Rarity Eats a Bone.

by ron

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Tragedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sweetie Belle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 1671

Rarity find a bone and all kinds of wacky adventures follow!

Mmm slimy tender bones. In this oneshot smack dog, Rarity takes a walk around the Boutique and find a smokey bone on the ground. Will she eat it? Yes?

But mean while, Sweetie Belle has something super spooky planned... Will this be this end of Sweetie Belle? And the birth of something perhaps, extra-terrestrial? Ancient alien theorists say yes. So find out next time on: Ancient Aliens!

Published 2013-12-20 02:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-20 20:41:08 UTC

The Bone, The Boutique, and The Robber.

This is a true story. I was there. But it wasn't easy though, I really had to squeeze in to get a spot. But I was there. And I was watching.

It was a pretty basic 1AM; and Rarity was just doing her mane and was feeling the piercing boredom of staying up late with nothing to do. So naturally she decided to go outside and scavenge the lands. This was so normal to her. Crawling outside (because she has four legs, so she is always crawling), like a spooky horse me smokey baby. She put her horsey snout down and sniffed the ground intensely.

"Hmm, I wonder if I can find some sticks" Rarity thought.

But of course not, the Stick Robber would arrest her if she had any sticks.

"Scratch that, maybe I can find something super spicy for my sister to eat so I can laugh at her spicy pain"

Yes! That is what she will do. Find something really dumb to put in her sisters soupy soup. Screw you Sweetie Belle. Eat pain, you fool. Rarity couldn't seem to find anything, and her gem-finding magic can't find anything but stupid gems.

"How useless, I hate gems" Rarity thought sadly to herself, as a sad tear dripped down her fur, making it soaked.

"Ah! My fur!" Now she was is fury mode, and kept crying! Tears spewing out of her tear glands like a sprinkler, making her coat more and more soaked!

"Ahhh! I'm totally getting soaked in tears!" She was so upset. This infinite chain of her crying about her coat getting wet from tears, and then crying about it went on for a long time, until she learned that she can drink her own tears. However, there was no end to the sadness in her life. She got a bad stomach ache from the tears overflowing, and couldn't keep it in, and just straight up vomited all over the place. Luckily, this stopped her crying, ending the painful cycle.

"Oh Celestia! What a terrible night I've been having. I better just go back inside and forget this ever happened. Besides, I need to clean Sweetie Belle soon." She spoke.

She walked back to the front of the Boutique, UNTIL.... She noticed something serious... Seriously wrong more like...

A bone... A femur of some kind laying on the dirty ground. Rarity went over and looked at it. Like really, she really dug her face up there, sniffing the shit out of it.

"Hmm, a bone?" She thought with a raised eyebrow. "How peculiar..."

She picked it up with her teeth, and then dropped it, realizing she could just levitate it. She smacked herself in the face as punishment for being so silly. Smack, smack, smack! she went, smacking her sexy self for being such a stickycomb. And you know, she was going to go back inside, until she noticed somepony in the distance, coming closer to her.

"Drop it." The masculine voice said, demanding that she drop the bone.

She was frozen in fear, realizing who this was. The Stick Robber. A 12 foot tall beast of a pony. Thicker muscles then even Big Mac. He wore a black suit, and his mane was a very long, and sticky with some kind of gunk. This monster was well known for creeping out at night and stealing anypony who dares pick up sticks. He was a complex character, with much history all over Equestria. Equestria was his. He was free. He was the truth. He was The Stick Robber. Rarity knew this, and was scared.

And then, she realized something... This wasn't a stick. This was a femur, a bone!

"Mr, I know who you are... And this isn't a stick you see! This is a bone!" She said firmly, letting him know who's boss.

"Shut up you skank! I'm not The Stick Robber anymore!" He corrected loudly. "I'm taking bony ponies now... You know, ponies who take bones. Like you!"

He continued his explanation, "Yeah, it all started one peaceful afternoon. I was just doing laundry, washing all the sticks I stole that night, when I ran out of water" He was almost in tears by this point.

"And I just couldn't take it, I knew that my existence was almost entirely pointless, all I do is kidnap ponies with sticks, and then let them live in my house." Where was he going with this? "And I just decided that enough was enough. I had my chance, and I failed... I almost killed myself at one point, with a Ratatouille DVD box set. But I recovered! And I decided that I was no longer to take ponies with sticks, but instead, take ponies with bones. Slimy tender bones. And you're my first victim."

The fear returned to Rarity. The Bone Robber? Was this joker serious?

"Well... No," Rarity was being brave here, "I won't give you my bone. This is my bone and I found it, fool".

"What!? You dare stand up to MEEE!?" He screamed in his annoying voice. "I-I AM THE LORD!."

"No, you're just a stupid bone stealing protein guzzling fool" Rarity was really putting her money where her mouth was.

And just like that, The Bone Robber sprung into action and sprinted at her. Rarity didn't know what to do, so she dropped her bone, and just like that, picked up The Bone Robber! and threw him a million miles away. (Don't worry, he's okay..."

She picked up her bone, and went in the Boutique...

And Sweetie Belle was watching... Shaving silently... Feeling disgust at what she was seeing. How could her sister do this? This was just the beginning, however...

Author's Note

Thanks for all your support for making this story possible, next chapter will come out soon so stay tuned for more!

Sweetie Bone.

Wow, what a story, huh? Anyway, let's get back to it.

So yeah man, Rarity just walked back into the Boutique. She sat on her back haunches, contemplating what had just happened. She had just defeated a level 85 boss by herself in mortal hoof-to-hoof combat. Wow, and without the Elements of Harmony too. Twilight Sparkle rolled in her grave (not really she was still alive by this point so she just rolled in her bed... But not because of Rarity's accomplishment, she just rolled in her bed. It doesn't have to be complicated.)

And the bone... Rarity levitated the bone to her Shelf of Interesting Items, and placed it down... On her shelf was the bone, a cup, and a dog biscuit.

"How classy" she thought, patting herself on the back for having such a fine treasure.

Now Rarity couldn't sleep because the adrenaline of battle was still coursing through her bloody veins. So naturally, she took a large bowl and just poured a shit ton of sunflower seeds in it and started eating them, spitting the shells in a separate bowl. Now see! THIS is how Rarity keeps her stunning tasty figure; by eating super-tasty, super-healthy seeds! Just like a real bonobo!

This went on for pure eons. Eating seeds as a past-time activity. Oh the toxicity in her body that was being flushed out by the pureness of the seeds. How great. Rarity went into the bathroom and put on a little make-up to fade away the shake up that had just happened outside.

"Wait... Did I leave the keys upon the table?" Rarity wondered...

"No, I'm simply creating another fable." She concluded.

"Oh Celestia, why have you forsaken me?" (with bad memory) She added.

Once she finished eating her seeds, she went down to the bathroom and took her daily dump (it had been a whopping two years since her last). She didn't flush, as she knew Scootaloo would get it. That sneaky filly, crawling around town like a spooky filly me smokey baby. Stealing pony poo was Scoots night hobby. She had good intentions, despite everypony else thinking she was dumb and smelly. For you see, Scoots knew was was too happen in the future. A pterodactyl the size of Manehattan itself was going to swoop down and gobble up all the little ponies. Scootaloo was the only filly in all of Equestria with anti-pterodactyl undergarments, so she was safe. With her stolen dumps, she was too clone everypony from the dumps DNA, creating new life. New air. Mmm, smell that air.

Oh Celestia I love you Scootaloo, your intentions so pure I can hardly resist your tangy BBQ flavor. Mmm, just like the classic McRib. Oh baby.

So yeah, Rarity took a dookie and walked back into the main room of the Boutique... And instantly regretted not drinking Publix Brand Drinking Water. A naked, shaved Sweetie Belle was in the middle of the room, giving Rarity a look of pure hatred.

"Sweetie Belle, what ever has happened to you!" Rarity gasped.

"I AM SWEETIE BONE!" Sweetie "Bone" screamed, in a unusually raunchy masculine voice.

Sweetie Belle jumped up like a turtle and snatched Rarity's prized bone right off its shelf.

"Don't take my hot bone!" Rarity demanded.

"No..." Sweetie Bone said softly "This is it... This is my time to show you just how smelly I can-"

But before she could finish, Rarity turned into an Alicorn and spat all those seeds she ate early at Sweetie Bone, just like a pea-shooter on crack!

"NOOOOO! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING YOU FOOL!" Sweetie Bone screamed.

But it was too late, Sweetie Bone was dead.

Rarity The Alicorn of Sunflower Seeds (I guess is what she was), mourned her sisters death, and decided that it was all the bones fault.

"Oh confound you bone... You have caused the death of so many... It's... It's time..."

And just like that, she gobbled up the bone.

The Fin.

Author's Note

Thanks everypony. I love you.

[DRAMATIC READING]

My reading of this story:

Author's Note

Man, so spicy, right?