Thunderspite

Seeing him approach, the guard outside the door to the meeting room saluted and stood ready to open the door, then silently held his salute as Thunderspite painfully made his way over to him. Thunderspite was healing well, or so the doctors told him, but his aching body would simply not allow him to walk at a normal pace. He was now somewhat regretting his stubborn refusal of a wheelchair.

Thunderspite was just about to return the guard’s salute, but as he got closer he realized he recognized this particular earth pony guard as one of the ones he had knocked unconscious just before he raided the royal armory.

“Corporal Mountain Basher, isn’t it?” Thunderspite asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“Hey uh...listen, I’m sorry about...”

“Best get inside, sir. They’re waiting on you.” The corporal gave him a mischievous wink.

Thunderspite opened his mouth to speak again, but instead just nodded and returned the corporal’s salute. At that, the corporal swung open the door, and Thunderspite hobbled inside.

In the center of the meeting room was a large circular table, and seated around the side facing him were a half-dozen or so ponies. Princesses Celestia, Captains Star Strider and Boulder Hoof were present, as well as a few others Thunderspite didn’t recognize.

Thunderspite marched forward as best as his injuries would allow, then came to attention and bowed. “Captain Thunderspite reporting as ordered, your majesty.”

“Please have a seat, Captain.” Princess Celestia’s tone and demeanor was all business, none of the pleasant familiarity he had enjoyed before all of this. “Captain, this is to be an informal inquiry. As you know, it was necessary to perform a second memory spell on you while you were unconscious.” The Princess looked genuinely apologetic for having to perform the extremely invasive procedure. “So we already know most of what transpired during your second...excursion to the cloud wraith’s city. However, we still have questions about a few of the facts, and it is necessary to receive your official statement for posterity. This is Summer Mane...” she indicated the earth pony on one side of the table, who nodded. “our royal archivist. She is also Equestria’s foremost expert on everything we know about the cloud wraiths. And this...” she pointed to the unicorn stallion on the other side of the table, who was furiously scribbling shorthand with his magic, “Is Verbatim, the court’s reporter.” Verbatim did not even look up from his papers. “Do you understand, Captain?”

“Yes, your majesty.” Thunderspite answered. He knew he would eventually be called upon to answer for his actions if he survived, but in truth he had not expected to survive. He felt embarrassed now for what he had done, but he was prepared to accept whatever punishment came.

“Very well. We will now commence the inquiry.” Princess Celestia lifted a series of notes off the table. She studied them for a moment, then set them down again and looked at Thunderspite. “Thunderspite, on the night in question, did you take several item from the royal armory?”

“Yes, your majesty.”

“Captain, we have quite a lot of ground to cover. You may dispense with the formalities for the duration of this inquiry," The Princess stated flatly.

“Understood.” It felt somewhat strange to him to address royalty without the full title, but it was a sensible request.

Princess Celestia continued. “Captain, how did you get past the guards stationed at the armory?”

Thunderspite swallowed. “I...incapacitated them.”

“How exactly did you incapacitate them?”

Thunderspite winced. “I struck them on the helmet with the hilt of my sword.”

Princess Celestia scribbled something on the page. “Captain, it occurs to me that as their ranking officer, the guards would have probably granted you access to the armory willingly. Was there a reason you did not simply order the guards to admit you to the armory?”

“I did not want them to be culpable for my actions.”

The Princess glanced over at the captains, then continued. “Which specific items did you take from the armory?”

And so it went, for hours and hours. Princess Celestia asked the majority of the questions, the other guards interjected only occasionally for clarification on specifics. The Princess called for several recesses and for lunch, and they resumed in the afternoon. The court’s reporter remained stoic and silent as he scribbled everything that was said. Summer Mane, the archivist, looked very bored in the morning, but as the inquiry reached the part of the narrative where he was actually in the cloud city, she began to perk up, and began furiously flipping through a stack of old books on the table and scribbling notes of her own.

Summer Mane stopped him when he got to the part where he killed his first wraith. “What happened to the bodies of the wraiths after you killed them?”

It was the first time she had spoken during the proceedings, and her interjection surprised everyone. “They…evaporated,” Thunderspite said.

“Evaporated?”

“Yes. Their bodies turned into a sort of white vapor.”

“I see. Please continue.” The archivist resumed her mad scribbling and flipping through books.

Princess Celestia’s questions continued. The other two captains eventually spoke up, requesting clarification on the weapons and military tactics Thunderspite observed in the wraiths.Thunderspite went into some detail with these, even going so far as to have Star Strider sketch a diagram of the infantry square and wall formation he had observed. Eventually, they reached the part of the narrative where Thunderspite was about to capture King Talionis.

“...and then I punctured his bubble shield with the Shield of Caballus.”

“And is this when you noticed that you were beginning to...transform?” Celestia asked.

Summer Mane interrupted, for the second time. “If I may, your majesty.” Summer Mane put her hooves together and leaned forward over table, gazing at him intently. “Captain, the details of this next part are very important. I want you to tell me exactly what happened and exactly what was going through your mind.”

Thunderspite thought back. “Well like I said, I punctured the bubble shield, then...he tried to fire his staff at me, but I knocked it away, and then I grabbed him by his robe.”

“What were you feeling, at that time?” Summer Mane asked.

“I was angry.”

“How angry? Had you ever been that angry before?”

Thunderspite thought back. “No.”

“What was your motivation? What did you want?”

Thunderspite took a breath, then dipped his head. He found the archivist's line of questioning embarrassing and tiresome. Star Strider, seeing his distress, intervened. “Princess, is this absolutely necessary? I think it’s reasonable to infer Thunderspite’s motivations, under the circumstances?”

Princess Celestia answered. “I appreciate your concern, Star Strider, but it is vitally important that we not make assumptions and let Captain Thunderspite speak for himself.” She turned to him. “Thunderspite, I know this is difficult for you, especially in your condition, and believe me when I say that I wouldn't ask it of you if it weren't absolutely necessary. Do you require another recess?”

Thunderspite lifted his head. “No, Highness. I’d rather get this over with.” He turned back to Summer Mane. “I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill them all.”

“And Talionis, specifically? Did you want to make him suffer?”

“Yes.”

“Did you say anything to him?”

“I said...I said, ‘You killed my friends.’”

“And what did he say?”

“He said something along the lines of... ‘Yes, I killed your friends, and no matter what you do to me, you can never bring your friends back.’”

Summer mane scribbled on her notes. “Then what happened?” she asked.

“Well, I was just about to kill him, and that’s when I noticed...” Thunderspite trailed off.

“Noticed you had changed?” Summer Mane prompted.

“Right.”

“How did you feel when you saw that you had changed?”

“Just... surprised.”

“How long was it then before you started to change back?”

“Not long. Just a moment.”

“How did you feel after you changed back? Were you still angry?”

Thunderspite paused to consider. “Much less angry.”

“Was it then that you decided to spare his life?”

“Yes.”

“What was going through your mind when you made that decision?”

Thunderspite paused again. “I guess I felt a little sorry for him.”

Scribbling. “What did Talionis say?”

Thunderspite thought back. “Actually, it seemed like he was goading me to kill him. Called me a coward.”

“Didn’t you still want to kill him?”

“Not anymore. He actually seemed sort of pathetic.”

Summer Mane turned to the princesses. “If I may have just a moment to consult my books, please.” Princess Celestia nodded. There was a long silence, and the sound of Summer Mane flipping through pages and scribbling down notes echoed emptily through the big room. After several moments, she nodded to herself, then turned to Princess Celestia.

“Princess, it would seem my hypothesis is confirmed.”

This apparently had some meaning to everyone in attendance except Thunderspite, as they all nodded gravely. “May I ask what hypothesis that is?” asked Thunderspite.

They all looked at each other, then seemed to come to some unspoken agreement. “Thunderspite,” Princess Celestia began, “Thanks to the memories we’ve recovered from you, we’ve been able to fill in some gaps in our knowledge left by some of our oldest texts. We now have a much better understanding of the cloud wraiths, and in particular the specific type of magic they used. We know, now, that the cloud wraiths were once ponies like us.”

Thunderspite was shocked to hear this. Those hideous monsters used to be ponies? How could that be?

The Princess continued. “They were once a clan of ponies that inhabited the land we now call Equestria, long before our ancestors would discover it. They lived in harmony with themselves and the land, very much as we live today, until one day when they stumbled upon a powerful magical relic called the Catalyst Emerald. The Catalyst magic it produced was very powerful, and it they used its energy to power all sorts of new technology. Powerful though it was, there was only one Catalyst Emerald, and before long the clan split into several factions, each vying for control of it. A civil war ensued, and all but the winning faction was destroyed.”

“Unbeknownst to the ponies at the time, a side-effect of exposure Catalyst is that it causes physical transformations that reflect each pony’s inner self. In the case of the cloud wraiths, because their hearts were filled with hate and lust for power, it transformed them into monsters.” The princess took a breath and closed her eyes. “You were also exposed to Catalyst energy, Thunderspite. And because you were also filled with hatred and wrath, you were very nearly transformed yourself.”

Thunderspite’s head swam. I nearly became one of them? A monster?

There was a long pause, as the gravity of the words sank in, then the Princess looked over at the court’s reporter. “Verbatim, will you excuse us for a moment, please?”

Verbatim blinked, snapped out of his trance, swiftly packed his scroll and quill into a saddlebag, and left the room.

Another pause as Princess Celestia considered Thunderspite. Though he was ashamed, Thunderspite forced himself to meet her eye.

“Do you know why I made you Captain of the Guard, Thunderspite?” Celestia asked.

Thunderspite considered the question. In fact, he did not know why Princess Celestia had chosen him above several other more senior, and arguably more qualified guards to fill the position of Captain of the Pegasus Corps. “No,” he said at last.

“Do you remember the jousting tournament, with the guards from Saddle Arabia?

Thunderspite thought back. It was three years ago, and several Saddle Arabian dignitaries had come to visit. On a whim, the guards from both kingdoms had arranged an impromptu jousting tournament on the castle lawn. Thunderspite, who was only a sergeant at the time, had scored several clutch wins and carried the team well, but in the end the Canterlot guards were narrowly defeated by the Saddle Arabians in points overall.

The Princess continued. “In one of the final bouts, you scored two hits against your opponent. But rather than try for a third, you raised your lance on the final pass, when you saw that your opponent was injured.”

Thunderspite did remember. The stallion’s name was Sand Clasher, and after the match the two of them had become good friends. They still corresponded on occasion by mail.

He cleared his throat. “A decision that would ultimately cost us the tournament, Princess.”

The Princess shook her head. “The tournament does not matter, Thunderspite. What does matter is that when the time came, you chose mercy instead of certain victory. I knew then that I would make you a captain someday. I believed you possessed both strength and mercy, and the wisdom to know when each was required.”

Thunderspite thought back. He had received quite the chewing out from his commander at the time, who did not share the Princess’ appreciation for mercy. His comrades were equally disappointed in him for letting them down and costing them the tournament.

The princess lowered her head and closed her eyes before continuing. “...and that is why I am so disappointed in you. Your war on the cloud wraiths was born of hatred, and there is no place for hatred in a kingdom of harmony.”

Boulder Hoof jumped to Thunderspite’s defense. “But Princess, surely...”

Celestia shook her head, anticipating his argument. “You had a right to be angry, Thunderspite. But there is a fine line between righteous anger and hatred, and you crossed that line. Admittedly, it speaks well of your character that you were not consumed completely. Few ponies who have ventured that far into the realm of hate are able to return as you did. Though do see that you did not escape completely unchanged.” Thunderspite knew what she meant. His hoof went to his mane, which since his ‘excursion’ was now streaked with glowing blue-white at the tips.

Princess Celestia continued. “I do not know what would have happened if you had not acted as you had. There is a possibility that we would not have survived. But I do not believe that the ends justify the means under any circumstances. Perhaps Equestria would have been destroyed, perhaps not. Perhaps we would have defeated Talionis’ army, perhaps not. Perhaps we could have eventually secured a truce. Now, we will never know. But Thunderspite, the decision to make war, to take so many lives...” The Princess’ voice faltered. “…was mine to make, and not yours.”

Thunderspite was genuinely, honestly sorry that he had let the Princess down after she had placed so much faith in him.

The Princess sighed, then continued. “There is one other thing you should know, Thunderspite. We now know that Talionis was the leader of the faction of that eventually captured the Catalyst Emerald, all those millennia ago. We don’t know how exactly, but Talionis was somehow able to integrate the crystal into his own body, granting him an unnaturally long life. Thus, the concentration of Catalyst energy contained in his body would have been much higher than any of the other wraiths you encountered.”

Thunderspite nodded slowly. “So if I had killed Talionis, I would have been transformed into a cloud wraith permanently?”

The princess shook her head. “Worse than that. You see, in high enough concentrations, the Catalyst absorbs the will of its host, his or her very essence, until the two are inseparable. If you had killed Talionis, that same will and essence would have possessed you, and you would have literally become Talionis.”

Thunderspite’s head swam from the implication. “He...he wanted me to kill him. If I had killed him, he would have won."

“Yes, Thunderspite. You defeated Talionis’ army with hatred, but it was only through mercy that you defeated Talionis himself.”