As Much As I Hate To Say It
As Much As I Hate To Say It...
As Much As I Hate To Say It
Upon the black mountains, ash and cinders danced through the sky, decorating the smoke that shrouded the blue above that could only be imagined in this land. Despite the liquid fire within the craters and the blackened air, cold wind bit into any who tried climbing this high.
The duality of this land was not the only threat that deterred life from this land, as nothing grew for miles. Only beasts of great fortitude and skin to stand the atmosphere traveled the wastes of the mountains, unless of course a lesser creature came to seek legend.
Up the side of a jagged cliff, a purple serpent dug his claws into the stone to hoist himself higher. He wasn’t the largest dragon to be seen, but even the smallest of their kind posed clear danger. He had yet to sprout his wings, but the green spines on his back stuck out like daggers, and his claws penetrated the stone like picks.
On his back he felt the weight of his beloved holding tight, the white unicorn he had sworn his life to. He felt her shiver as the winds nipped under her coat and mane.
He pulled them onto the top of the overhang and took his time to breathe. He could feel her drop from his back, and saw her walk around into his view. In his eyes she looked as beautiful as ever. “I’d never think of you as ill,” he chuckled.
She smiled back at him, warmth and affection in her eyes.
He rested his head on the stone, lying on his belly. He smiled as she approached, rubbing her nose against his. “Do you remember when I confessed my feelings to you? As we fell from the peril I had been foolish enough to put us in, you spared me the embarrassment, tears of joy in your eyes. We didn’t need our voices then, we could feel the affections we held.”
The unicorn looked into his eyes with a dreamy gaze, resting her head in front of his.
“You warmed the fires in my heart with every move you made. Never could you do anything wrong in my eyes,” he spoke to her with a loving tone in his voice.
“The first time I saw you I knew that you held a magic that surpassed any other unicorn. You had enchanted me, stolen my heart directly from my chest with your elegance and radiant presence.” He brought a single claw to her cheek, caressing her gently. “Rarity…” He spoke her name and saw her breath catch. Her eyes closed as she leaned into his claw, and he savored the sight and touch.
“Your voice was like heaven, every sentence a song and each lyric was perfection. These ears will never accept another tune its equal.” As he spoke, Rarity brought a hoof to bring his claw tighter to her face, and he obliged.
“When I had matured and brought my feelings before you once again, you needed no words then. Your lips were the only reply I needed to know you felt the same way. You had been waiting patiently for me,” he smiled. He sat himself up and brought his other claw to the other side of her face. “Your voice was never needed in the most important of times, not even when I fell upon my knees and asked to intrude further on your life. You answered with a smile and more tears, accepting me, however unworthy I may have thought myself.”
Rarity’s eyes opened as she stared back into his, a light frown looking upon him, telling him that his worth was greater than he knew. He only smiled in return and brought her in close, embracing her.
“So why is it that when your voice sang no more, I felt lost? Everything came apart, and I proved myself a fool. Our most treasured moments never required us to say much,” there was a quiver in his voice. “But when they said ‘never again’, I couldn’t accept it. I didn’t want to find myself in a world without your speech or melody. I fell hard, and our friends took note. They worried for me, cared for me since I could never hear your soothing words anymore.” He felt his eyes swell as he continued to speak.
He felt her nose against his neck comforting him. He returned the gesture by stroking her mane, watching the violet hairs slip through his claws.
“Do you remember the moon and the nightmares?” He began again. “Even under corruption we shared a bond. My love for you proved stronger than the power of the dark.” Tears began to leak from the corners of his eyes. “I was still your Spikey Wikey, despite what controlled you.”
The two held each other, but pulled away enough to see one another’s eyes. Rarity brought a hoof up to wipe away his tears, offering another friendly smile to help him.
“We went through tragedy and warmth together, strengthening our choice to become dragon and wife. It was the happiest day of my life, I hope that you know, when I stood before you and our friends watched our joining. I held you close as we sealed our union with a kiss.” He leaned his neck over and met lips with Rarity. He could feel her breath against his nose and the heat in her mouth.
As they parted, he felt a smile returning to his face. “It’s just like back then.” Rarity nodded in agreement.
The dragon returned to his memories and felt his smile drop once again. “I took to research and books when your voice was taken. I heard of the mountain. Our friends told me it wouldn’t solve anything, that I’d continue to feel something was missing,” he continued.
He rose to his legs once again and offered his back to Rarity once more. She climbed aboard and wrapped her forelegs around his neck as she had moments before.
“I told them there was no way of knowing that until I tried.” He plunged his claws into the face of the mountain and pulled himself skyward, continuing his climb. “We live in a world of magic, medicine, and science, there has to be a way. I would make this journey a thousand times over if I could hear you talk again, to hear you call me your dearest Spikey again.
“If I must shed every scale from my body, surrender every gem offered to me, work myself to bone, or even submit my own voice, I would do it. I must try, for you…” he hesitated before stopping with “and apparently my own sanity.”
With each rock that crumbled out from under his nails he drew closer to the top of the mountain. He could feel his love’s grip tighten in fondness as he spoke his mind.
“It wasn’t your fault that such an event would come to us. It wasn’t anypony’s. We could never have seen it coming, but it did, and I have a responsibility to stand by you and help you when I can,” his words became firm and fueled his ascent.
“I swore myself to you, and joined our lives. You accepted me out of love, and I plan to stay worthy of that emotion, because I love you too, Rarity. I have for years now, and that’s never changed. I love you as much as is possible for a dragon to love. I’m yours forever, and I always will be.”
He could hear sniffling behind him as drops of water hit his back.
“I will fly to heaven and bring your voice back if I must, dear Rarity, wings or no.” He felt the next ledge and pulled the two of them up and felt her drop from his back again.
She embraced him and cried into his chest. He draped a claw over her head and the other on her back, holding her close as he looked up.
They were nearly at the peak.
“Hallucinations plagued me, I heard you calling me in my sleep. I can’t be sure that the voice I hear is accurate, as I have forgotten your tune. I thought myself going mad, and so did our friends. Then I heard of this mountain, and its properties. If anything could fix what happened, this is it.” Determination filled him and he didn’t let their stop last long.
He brought Rarity onto his back, almost running up the rest of the way. His stamina was dropping as he continued his climb at this pace, but he put it behind him.
“The Everfree Forest housed beasts we could handle, but the shroud was something we never knew existed. When it swooped through the town, ponies of all kind succumbed to loss. There was nothing we could do to stop it.” His eyes narrowed as the ashes grew thicker. “It was the last time I heard you, and you screamed. I can remember that noise. It plays in my head like an unrelenting and vicious recording.” He huffed in rage and let loose a roar with emerald flames blasting from his throat into the sky.
With a leap he landed on the rim of the crater, looking into the lava below. Rarity descended from his back once more, but his gaze stayed firm.
“I came to you, and asked you what had happened…you didn’t answer. You couldn’t…” he fell into a somber wilt. “You were still, eyes staring at the ceiling with sweat on your chilled body. Nothing moved, your chest didn’t rise with breath…and your heart no longer pumped with the love it held.”
He looked to the mare at his side. “I cried…wailed like a banshee at the horror of it, the realization that you were gone from me, no longer there to return or accept my feelings. It remains the greatest tragedy I’ve ever been through, and I had to go through it alone. I had loved nothing more than I loved…love, you,” the quivering returned to his voice, and he felt his tears returning. “I couldn’t hear your voice; you didn’t answer when I called. I could see you, feel you, and know you were there…but the paradise I knew as your voice was no longer with you. I fell into a deep depression, isolating myself from everypony around me.”
The pony looked up to him in disbelief, fear in her eyes as tears began to swell. He had already begun to let the drops fall.
“What else can a creature do when they lose someone like you?” Anguish and agony echoed from his words. “I couldn’t let you go; I lost myself as a semblance of your voice haunted me in my sleep. I looked for something, anything to cure, or awaken you. I found nothing…until I heard about this…A volcano, with magma burning magical stones. Anyone who comes too close to the top can re-experience what it was like to be with the one they love most.”
He looked to the unicorn, horror on her face.
“You’re little more than an illusion…and I see that now,” he let out a defeated sigh and wiped at his eyes. “I can feel you, I can see you…but just like the real Rarity, I can’t hear you…Twilight was right, it’s not the same. I have to thank you though…for a climb I felt like I was with my Rarity again. I was able to voice my story, and realize where I went wrong…” He knelt down and opened his arms, welcoming the image of Rarity once again, hugging her tightly. “I miss you…I miss you so much.” Tears streamed down his face and he shook as he held tight to the illusion. “I will always love you…and…” he had to pause and collect himself.
The image of Rarity nuzzled at his chin to press him on, tears on its cheek but a smile on its lips.
He returned the smile, his lips shaking as he tried to hold the expression. “As much as I hate to say it…you will never return to me.” He dropped his eyes into his claw and sobbed. His body shook violently as he bawled, letting his pain flow. “You died, and I held you in my arms. There is no cure for that. I was stubborn and in denial, but looking back upon you, I know you wouldn’t want that. I’ve been a fool in my sorrow, and I’m sorry. Forgive me, Rarity.”
The image walked up to him and pulled his claw away from his face, a warm expression in her eyes. She hugged his neck once more, and left a kiss on his cheek, pushing up at his chin.
She had forgiven him. Image or not, he knew that this was what she would have done. His tears stopped flowing and his smile held.
He caressed her cheek once again, and she rested her head into it, holding his claw close and rubbing lightly at his wrist.
“Thank you…for everything,” he said. “I had come here to say hello, but I realize that it’s time for me to finally say goodbye.”
As he pulled his claw away, the image of his love began to vanish. As her tail disintegrated, she watched in interest. She gave an approving glance back to him, and waved a hoof.
He raised his claw to wave farewell, and she nodded. When her head was all that was left, he recalled a distant memory. He could hear in his head one last time, my little Spikey Wikey.
With the illusion dissipated, Spike the dragon let out a sigh and brought himself to his feet. “You may never return to me, but if I am patient, then one day I will return to you.” He gazed skyward once more. There was a parting in the smog where he could see the blue of the sky and the white clouds. With a chuckle he began making his descent. “Try not to go crazy waiting for me, love…”
