The Art of the Fan Fiction

by Philosopher Brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Sweetie Belle, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other
Length: 3422

This is a story about a writer who lost control of his creation.

This is what happens when a fan fiction goes of the rails, and falls into the deepest depths of insanity. Sit back, relax, and make sure you are ready for literally anything! *evil laughing*

Published 2014-01-13 00:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-13 00:00:02 UTC

Just start reading already!

Author's Note

If you are reading this for a youtube video (or anything online in general), please help a fellow Youtuber out by giving my channel a shout out. After all, I did write this story.

My channel is: 1gamer13.

I'm sorry, this seems like a low move on my part.

Just start reading already!

Hm... What should I write about? I did have that one idea about a Ratchet and Clank cross over with my little pony, but how would I even start that? Besides, how many people even know about that video game series. Come on, this has to be about colorful ponies, not video games that have nothing to do about the subject at hand. Or should I say: "at Hoof", or would that be pushing it with the horse humor. Now that I have thought about it some more, that doesn't really sound like a good idea for the moment. OH! I just got a great idea for a proper fan fiction that is sure to entertain someone. This fan fiction should be based on the idea of steam http://www.fimfiction.net/story/130329/steampunk-the-start-of-a-new-age pun- Wait, what was that? Is that a link or something, or is it my brain spazing out like when I saw my little pony for the first time. Huh... *taps screen* ... is someone already reading this? That isn't even possible! I didn't even start writing the story first. How is this even happening? Okay... I need to calm myself down, I don't want to scare off the reader. Oh, that reminds me. HELLO, CAN YOU TRY TO HELP FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? No response, I guess that I'm either imagining things again, or that you can't respond to me. At least not in a fashion that I can understand, let alone hear. Just... just hold on one second reader, I need some time to see what is going on just stay put while I try to fix this *walks into a back room* It'll only take but a moment! AH! I think I got it, just give me a second to plug in these wires. *walks back into main room* That should do it, we just have to give it a second to reboot the system so that this fan fiction can get back on track. While we are here it the space beyond the fourth wall. We might as well have a conversation with the one character that can actually get here. I'd like to welcome: Mis Pinkamina Dian Pie! *Pinkie pops into existence* Hello Pinkie, how are you today?

Pinkie replied in extreme bliss: "OH MY CELESTIA! IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST VISITED THIS PLACE! I AM SO SO SO EXCITED TO HAVE FUN HERE! WE COULD-"

The narrator quickly cut her off: "Pinkie, could you please calm down for a moment. Actually, wait a minute... Did my method of dialogue just change, and what is with this 'The narrator quickly cut her off' stuff that happened before we started talking? Just hold on for another second while I grab something from the back room that might help us."

The narrator left for the back room once again, and had left Pinkie pie all by herself. She could hardly contain her excitement for whatever she was expecting to happen, then she noticed an unplugged plug. Pinkie held it in her hoof and jammed it into a nearby socket. Everything went black, and she could feel the world around her changing.

Pinkie pie was now strapped down to a table with metal clamps holding all four of her legs down, and kept them from moving. The room was decorated with balloons, streamers, and all sorts of other decorations that were all made out of dead ponies. Then, she discovered that the room was made out of clouds that were normally used in cloud houses. "Oh! your finally awake!" said an all too familiar voice. Rainbow Dash, stepped out of the darkness in a dress made from the skin off of pony's faces, and they were all smiling. Pinkie, trembling in fear, asked: "DASHIE! WHAT'S GOING ON?"

The new cynical Rainbow Dash said in joy: "You did agree to help me make rainbows, didn't you? And the only way to make a proper rainbow is by the chopped up remains of ponies!" She began to laugh maniacally as Pinkie struggled to get free. Luckily, the narrator finally came back with a panel that was covered in buttons.

"NARRATOR! HELP! I'M GOING TO BE KILLED BY A BAD REVERS FAN FICTION OF CUPCAKES AND RAINBOW FACTORY!" Pinkie screamed to the approaching narrator.

The narrator, gripped in confusing with a dash of frustration, asked: "What is this? No, no, no, this will never do! I don't want to be remembered as that one writer who only does bad ripoffs of good fan fictio-"

"COULD YOU PLEASE STOP THIS FIRST BEFORE YOU GO INTO ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR RANTS!" Pinkie interjected as she was only a few seconds away from being killed by a evil version of her friend.

"Of course, I just need one moment to figure out which button to press..."

"YOU MEAN YOU DODN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK THAT THING!"

"Be quiet while I'm working." The narrator pressed a button at random in a an attempt to stop this badly written fan fiction. Instead, all it did was switch Rainbow Dash with Spike for some odd resin. Fortunately, Due to the law of equestrian nature, Spike fell strait through the cloud floor. Pinkie just lied there trying to take in what just happened as the narrator studied the panel. He then pressed another button and the table that pinkie was on then turned into butterflies. Pinkie landed on the floor, but she didn't fall through. He noticed this and asked: "Huh, why didn't you- forget it, I know how that old saying goes."

"You mean 'Because... Pinkie Pie!"

"Yes... that one. What do we do now?"

"Ooo! WE SHOULD TRY ANOTHER FAN FICTION!"

"Are you sure that you want to do that? I mean, you were almost killed by the last one."

"I'm absolutely, positively, sure that it can only get better than this!"

"All right, if you say so Pinkie."

He pressed another button to see what might happen this time, and it did cause some significant changes to the place. When they opened their eyes, it was revealed to them that they were now inside of a library. Specifically, Twilight Sparkle's Library which was a nice relief for now. "What does that mean for now?" the narrator asked the descriptive sentence prior to his line of dialogue. "Um-m-m... Narrator... I think I know what it meant." Pinkie said in trembling fear.

"Are we inside another horror fan fiction?"

"No... I'm definitely sure about that."

"Then why are you scared?" She pointed a hoof to Twilight who was dressed in dark purple lingerie. Then Pinkie noticed that she was on Twilight's bed in a welcoming position. The narrator finally came to his seances and started to try to stop this before it became one of those stories. Unfortunately, the more buttons he pressed, the more romantic it became until he pressed the wrong button. Pinkie Pie and the narrator instantly switched places, but the control panel stayed where it was. Twilight was just inches away from locking lips with the narrator when he said: "PINKIE! YOU NEED TO STOP THIS!"

"Oki doki loki!"

"HURRY! I THINK THAT IT IS THE ONE ON THE LEFT!" Pinkie, without any hesitation, pressed one of the buttons on the left at random. This didn't stop the fan fiction, but it switched Twilight with Rarity. Although this time, that didn't stop a thing. Rarity began to kiss him as he tried to pry her off while simultaneously motioning Pinkie to press another button. Pinkie did so, but it only caused Rarity's hair and fur to fall off, all of it. Pinkie, at lightning fast speed, smashed another button to get this nightmare to stop.

It did as she hoped for, and it left them in a blank room with the narrator curled up in a ball on the floor. He rolled back in forth in horror of what had just happened to him. Pinkie then hugged him, and tried her best to cheer him up. He at least stopped rocking back and forth, and he also managed to set aside his horror until he was able to visit a shrink. "Um, narrator..." Pinkie said in a slightly scared tone.

"What is it now?"

"Is the control panel suppose to smoke like that, and have sparks coming off of it?"

"Give it here. What did you do to it?"

"I just pressed a button." He studied it closer, and he noticed the damage that had been done to it. There was a hoof shaped indent on the button, and the surrounding buttons were stuck in the down position. "PNIKIE! You could have just doomed us! Now I have no control over what will happen, and to top it all off, I think I know why my method of dialogue changed a while ago. I somehow became a character in the story, or something."

"Sorry." Pinkie almost started to cry after saying that, and her mane flattened. The narrator noticed this and tried to make her fell better by giving her a hug. It managed to help, and it made her mane poof back up again. As this was happening, The panel began to spark even more, and caused a random story to come into existence.

They were on a grassy hill with a cloudy blue sky overhead. Amongst the the clouds were floating words that read 'Look in front of you to have a-' the rest of it was blocked by clouds. He did as the mystical words told him, and he looked strait on. A filly version of Trixie was rolling around on the ground while gnawing on a cookie. She had larger than normal eyes, and her fur was slightly fluffy. This sight gave the narrator a heart attack, and caused Pinkie to panic. Conveniently, she noticed a defibrillator just laying right next to her, but she had no idea how to use it. Pinkie managed to turn it on, and got it prepared. She Slammed one of the pads on his stomach, and the other one landed on the narrator's face. "CLEAR!" Pinkie yelled at the top of her lungs as she released the charge into him.

"AHHHHHHH!" The Narrator screamed in pain while cupping his hands over his face which only caused more pain.

"Are you alright?"

"AHHHHHHH!"

"Are you sure, because you look like you are in pain?"

"AHHHHHHH!"

"Okay."

The intense pain finally subsided and he was able to focus. There was a large, rectangle, burn mark across his face , and there was another one on his shirt. The narrator exposed the burn on his face and look at Pinkie. "OH! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you!" Pinkie said as she realized the pain she caused him.

"It is all right, you were only trying to help. At least that is what you were trying to do while I was passed out."

"Does it still hurt?"

"I think its okay now."

They looked back at Trixie who was still doing the same thing in the same fashion. This time, the narrator didn't have a heart attack because of the pain he was still in. It was also a possibility that the shock to his face managed to reach his brain, and destroyed the portion of his brain that held the idea of what qualified as cute. Either way, he was thankful for whatever resin that prevented him from having cute induced heart attacks. The Narrator finally remembered about the control panel, and retrieved it from where it was resting on the ground. It was still smoking, but he decided to press a button in an attempt to get them out. All the button did was made Trixie say cute things every once in a while like: Hugs?, I wanna Cookie!, and etc. Another button was pressed and it caused the little filly to multiply. This nearly caused another heart attack, but he was able to prevent it by adverting his eyes. Unfortunately, the Trixies all said at the same time: "Belly wub?" This cause such a horrible heart attack that the story changed in an attempt to keep him alive.

They were now in a dark hallway that was made out of metal, and the air smelled of death and decay. There were vents in the walls, and a small layer of fog lined the floor. Out of where convenience, the heart attack stopped after he was slammed on the cold hard floor. After they got up off the ground, and dusted off the panel; a horrible shriek came from down the hall followed by a monstrosity of nature. A unicorn with warped flesh, next to no fur, her legs cut off, and strange bloody appendages protruded from her back. It's one open eye locked onto them and dragged itself quickly across the ground. Gripped in fear, they were unable to move. It drew closed and closer, until another pony push passed them and pulled out a gun. It fired lasers which chopped off the rest of the monster pony's limbs. It squirmed on the ground until the mysterious pony crushed it's head with a powerful stomp. The Narrator collected his nerves, and was able to observer the stranger. The pony was encased in armor with a helmet that had three glowing lines across it. The pony went up to them and reviled that she was Applejack. She started the conversation by saying: "You two almost got eaten by a Necromorph!"

"Thanks." The narrator replied.

"Whatcha two doing here? I thought that I was the last one." AJ asked.

"We were te-le-por-ted her when he passed out!" Pinkie said as she pointed at the Narrator.

"Right... Now what?" AJ asked.

He looked down at the panel, and thought to himself: 'No way I'm pressing another button'. Out of nowhere, a filly necromorph popped out a vent and tackled him. After the initial shock, it looked at the panel, bit down on it, and ran off before Applejack could shoot it. "WE HAVE TO GET THAT CONTROL PANEL BACK!" The Narrator yelled and he ran after it.

The two ponies followed until they reached a large room with pillars holding up the ceiling. The filly necromorph was fascinated by the strange device as it stood there in the center to the room. The small group stopped just a few feet away from it. AJ drew her weapon, but her aim was thrown off when a large beastly yell came from an unknown location. This caused the shot to fly off in a random direction, bouncing all around the room, until it went down a vent. The filly was crushed when a giant necromorph landed on it just inches away from the panel. This monster was the size of a small house, dots of yellow fur were visible, the remains of a pink mane rested onto of it, and three butterflies were on it's flanks. AJ's mouth dropped by the site, Pinkie's eyes dilated until they were just dots, and the Narrator face palmed as he said: "GREAT! This is just what we need. A giant Fluttershy necromorph!" Fluttershy stabbed the control panel, and ate it as quickly as she appeared. Unable to think clearly due to a massive buildup of rage, began to smack his head repetitively into a nearby wall. Fluttershy started her approach but a sudden hiccup stopped her. It caused a massive discharge of energy from the control panel. A wave of energy was sent all over the room engulfing everything and everyone. Everyone stopped as if time had stopped, everyone except the narrator. The energy also caused multiple holes in space and time to open all around him. These holes brought forth a flow of miscellaneous items into existence such as a bowl of petunias, and other random things like that. Suddenly, Sweetie Belle, wearing a diamond helmet, was flung through one of the holes along with an iron pickaxe and apples. The sudden impact knocked her out cold, and the iron pick broke after striking the ground. "F**K! I COULD HAVE USED THAT! Wait... WAS I JUST CENSORED?" He yelled into the lifeless void that was his surroundings. He took a moment to think about the situation at hand since there was nothing left to be angry at.

After hours of thinking of what to do next. He got hungry and tried one of the pixel apples. Instead of eating it, most of his teeth broke upon the first bit. "AHHHHHHH!" The scream escaped his mouth along with bits of teeth, saliva, and blood. He then continued to curse both the situation he was in, and that evil apple.

Some more hours passed as he managed to stop the bleeding, and was able to evaluate his current state even further. He came to a conclusion, and he real didn't like it. He would need to climb into Fluttershy, retrieve the control panel, and stop this nightmare once and for all.

Once he was inside, he vomited on her tung. Only after some seconds of making his way down, he got stuck somewhere in or below the stomach. The he resided there for many hours more until he figured lout how to move again. Finally, something lucky happened for the poor narrator. He found the control panel, and he was able to get out rather quickly.

He stood there just looking at the one object that has caused this entire catastrophe. Out of sheer anger, he began to smash it against the walls, floor, and finished it by breaking it in two on his knee. A final blast of energy erupted from the broken devise, and it caused a massive shift in the fabric of reality that ended in mostly good fortune for him.

He was back in the white room, and all his injuries were undone except for the mental scars. Even though those memories would scar him for life, and that he might need psychological therapy for the rest of his life, he was happy that he was back. Unfortunately, he soon realized that he wasn't out of the woods yet. The weird text didn't stop, and it was still dictating what he was thinking, doing, and saying. "Hold on, hold on. Instead of yelling at you, I'm just going to ask: what going to happen now?" The Narrator said to the space around him. Luckily, the mystical words were able to tell him the information he so desired with out directly communicating with him. There was no possible way for him to know that he was actually a character him a story the entire time, and someone else was the really narrator. "WHAT? THAT MEANS THAT THIS VERSION OF ME WILL SEASE TO EXSIST ONCE THE STORY IS OVER!" He scream in a fear that you only get when someone is looking death right in the eyes. He was correct in his statement, but there was a way of preserving him even though the fan fiction has ended. "WHAT IS IT?" He yelled once more into the emptiness. Even though he had no clue what it was that would happen to him, he wanted it done anyway. Unfortunately, he most likely wouldn't like it in the slightest. "SCREW IT! JUST KEEP ME ALIVE!" Again, he yelled into the nothingness. The process that would happen would change him into a background character in the TV show, but at least it would keep him alive with his memories in tacked. "What?!?" He said as his body was coated in light. Then he blacked out.

He woke up while siting on a hard wood floor. He felt something baggy underneath his behind, and he finally noticed the blocks in front of him. To his left sat an oranges mane filly who was sucking on a bottle of milk. It hit him that he was transform into Pound Cake! He then tried to yell, but found out that his vocal cords were unusable in the stage of childhood. A single word was uttered in his mind before it broke into a billion pieces, and this was that word: "FU--