365 Days of Sex, Gore, Muffins, Drugs, Chaos--Oh, I Don't Give a Buck

by diamondstartheunicorn

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Dark, Romance, Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 514

Can Twilight survive at least a year before going insane?

Twilight is in trouble. She drank too much cider, and decided in her drunkeness that she would issue a law that lets everypony do what ever they want. It's heaven–but she can hardly concentrate on important princessly stuff! Can she survive 365 days? Or will she go totally insane?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-24 00:25:38 UTC

New Year's Day: I Totally Regret This

"Aw buck, a whole new year..."

Princess Twilight took a swig of her Pepsi. It was midnight. Everyone was partying and having sex. Usually, she would be happy on this certain day. A new year, a new adventure. But this time, she was screwed. Applejack walked over to her. "Hey, Twilight! Do you want some cider?" she asked. Twilight stared at her angrily, but then went back into her neutral expression. "Sorry, Applejack, but my New Year's resolution is to never drink alcohol. And I'm keeping it." she said. Applejack quietly walked away, rejoining the chaos. Twilight opend her saddle bag, opening a scroll while magicing a middle finger.

Why was I so drunk this morning? she thought. She read the law on the scroll.  "EquEsrtian Lawe 30,5753,08: All citizendhs cahnn doou waHtEVEr Theyhn wauntes. Teh othuuur Lawehs are now erraseed.(doehns nawht  complaiy wiath  EqUesrtiann laweh  02)"  Then Twilight read another scroll: "Equestrian Law 02: All laws made from now shall stay forver, no one shall erase thou laws, except laws that do not complaie." She put the scroll in her bag. Damn it, Celestia, why did you issue that law!? she thought. Then, she went upstairs and went to bed.

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Derpy rushed into the film shop.                 "QUICK! I NEED A MOVIE CAMERA!!!" she shouted to the stallion at the counter.                       "Buck it, lady! I'm getting it. Don't get mad!" he grunted.   He plopped a camera and 2000 feet of film. "It's enough to make one three hour film. That'll be 12 bits, lady! Oh, and here's a projector for 4 bits." And so, Derpy paid 16 bits and left.                        "All I need now is actors!"

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Twilight ate the last of her daisy-flavored Pop Tart and walked out the door. Hm--it was clear. no chaos in sight. But as she was on her way to Sugarcube Corner, Derpy crashed into her.                 "DERPY, YOU DOUCHE!" she shouted. " STOP RUNNING INTO ME!!!!" Derpy stared at her with a whats-the-big-deal-silly face.         "Don't you see? I'm gonna make a movie!!!"

Derpy announced. She shoved a poster into Twilight's face. The movie was called Feathers of Blue and White: A Forbidden Love, and starred Soarin and Celestia. The music was composed by Octavia, the props by Pinkie Pie, and sound by Vinyl Scratch and Octavia. And Derpy was director and she wrote the script. "I must get to Canterlot. It's time to film!" she said. She flew away, dissapearing into the clouds. And that's when the chaos started.                           "RUN!!! RUN AWAY!!!" screamed Rarity, running by.  There was an EXPLOSION. Fireworks exploded, scattering around Ponyville.            "It's the Apocalypse!!!" cried Applejack.                       Great. First derpy is working on a movie with shipping, then PINKIE PIE is playing with the bucking fireworks again. Twilight thought. Then, she ran to her safe library. She slammed the door. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EQUESTRIA!?" she cried.  She walked to her bedroom,  jumpd into her bed, and started to read Icarus. but on Chapter Three, there was a crash, like wood breaking.  Twilight groaned, then went downstairs. Rarity had bust through the door.