Rainbow Cracktory

by ParodyProductions

Rating: mature
Tags: Tragedy, Scootaloo, Random, Adventure, Sex, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 5708

Nopony truly knows the operations of the upper Rainbow Factory... but we do know it involves some illegal drug use.

Please note that this is a parody. It is not meant to be a good story, just a funny one. Nopony truly knows the operations of the upper Rainbow Factory... but we do know it involves some illegal drug use. When Scootaloo and her friends fail their flight tests, they'll find out the truth to how the stupid city of Cloudsdale produces it's signature export, as well as the truth to why Cloudsdale has so many junkies, and why they need all those drugs they import everyday. Oh, and how they make their rainbows. DISCLAIMER: We do not own any My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic characters, nor are we making a profit on this. In addition, Rainbow Factory by AuroraDawn is not owned by us, nor is the song Rainbow Factory and its lyrics by Glaze (WoodenToaster) owned by us, and we are not in any way attempting to harm the author or the story's fans. We hope you all enjoy this story as much as we did writing it. We would ask that you do not spam the comments about how terrible we are for making a parody for a great fan fiction. We would also request that you do not dislike purely because it is making fun of a fan fiction which we too enjoyed. However, I'd you do dislike, that means our job is complete, and we will feel accomplished. You must have a very good understanding of "comedy" before you will learn to enjoy this. Don't take it seriously, and you will love it.

Published 2014-04-05 04:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-05 04:20:04 UTC

Rainbow Cracktory

RAINBOW CRACKTORY
BY PARODYPRODUCTIONS

"Now a rainbow's tale isn't quite as nice

as the story we knew of cocaine and spice"

There's long been rumors to why the hell Equestria needs all those drugs. Oh, and that rainbow thing, they want to know how those are made. Although many Pegasai are employed at Cloudsdale Weather Corporation, most of them do the crap that gets them a very small amount of money, as well as a large amount of radiation. Ponies who take jobs there usually die within a week. It's great, they barely have to pay the workers anything! The Pegasai of the lower factory stir the spectra, which, if you were to taste it, makes your face explode with several different colors. It tastes very spicy. Rainbow's aren't known for their flavor, as once said by a very crazy Pegasus named Rainbow Dash. Shit, you aren't supposed to know she's crazy yet. Forget we mentioned that part. Anyways, after stirring the spectra, it is pumped into some storage doohickey, where it is contained until weather Pegasai spread it around and make all of the boys and girls happy! Little do they know what shit that stuff is made of.

Nopony knows how the spectra is made. Drugs of various types (mostly crack) are seen brought in, leaving a clue that junkies operate the facility. Tourists are greeted and welcomed into the facility, where they are then shredded up by machines and turned into Spectra. I should really stop giving crap away, because later in the story when it's supposed to seem surprising that a pony named RAINBOW Dash makes RAINBOWS, and that the Rainbow Factory Scootaloo goes to is the Rainbow Factory I'm talking about now, it won't really have the effect I'm looking for. But since you know, I might as well tell you other shit about this place. The upper floor of the factory had a huge welcome sign, and rainbows surrounded the facility, making tourists very comfortable as they walk towards their impending doom! The clouds surrounding the building were not white like a slut pony's bed, but a dark black, just like the color of their suits. In fact, some ponies say that the suits are made from the clouds, making them extra fluffy. That way, if they die, they die inside a peaceful, black, pony-shaped cloud-coffin.

To become an employee of the upper Rainbow Factory meant sacrificing any dreams you had of creating your own rainbow company. Cloudsdale makes the rainbows, bitch! Workers are sworn to secrecy and and are forbidden from leaving the factory. Except on days like Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, St. Patrick's Day, Halloween, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Easter, National Pie Day, International Give Someone a Hug Day, you get the idea. The workers were forced to live there, their minds getting fucked up as they shredded ponies to pieces with machinery, leaving no trace but a bunch of ponies who looked like they had been shredded up with machinery. Can you imagine getting shredded by machinery? That would hurt like it does when you need to take a shit, but someone is sticking their hoof up your ass! Don't ask how I know what that feels like. I've slept with a LOT of mares. And stallions. Just kidding, I'm a virgin like Fluttershy. A lot of theories as to how all of this happened were created. Perhaps it was some sort of dark magic which they stole from unicorns, or maybe it was chemicals and environmental hazards. Ponies even thought it could have been Celestia, who was actually destined to create the Spectra rather than raise and lower the sun and moon. The most crazy theory is that it was a fucked up fan fiction written by some fucked up brony of sorts, and they wrote it based on a song from some guy named Glaze or some shit like that.

None of them could be farther than the truth. Except for the ponies who believed the fan fiction theory, they were spot on.

"But a rainbow's easy once you get to know it,

with the help of the magic of tobacco and a pipe"

"How long are you going to take a shit, Orion? We're gonna be late for the final test!" Scootaloo called to her friend. Well, really, he was her boyfriend, ever since she killed his girlfriend and made out with him over his girlfriend's dead body. She SO got laid that night! She, like all other Pegasai, was nervous of this test. Those who passed gained freedom, so they could roam the world, gain their cutie marks if they hadn't yet, get a job if they decided to get off their lazy asses, and fuck as many stallions and mares as they could.

A little known, or a little thought about, for that matter, fact was what happened to the Pegasai that failed the test. While very uncommon, it was possible for ponies to actually fail. Which was strange, considering how fucking easy the test was. You could bet your ass that if you failed that test, you weren't fit to fly anyways. The only reason the Pegasai ever fail is when other fillies and colts watching distract them. Cloudsdale didn't like losers, so they would do what any sensible pony would do, and turn them into rainbows using brutal force that isn't really necessary.

Scootaloo decided to "slide to the left!" to get closer to Orion, who had settled down next to her. He fuffled his...fuffled, hold on, that's not a word...he FLUFFED his shit-brown feathers and gave a worried attempt at a smile. He sucked at that, and Scootaloo just stared at him awkwardly. She slapped him. "If you're going to be THAT bad at pretending, then don't even try," she said to him. He nodded and a worried look replaced his shitty excuse of a smile. They were seated in a large coliseum, a hoofball field sitting in the middle. Posters for the Ponybowl XXX (heheheh) were posted about the place. A poster of Rainbow Dash wearing a black suit stood by the exit. A caption at the bottom read:

CLOUDSDALE WEATHER CORPOATION'S RAINBOW FACTORY

Below that, it read:

EVERYPONY USEFUL TO US

The words "Useful to" had been scrawled out and replaced by the word "help" in blood. Scootaloo wondered why it would say that. The blood didn't bother her. That seemed normal enough, the word "help" in blood. Right? Behind the exit of the arena was the entrance to the factory. Orion noticed it and gulped.

"Wow, you look like the shit has literally been scared out of you," said Scootaloo, giving Orion a playful punch. The air began to smell like shit. Scootaloo should have kept her thoughts to herself. Well, some of them she WAS keeping to herself.

"Yeah," said Orion, "but at least I don't have a wingboner." Scootaloo looked at her wings to notice that they were wide out. Okay, so maybe she was having trouble keeping her thoughts to herself. She blushed.

"Fuck you," she said.

"Oh," said Orion, "is that what you're thinking about?"

"No," said Scootaloo, "I don't really like you that much. I like that dude next to you bet-I mean, yeah, that's what it is!"

Orion was too worried and deep in thought to notice Scootaloo's slip-up. If he had noticed, however, let's just say he knew Pinkie Pie, and he also knew how to get her to make some pretty good cupcakes. He HAD helped her get some of the secret ingredient before, of course. "But," he said, "what if I fail? I'm worried, Scootaloo. Please fuck me, I'll feel better."

"Pfft, there's no fucking way you're doing that in public," said Scootaloo, "and besides, you need to man up. You're acting like a fucking filly!"

"Well," said Orion, "you're a filly, so that means I'm being...over confident, right?"

"You fucking bloated piece of-" Scootaloo was interrupted by the test coordinator.

"We're going to do this by name," he said, "so shut the fuck up, and let's get this over with. The test will consist of three sections. First, you must fly up. Then, you must fly back down. And last, you must fly a total of 5 yards toward me. When you have completed this very difficult test, you will be judged. If they pass you, then congratulations! You have passed, and saved your sorry little ass, which I honestly don't give a shit about. If you are to fail, you will be shipped. Shipped away, I mean, not with another mare or stallion." He glanced around at all of the ponies. "Alright then, Aurora Dawn, you're up first. Raise up, lower down, and go forward." The instructor paused for a moment, "That's what she said."

The yellow pony nodded and walked up to where the judges were, approximately 5 yards from the coach. The yellow pegasus flew into the air. She flew back down, and flew forward toward the instructor. She stopped after five yards and landed perfectly.

"Fail!" yelled a judge.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Aurora. "I did it perfectly!"

"No," said the judge, "you were supposed to fly 5 yards toward the instructor. You flew 5.0000001 yards toward the instructor. You have been disqualified."

Aurora began to cry as she walked away and sat on an empty seat. Which is good, because otherwise she'd be sitting in an occupied seat, and she vowed to her mom she'd stay a virgin until she was married. She cried softly to herself.

"What the fuck?" asked Scootaloo. "No wonder ponies actually fail at this, that judge is a dick!"

"Yeah," said Orion, "I told you there was shit to be worried about!" They watched as the next several ponies took their test, all of them passing by somehow calculating the exact amount of yards to fly, making Aurora look like a pussy who couldn't do shit. The instructor said the same thing every time a new flier approached.

"Raise up, lower down, and go forward. That's what she said. Raise up, lower down, and go forward. That's what she said. Raise up, lower down, and go forward. That's what she said. Raise up, lower down, and go forward. That's what she said." He didn't have to say "that's what she said" every single time, but all of the ponies laughed at it and felt less stressed. He stopped saying it after he realized it was making it easier.

"Orion...Soulstick?" the instructor asked. "Luna's mane, is that really your name? That's hilarious!"

Orion blushed. "No, it's Solstice!"

"Soulspit?" asked the instructor, obviously trying to make Orion mad. "Wait, no, is it Soulshit?"

"You know what?" steamed Orion at the coach, "fuck you! Fuck the judges for making that girl cry, fuck you for your annoying jokes, and fuck Cloudsdale for thinking if we fail this, we have no meaning in life!"

"Stop that right now," said a judge, "or we will kick your sorry little ass out of here."

"Fine!" said Orion. He flew up, flew down, and rammed right into the judge, making her stumble. He was failed, and his "sorry little ass" was seated next to Aurora. He began to comfort her. That dick, Scootaloo thought to herself, HE is cheating on ME! It should be the other way around! She waited for her name to get called. She flew up, flew down, and flew forward, stopping at exactly 5 yards. She realized she was fucked as soon as she looked up to see that the instructor was not in front of her. She went the wrong way. This was turning out to be one shitty day for those three Pegasai sitting on the bench. But it was about to get worse: there were about to be rainbows. And drugs. And machines that rape everypony.

“Let's delve deeper into rainbow pornography
Far beyond that of Cloudsdale's sexology
 It's easy to get high in that floating city
With it's alluring drug store and social psychology”

The failures went into a hallway. It was dark, narrow, and had several drug dealers in it. What a nice place to be! At the end of the hall was some dude in a hooded jacket holding a bowl of candy. He stood in front of a large white van with wings on it. Not strange at all! Another pony was next to him. He was dressed as a gangster and was a HUGE fatass. Behind them the failures could see the vast land of Equestria. Somehow, I don't think it's possible to see the ground below you by looking straight into a narrow ally, but who gives a flying fuck?

"Hey, boss!" the hodded pony said, in a very terrible southern accent, "Some uh dem fuckin' pony thingamadoodads are 'ere! Wut da fuck do we do with 'em? Can we eat 'em cuz all dis weird accent shit is makin' me hungry!"

"The fuck do you think?" asked the 'boss'. "We've been standing here for weeks just waiting for some of those fucking idiots to slip up! And now we got three of them! SO DON'T FUCK THIS UP! All we need to do is bring them to the weird ass bitches in the black puffy suits. We'll get our money, and that's that. So no, we don't EAT them. Now wait, there could be even more."

"No," said Scootaloo, "I was the last one to take the test. SO FUCK OFF!"

"My my, aren't you one pesky pony!" said the gangster. He smacked her, making her fall over. The gangster began to rape...no... The gangster began to kick Aurora. A loud SNAP was what he was trying to avoid, which is too bad, because he broke her wing.

"YOU FUCKING BROKE MY FUCKING WING YOU FUCKING SON OF A GODDAMNED ASS-LICKING COCK-SUCKING MOTHER-FUCKING BITCH!" screamed Aurora. She REALLY had an anger problem, and a vulgar vocabulary.

"Ugh," said the boss, "Now we got a little crying filly. Boo hoo. Go cry me a river and drown in it. And then when you drown, float back to the surface so we can still give the factory weirdos the body."

"Wait, what?" asked Scootaloo. "The factory? What factory?"

"Uh, I...uh..."he started..."candy?"

The three failures shoved their faces into the bowl and ate the delightful candy. Little did they know...it was a trap! Haha! The next thing they knew, they were in the back of the van, flying in circles around the Rainbow Factory. Aurora's wing had somehow been fixed, and Orion had still not said a thing. He had been making out with Aurora the whole time until Scootaloo snapped Orion's rib cage with a grab and a twist. He was probably going to die anyways.

"Finally," said the boss as they landed the van at the door, we're here!"

"Haven't we been driving in circles?" asked Orion.

"Shut the hell up."

The boss left on that note, and the weirdo southern dude followed. A pony in a black suit entered the van. No one could recognize what who was under the suit because all they saw were rose eyes, a cyan nose, a rainbow mane and a rainbow tail. She was at LEAST 20% cooler than the other weirdos driving them earlier. They lifted off and flew in circles again. The fillies were really getting tired of this. Have you noticed how I keep calling Orion a filly instead of a colt? That's because I DON'T GIVE A PIECE OF

But with all great things comes a great responsibility
 That of Cloudsdale's being murdering brutally

The white van finally stopped again at the same place Rainbow- I mean, the suited figure took it at. The doors screeched open, with a noise so annoying that it ALMOST sounded like Justin Bieber, but not quite. More suited ponies grabbed them and tossed them onto the ground like bags of trash getting thrown into a trash can. They stood up and looked around.

As they became aware once again of what was around them, they noticed they were in a cloud building. "Wait," said Scootaloo, "the architecture... I think we're in the weather factory!"

"What?" said Orion, in shock. "How could that be? We were circling this place for HOURS, we must be far away from it by now!"

"I fucking think fucking Scootaloo is fucking right," said Aurora, "after fucking all, we DID fucking circle around this fucking place for fucking ever. Fucking retard, why did I fucking ever fucking want to fucking fuck you?"

"I...what?" said Orion.

A deep, dark red Pegasus in a white lab coat walked through the hall, shoving the other suited Pegasai out of the way. "Welcome, mules, to the Rainbow Factory!" he said, laughing evilly.

"Actually I think we're ponies..."said Orion.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP FAILURE! I CAN CALL YOU WHATEVER I FUCKING WANT TO! I OWN YOU BITCHES NOW! I mean, ahem, let me show you around."

"I FUCKING TOLD YOU WE WERE FUCKING IN THE FUCKING RAINBOW FACTORY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Aurora shouted at Orion. "FUCKING BITCH!"

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?!?!?!?" shouted the weirdo red pony. The three failures shut the fuck up, but then began screaming as they were shocked by two ponies behind them which were holding tasers. It REALLY hurt Aurora, because it went up her marehood and she came all over the place, and of course the electricity flowed faster through the liquid. I mean like ow, man! That would HURT!

The red dude continued, "My name is Doctor Atmospheare. I run this joint, and I love to smoke a joint while I'm here." He pulled out some weed and began smoking. All of the other ponies did the same. The pain in Aurora's pussy was suddenly gone as she felt lightheaded. "Yeah," said Dr. Atmosphere, "this shit is strong."

"Isn't this where all the rainbows come from and all that fun stuff?" asked Orion as he constantly walked in circles. He could see all sorts of fun shapes and colors. He disliked how much purple he could smell. He shook his head clear, as did the rest of them, and the effects wore off. Huh.

"Yeah," said Doctor Atmosphere, this shit doesn't work very well. Yes, smart boy, the rainbows come from the Rainbow Factory. Only a GENIUS could have guessed. Shithead..."

"Well," said Orion, "at least I don't waste my fucking time making arches of colors all day..."

A taser was shoved up Aurora's marehood again. She screamed as she again came all over the floor. It was disgusting! "Ow, what the fuck, man?" she yelled at the guard. "That was Orion!"

The guard then apologized as he shoved it back up her marehood again. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? YOU BITCH!"

"What?" asked the guard, "It's not like there's anything else for me to do."

"Move the fuck out of the fucking way you fucking piece of fucking shitty fuck."

The three fillies turned around to see Rainbow Dash walk past Doctor Atmosphere. Shit, I keep calling her Rainbow Dash!

The three fillies turned around to see the mysterious mare from earlier walk past Doctor Atmosphere.

"Who could that be?" asked Scootaloo. "Is that the mare who's gonna get us all hooked up on drugs and crap?"

"Shut the fuck up," said Hide, "she's not supposed to show up yet. Rainbow Dash, leave. Shit. Boss person ma'am, leave."

Rainbow-FUCKING SHI-

The mare walked out of the room, her chest puffed out, trying to look important. It really just made her look fat. "Okay," said Doctor Atmosphere, "I'm supposed to say some shit now, so listen." The three fillies followed the pony down some dark hallways. Wires with bongs hanging on them dangled from the ceiling. Just about every worker was smoking, and it was very difficult to see. As they went on, the hall seemed to get colder, and colder. And then, hotter and hotter, as they walked past a really sexy mare giving a filly on the Pegasus Device one final blowjob.

"Now," said Hide, "let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, in the magical land of Earth, there were these dudes called bronies. They watched a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is magic. This show was very popular. Many bronies wrote fanfics. Guess what? Someone wrote a fanfic where all of the rainbows were made in a torturing facility. We decided, hey, that would be kinda fun, right? Although, it didn't really work, so we just pretend its how the rainbows are made, when really we're just turning the fillies into coke and weed... wasn't that a great story?"

The three fillies (that is an overused way to describe the main characters) looked at him in disbelief. "What?" asked Scootaloo, "I wasn't paying attention."

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!" he screamed. He picked up Scootaloo and shook her violently. She laid an egg, and Hide set her back down.

"Bakawk!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Okay."

"So, what now?" asked Aurora.

"You should know," said Hide, "you wrote the damned story..."

"Okay," she said, "do we live?"

"I guess, somehow," said Hide, "because you WROTE THE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

"I'm pretty sure that's not what shit is-"

"And now, ladies and gentlemen..." interrupted the Doctor (NO HE CAN'T TIME TRAVEL)

"What's a lady? What's a man?" interrupted Scootaloo.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, BITCH" screamed Hide. Scootaloo flopped her ears down and sat on a guard's taser, who immediately shocked the filly. She stood back up but remained silent. "Finally," said Hide, "enjoy the rest of your pitiful life."

Hide walked out of the room, slamming an iron door behind them. Previously they were in a hallway, but now they are in a room somehow. The guards blocked the door.

Orion was the first to speak. "Well, he certainly seemed like a nice guy," he said. "He didn't really shock me that much. In fact, they didn't do anything to me, because I'm not really relevant to the story! Hell, I'm probably gonna die, my ribs fucking hurt ever since you broke them. Bitch."

"Well," said Aurora, "you wouldn't fucking shut up. We did what we had to do."

"Shut up, both of you!" exclaimed Scootaloo. "Now, we need an escape plan."

"How about we be nice ponies and they let us go?" suggested Orion.

"Nah," said Aurora, "I'm the writer of this story, and I say you must ALL FUCKING DIE!"

"Wow," said Scootaloo, "you're a nice guy."

"Shut it," said Orion, "look around the movie theater."

The room they were in appeared to be a movie theater. On the screen was "Cupcakes: The Animated Film That Tons of People Said They'd Make and Never Did Because It's Too Short".

The fillies watched it, laughing as blood splattered all over the place. It was so funny, because they were just cartoon ponies, and people make bloody cartoons all the time but no one reacts as badly as they do to this!

The speakers appeared to be covering something. Orion broke a hole in one "Get it? Hole in one! Hahahaha) and they went inside. There were vats filled with various drugs, each one with a label for what drug it was. A bunch of other failures somehow appeared out of no where and were all crowded in the room.

One of the guards opened some random door they found, and said "Eyes front and center, you inept mules!"

"Hey," said Orion, "we're ponies. You guys are complete shitheads. Pfft... mules..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he yelled. Everypony stepped back as the doors opened the rest of the way to reveal Rainbow Dash standing behind the-OH MY FUCKING GOD

Everypony stepped back as the doors opened the rest of the way to reveal a suited figure standing behind the guards.

How you ask, are they fucked in the ass,
to which the answer is in the loss of virginity

Two official looking ponies stepped up on the scaffolding which I was supposed to mention earlier. The first pony started saying random shit about rainbows, and how they were beautiful and magical, but they're imaginary and they only appear when people do drugs, and how they make the drugs not the rainbows, and how the wanted volunteers, and how I keep saying "and how". After that, the second pony, who looked exactly like Rainbow Dash, stepped up on the scaffolding.

"I wonder who that is," said Scootaloo. "I really, really wonder..."

The pony began to speak. "A thousand years ago, when Celestia banished Luna for some shitty rebellion that she couldn't fight because she had no army, she had to give up a task for some reason. yeah, it doesn't make sense, I think she's just lazy. Anywho, she decided to drop the rainbow production, because really, they're pointless anyways. But since Cloudsdale is full of dicks, who write songs about rainbows, and torture, we decided to make drugs which made rainbows appear to be in the sky when really everypony is just high."

"Well cool," said Scootaloo, "can I help?"

Rainbow Dash looked at her sister and- WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP DOING THAT???

The pony looked at her sister and-THE SISTER STILL GIVES THE FUCKING THING AWAY!!!

The pony looked at Scootaloo and said, "Fuck you. You will die. I do not love you, because any sensible person would chose killing ponies for a bit everyday rather than saving their family."

"Wait," said Scootaloo, completely not realizing the 'family' slip-up, "what's a person?"

"A person is something that writes fucked up stories," said the pony.

"Oh," said Scootaloo, "so Aurora then?"

"Wait," said the pony, "who let her in here?"

"I did," said Aurora. "Oh you're talking about me not to me, right?"

"Just...whatever."

The mysterious pony who looked exactly like rainbow dash with a black suit on removed the black suit to reveal that the pony was actually... RAINBOW DASH! HOLY SHIT I CAN CALL HER RAINBOW DASH NOW!

"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" wailed Scootaloo.

"Aw hell no, bitch. We aren't even related."

"Oh," said Scootaloo, "are you sure?'

"Hell yeah, bitch!"

"Oh, okay then."

"Yeah. So, we good?"

"Yup."

"Cool." Dash turned to the guards. "Kill Orion first."

"YES!" screamed Scootaloo. Orion was going to die! She wondered what kind of boyfriend she could get next... perhaps a girl would be a nice experience. Maybe Rainbow Dash?

The guards grabbed Orion and dragged him away. "Goodbye, Scoots," he said, "I love you!"

"Hell, I don't love you anymore, dick. No one calls me Scoots except Rainbow, and she hates me, so NO ONE CALLS ME SCOOTS!"

Some machine thing was in the back of the room (large room ,right?) and Orion was strapped into it. Some gears turned, and he was placed upright. A mechanical pair of arms reached out towards his chest.

"We find it works better if the ribs are broken," said Rainbow Dash as she pressed the red button. The arms just shrugged and went back to where they started. "Wait," asked Rainbow, "what?"

"My ribs are already broken," said Orion, "so you can just kill me."

"Oh, okay, then...hmm...what else could we say it works better with..." Rainbow Dash put a hoof to her chin. "Ah ha, I've got it!" She walked over to the button again and pressed it. "We find it works better if you have no genitals."

The arms reached out and yanked off Orion's balls and dick and discarded them into a large vat with a sharp spinning thing in it. It turned the genitals into some sort of blood, which somehow they use to power the machines.

Orion screamed in pain as a needle was shoved up his ass, draining all of the color from him and throwing his body into the vat mentioned earlier.

"Okay," said Scootaloo, "so how exactly would you remove OUR genitals?"

"Wanna find out?"

"AURORA WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING MY GOD HOW COULD SOMEONE WRITE THIS?"

"Shouldn't we be more focused on getting the fuck out of here?"

"Oh, yeah. Right. But first, let's see how they make the drugs."

The blood dispersed through the pipe connected to the needle, and then it emptied into a vat hooked up to a computer. "COCAINE = POSITIVE" it read. The blood came back out, but it was now mainly white powder floating in water. It poured the powder in one tube and the water in another. Weird.

"Cool," said Aurora, "now get the fuck out."

"Lead the way, you wrote the story."

Aurora found a small vent in the ground. They tried to open it while other ponies were loaded on the machine. The majority of them were either cocaine, marijuana, or tobacco, but there were some weird ones that no one had heard off before, too.

After they were the only two left (they were lucky they weren't chosen) they opened the vent and went in. "GET THOSE FUCKING FILLY FOAL FUCKERS!" yelled Rainbow Dash. This story is obviously not canon. Rainbow Dash would never say a swear word. Do they even know what swear words are in Equestria? Moving on, the two fillies kept crawling through the vent. The other ponies were to fat to fit, so they went through a door which led to the same place the two fillies were going. When the fillies arose from the vent, they were caught.

Rainbow Dash confronted them. She looked into Scootaloo's eyes, with a trail of blood across her nose. "Any last words, you miserable, whore of a foal?" she asked.

"Yes, I have a few. How about, like, credit to Aurora for writing this, and Glaze for the song, and hasbro for the ponies, and also you weren't supposed to say that yet I'm not on the machine."

"Oh, okay."

Aurora jumped onto Rainbow's back "GET DA FUCK AWAY FROM MY FUCKING FRIEND YOU ICKING GODDAMNED PIECE OF SHITTY SHIT IN AN ASSHOLE THAT JUST GOT FUCKED BY A BITCH WHO LIKES TO EAT SHIT WHEN SHE'S FUCKED IN THE FUCKING CUNT!"

"Got the fuck off of me!" Rainbow yelled. With one loud crack, Rainbow bashed her skull into Aurora's back somehow, and Aurora fell to the ground.

"You can never beat friendship if friendship is fucking in your ass," she said.

"Yeah, uh, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that," said Rainbow as she smashed Aurora's face under her hoof. It was pretty disgusting.

"Okay," Scootaloo said to herself, "all I have to do is follow the steps of the test. "Raise up," she said, as she flew into the air, "lower down," and she did so, and pulling herself back a bit, she rammed into the guards. "GO FORWARD!" she screamed. She landed on top of all of the fallen guards. "That's what she said." The guards started cracking up, and Scootaloo took that as a chance to run for it. She ran toward the exit. So close... YES! Sunlight! She was out!

Scootaloo breathed in the fresh air as the building somehow exploded behind her. The blast hit her so hard that she went flying all the way into the cellar of Applejack's barn, where she found herself, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle tied up and gagged, with Big Mac in front of them, saying some random creepy shit in a southern accent. He was holding a rusty saw. He grabbed her wing, and then she woke up on the floor, along with a bunch of other guards who she had knocked over when she tried to do the flying test shit. Yeah, that test was worthless anyways.

Rainbow grinned, grabbed Scootaloo, and strapped her onto the machine. Scootaloo was crying, and Rainbow went up to eye level with her. She had the same trail of blood on her nose. "Now," she began, "this time, I am supposed to say this. Any last words, you miserable whore of a foal?"

"You have bad breath..." said Scootaloo.

"Oh, I do?" asked Rainbow. She breathed into her hoof and smelled, and then she made a disgusted face. "I gotta work on that. Any OTHER last words?"

"Yeah, shit, fuck, potato, big tits, lesbian, and, most importantly, you have a wingboner."

It was true, Rainbow's wings were really wide. "Who gives a shit?" she asked.

"I dunno, you, probably."

"Yeah, you're right, I do."

"Shouldn't you be killing me?"

"No," said Rainbow, "I'm not actually going to kill you. I have to wait for you to say 'You have beautiful eyes' and it will be italicized, and then the story just kinda ends."

"Oh," said Scootaloo, "you have really ugly eyes."

"Close enough."

Author's Note

Parody Productions does not own any MLP characters nor do we own the fan fictions our stories are based upon. We make our stories purely for entertainment. In no way are we trying to hurt the author of the story nor the fans of it. This is a PARODY of Rainbow Factory by Aurora Dawn. Rainbow Factory as well as the characters in it are not owned by us. Lyrics of the song "Rainbow Factory" by Glaze (WoodenToaster) are also not owned by us and therefore our parody lyrics are also purely for entertainment. We do not in any way make profit off of our stories. We hope you enjoyed this story. REALLY, we do. Please refrain from disliking purely because it is a parody of a fan fiction you like, because we like it too! If you have any comments, questions or suggestions, feel free to post them. Also, if you have any suggestions for the next story we do, please feel free to leave one, as we are always looking for more stories to make fun of (without intentionally hurting anybody). Thanks for reading, we hope you enjoyed "Rainbow Cracktory".

I was going to have something funny at the end, layed out like an Author's Note, but it would just be completely pointless and stupid. APPARENTLY I CAN'T DO THAT. So oh well, no more funnies for you. Hope you enjoyed.

-InfantHorizon, creator, owner and head of Parody Productions