themselves. He whispered to his armor "Helmet, improve audio input volume please." The helmet did so, making their conversation audible. "Thanks babe. What would I do without you?" He loved the ability to do that. He then turned his attention said conversation.

"I didn't think it would have been able to talk! In Equestrian, no less."

"I think it might be a male..."

"Still. He can talk! And I mean, look at it!" They all turned to look at him, then turned back. One of them looked like it knew he was looking at them. "It's like a metal monster." He would make an excellent monster. He could do a decent 'rawr rawr rawr' when he wanted to.

"What if it likes fun?" He did indeed like fun. It was fun.

"Pinkie! It can be dangerous." Travian decided to speak, breaking their conversation. After all, they were saying he was dangerous. He was not, of course.

"Excuse me, ladies. I'm right here. Now, if I recall correctly, I asked you all a few questions." They all looked at him. Then they all took some sort of formation. Was he seriously that intimidating? "Now that I have your utmost attention, I would love to ask who you all are and what you are." 'You never know, maybe they are actually dogs.'

They all looked at him. The purple one moved forward. "We are ponies." She then pointed an entire leg at him. "Now what are you?"

This was one of Travian's games that he loved to play. Whenever someone didn't know what he was, he loved to make something up instead of giving them a legitimate answer. "I am from a race of sun people, who are currently at war with the moon people." With them confused, he decided it was fair to ask a question back. "Where am I?" The pink one looked as though she were about to burst into laughter for some reason. 'Was my answer truly that funny?' Travian thought. Then again, she could have been the smartest and most joking of them all. She probably understood that was a joke.

However, the purple one wasn't having any of this game. She would be called the ruiner of fun. "Give me a serious answer and maybe I'll tell you." Apparently, they know what the sun and moon is. This wasn't good for Travian. Now, however, was not the time to give up. He would not let this down!

"I'm the voice in your head. Pleased to meet yourself," he said as he looked about. The ponies caught on too much. That didn't work, and he could feel the serious in the air. At least the pink one was giggling. "Fine. I am a lizard-person, a strange mutated version of a man. I know, I know, crazy. I'm always green with envy, tipping the scales, and always telling tall tales, I've heard them all. Of course, I am wearing armor and a suit, so the last thing you will see is my skin. I suppose that doesn't matter though... Now for my question, since I gave you a serious answer. Where am I?" Travian thought that he shouldn't try to ramble on like that. He might appear insane, which he of course wasn't. He just had a strong opinion. They looked about at each other, clearly confused at what he said. "Basically, I'm a walking, talking reptile. Now, where in the world am I?"

The purple one, who Travian thought was the ringleader, stepped forward. "You are in the Everfree Forest, which is an unstable place in Equestria. Since we're doing this whole... Question for a question thing, I guess, I should ask you what you're name is."

'Unstable?' Travian thought, 'That's an odd word to say for something on a planet. It implies something is stable.' Travian took a bow and tried to find a name to use. He settled on an old one, from back in his rogue days. "Call me Longshot. At your service." He rose from his bow, ready for his next question. The group had seemed remarkably more relaxed now that they realized he wasn't hostile. He knew he wasn't dangerous! "What are all of your names?" He had heard them say 'Pinkie' so he assumed it was either a nickname or an insult. Either way, it was probably the pink one with that name.

They all took different stances and started announcing their names. The purple one spoke first. "My name is Twilight Sparkle." Travian nodded at her, and awaited the other's names.

The white one spoke next. "And I am Rarity, the fashionista of Ponyville!" Travian would despise her. She was much too snobby, and much too involved with clothing. As much as he adored his armor, he hated clothes. Clothes served no purpose outside of a polar wasteland.

The orange one then said her name with a strange accent Travian had never heard. "Ma name's Applejack." Interesting... pony, he supposed. She had a new accent he would have to learn. Also, he would have to destroy that hat one day. He had a few irrational fears, and one of them was the fear of hats that were ridiculous.

Then the cyan one took it into her right to boast in front of the creature that just shoved her with no care in the world a few moments ago. "Name's Rainbow Dash, best flier in all of Equestria." Travian couldn't resist it. He tried so hard not to be sarcastic, but his brain's natural defense to stupid took over.

"Yeah, uh huh, good for you. I'm sure everyone strives to be you." The answer he got was not expected.

"Well do you have a fan club named after you? 'Cuz I do! Obviously, ponies wanna be as great as me."

"Sounds like something right up my alley. Hey! Maybe I can sprout wings and become the best flier too!" He said sarcastically. She obviously mistook his sarcasm for something genuine.

"Well maybe one day, littl- big guy." She was used to little kids, not him. That was nice to know.

Next up was the yellow one. "I'm Flu..." She was really quiet. Travian decided to take a knee and whispered for his volume input to increase. He then tried to speak softly for her.

"Can you please repeat that?"

"I'm Fluttershy..." She awkwardly looked away. Travian told the helmet to decrease the volume and looked to the pink one, who was now in front of him, bouncing up and down.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie and I want to be your friend! We can have fun and party and play games and-" Travian grabbed her in midair.

"I called it. Oh, and you need to take a single chill pill. Not two, or any more. Just one." Travian then set her down. She had a confused face at his wording.

"Chill pill? Is that like an ice cube?" Travian stopped immediately. He may have just found someone more fun than his brother.

"Yes. Yes it is. It is exactly like an ice cube. But there's a catch to it..." He got down on his knee to whisper in her ear. "It's an imaginary ice cube!" He then stood back up and looked down to see her frozen. Travian thought for a second that he broke her.

Her entire body started shaking. "That. Is." Suddenly she jumped into the air extremely high and shouted "AMAZING!" Travian saw the grave he dug for himself by doing that and it was already deeper than six feet. He hoped to dig it to the center of the planet before he tripped into it by the tiniest pebble. He then looked around as she was having some sort of epiphany.

"Alright. Any questions?" Any questions was not actually the best thing to say.

The cyan one, Rainbow Dash, flew to his side and pointed her leg at his pistol. "What's that thing?"

"No. Not that any question. That's classified." He loved saying that.

"What are you, a military pony?" Pony? Did he look anything like a baby horse? Never mind that white one he said he would despise. He would despise this one.

"As a matter of fact, yes. And no. I work for the military sometimes, and I am not a pony. Silly Rainbow Dash, best flier ever. Do I even resemble you?" Before she could respond, his helmet alerted him of a foreign entity approaching. He quickly grabbed his pistol and looked for the source rapidly. "We aren't alone." He began to pull his weapon out of the holster, ready to fire.

From out of the jungle appeared wolf-like creatures made of wood. Applejack yelled "Timba wolves!" Travian pointed his weapon in their general direction. While he could hit something with a gun, he preferred bows. He got his name 'Longshot' because he could make any shot at any distance with a bow. He put his finger on the trigger and prepared to fire. Civilians, however, prevented him from going off the handle.

"If any of you want to become deaf, I ask you to put your... Hooves, are they? Over your ears. It's about to get loud. In fact, I'll count down from 3 for you to get ready." The wolves started to approach, cutting off his idea. He had to improvise. "Just kidding." He then fired a single round. The bullet made a decent hole in the head of the wolf. They were apparently made of wood, and it showed. He then shifted the gun over to another and fired again. This was enough to cause the enemy to route. He was told that he should never kill more than he had to. "You all can... Wait you probably can't hear me anyways because your hands are on your ears." They then took their hooves off their ears. "Wait. Hooves. I have to get used to these pony things." He needed to, actually. He would be on this planet for a long time, or at least until his brother could get him out.

The comments of the ponies then began. From what they all said, he guessed who said what.

"What a barbaric way to do something!"

"How did that even happen?"

"Wow! That thing was loud!"

"That thing'sa killer!"

"Woah."

None of those belonged to the quiet one, who just stayed silent. He put away the gun, preferring not to have it out anymore. If anything else attacked, he didn't want to go through the effort of grabbing it and shooting it again. He'd just fling himself at the danger because of his laziness. Travian then made some mental notes. 'Note to self: Magical planet has magical beings. Possible solution: Slay the alien, burn the heretic, kill the mutant.' His thoughts were often brutal when it came to magic. He didn't like magic. In fact, he hated it with a burning passion. He wished to eradicate it from all of time. While successful, he didn't purge any planet besides the one he was born on. That was his brother's job to purge everything.

He decided it was time to respond to Rainbow Dash. "Well I guess you know what it is now. Oh yeah, do I even slightly resemble one of you?"

"Well actually-"

"Well actually nothing! I may have 4 main appendages, but that doesn't make me related to you ponies."

"I was going to say you speak Equestrian."

She had a fair point. Travian couldn't let her win though. "No I don't. This isn't even my main language." They stared at him in disbelief. He had to combine syllables and letters to make some sound legit. He got it! "Quaan ni tairi. Desir num taeler. See? Told you. And you didn't believe me." He said the last sentence pointing it at Rainbow Dash. His face turned into a little pout, and he crossed his arms before going on normally with his inquisition. "Now for my real question: Can we leave this forest and go to where it's safe?" That question seemed to knock some sense in them. They didn't really have much of that before, as he noticed.

That was for all except Twilight. "But won't you be abandoning your home?" She pointed at his crashed pod. That was cute.

It was laughable. "That's not my home, Twilight. That was the thing that was supposed to kill me. Thankfully, humans are terrible at killing me. They haven't even done it once!" A true enough statement. Hey, nothing has killed him yet! A bonus achievement.

There was an awkward silence at his lighthearted mood about this. Twilight spoke up. "They tried to kill you?" Deciding that they needed to be informed about everything going on involving the greedy and hateful species that is surprisingly weak, he went ahead and obliged with his answer.

"Yep. Humans are pretty awful, don't you think? You probably don't know what they are, but trust me when I say they are about the last thing you expect to make a threat. Did you know the human race constantly fights with itself because of petty things like money? It's crazy." They were shocked and appalled at his description of humans. Obviously, they weren't used to death and the mention of such. In fact, he believed they were showing worry for him as they now realized he was the victim of a terrible accident. An accident that happened on purpose. "... Why are you all staring at me like that?" He very well knew the answer, but it was fun hearing worried people.

"You just told us that you came in on that thing, crashed out here in the forest, and were almost killed, and you aren't worried or, oh I dunno, bothered?!?" This Twilight would prove annoying. She questioned what he did and how he did! Nobody does that. Nobody.

"Well yeah. Years of this stuff'll make you rather 'meh' about the subject. Yeah, I can be worried, but the point? I fail to see it." They probably didn't realize how old he was. He didn't remember, but that still counts for something!

Of course, his new nemesis, the Rainbow-haired one, had to question this. "And just how old are you?" Last time he checked, it was at least two hundred. With his elongated life though, he could easily be four hundred for all he knew. Or was it a billion... He was unsure, so he spun the wheel for the brain game. As it kept spinning, it eventually landed on a spot and the crowd went wild. It was time to pull out his signature card: The lie card.

"Oh you know... Twenty eight."

"And you're saying years of this stuff?!" When she put it like that, yeah it was absurd.

"Yes. Now can we please leave the forest? I don't have all the power in the world to fend off the foul beasties." He had the power of around two other worlds, but not this one. Thankfully, they actually listened to sense and reason once he explained those few facts. They started to lead him to a path he saw, but then they stopped him again.

"How do we know you're not dangerous and you won't hurt anyone?" This again.

'Twilight really doesn't pay attention, does she?' Travian began with a sigh. "You saw what I did to the... timber wolves, were they? I easily could have hurt all of you if I wanted. If anything, I've been protecting you, so I don't see why I should start attacking you. I have nothing to gain, you have nothing to gain, we all lose! It'd be a poor life decision." There was only one person he knew who had fun destroying societies of innocent things, and that person was long gone. It was also a human, so that makes sense. Silly racist and insensitive humans...

Applejack spoke up. "He does have ah fair point, Twi'." Twilight resigned from her cautious state and into a state of acceptance. Travian didn't see how these ponies could be so illogical about things. That, or Twilight was completely naive about everything that wasn't pony and had the mindset 'it's strange, destroy it for great justice!' or even the famous 'capture it for SCIENCE!' thing that humans always did. They continued walking until Travian could behold the town they were leading him to, and it was quite the blast to the past.