My Little Human: Trolling is Friendship
Rainbow Dash quickly tried to stomp out the last clouds lingering over Ponyville so she could get home early. At the moment the cyan pegasus only wanted to do one thing today and it did not involve flying or weather management. Today was the premier of season 2 of Rainbow Dash's favorite cartoon.
As she smashed the last cloud in sight Dash started flying back to her house. The last season of her favorite show had ended on a cliffhanger and it had been driving her crazy for nearly 5 months. Dash had to know if Squad 6 would be able to finish their mission and save Earth from their mortal enemy, the evil Democrats. Humans who had been corrupted by the forces of socialism. The suspense had been driving the prismatic haired pegasus crazy.
None of Dash’s close friends knew about her favorite show and they probably would not understand why a fully grown mare would be watching a TV show meant for children anyway. The show was called, My Little Human: Friendship is Survival. It revolved around a squadron of 6 human soldiers and their crazy wacky adventures in the mythical world of Earth. Though it was meant for young colts the show had gained popularity among older females who called themselves humares to show their pride in being a fan of the show. However Rainbow Dash had a reputation to uphold and she could not bring herself to go about proclaiming her love for a kid's show.
The story was set up in a dark world where there always seemed to be war and danger all the time. Though it did not get too graphic since of course it was for little colts, however Rainbow Dash had found herself intrigued by the world that was portrayed in the show.
Whereas the biggest threat to Equestria on the regular basis was perhaps a stampede of cows or bunnies. In the human world they dealt with dangers that were actually dangerous. The idea of such a place so drastically different to her own made it so interesting to her.
Rainbow Dash got to her house and locked the door. She went to her computer room and closed the curtains so that nopony knew about her watching a show meant for kids.
On her desk sat a toy of Master Sergeant Gerald “Blackjack” Waters. Complete with his tactical armor and his huge machinegun lazor. Blackjack was best human, as far as Rainbow Dash was concerned. When he came into the fight everything exploded. Everything.
Dash logged onto her computer and opened up Mozilla Firegriffon and typed in Ponytube. Rainbow Dash looked down and saw “My Little Human Season 2 Episode 1” on her recommended videos.
The pegasus clicked on the video and sat back in her chair with an excited smile on her face as the show began recapping where they had left off on the last season's finale. Captain Sundown and Private Shy were pinned down under heavy fire from the Democrats at the entrance to their evil lair.
“Where in tarnation is Blackjack at?!” Captain Richard (Sundown) Dawning shouted over the din of lazor fire.
“Um Captain?” Private Lance (Shy) Barsof said in a quiet whisper to the leader.
“What is it Shy? Spit it out already man!” Sundown ordered obviously irritated that even in a moment like this the private was still so quite.
“Um Blackjack and Cupcake are over there... sir.”
Captain Sundown looked up to where the private pointed and sure enough a large dark skinned man stood up holding a massive gun at waist height. Beside him was another man, a crazy looking red haired human who held two PMD’s (Pastries of Mass Destruction) in each hand while doing the Macarena dance. This was 1st Lieutenant Daniel (Cupcake) Hans.
“Swag.” Blackjack proclaimed before firing his weapon causing everything in front of him to explode.
“Yeah you show them, Blackjack!” Rainbow Dash cheered and punched the air with her left front hoof as Blackjack rained destruction down on the Democrats' legions of evil.
“About time!” Sundown yelled over the loud gunfire coming from Blackjack’s weapon. The captain picked up his radio. “Corporal Diamond, you and Corporal Fruitcake can move the tank in now.” He ordered into the device.
Suddenly a large M1 Abrams tank painted a bright purple broke through a nearby brick wall. “Fruitcake you unsophisticated hillbilly! Do you know how long it took to paint this thing?!” Lieutenant Francis (Diamond) Renault yelled from his position standing halfway out of the hatch.
“It’s a tank not some fancy shmancy sports car!” A voice belonging to Corporal Jack (Fruitcake) Duckett came from inside the tank. “It done supposed to get all shot up and ya’ll want to worry about some scoffs on the paintjob?!”
“Well I for one take pride in my work unlike ‘some’ people.” Diamond shouted back.
“Knock off the chit chat guys. It’s time to finish this.” Sundown stated jumping up onto the tank followed by the rest of the squad. “Let’s go kick some democrat butt.”
Rainbow Dash was on the edge of her seat now unable to contain her excitement that the epic show down between Squad 6 and King Clinton was only moments away.
Suddenly the video cut out and a banner started going across the screen and Rainbow Dash read it out loud almost as if to prove to herself this was actually happening. “Under royal decree from Princess Celestia, the TV show My Little Human is canceled. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.”
Rainbow Dash frantically looked down in the comment section of the video to see if this was the work of a troll only to realize with dread that the final episode had been cut off at this point on its premier. Rainbow Dash sat on her chair for nearly a minute in stunned silence as she tried to absorb it all. The cyan pegasus mare laid her head back on her chair and closed her eyes before screaming.
“BUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”
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Please for the love of Celestia, do not try to find some kind of political message in this, okay? Because if you do, you really need to go outside more. This is simply a work of boredom brought on by working on stories that make sense, it is relaxing to write something that doesn't have any point to it what so ever.