A merciful way
She’s still there. Still in the park with me. Ponyville is a great place to meet mares and I found the best one.
She’s the same light blue of the calmest lake. White mane, green eyes, the kind sappy love songs wail about. Sapphire is her name.
I’m with her, my hooves over hers. We’re looking into each other’s eyes. I can tell she can’t resist my blue eyes and force...strong personality.
“Cream, are you sure about this?” she asks, eyeballing the engagement ring.
I chuckle. I’m always sure about everything I do. “You know it, Sapphy.”
She loved it when I called her Sapphy. Loves it, I mean.
Tears creep into her eyes as she holds the ring under her cute little chin.
“Then I say yes. Yes, Cream Drop, I will marry you!”
These are the moments that make life worth living. They can still be held close to your mind and heart if you try.
It just takes control.
Time passes. Sapphire is still with me, still loves me. We are in our first home. Right where she needs to be.
“Why can’t I bring my friends over for dinner?” she asks in that little sing-song voice that makes me want to...
No. I am the colt of this house, not the mare. I don’t hit females, though.
“Because this is my home,” I explain, for the third time. “My rules. You only need me, Sapphy. You know that.”
“But I...”
“If you keep this up, I will leave you.”
She relents, the way she should. I’m still in control. Still in charge.
Another week passes. She’s getting whiney again. All Sapphire has to do is what I say. Why is that so hard to understand? That mare knew who she was getting married to. Right?
She doesn’t look at me anymore. Turns away when I’m talking to her. Noone does that.
I reach out.
I’m feeling thirsty. Looking straight at the wide-bodied, thin-necked bottle, I chug a few more swallows of white fluid that tastes like rainwater.
She’s smiling again. Everything’s fine. We aren’t in the house anymore. Walking by the river-front now. I nibble on her ear, wondering when I should tell her about the engagement ring in my satchel.
She’s perfect. Submissive, but I don’t point that out. It would give her strength over me. I have more self-worth than that.
I love her, though. I don’t want anyone to ever doubt that. No matter what people see or think.
I’m going to propose to her. Then we’ll be in that house I inherited. We’ll be together, no matter what.
More time passes. Our marriage is all I ever wanted it to be. Sapphire says she’s lonely, but I know what’s best for me.
Us. I meant us.
Sapphire is turning away from me.
“You keep saying you’ll leave me?" Sapphire yells. “I’ll make it real easy for you. I’ll do the leaving! What happened to you? I swear, I married a spoiled kid! You always want everything your way!"
She’s pulling saddle-bags from her closet. They are already packed. There’s a frown on her perfect face that I can’t be the cause of.
I’m in the kitchen when she says she’s leaving. There’s a carving knife in my hooves. There’s control that can still be won. I step towards her.
My hooves shake as I clamor for the bottle of white fluid.
I got the bottle when the sky turned into both night and day. I never did find out why that happened. I was looking out the kitchen window when I saw Princess Twilight drink a white liquid that made her eyes glow.
Who was it that gave...that I got it from? It was a zebra mare. Zecora, I think. She said that only Alicorns can drink it. She shouldn’t have let it slip that this drink let Twilight see into the past.
The past is so much better, everyone says. After all, everyone you know lives there.
There was noone but me and Zecora as I tried to bargain with every last bit I had. That mare refused my offer for that potion. Noone refuses me. If you don’t dominate, my dad always said, you get dominated. I took control again.
Noone saw me drag her body into the Everfree forest. Not even Sapphire, who is always happy with me.
She and I are laughing, splitting a sandwich together under a gazebo. I love Sapphire so much. I plan to buy an engagement ring soon.
We lie down on the gazebo floor, watching the sun slip behind the mountains. I hold her close. Possessively close.
There’s something wrong with my stomach, though. When was the last time I ate? That stuff the princess drank has no vitamins. That doesn’t matter. Sapphire is right where she needs to be. In my arms.
I keep blacking out. I’m still in the kitchen, though. When did I get back here?
My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. I can’t talk. My eyes can’t focus.
The bottle. My hooves clamp onto it, but it rolls away, empty.
How long have I been lying here?
A week, at least. The kitchen stinks of my waste. And of something else.
I can barely move. So weak from hunger.
Sapphire is lying next to me. That hasn’t changed.
But she’s not breathing. Not smiling.
Something is stuck in her throat. The carving knife.
Her blood has long since dried into a brown crust.
With no more potion, no more past to stay...no...to run away in, I had to realize something.
The only thing I have to look forward to now is myself.
And I’m not enough.
All I ever wanted was control.
But how could I expect to have control over my wife when I couldn’t even control myself?
I don’t deserve my happy memories. I never deserved Sapphire.
I struggle to wrap my arms around her. My beloved wife.
Can’t even hear my own breathing. It won’t be long now before I join her.
Oh, Sapphy.
You deserved better than me.
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
“Ultimate horror often paralyzes memory in a merciful way.” H.P. Lovecraft
Author's Note
A short, sharp shock. I hope you folks like it.
Music for this story is: Atrium Carceri--Eraser
