Twilight invades Best Buy
Twilight invades Best Buy
by Colonel J
Twilight was spending another evening in her basement trying to figure out how Apple computers work. Computers weren't unheard of in Equestria, it's just that no pony around wanted to use one since Princess Celestia switched all PCs to Macs. Seriously, she used her god like magic and literally replaced every piece of technology with something Apple.
The purple genius was trying harder than ever to get her computer to connect to the Internet. But sadly Apples' way of connecting devices together and even running a connection to the internet was written in a different language and put upside down just so translators couldn't figure it out.
"Spike!" she yelled hoping to wake her baby dragon but there was no response. "Fine! I guess I'll just do everything!"
Twilight headed over to her desk and started a letter to Princess Celestia.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Apple sucks. I have no idea why you decided to make everypony give up their PCs. Sure Windows 98 was extremely outdated but at least we could connect to the internet and actually share files every now and again. Seriously, do you know how many times I've called the help desk number and was sent in a circle around customer service. A lot. Pardon my language Princess but it's bullshit. Also, yes. I understand completely that I could have called you instead of writing a letter but why you had to replace all phones (even landlines) with Iphones is beyond me. I find that the mail service is far more reliable than this rectangular paper weight that you gave me as a birthday present.
Long story short Princess, we're done with Apple. Even Luna is sick of it, she won't stop coming down to Ponyville and telling me about how she can't play Company of Heroes and Halo 2 anymore. Now, I respectfully ask that you send me to the place where you get this technology so I can fix this horrible situation. If you don't I swear I'll make a third party software and call it Sparkle. IOS won't have shit on my systems.
Best Princess,
Twilight Sparkle
Satisfied with her letter she went outside to the mailbox and tucked it safely away, leaving the red flag up as she headed back into the library to get some sleep.
The next morning Twilight got up and headed downstairs. Spike had made coffee and a light breakfast of only toast setting it down on the table for Twilight.
"What, no waffles?" Twilight asked while looking at the two pieces of buttered toast.
"Trust me, you won't want to eat much after you read this." Spike held out a scroll with a broken seal on it over to Twilight who picked it up using her magic. "Oh and you might actually want to eat first." Spike then proceeded to leave the library.
Twilight looked confused towards the door then stared at the letter. Despite Spikes' suggestions she began to eat while reading the unrolled scroll.
Dear Twilight,
Okay first, Best princess? Fuck you on that remark. Now if you must know our technology doesn't exactly come from Equestria.
Twilight narrowed her vision, "I knew it!" she continued to read.
It comes from a place called Earth. More specifically, Best Buy. Remember those fairy tale stories about humans I never read you? Well they're real. And really good with technology. So because you obviously think you can make better decisions than me and you think you're the best, bitch by the way, I've designed this letter to transport you to Best Buy. Of course it'll only work after you finish reading this. Now I must warn you that these humans are crazy about deals. Don't listen to any of them, they're crazy.
The Best Princess,
Celestia
Twilight groaned, "She only beat me on the title because she put the."
Suddenly a golden aurora surrounded Twilight and before she could think of anything she felt like she had just been slammed into a brick wall. But instead of brick it was actually white tile. As she stood up in a daze a man in a blue shirt and khakis towered over her.
"Hi, welcome to Best Buy. My name's Chuck. Can I help you find anything?"
Twilight stared in shock at the bipedal creature trying to figure out his game, "I'm looking for computer systems."
"Computer systems?" Chuck asked since no one really says that. "Oh, you must be with Celestia. All those Macs she bought couldn't be having problems this soon."
"They're Apple! Of course they're having problems." Twilight waited for a response.
"Sorry but our policy doesn't allow us to be biased to computer systems, only to make suggestions on your needs." Chuck replied.
Twilight looked unamused, "Tell me, Chuck. Where's all your PCs?"
"This way." Chuck was leading Twilight to the section of the store that held computers of all types. "I have to say, If it wouldn't have been for your princess we would be out of business."
"How's that?" Twilight asked.
"She came here and bought Apple computers for a whole country. And paid for them in gold. Actual gold!"
Twilight continued to follow Chuck, "Well that explains what happened to the treasury. Equestrias economy was in the green, next thing I know we're flat broke with new computers everywhere."
Chuck stopped at the computer section, "Shouldn't that have tipped you off?"
Twilight shrugged, "Maybe."
"Okay ma'am, you should be able to find all your computer needs right here."
Twilight looked around in amazement as she saw computers with Windows 8 everywhere. She was so excited that she started flying and read the system stats on every computer she went up to.
"Wow! This one has a sixty four bit processor and Luna would kill for this kind of graphics card not to mention the RAM."
Chuck walked up next to her, "Ah, yes. This is made by Samsung, it's one of our finer systems. You have a good eye for technology."
"Thank you. Now tell me, could I return all of the systems that we have. They're not that old."
"Do you have the receipt?" Chuck asked.
Twilight was unsure, "Uh maybe."
"Well if you have the receipt you can make a full return."
Twilight gave him a nod, "I would like to purchase a countries worth of these computers."
"A countries worth!" Chucks eyes had turned into dollar signs. "Will that be cash or credit?"
Not knowing what credit was she simply replied with, "Bits."
"Okay, we'll send the bill in two to five business days."
"Excellent." Twilight replied and looked at the letter that Celestia had sent her. She figured reading it again would send her back. As soon as she had finished the last sentence the same golden glow from before surrounded her again transporting her to Canterlot instead of Ponyville.
"Oh hello, Twilight." Celestia was expecting her arrival. "Did you find what you were looking for?"
"Yes, I did." Twilight replied. "And you'll see how much better these computers are compared to the ones you picked out."
Celestia waited for a moment then cast the same spell she had before, replacing every computer in Equestria with the kind that Twilight had picked out. Everypony in the land rejoiced as they now had a user friendly system that actually spoke English instead of useless nonsense. Even Celestia began to enjoy her new PC.
Meanwhile Luna sat in her room, bored out of her mind. "I hate Apple! If I could I would send you to the moon you hating piece of machinery." Luna had pointed to the Mac sitting on her desk until a bright flash overtook the room and replaced the computer with something made by Samsung. Of course, Luna knew that Alienware was better but she could settle with what she had.
"And that's how Twilight saved Equestria from Apple, THE END!" Pinkie Pie was sitting in a rocking chair with three fillys around her.
"But ah don't understand, how did she get to uh, Earth again?" Applebloom asked.
Pinkie leaned forward and moved her hooves around as she said, "It was magic!"
Scootaloo asked next, "Yeah but, why did Twilight claim that she was the best Princess? Aren't they all the same?"
"Well-" Pinkie was interrupted by Sweetie Belle.
"And why was the guys name Chuck? What kind of name is that?"
At this point Pinkie was fed up and slammed the book closed. "You know what, if you're gonna question my stories then you don't need to ask me to read them to you anymore."
Scootaloo was confused, "But you told us we could have free cupcakes if we listened to your story."
Pinkie rolled her eyes, "Fine. Here's your stupid cupcakes." She then gave a tray of cupcakes to the girls and walked out of the room.
Author's Note
I wrote this after I saw a Best Buy commercial....I regret nothing.
