Twilight Sparkle Bit a Peach
“Order! Order! There will be order in the court.” Mayor Mare pounded her gavel. Since there was little need for a court of law here they just used Town Hall. Most ponies behaved themselves, or at least had the sense to make amends for their errors before stricter enforcement was necessary. So when this court was actually called into session, rumors spread quickly and herds of curious ponies found excuses to drop what they were doing and gather here in hopes of landing some choice gossip to talk about over tea and biscuits for the next week or so.
Last month, an infraction between Betsy The Cow and a visiting know-it-all unicorn from Transylponia had managed to attract a small crowd, but the defendant in today's case was so widely known that everypony who was anypony crammed their way inside hoping to get a front row view. This building was practically bursting at the seams. It hadn't been this full since Ponyville had (tried to) host the Summer Sun Celebration.
The sound of the gavel spread through the room, and whispers died down as the assembled ponies looked up at the mayor. Their wide eyes made it difficult for her to continue. This whole business was nasty, and even speaking of it felt like a prosecutable violation in its own right. So far, most of them had only heard rumors and still held onto hope that this was nothing more than an elaborate hoax. It wasn't. A small group of ponies who already knew the truth, Twilight's closest friends, did their best to sob quietly in a corner so as not to disturb the proceedings.
“It is with great regret that we are gathered here for the case of Twilight Sparkle vs. Peachy Keen.” Mayor Mare looked over at Twilight and shook her head. Even with four guards holding her in place and a powerful sombrite cork on her horn she still struggled against her bonds. On the other side, Peachy Keen held a hard stare with tightly clenched teeth. The Mayor took a deep breath before continuing.
“I – I won't actually be serving as the judge in this case.” That sent some ripples through the crowd as ponies tried to guess at her motives in quiet whispers. “Order. Order please.” The mayor cleared her throat and continued. “Instead, a higher authority will fill that role. I will be acting on behalf of the defendant because, frankly, nopony else was willing to do it and a proper court must have a representative of the law for BOTH parties.”
Movement caught the mayor's eyes as she caught a glimpse of a chariot through one of the windows. “Ah, that would be her now. If you are sitting, please rise so that you can bow before the most honorable and wise, the ruler of Equestria herself, Princess Celestia.”
The door opened, and royal guards entered to clear a path through the crowd to the podium. Celestia entered with her head held high and her wings spread wide in a regal display of authority. Everypony bowed for her–
–everypony except Twilight. “Princess, you have to help me! Everypony's treating me like some kind of criminal.”
Celestia's response was just a look of sadness and disappointment. Twilight's mouth fell open in shock, and for the first time since she'd been accosted she stopped struggling against her bonds.
Celestia took the stand and wasted no time getting down to business. “Twilight, I am very disappointed in you. I would have expected better from any of my little ponies – and most of all you.”
“But I've done nothing wrong!” Twilight blurted out.
Celestia's eyes hovered over her student for a moment, but she turned to address the other pony in accordance with the proper proceedings. “Peachy Keen, do you recognize this pony?” She pointed at Twilight.
“Yess, that's Twilight Ssparkle.” Peach's seeming insistence on keeping her teeth clenched made it sound like she was hissing.
“And is that the pony who wronged you?” Celestia asked. Peach closed her eyes and nodded. Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“But – but what did I do?” Twilight looked around the room trying to find a friendly face but nopony would return her gaze.
“Twilight Sparkle,” –Celestia's voice was the harsh tone of a disapproving parent– “did you, or did you not, take a bite?”
“I did, but what does that have to do with–”
“Twilight Sparkle, did you, or did you not, intend to eat that bite?”
“I did.”
Several ponies in the audience looked around at each other or simply held their mouths agape in shock. They couldn't believe what they were hearing.
“And did you?” Celestia asked.
“Yes.”
Twilight's full confession caused quite a stir in the audience. Many ponies began talking at once while Celestia hung her head in shame.
Twilight finally spotted her friends huddled in a corner and called out to them for aid. “Applejack, Rainbow Dash, you've got to help me!”
Rainbow Dash flew up and poked a hoof in Twilight's face. (Her guards did NOT approve and quickly separated them.) “Twilight, that was WAY uncool. There aren't even enough percentage points to describe just how uncool that was.”
“But, it wasn't even a very big bite. Please, Rainbow. The way these ponies are talking it sounds like they plan to lock me up and throw away the key! You can't let them do that!”
“Twilight, after what you've done, I kind of can.”
“How can you say that?! Aren't you supposed to represent loyalty? Don't let them do this to me!” Twilight yanked on her chains but the guards held her back.
“I have more friends than just you, Twilight. Can't you see how upset they are? I can't betray them for the likes of a monster.” Rainbow Dash was done talking, and turned her back on the lavender unicorn.
“Applejack, can't you see that this isn't fair? I don't deserve this!”
The farm pony locked eyes with her and sighed. “I'm sorry, Twilight, but you really do. Y'all brought this on yourself, you know.”
“But–”
“Why, Twilight? Why did you do it? Why did ya have to go and do a rotten thing like that?”
“I was hungry.” Twilight's simple answer crushed the spirit of her friend, and she had to watch as another back was turned on her. “Rarity, this isn't right. Please help me out. I'm begging you.”
“No, Twilight. What you did was inexcusable. I'll have nothing more of your company.” Rarity tossed her mane aside and harrumphed. Twilight was so shocked by this that she didn't say anything more when Rarity also turned away from her.
“Pinkie Pie! You of all ponies should know what it's like to get a craving for something and maybe take a bite when you kind of weren't supposed to? Not like I, did anything like that, he he, but you know, what that would be like, right?” Twilight was practically shouting. The desperation in her voice was almost making it crack.
“Twilight, you are such a meanie. Of course I have a weakness for sweets. But you – YOU BIT A PEACH! I'd never do that!”
“But–”
“All this fuss, all this sorrow, for just one bite?”
“That's what I said!”
Pinkie half-turned away. She wasn't addressing Twilight any more. “Could you imagine what it would be like if Twilight Eats a Peach? Or, or–” Pinkie gasped. “–Twilight Sparkle Eats Peaches?”
“Uh, Pinkie?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.
Fluttershy burst out sobbing. Rarity put a hoof around her to comfort her.
“Really, Pinkie? Really?” Rainbow asked.
“Sorry, that was in rather poor taste,” Pinkie apologized, and turned her back on Twilight.
Rarity cringed at the awful pun, but Applejack and Rainbow Dash had to stifle a chuckle. Fluttershy just sniffled.
“F–Fluttershy?” Twilight asked.
Fluttershy's neck suddenly snapped up straight and she glared at Twilight with every ounce of willpower in her entire being. “Not. My. Friend,” she spat out before turning around and collapsing into a sobbing heap.
“Whoa, hardcore,” Rainbow commented before landing to comfort her friend.
Twilight was on the verge of tears herself, and left completely speechless – a condition that never seemed to apply to Mayor Mare.
“Princess Celestia?” Mayor Mare asked. “I'd like to request leniency for my client on the grounds that she's completely insane.”
“What!? I'm not insane! Everypony else is insane!” Twilight yelled.
Celestia sniffled and finally raised her head. She too had been crying – crying for the loss of her prized pupil, crying for what may have been, crying for the mistake she'd made, crying for the suffering of her little ponies. “Mayor, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but Twilight's clearly a very dangerous pony and she deserves to be treated as such.”
“WHAT!?” Twilight's outburst caused her guards to tense up on her chains and they nearly pulled her off balance.
The mayor pursed her lips and her eyes welled with tears.
“Well–” Celestia wavered a bit “–there is some merit to what you say. I'll allow her to be evaluated here under close supervision but if she doesn't have a treatable condition then she'll have to be locked up in the Canterlot dungeons for safe keeping.”
Mayor Mare nodded. That was the best she could have hoped for, given the circumstances.
Celestia stood tall and slammed the gavel in one last formality. “And that is my final judgment.”
The guards yanked on Twilight's chains and started dragging her away.
“No, no! You can't do this to me!” Twilight yelled. “I still don't even know what I did that was so wrong! It was just one bite! I'm sure that hunk of flesh will grow back eventually!”
Peachy Keen winced at that last statement. Twilight might be right, but it would sure leave one nasty scar.
Author's Note
This happened. And there were peaches. Rejoice.
