Doctor Bees goes to Equestria
(From the journal of Miles Manners, Beeologist.)
I have done it. After countless hours of research and hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars, I have cracked the code. I have always known there were other worlds out there, teeming with life. I could sense the bees that inhabited them. They would buzz to me in my sleep. So I knew if they were contacting me, I must be able to contact them. By cracking the Waspatory code I have discovered a honeycomb of universes much like our own. It links our planet to another through some sort of interdimensional bee portal.
Using my Bee Vision, I was able to channel through a bee on this other planet. It is a bright, beautiful planet full of amazing things. However, I do not see anyone protecting its citizens from the everyday un-bee justice that plagues their world. So soon I shall go there to deliver some much needed Beeietic Justice.
Later that very same year...
“Hello, I am doctor Miles Manners, wasp themed Superhero by day, but at night I become the masked vigilante known as Doctor Bees! Sworn to protect my citizens with my amazing bee themed super powers, I fight crime and deal punishment the bee fashioned way. But today marks the next chapter in my expanding autobiography. For you see, I am in the process of visiting another world in need of righteous bee justice. This experience so far has left me with a falling sensation. Which, oddly enough, I am doing just that from approximately several miles from the ground.
“No worries, however, for this parachute full of bees oughta put a stop to that.”
So with a pull of the chute cord, countless dead bees flew out of the now useless bag.
“What? My bees have failed me? Oh curse this dreaded high atmosphere. With the ground quickly approaching, no signs of help, and the inability to stop speaking out loud, I fear I may have finally reached my end.”
This situation looks grievous indeed. With no signs of bees, will this be the end of our brave bee hero?
“What is that? Do I hear the unmistakable sound of bees approaching?”
You do?
“Yes, it is! I shall use my bee scent to draw their attention.”
Raising his arms up high, the odorous, volatile stench of Doctor Bees spread, drawing bees from just below to aid him and nearly killing everything else. In a single fluid motion they layered themselves into a finely woven carpet, catching Doctor Bees in time.
“A bee carpet ride. This is something I could only ever dream of back home. And here it is a reality.”
Scooping a bunch of bees into his hands, he brought them to his face and inhaled, passionately exhaling in near orgasmic glee at their scent. When he drew his hands back, many of the bees remained on his face, making a bee beard.
“The bees here smell so fresh, as if they had been cleaned regularly by someone other than me. This place really is magical. My bee brothers, sisters, and estranged cousins, show me this beeutiful place.”
And so the bee carpet flew on, guiding Doctor Bees on a tour of this new world.
“This place's beeuty is just too much. Combined with my speaking aloud and the rhythmic buzzing, I cannot suppress my urge to break into song.”
Oh God…
“What is this place,
“Filled with so many wonders.
“Casting its spell,
“That I am now under.
“Bees in the trees,
“And bees attacking that bunny.
“Bees flying free,
“And bees with their honey.
“HOOOONEEEEEY!
“Oh, what a beeutiful place,
“Sure am glad I didn’t land on my face.
“If I knew this world had so much to see,
“I'd have come here sooner and brought more bees.
“Yes I, love, all, these, BEEEEEEES!”
After his... “musical” number, Doctor Bees's new found friends set him onto the ground.
“What a joyous and welcome ride to safety. I thank you for your services, but I must now ask of your aid once more, for you see I have come to this world of yours to help its people. For me to do so, I must first construct a new hive so I may rest my bee bum. Tell me, is there a suitable location?”
“Bzzz bzzz. Bzzz, bzzz bzzz bzzz.”
“I see, there is a lone cottage inside a tree just up the road. Take me there, brothers!”
Later that very same day...
“Nananananananana DOCTOR BEES!”
“Bzzz bzzz.”
“Rest assured Buzzworth, my totally original theme song is inaudible to anyone other than myself.”
“Bzz…”
“Ah, we are here. There are many non-bee creatures roaming around. Are you sure this place is suitable?
“Bzz bzz.”
“Very well, lead me to this “Fluttershy” you so humbly speak of.”
Inside the cabin, Fluttershy was enjoying some quiet time to herself. She gave a light blow to cool the cup of tea she had poured. It was a peaceful time, mostly because her dear friend, Angel, was taking his mid-afternoon nap. She peered out the window, smiling in the glory of Celestia’s sunlight. Yes, today was such a beautiful day, and not even a cranky white bunny could change that.
But unbeknownst to her, a visitor would soon be knocking at her door-
CRASH!
“Knocking is for sellout pussy superheroes like Superman. Real crime fighters use any and every chance to show their heroism, strength, and manliness, no matter how mundane the task may be.”
...or he just kicks down Fluttershy’s door.
“Now, where is this Fluttershy? I only see a cowering yellow pony under a table.”
“Bzzz bzzz bzz bzzzz.”
“What? That cowardly yellow pony is this Fluttershy you spoke of?”
“Bzz.”
“I see.” He turned to the pony who was still shaking intensely. Without even considering if the pony could speak or even understand him he spoke. “Fear not, little pony, I am here in peace. And not that lame, non-violent peace, but the kind of peace that kicks crime’s ass in the name of justice. I come before you in need of a place to stay so I may do just that for your world, and seek your hospitality and friendship.”
Fluttershy stopped shaking, and stuck her head out from under the table. Her tea cup sat atop her damp mane.
“F-friendship?”
Doctor Bees extended his hand towards her in a gentle gesture. Smiling, his face beaming with innocence that nearly rivaled Fluttershy’s, he nodded.
“Yes.”
Fluttershy placed her hoof into his hand, and he pulled her upright from under the table. After placing her tea cup on the table and whipping off what tea she could from her head, she spoke.
“Um, would you like some tea, Mister…?”
“You can just call me Doctor Bees, masked vigilante.”
“Oh, I see.” Fluttershy said, unsure if he realized he wasn't wearing a mask.
“And I would love some.”
Fluttershy poured another cup of tea for herself, and one for her guest.
“Do you have any honey?”
The question took Fluttershy by surprise. “H-honey? Um, yes, I suppose I do.” she walked into her kitchen for a moment, quickly retrieving a small bottle of honey, “But what do you-”
Doctor Bees took the bottle, greedily pouring as much of it as he could fit into his cup of tea. Fluttershy looked on in astonishment.
“So, um…” Fluttershy thought carefully of what to ask. Would it be too rude to jump into what exactly he was? Or should she start more casually? “W-what do you do, Mister Bees?”
“Please, Doctor Bees is fine, preferred, and trademarked.”
“So you’re a doctor?”
“Yes. A crime fighting doctor, delivering a prescription of pain and justice on the wrong doers of the world.”
“So you help other ponies? I mean, help whatever you are.”
“Who, or what I helped before is in the past. I am now here to help you!”
“Oh my, how noble of you. But won’t the… people where you’re from need you?”
“It is quite alright. I have left the fate of my world in the capable wings of my highest ranking official, The Buzzinator.”
BACK ON EARTH
“OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING?”
“RUUUUUN! IT’S COMING THIS WAY!”
“IS THIS ONE OF THAT CRAZY BEE GUY’S EXPERIMENTS???”
From around a street corner, a massive robotic bee, easily twenty stories tall, stomped on a car, crushing it like a flower.
“BUZZ. KILL. DESTROY. STING.”
From its antenna, lasers rained down onto the street full of fleeing, screaming people.
BACK ON EQUESTRIA
“They will be just fine.” Doctor Bees nodded reassuringly.
Fluttershy, less assured, nodded and sipped at her tea. Something about this… man? She still didn’t know what he was… something about him was unsettling. Almost as if simply being around him would be disastrous.
“Mmm, that honey was so sweet, so golden rich and full of love. As if the bees made it purely for you.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Well, they did put a lot of work into it. You see, two years ago I helped them with finding a suitable tree to nest in after my friend Applejack accidentally-”
There was a sudden crash as the cup Doctor Bees was holding fell to the ground.
“You… helped them?”
Fluttershy stammered, “Um, y-yes, of course. I help all the little creatures that I can. It’s what I do.”
Doctor Bees rubbed his chin in deep contemplation.
“Can it be…?” He leaned close to Fluttershy’s face, causing the meek pegasus to cower into her chair.
“W-what is it?” Fluttershy whispered.
“There are not many who understand the way of the Bee. I have had many apprentices come and go, most failing to fully grasp what it means to be a crime fighter in the name of bee justice. The rest were ironically allergic and had to be disposed of at the local pig farm.”
“I… I don’t understand.”
Doctor Bees stood up abruptly, startling Fluttershy.
“It’s settled then. We must perform a test, to decide whether you are truly worthy or not of being my sidekick.”
Fluttershy stared blankly at the man. “Um… what?”
“You see, we do not simply choose to become what we are, but we are chosen to become what we are meant to be chosen to be.”
Fluttershy continued her blank stare.
“I was chosen at a young age to take up the mantle of Doctor Bees. I was a nobody, worthless to the world. No purpose. But then one day that all changed.” He suddenly grabbed onto the tablecloth. “FLASHBACK!”
Fluttershy hid behind her wings from the shout and the rapid reverberations of porcelain crashing to the ground. When she gathered the courage to look she found herself staring at a white table cloth hung on the wall. The same cloth that was on the table, itself now only holding the single tea kettle.
From his briefcase (when did he bring that?) Doctor Bees brought out what looked like a old fashioned film reel and a small projector. With a much practiced stride he set it up, wound the film, and closed the window shades.
“Buzzworth, lights, if you would.”
The lights went off, and the projector came to life. There was no sound, except for the motor of the projector as it started.
What caught Fluttershy’s attention first was the giant maple tree taking up most of the screen. Erratically, it zoomed back, then slightly forward again, trying to focus on a small boy and larger woman. The camera then settled, and a man ran into view and stood on the other side of the little boy, all three of them smiling and waving.
Fluttershy caught a glimpse of Doctor Bees waving back. A little weird…
The scene then skipped forward to them sitting on a blanket, enjoying a picnic. Fluttershy couldn’t suppress a giggle when the woman dabbed some white cream onto the boy’s nose. They looked so happy, so peaceful, just like a family should be.
“This is when the magic happens.”
Fluttershy’s brow rose, then looked back to the screen. The man swatted at something, and immediately began to panic. The woman started flailing her arms around, swatting at barely noticeable black dots. The boy, however, continued to sit in ignorance, enjoying his sandwich.
Fluttershy watched in horror as more people became visible on the camera, all screaming and running around. And yet the boy just sat there, unphased. Then, one by one, they began to drop to the ground, still. The woman from before crawled into view, grabbing onto the boy’s leg and said something.
The boy looked down to her, placing a hand on hers. He removed her hand from his leg, stood up, and walked towards the camera. He grabbed a marker and paper, wrote something, and showed it to the camera.
“This is my audition for the side kick of Doctor Bees”
Then the screen went white as it hit the end of the film. The lights clicked on, and Doctor Bees stood up. It was quiet for several minutes as Fluttershy couldn’t look away from the blank screen.
“Summer of ‘74. That was when I became the sidekick to the former Doctor Bees. With years of training and fighting crime, eventually one day I took his mantle.”
Fluttershy almost paid no attention, still lost in the nightmare she had just witnessed. Bees attacking innocent people like that? Unheard of!
“And now, Fluttershy, it is time to test your power over bees.”
“W-what? No, no I don’t think-”
“Be sure to meet me at the school in half an hour. I have some preparations to make.”
“T-t-the school? How do you know-”
CRASH!
Fluttershy winced from the sound of breaking glass. Now with two holes in her home, she’d be needing to find a repair pony to fix all this mess.
“I wonder if Big Macintosh is free…” she shook her head, “No, first thing, I need to get to the school yard. If this turns out anything like that horrible movie… oh no, I just couldn’t bear to know I could have done something to stop it. I know, I’ll see if somepony else can help.”
“I can help!”
Fluttershy jumped from the sudden and quite cheery voice.
“Oh, Pinkie, you startled me. But… that’s good, because I need your help. Can you meet me at the Ponyville School?”
“Sure!” Pinkie replied, peering in through the shattered window. “I’m sure Twilight will be there too, since she’s following me and all that.”
“Why is she following you?”
“Pinkie Sense.”
Fluttershy, needing to hear no more, only nodding. It was a wonder it took Twilight this long to catch onto the oddities of Pinkie.
“Okay, good, maybe Twilight can help explain something about this Doctor Bees.”
Author's Note
I regret nothing for making this.
In all honesty, this fic is me trying to get out of a massive slump I've seemed to have fallen into. It's only planned to be a few chapters, so with any luck I'll have this finished while I'm getting chapter four of The Replacements ready for posting. I'm not gonna say when that will happen, since I'm sure many of you have noticed I'm full of broken promises, so I'm not even gonna suggest when anything will happen.
Edited by me wonderful friend, Cthuluigi.
