Teh Mission of Spike

by Hungry_Dawg

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Rarity, Fluttershy, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 1402

Spike has an epiphany with the help of the annoying sociopath narrator!

Strange almost kinda Spike crackfic. Almost. Meh

Not a serious story.

TIS A STORY ABOUT RANDOM.....NESS. To all who enter this story of stupidity, be warned. Aneurisms and high blood pressure awaits. If you love a good read then look no further....... than the back button cuz it aint here chump.

DOWNVOTE THIS. DISCOURAGE ME FROM CONTINUING THIS.....FILTH.

Published 2014-01-27 15:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-27 15:40:05 UTC

Get. In. The. Truck.

It was a stupendous morning in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle, the newest alicorn princess on the scene, opened her to witness start of a brand beautiful new day. Taking the first steps of the day out of the library, she wore upon he face a gentle smile.

"This is going to be a wonderful, fun filled-" her happy speech was interrupted by the gaping jaws of an air shark, the rarest shark species in the world. The colossal fourteen foot beast had been tracking Twilights morning habits for weeks and had finally found the opportunity to strike. Before she had but a chance to squeak, she had been gobbled up quicker than Pinkie Pie could inhale a cupcake whole.

Pretty damn quick.

BUTT fret not dear readers. Air sharks haven't any teeth, one reason there be so few left on this planet, so Twilight avoided total evisceration. Until she reaches the infamous stomach acids. Infamous being the sharks total inability to digest the most frail and fragile of flowers. Dandelions sometimes come out completely intact. Yes, these air breathing fish are stupid, useless creatures who are weaker than a new born tadpole with anorexia. So in short, Twilight was not only safe from the clutches of death, but in for an unpleasant and long ride within an airborne coin purse.

Anyway, as the flying fish took the young ally cron on a (friendship is) magic adventure, out the stepped the main character in this story....

Owlowiscious!

"Who!"

Ha! Wrong.

"Who?"

Suddenly owl-ol-whats-his-name hooted one last time before being pounced on by a stray cat. As the clearly one sided struggle made its way into a random alley, out stepped the TRUE main character of this story...-

Spike!

Said dragon poked his head out of the library doorway looking for the summoner of his presence.

"Hello? Can I help you?"he responded looking around for the somepony who said his name.

Yes, Spike here is going on a medium scale adventure. The quest? To get that horse vagina.

"Who said that?" he asked, his eyes darting left to right. Scared and confused was he, this dragon.

Why is Spike getting pony cheeks today you may ask? Simple. You don't pay your taxes, thats why. You ask too many questions that I only know the answer to. And why do you question this story? i don't know. Why do you keep reading this? Because sir or madam are communist. Thats right. I said it.

"Who's there? What are you talking about? What's a communist?" So many questions from the frightened drake and so little time for answers. " W-where's Twilight?"

Spike suddenly finds himself uninterested in Twilights whereabouts.

"...I do?"

Yea.

"umm," he was very unsure with what in the actual fudge was happening. Though whatever force he was feeling and listening to confused him, it didn't sound too menacing.

So after that awkward moment of nothing happening, Spike decided to take a quick stroll to see what Rarity was doing.

His expression brightened considerably as well his good spirits. It was always nice to talk about Rarity. Any mention of his crush/ sweat heart/ obsession he won't admit/ neutral girlfriend was enough to make his day a happy one.

"Okay then! I like that idea." He began a cheerful stroll to the Carousal Boutique. He turned to lock up the library and made them moves to his boo. He admired how gorgeous the day was and how perfect it'd be to do... just about anything really. He noticed the grass looked greener, the sky looked blue-er, and the sun was even nice to look at. For like three seconds. After clearing his stupid eyes he looked around to notice that most of the town consisted of mares. Not just that, but most if not all the mares were easy on the eyes. Especially them flanks they carried on their backs.

"Erm, Twilight told me not look there-"

Twilight fell in a stomach.

'What?"

Yes, all those delicious technicolor pony plots were out in the open. Naked. And despite nearly all of them being exposed to the elements, almost everyday I might add, all them plots stay unnaturally clean.

"Are you a ghost or something?" Once again that nervous girly part of Spike reared her stanky head. "Am I being haunted? If I am, I'm really sorry for whatever I did wrong."

One could sympathize with the little lizard. Its not everyday that you wake up, find your caretaker missing, and for no reason whatsoever listen to a voice or being that seems to be following you around. But then again, its not everyday that the freaking sun is raised by an almighty all and sometimes powerful alicorn monarch.

"Yes..." the bewildered drake slowly dug out. "It is."

And then the Carousal Boutique.

Spike's face collided with lower door of said building. How he navigated his way through town to his destination staring upward into nothing and listening to a voice only he can hear can be explained by modern science. Not pony science. That has not been invented yet.

Any who, tears formed in the corners of Spikes eye's as his nose stung from the beating the door gave him. Maybe next time he won't talk back.

"Ugh. I think I broke something..." Slowly recovering from his meager meagerness, he shook the stars and occasional fat pony from his eye's to gaze upon a note that lay stuck of the door. Firmly grasping the sexy piece of parchment he read in a poorly done imitation of his loving affection.

"To whom it may concern.

I am away on a personal matter involving my precious wittle opalescence. She is

terribly sick and yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada blah blah blah blah

blah lady problems lady problems lady probl-

Already bored, Spike decided to skim down a couple lines.

"I wasn't bored.."he muttered. Half of that was him being a little prick. The other half was of blood loss. His nose had been bleeding for five minutes. Thats what happens when you read. And take on a door knob with no back-up. Anyway, he skimmed to the bottom.

Blahdy blah blah yada yada yada. yada to help soothe my precious, delicate flower back to health.

Sincerely yours, Rarity

P.S. I'll be at Fluttershy's.

P.S.S If any random stallion

reading this shows up at my

friends home I will call the Pony

cops. Yes, they exist.

As Spike's nose began to bleed some strange gooey pink stuff, he thought.

Then he thought some more.

Then he passed out from too much thinking and not enough nose covering.

OH NOES. What shall happen to poor Spike? Why is Rarity at Fluttershy's? We already know actually. Umm.... Does Big MacIntosh know how to read? Is Scootaloo asexual?? Probably? Is the narrator really DISCORD? Balls no.

Tune in nextmarrow on wyverm sphere sideways N!

Meanwhile in the stratosphere of Ponyvillian

Muffled screams of pure frustration sounded from the enlarged esophagus of the now content sky shark. The less frightened, more annoyed, and kinda not really digested at all Twilight Sparkle remained. She struggled and pushed and tugged for some reason, but all she got for her efforts was a tiny comical fart sound. From within. Classic.

She collapsed in defeat. "Its no use. I'll never get out of here. Well... the way I want to anyway.." she shuddered at the terrifying prospect of getting even DIRTIER. And so she cried like the little quitter she is. Despite all of Twilights smartness and whatnot, she failed to remember that she was an alicorn. And not just any alicorn, but an alicorn who a few weeks prior was the most gifted unicorn in the world. Throughout all the pushing and head butting she had been doing, she forgot that a simple teleportation spell could solve all her current and weird problems.

"Wait a minute," she agreed. "thats right!"

As she prepared her spell to escape the beast, the chapter came to an abrupt end.

"... What"?

Yep.

".... No!"

Uh huh.

Author's Note

First free lance story of mine. Also the first story where I don't give a complete fak. First story. Yea.

This story was also not really thought out. Just went along with the flow for hell of it. But srsly.

Ya like? No? Why are you here?

Feedback. nAo.