“Attention Inferior Underlings!” yelled a loud, booming voice. “The Council of Fanon Celestias has begun!”
Around a table in a dark room, somewhere in Canterlot, sat five alicorns. All five bore a remarkable resemblance to a certain Equestrian princess. All five stood above other pathetic little ponies. Not that these ponies were pathetic. The other ponies were. The ones without both wings and horns I mean.
“Inferior Underlings,” declared a particularly loud Celestia at the head of the table. “We will begin this Council of Fanon Celestias with a roll call. First, I am proud to announce that I, Tyrant Celestia, have taken a break from banishing ponies to the moon to attend this pathetic council! Now, is Princess Trollestia here?”
“No,” replied a smiling Celestia.
“But thou art sitting right over there!”
“Obviously not. You’d think I of all ponies would know whether I’m here or not. So when you hear me say I’m not here, whether I’m here or not should be obvious. Honestly, you'd think it would be obvious.”
“Enough of your foolishness Trollestia! Next up on the list, we have Princess Molestia. Is she present.”
“Certainly my liege,” said a particularly naughty looking clone of Celestia, sitting back on one of her pegasus guards wearing bondage gear. “Have I mentioned that I appreciate how well you’re dominating the meeting today?”
“Why thank you, inferior underling.”
“Do you mind showing me that dominating nature of yours elsewhere?”
“Certainly. Soon, all of Equestria shall know the dominating nature of Celestia!”
“I hope so” said Molestia.
“I didn’t even have to say anything,” said Trollestia.
“Enough!” cried Tyrant Celestia. “Next up on the list, we have Corona Blaze. Is she present?”
“THE SUN SHALL BURN FOREVER” boasted an alicorn with a fiery mane.
“Still speaking in the Royal Canterlot voice? Or as we call it nowadays, Capslock?” asked Trollestia.
“WE DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR TONE. PERHAPS YOU WOULD BENEFIT FROM MY HOLY FIRE?”
“Enough!” declared Tyrant Celestia. “We all have our differences, but we meet for a common goal. Dealing with that pathetic ruler that currently sits on the throne. Last off, we have… Hasbro Celestia. Is she present?”
“My wings are so pretty”
An Alicorn sat on the opposite side of the table. Unlike the others, she was a bright pink. Her eyes were somewhat glazed over, as if she wasn’t entirely aware of the meeting in front of her.
“We thank you for attending” said Tyrant Celestia, not entirely unkindly.
“Come fly with me!”
“Later.”
Tyrant Celestia stood up from the table, facing a computer screen behind her. It was the typical overlord model, covering most of the wall.
“My fellow Celestias, we are pleased to announce that the time when we may harvest the fruits of our labors is close at hand. We, by which I mean the royal ‘we,’ as opposed to us and the rest of you, have secretly created a plan to dispose of the canon Celestia.”
The four others chattered in excitement.
“I wonder if this will go better than our last few dozen plans,” said Trollestia.
“I can’t wait for her to be at my feet, doing unspeakable things!” cried out Molestia. She wiggled in anticipation, causing the guard beneath her to grunt uncomfortably.
“ALL SHALL FEEL THE HEAT OF MY GLORY” declared Corona Blaze.
“That sounded more like Molestia than Corona Blaze,” replied Trollestia.
“Let’s fly to the castle,” said Hasbro Celestia.
“What is your plan exactly?” asked Trollestia.
Tyrant Celestia smiled. “We have made an alliance with a Great and Powerful Magician. As we speak, she should be penetrating Canterlot Castle-”
“Heh heh heh. Penetrating”
“-taking out the guards with her magic, until she reaches Celestia herself. We have told her that we installed a device in her hat that allows her to use a spell powerful enough to destroy the canon sun goddess herself. Little does she know that this device is actually a bomb. We will detonate it when she’s in range of the princess”
“HOW WILL WE KNOW WHEN SHE IS CLOSE ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE FOOLISH ROYAL?”
“We also installed a camera,” replied the Tyrant, as the screen behind her switched to a live feed from Canterlot Palace. “As you can see, only a few guards remain between our agent and the throne room. And they appear to be no match for her… oh, that’s going to leave a mark… and here she is, at the doors to the throne room.”
What they saw next stunned the alicorns.
“She… she’s not there?!?!?”
“Nonsense, she’s probably behind the throne. Or in the bathroom.”
“Maybe she’s ‘meeting’ with her prized student again? Wink wink? Nudge nudge?”
“WHERE HAS THE PATHETIC FOOL GONE OFF TO?”
“I’m a Princess. Are you a Princess too?”
Everypony ignored Hasbro Celestia.
“Enough!” cried Tyrant Celestia. “We will break up into teams and hunt her down! Corona Blaze, you’re powerful enough to take on Canon Celestia yourself. Fly down south to Ponyville. She might be causing them trouble again.”
“SHE WILL BURN! AS WILL THE TOWN!”
“Hold off on the burning Ponyville part. That would draw out Luna, and we don't want to have to fight her and Canon Celestia at once. Molestia, you’re with us. We’ll search around the castle until we either find her or get bored. When we find her, I’ll distract her while you take the initiative.”
“Just the way I like it”
“Trollestia! You travel with Hasbro Celestia to the sun. Canon Celestia may be rendezvousing with Prince Solaris there. You know, that male incarnation with the fantastic beard. Now everypony go!”
The five alicorns flew off in various directions. Trollestia flew next to Hasbro Celestia, whispering a few words into her ear.
“Thanks for keeping my identity secret.”
“You’re my best friend,” replied Hasbro Celestia.
“We’ll report to them that I went into Solaris’s dimension with him. That ought to throw them off for a few days.”
“Flying is so much fun”
“I concur Hasbro. I concur”
