Thunderspite

It was Saturday night at Sugarcube corner, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake seemed to have their hands full. There was a group of college-age ponies gathered in a corner studying together with feverish intensity, and many other tables were occupied by ponies at various stages of the dating process, from awkward first dates to gazing intently into each other’s eyes, all the way down to what looked like a messy breakup in the far corner.

The gang was seated at one of the largest table in the center, listening to Pinkie Pie recount all the fun she’d had that day, when they spotted Snow Bolt enter at the far end of the room.

“Hey, isn’t that Snow Bolt over there?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Bolty’s here? Where?!” Pinkie Pie bounced excitedly.

“The one dressed like a pirate.” Rainbow Dash pointed to a white mare at the end of the bar who was dressed in a white puffy shirt, tri-cornered hat, and wore an eyepatch on one eye.

“Oh my, it is Snow Bolt!” Rarity stood up and waved. “Snow Bolt, over here!”

Snow Bolt waved back excitedly, then trotted over. “Hi guys!”

“Snow Bolt, my dear!” Rarity gave the outfit a once-over. “Darling, I think the pirate look was last season.”

“Oh! Ha ha...” Snow Bolt blushed. “Well see, I was just at a birthday party for Pip Squeak, and the theme was pirates!”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Snow Bolt, you look ridiculous!”

Applejack grinned. “Oh come on, Rainbow. ARRRen’t ya bein’ a little hard on her?”

Everyone laughed, including Snow Bolt. “Yeah Rainbow, ARRRen’t you going to apologize?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Okay, okay. Snow Bolt, I’m sARRRy!”

The table erupted in laughter once again, and the laughter continued for several moments more, until Thunderspite cleared his throat loudly. Everyone instantly stopped laughing and looked over at Thunderspite, who was glaring at the group coldly He took a moment to look each of them in the eye, looking even more stoic than usual, then spoke. “I don’t know why you all ARRR behaving this way!” Halfway through the sentence his expression and accent changed into a pirate’s. The ponies at the table howled in laughter. The pun was amplified by his perfect delivery, and by the fact that it was so completely uncharacteristic for him.

Thunderspite’s expression changed to mock offense. “Why ARRR you all laughing at me?”

Rainbow Dash was rolling on the ground laughing. “Stop... stop... you’re killing me!” she begged.

Thunderspite rushed to her aid, his face showing mock concern. “Rainbow Dash, ARRR you alright? Quick! We’ve got to get her to the emergency room! You know, the E. ARRR. Rainbow Dash, where does it hurt? ARRR you having an ARRRythmia? Do you need to go to the phARRRmacy? We should consult a medical practitionARRR. Open your mouth and say ARRR.” Never breaking character, Thunderspite pried open Rainbow Dash’s mouth as she lay gasping for breath. A second later, he stumbled away, waving a hoof in front of his mouth. “Whew! Too much gARRRlic.”

Rarity was trying desperately to contain her very un-ladylike snorts between bouts laughter, and failing miserably. “Oh Thunderspite, you are such a ham!”

Thunderspite feigned offense again. “I know you ARRR, but what am AYE?! Nevermind, I didn’t come here to ARRRgue. I’ll just pay my tab and be on my way.” He pretended to pick a slip of paper up off the table, then did a double take. “Wow, this place costs an ARRRm and a peg! Oh well. I bid you all... ARRR revoir!” and with that, he pirate-walked around the corner, stamping his fake peg-leg loudly as he went. When he returned a moment later, the entire room laughing and stamping their hooves. Not only his friends, but the other ponies in the shop, who had also seen his ad-lib performance. Thunderspite bowed deeply, then took his seat again.

After everyone had caught their breath, they invited Snow Bolt to join them for another round of milkshakes. Thunderspite was the toast of the evening; even after his pirate performance he kept the table in stitches with his expertly-delivered brand of deadpan humor. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity all kept glancing at each other and smiling as the night wore on, collectively feeling proud of what they had accomplished together. The Thunderspite seated at the table with them was an almost entirely different pony than the sullen drifter that had blown through town all those months ago, and they all knew that the change was entirely their own doing.