Ricky: The Equestrian Legend

The sun shone brightly as another sweltering day in Louisiana began.  It was just as hot and miserable as any other summer day.  But today would be different.  Amidst the smelly urban decay was one house in particular.  In this house lives the main protagonist, Ricky.  Now at first glance, Ricky doesn't look all that special, and in truth, he's not.  But... sometimes abnormal things happen to normal people.  This is one of those times.

Ricky woke up to the sound of his alarm.  He got up, stumbled around in the darkness of his room looking for his phone, stepped on one of his Warhammer figures,  cursed, and then fell to the floor.  He lay there on the floor, various wires and other detritus digging into his back as his alarm continued to ring.  Ricky made his way to the light switch and gave it a flick.

The room was then illuminated in a fluorescent light, much to Ricky's chagrin.  He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and did a quick survey of the room.  Clothes lay dirty on the floor, empty chip bags scattered about the room.  What gave him pause was that his computer was off.

"God damnit", he said as he made his way over to the darkened monitor.  He quickly swatted away a few empty soda cans standing on his desk, as they fell to the floor making hollow clanging sounds.  He moved his mouse around to make sure it didn't go into standby mode.  It was indeed off.  The reason this irked Ricky so was that his computer was normally kept running as it was a pain in the ass to reboot it.  "Someone must have overloaded the friggin' breaker again", he muttered to no one in particular.  If Ricky wasn't unhappy before, he certainly was now.

The sound of his alarm starting up again snapped him out of it though as he remembered that he had bigger fish to fry.  He had to get to work.  Now Ricky works as a meat cutter at your generic supermarket.  He actually enjoyed his job to some degree he supposed, and would be rather pissed if he was late to work. He decided he would talk to his roommates later about proper power usage.  He grabbed his phone and headed to the bathroom to begin his morning routine, sparing as it was.  On his way he spied his roommate Sheldon passed out on the couch.  Next to him, a half-empty bottle of Vodka.  Ricky rolled his eyes as he lamented on the fact that some people have to work for a living.

He walked in the bathroom, set down his phone by the sink and quickly assessed his appearance.  Ricky was a little on the portly side, but most southerners were anyway he supposed.  His hair was short, a bit messy, and black, as was his goatee.  Ricky was what you could call a rough looking individual.  Ricky checked the time on his phone.  It read 7:26. "Shit!" Ricky said as he realized there was no time for a shower. He went to the room next to the bathroom to see his other roommate, Andrew laying on a foldout futon, snoring loudly, and was wearing a blue and yellow hoodie with pony ears sticking out of the top of his hood.  Andrew referred to it as his "wonderbolts hoodie", Ricky just called it a faggy pony jacket.  It had pony ears for Christ's sake.

Yes, Andrew and Sheldon were both what you would call "bronies".  Sad, sad people who would on a regular basis watch a show called "My Little Pony".  Ricky could not for the life of him figure out why they both found it so appealing, and frankly, he didn't give a damn.  "Hey fatass" Ricky said gruffly.  "wake up."

In response Andrew gave an exasperated groan and slowly sat up.  "What?", Andrew said.

  "I'm late for work, you're gonna have to find someone else to bring you to work today.", Ricky said.

  Andrew then fully woke up.  "What?!" he said, a look of shock plastered on his face.  "You can't  do that!"

"Look", Ricky said, "I'm not going to be late on account of your sorry ass.  Just call one of your friends", he said exiting the room.  "I'm sure they'll give you a ride."  He sauntered his way to Bobby's room to pay his rent.  He closed the distance between himself and the door and knocked twice.  No response.  He knocked again with the same result.  'Whatever',  he thought, 'I'll just pay it after I get off of work.' He exited his domicile and stood outside for a moment, appreciating nature's beauty; the flowers, the clouds, the butterflies, everything.  Ricky could appreciate life's simple pleasures.  At that moment. a bee stung him.  "OW!" he said, "FUCK YOU NATURE!" and jogged over to his truck.  He stopped.  Walking to the back of the truck, he saw what caused him so much distress.  On the back of his truck was painted a strange symbol.  The symbol appeared to be a cloud with a rainbow colored lightening bolt coming out of it.  "What the fuck is this gay shit?!"  Ricky exclaimed.

Ricky may have been unhappy before, but he was downright pissed now.  He didn't recognize the symbol, but deduced that since it had rainbows in it, it had something to do with that gay ass pony shit and that either Andrew or Sheldon were to blame.  He swallowed his anger once again, as he did not have the time for this.  He would just get them to wash it off later.  He entered his gray pickup, and like his room, it was quite messy.  Richy was quite fond of the old gal, he just wished it had a bigger motor, but it got the job done.  He backed out of the driveway and made his way to work.

He turned on his radio to the first rock station he could find.  Not that he much cared for the crap they played nowadays.  Any of the bands he liked before had either sold out or were long gone.  Ricky guessed he just liked the noise.  Ricky rolled (never gonna give you up! never gonna let you) down the window as he pulled up to a stoplight.  A rumbling in his stomach reminded him that he didn't eat anything yet.  That meant that he would most likely get a nice balanced breakfast from the nearest Taco Bell.  ......Was it open this early?

Just then Ricky heard a sound that chilled him to the bone.  Pony music.  He had heard Sheldon and Andrew playing it and therefore "fagging up the house" enough to recognize it for what it was.  He cocked his head to the left just in time to see a car decked out in pony stickers pull up next to him.  It was almost gayer than a Prius.  Almost.

He could see inside the car, all the occupants wearing pony t-shirts, buttons, temporary tattoos, (at least he hoped they were temporary) some even wore jackets and beanies.  Ricky was frankly surprised they weren't sucking each other off.  One of them rolled down the window and quickly struck out a fist.  He looked as though he expected it to be pounded.  He was going to be sorely disappointed.  The only thing Ricky was going to be pounding was drinks later tonight.  He had just bought a 72 dollar bottle of absinthe and he couldn't wait to get to it.

"Hey bro!", the brony said.  "Saw the kickass decal on the back of your truck!  I guess that makes your truck about twenty percent cooler than all the other trucks!"  All the bronies began laughing hysterically and exchanging fist bumps.  Whatever the joke was it was lost on him.  Needless to say, Ricky was dumbfounded.  So he did the only thing he knew how.  He gave the proper response to meeting a bunch of bronies.  He raised his middle finger.

They all stared wide-eyed at Ricky's now grinning face.  They weren't quite sure how to respond.  The light turned green, and Ricky sped off cackling like a madman.  The bronies sat in silence until one of them spoke up.

"What was up with him?", one said.

  Another responded, "yeah, what a strange way for a fellow brony to react."

"He must have been jelly of our swagger."

  The driver finally spoke.  "Don't worry bro's, he'll discover the magic of friendship soon enough.", he said somewhat ominously, his voice changing.  He snapped his fingers.