Cursed!!!

by Princess Lunatic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 1662

Celestia lets Twilight manhandle a person who claims to be cursed. Much to Twilight's own frustration, she can't figure out how to remove this guy's "curse"

Do you see that beautiful looking pony to the left that I made by clicking the random button on a Pony OC Creator? Do not be deceived by his beautiful looks. He is cursed.

He is also stuck with Twilight, much to her own dismay. She must figure out what is wrong with him and how to remove his "curse". Will things go right?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-26 21:10:03 UTC

The Nightmare Begins

Today in Ponyville and all of Equestria was a beautiful day. Goodness, it was so beautiful. So beautiful. Nothing could go wrong. I'm very sure of it. I mean I'm not the most sure, but I am sure. If I am wrong, I will bite my tongue. Okay. It will be beautiful and I will force to describe it as beautiful if I have to. There, I hope you're happy. You have forced me to make it beautiful. It's all your fault.

Anyways, Twilight was reading books in the Golden Oaks Library because she is nerd. She comments on how beautiful the day is. (In case you didn't know, it was beautiful.) Twilight got really bored of reading books, because it was for wimps and losers, so she rebelled against the education system and went outside.

Oh joy, the day was so beautiful. (Spoiler: It will continue to be beautiful.) Twilight relished in the sight of Ponyville being in order. Anything that was out of order was a disease.

Out of the sky came Princess Celestia, carrying a lightly greenish-tinted pony with butterfly wings in her mouth. Celestia landed conveniently right next to Twilight and bluntly let go of the pony, producing a thud and an Oof! Celestia was very urgent.

"Twilight, I have come to you as my last hope. He is the biggest problem that I never hoped for. He is not just a mere pony, but a Demon."

"What is the problem with him, your majesty?"

"He thinks he is cursed, and it is giving us ill troubles."

"Don't worry your majesty, I'll help. You can count on me!"

"Excellent!" Celestia excitedly performed a grand tap dance of joy and relief, and zipped out of Ponyville like a Powerpuff Girl.

The greenish, freakish, butter-fly winged pony got up on his fours. Twilight looked at him with friendliness in her eyes. He didn't look so bad.

"Hello. I'm Twilight Sparkle! What is your name?"

"I'm Joseph the Eighth. I am glad to meet you." If you happen to be named Joe or have named an OC of yours to be Joe, I'd like to apologize in advance.

"It is nice to meet you too."

"I hope you do not mind my CURSE."

Twilight didn't believe in curses but played along.  "Your curse?"

"My CURSE has no name. The CURSE gives me unforgettable woe and is the cause of all my problems."

"What is your curse like?"

"I cannot say. You will have to believe it."

"Errm, okay." Twilight was perturbed by his vagueness, but let it go for now. She decided to get to know him first. A pinch of friendship should do the trick. "Hey, how about we go to the Sugarcube Corner and get something to eat?"

"Yes, I would be honored." Twilight and Joseph started walking down to the Sugarcube Corner. "It sure is a beautiful day, unlike my CURSE," Joseph exclaimed, getting several weird stares, much to the embarrassment of Twilight.

Twilight and Joseph reached the Sugarcube Corner, and entered the fine establishment waiting in line. "Hello, everyone," Joseph loudly greeted, catching the estranged attention of most people in line. "I am Joseph, and I am CURSED. I hope it will not give you any trouble."

"Shut up."

The crowd turned away from him. Twilight and Joseph got a table and ordered several sweets.

"So," Twilight asked, "when did you get this curse?"

"Why, I am glad you asked. You see, when I was a little foal, troubling tragedies occurred. I was not sure if I received the CURSE during that time. But when I looked back, I was sure I was CURSED."

"What were these tragedies?"

"They are unspeakable tragedies. Because they are unspeakable, I cannot speak of them, of course."

The remainder of the meal was silent and awkward. After they finished, the waiter arrived for payment. "Thank you for coming! I hope you enjoyed your meal. That will be one thousand bits, please."

Joseph looked very anxious. "Oh, I happen to not have any money. You see, I have an inconvenience. I am CURSED. My CURSE has wrought me poorness." Joseph's pleading eyes moved to Twilight, making her nervous. Twilight was very disappointed, but didn't want any trouble, and paid for Joseph, much to her own dismay.

The waiter left after being paid. Joseph felt truly grateful for Twilight's charity. "My apologies. My CURSE is an unshakable burden."

"Oh no, it's fine. It's my job to help you."

Twilight didn't mind too much. He wasn't perfect like the rest of us. Twilight and Joseph went back to the Golden Oaks Library. Twilight suggested that Joseph help her research his problem. Both went to work. Twilight pretended to study curses, but was actually going through psychology books to find out if he was MESSED IN THE HEAD. Joseph was bored and skimmed through fairy tale books.

It became night, and Twilight was tired. "Joe, have you found anything that could be related to your curse?"

"Ummm, no. My CURSE sometimes makes me forget. My apologies."

"Well, it's time I go to bed now. The Library will be closing, goodnight."

"Oh, I plead to stay with you for the night. You see, the misfortunes my CURSE has brought has caused me to be homeless. I have nowhere to sleep."

Twilight shrugged and let Joseph sleep in her room. During Twilight's sleep, Joseph belched loudly, causing her to wake up for a moment.

The next day was still beautiful. But not Twilight. She woke up tired, eyes still sore and black as night. Twilight wanted to find out more about Joseph. She decided a trip to Sweet Apple Acres would help. Twilight brought Joseph along, promising fun and happiness. Joseph would love to tag along, but warned Twilight his CURSE could mess things up, which Twilight obviously knew.

On the way, Rainbow Dash came by riding a black cloud. She hovered her cloud and herself over Joseph to give him bad luck. Dash giggled mischievously. Joseph looked above, looking pleased. "I thank you. This sign of bad luck gives my CURSE much-needed validation."

"What." Rainbow Dash was really weirded out and zipped away. Joseph was sad.

Joseph and Twilight arrived at the Sweet Apple Acres and met Granny Smith.

"What do ya want? Who is this funny lookin' guy?"

"I am Joseph. I am CURSED, I warn you."

Granny Smith wasn't impressed much. "No sucha thing as curses, me boy. You look fine to me."

Joseph became indignant. "You FOOL. You can have emotions without showing them. CURSES work the same way. This CURSE feels very real to me."

Granny Smith ignored what he said, quietly scoffing it off. Joseph's comparison to CURSES and EMOTIONS touched Twilight's heart as true. But there was still no such thing as curses.

Twilight butted in. "Um, Joseph and I would like to help make apple cider to prepare for the season."

Granny Smith reluctantly agreed and so they did. Joseph was surprisingly cooperative, helping gathering the apples and carrying apple cider barrels around while Twilight made the cider. Joseph accidentally dropped a barrel, spilling all the precious cider into the earth.

Twilight did not appreciate the sight at all and wanted to bury her face in her hooves. "Let me guess... is it your curse!?"

"No, actually, it was just an accident. I'm really an idiot. I'm sorry."

"..."

Joseph and Twilight finished their work and went back home. Maybe curses were real, because Joseph was now feeling like an actual curse to Twilight. She couldn't think of being able to rid him alone. Circumstances forced Twilight to take drastic measures.

"Oh Joseph, would you like to take a nice walk inside a nice, beautiful, forest?"

"Why, that sounds like a grand idea."

And so they did. They went to no regular forest, but the Everfree Forest. When they were before the entrance to the Everfree Forest, Twilight took a deep breath bracing herself, and both went inside.

Oh no! There were party animals all around, playing loud music. They were dancing, eating and drinking, playing party games, bumping into each other, cheering about random stuff and laughing at dumb jokes. Some were kissing each other in very unromantic ways. This was the worst. Why don't they just get a JOB?

After an unpleasant trip carefully avoiding any contact with the animals, they reached Zecora's hut. Twilight knocked, causing a loud thud. Zecora answered the door.

"Yes, what is it you want?"

"Well, you see, this guy next to me is suffering from a problem, and you're kind of my last hope."

Joseph stood proudly. "Greetings, I am Joseph. I have a CURSE. This CURSE has given me woes and misfortune. But I am afraid that you cannot help at all."

Twilight and Zecora knew that curses weren't real, but Twilight wanted to hint something. "You see... You might have to help him, unconventionally..."

Zecora took a moment to think. "Oh. Oh, yes, Joseph. Believe me, I actually know of your curse. My service will not cost a bit from your purse. Come inside, and I will show you my work with pride."

And so they went inside her hut. Zecora showed off her magic cauldron. She poured in some magic green dust and waved her hoof above the cauldron in a stirring motion, causing a magic green fog to rise up. Zecora created a spectacular show in the fog, of skulls popping in and out. Joseph was quite impressed by the show.

Zecora felt her ruse did the work. "There, your curse has been popped. Now leave, or I'll call the cops."

And so they did.

Twilight felt very hopeful. "So, Joseph, how do you feel now. Is your curse gone?"

"Just the same. I do not want my CURSE to be removed, so I'm still CURSED. Sorry."

"UghughuhgUHGUHGhgghuhghgghghghghghghgh." Twilight repeatedly bashed her head on a tree. Hey, at least the day was still beautiful!