Cordyceps Pedicans
It was a wonderful morning in the pastel-colored land of Equestria. All its pony inhabitants were absolutely happy with their life. Not so much the other species, as the Celestial Race Laws had just been approved, but that’s another story.
So, as I was saying, happy ponies. The happiest pony of all was Pinkie Pie, though. The bubble pink coated horse was bouncing happily near the Everfree Forest’s border, thinking about how happy and redundant she was.
“La la la la” she said to herself, being a crazy equine,”I’m so happy today, I really hope nothing horrible comes here and ruins my pinkie fun!”
Suddenly something came out of the forest. It was an abhorrent and unholy monstrosity, bipedal, fat, with fungi covering its skin and digging out of its cranium. But the worst part was the smell. Oh my God the smell! It smelt like putrid pony poo-poo, and that reeks a lot worse than human shit. I will call the creature Bloater, because I played The Last of Us, since I have a PS3 [Edit: and a PS4 since while I was writing this Remastered came out (Yes I’m a lazy person)].
“BlydfuygFThhyesht!!” said the Bloater. His voice was a mix between Samuel Jackson’s and a cat’s whose testicles are being tortured, but with a hint of English accent.
“Oh hello, there! Are you new here in Ponyville? Cause I know everypony in Ponyville, and blah blah blah…” she was not going to stop anywhere soon.
“VtdheJKr?!” asked the Bloater confused. He was used to hear (he’s blind) people running from him, or shooting him, never had someone tried to annoy him to death. So he decided to fuck the brains out of the talking horse, being sexually frustrated, because all female Infected are ugly as ass.
His mushroom-penis became rock hard. It was two feet long and covered with coarse fungi, a bit of spores were leaking from the tip.
“Oh, you have a biggie there. Ok then!” said Pinkie, raising her rear and exposing her ever-wet pink pussy. “Have fuuun!!!” she added with a giggle.
The Bloater would not have any of that shit, he liked his sex rough. So he pointed his Basidiomycota-cock to her tender asshole. He grabbed her buttcheeks and penetrated her dry ass wildly.
Its gargantuan length would have killed a normal pony but Pinkie Pie was really elastic, like bubble gum.
“Fggiuhkanoi!” he moaned ecstasiated, the horse was a lot tighter than an Infected, and she was milking his Amanita phalloides really hard.
“Oh yes, it’s so good! I feel your kinky cock all the way up my duodenum!! Came for Uncle Pinkie!!” It seems she was into dirty talking and incest fantasy.
The Bloater could not resist much longer and with a final trust he climaxed, ejaculating liters (yeah, you can use liters with gases too go check it out) of gas spores into Pinkie’s digestive system.
Pinkie started inflating like a pink balloon, and then puked his load of spores all over her body and pussy (fuck anatomy), coming instantanely.
“Aw yes, baby! You made Uncle Pinkie so proud!” she said riding her climax.
The Bloater, though, liked doing only one thing after having sex. Normal people would prefer a cigarette, but he liked to rip random heads off. And so he did.
A nameless pony was trotting nearby happily (remember the story’s introduction), in a moment the creature was on him. He started to scream, while the Bloater used his inhuman strenght to forcibly open the pony’s mouth, until his victim’s cranium came off with a wet plop.
Carrot Top was walking not far from there and, seeing that bloody fountain of a pony and an innominable horror standing near the corpse, did the only sensed thing that came to her mind: runned in Ponyville’s general direction screaming.
Unfortunately the Bloater was feeling extremely jocund that day and decided that killing one horse was not nearly enough to satisfy him. So he took off chasing Carrot Top, with a considerable part of pony cranium in his hand. Pinkie Pie didn’t even try to stop him
since she was laying down in the grass rubbing her clit, in a quite non contributive way.
Then Rarity turned up, she was secretly asphyxiating herself with a scarf watching Pinkie masturbate. But now she was a bit tired of it, having come several times already.
“Pinkie darling, would you tell me what is happening here? I’ve just arrived here, and totally wasn’t secretly asphyxiating myself with this scarf watching you masturbate. And I didn’t approached you just because I’ve come several time already” said Rarity sounding incredibly innocent.
“Oh hi Rarity, I’ve met a new friend. He’s really fun” said the pink pony, keeping on her masturbation.
Suddenly the rest of the Mane 6 were there, because while this useless conversation was taking place the Bloater went a full-fledged rampage through Ponyville.
“Girls, are you ok?” said Twilight Sparkle not minding all the masturbation “ we gotta stop that thing! With the…” (dramatic pause) “Elements of Harmony!”
-------------------------MEANWHILE IN THE EVERFREE FOREST-------------------------------
A flash of light erupted from thin air as the portal was opened. A man and a little girl appeared in front of it. The man was muscular, and wore a lumberjack T-shirt. The girl was Ellen Page.
“Woah that was one motherfuckin’ travel. Shit, I almost puked. Fucking ass!” Ellie exclaimed, swearing like a drunk truck driver, as she always did. (Seriously, though, what the fuck is wrong with that girl. She’s fourteen.)
“Eh, that was easy” said Joel through a thick texan accent “I’ve never thought crafting an interdimensional travel device could be so easy. It just took a rag, binding and sugar. All we had to do was scrolling down on the Crafting Menu, and the plans were there.”
Ellie wondered what the hell a Crafting Menu was. It wasn’t the first time Joel talked nonsense though. When he had taught her how to use a gun he kept screaming about a R1 trigger or something. Ellie just ignored him, like she learned to do.
“What the fuck do we do now?” the girl asked.
“We find something to kill” Joel answered smiling from ear to ear.
----------------------MEANWHILE IN PONYVILLE------------------------------------------
The six mares reached the place where the Bloater was standing, fucking Mr. Cake’s intestines.
“Stop right there criminal scum!” Dash screamed.
“JGfuYFYFYFGogy” retorted the Bloater politely, seeing her friend the pink pony was with them.
“We cannot allow you to go around our town and kill everyone. That is just wrong.” TWilight interjected with a solemn tone. “Everypony deserves to live his own life happily (notice how she said “pony” not zebra or any other species). You are simply lonely and lack friends, that’s why you became a murderous abomination. But that’s ok, we won’t hold that against you”. She walked to him and stepped on the lifeless head of a random unimportant pony.
She put her hoof on its shoulder. “You can be our friend” she said on the verge of tears.
The Bloater stood there silently. Not once in his life as an Infected anyone has ever proposed to be his friend. Could she be right? Maybe his violent nature was caused by a lack of friends?
The creature collapsed onto his knees, speechless.
“That’s ok” said Twilight, she hugged him tightly “everything is ok”. Soon all the Mane 6 were joining them, crying copiously. The Bloater would have cried too, but his eyes were completely destroyed by the fungi’s growth. But imagine he cried.
Someone has accepted me. I have friends n…
He didn’t finish the thought though, because a .50 bullet shot through his corrupted head, splattering his rotting brain all over Rarity’s face. He died instantly.
“Eh, that was a piece of cake” whispered Joel “luckily he got distracted by those pastel ponies”
The six mares stood there for a second, mouths agape, looking at the corpse of their new friend.
“No needs to thank me, ladies” Joel said with a ‘it was my privilege’ kind of voice.
Rainbow Dash was the first one to move “YOU KILLED HIM, YOU BASTARD!!!” she cried out launching herself against the bipedal creature.
But Joel was a fast man, his reflexes enhanced by hundreds of fights, and with a swift motion of his axe he decapitated the aggressive horse. Rainbow’s head fell on the ground, an angry expression still plastered on her face.
So they are aggressive, uh?
Without a moment of hesitation the survivor take out his shotgun and put a humid bloody hole in Applejack’s face, she will not be able to tell anything about it though.
Twilight shot a purple beam right in the middle of the human’s torso, unfortunately for her Joel put all his supplements in extra Hp like the noob he is, so the magical attack was not enough to kill him. He quickly grabbed Fluttershy, keeping her between himself and Twilight as a shield.
“Drop your weapon!!” intimated Joel.
Twilight didn’t want to be responsible of her friend’s demise so she dropped her horn to the ground. As a consequence Joel shot her twice in the head, making it explode in a thousand pieces of flesh and bone. Then he crushed Fluttershy’s cranium with his gun.
Rarity started running away when the human killed Dash and now she was pretty far away. Joel embraced his scoped rifle and held his breath, he liked challenges. The bullet traveled through fifty metres of air only to penetrate Rarity’s vagina, like a lead penis. She experienced a beautiful orgasm as the metal intruded her uterus just a moment before the bullet shattered her organs and exited from her mouth. She dropped on the round dead, juices gushing out of her pussy.
Joel felt pretty good for his skills and decided he deserved a prize, so he raped Pinkie Pie. When he felt his orgasm building up he sliced open Pinkie’s belly and, thrusting his cock out of the wound, he came buckets on her face. Then he killed her.
While this was happening Ellie killed the CMC (who were just passing by) with her shiv and then masturbated with Sweetie’s horn. “Oh hellfuckshitasscunt!!!” she said as he squirted her fluid all over the dead foal’s face “this is better than David’s dick!!”
After they pillaged and raped the corpses Joel and Ellie were ready to set off, when they heard someone cry. They turned around to see a desperate dragon weeping on the body of the purple pony.
“WHY...WHYY?? Why would you… do this? Y...you are a monster!!!” he whimpered like a baby.
“We are survivors!!!” screamed Joel on the top of his lungs. “But we won’t kill you… you didn’t do anything to us”.
He prepared to leave with the cool sentence still lingering in the air when Spike spoke again.
“Wait… I know you… you are the one one from that XBox game…”
Joel stopped on his track and turned around slowly.
He equipped Shorty.
