MLP and The Quest For Awesome
On a very fine and some how sparkling day in Equestria everything was chill and cool. Until a portal from hell or some shit opened up and totally summon..Um I don’t know, a Giant Robot Hamster...Of DEATH! The Giant Robot Hamster was evil and badly programed so it was like: “Ponyville? Fuck that shit!” And started stomping and smashing stuff for no real reason, I blame the schools. As shit was getting real Pinkie Pie saw it and was like: “Oh no I need to do something!” So the some how valiant mare decided to get off her cake eating rump and get her friends to use the power of friendship or some other deus ex machina bull shit to send that mechanical fur ball to hamster hell, which isn't capitalized cuz its for fucking hamsters! First our cupcake making hero went to Twilight’s house or Cannibalistic tree house. Why? It's like its a cannibal, I mean its got a whole bunch of other trees in it that were made into books and shit. What an asshole! Twilight of course was creating a sub atomic dark matter cluster created by baking soda and vinegar. Or maybe it was a shitty science project volcano. Who know, I need to get my new glasses.
She was calmly working on it until the door exploded into wooden splinters because somepony decided to use a rocket launcher to open it. Pinkie walked in strapping the launcher to her back with a determined look wearing Duke Nukem sunglasses and saying: “Let's Rock!” Twilight returned the look pulling out a Pulse Rifle with magic from the volcano dark matter thing. “I'm ready!” The lavender color pony said magically strapping on a headband. The two friends just nodded and jumped onto a cloud cause they can and took it to Rainbow Dash's house. Oh yeah, and Spike was at Cannibal Tree house too, but no one cares cuz he's not that important. The cyan pegasus was sleeping just like her usual sloth self until upon entrance the house self destructed because too much awesome being in one closed area. The three flew out and landed on the ground that had a worm that was eating popcorn watching the fail.
Pinkie jumped into the air speaking loudly: “RAINBOW DASH! WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO DESTROY THE HAMSTER ROBOT OF DEATH!” The Pegasus gave the pink one a what the fuck are you on look and then saw that the hamster had Rarity in it paw in the distance. With shock in her eyes she exploded into a cloud of rainbows and sparkles reappearing as a rainbow version of Captain Planet! “GRAB MY TAIL!” Rainbow commanded with her heroic voice of awesomeness. The other two did as told and grabbed her tail she then flew really high and fast and junk and into Applejack’s barn.
“What in Tarnation?!” The totally not stereotypical farm pony asked. “Applejack! The writer got into the cocaine again and is making weird shit happen!” The rainbow maned pony pointed out. Applejack looked shocked, first the blender mouthed pickles now another. By Celestia something must be done. The farmer knew what she must do! She pressed a random button on the wall that said easy and a tank dropped from the sky and landed on Granny Smiths hip. “Sorry!” AJ said as everypony got in. “Oh and later Big Mac were gonna save the world again.” She said to her older brother who was there because of plot convenience. “Eeyup!” He said back. The tank transformed into and Fighter Jet. Why? Because those jets are sweet ass! And flew to Fluttershy's house.
The four got out of the tank and opened the front door. “Sup!” the pony named after a terrible book said. Fluttershy went up stairs knowing the day had finally come and came down on a Harley treading fire in her in her path and wearing a sweet biker jacket. “LET'S KICK SOME HAMSTER ASS!” She yelled. The rock awesome ponies got into the super special awesome jet landing near the Giant Hamster Robot of Death. They got out of the jet armed to the teeth with random ass weaponry and a rubber chicken that Pinkie got off screen.
The monstrous Hamster finally gave the heroes some attention, still holding Rarity who was whining..Excuse me complaining about being held by a rusty old metal hamster. Pinkie smirked “Alright girls, looks like its time to kill!” The girls readied there complete arsenal of copies of Fable 3 into a chain gun and fired them at the hamster causing little damage. “It's not working!” AJ yelled. “We need about 20% more firepower!” Rainbow yelled. “Just 20%? I'll do you one better!” Fluttershy yelled. The daisy yellow pony pulled out a copy of Twilight and fired it at the robot causing a hideous explosion so sparkles and rainbow lights. The grip on Rarity loosened and she feel to the ground landing on her fancy couch that appeared out of nowhere. “That was the worse possible book EVER!” Somehow after the bastardization of writing the Robot still stood though injured. “I've got vis!” The Jet said in a pseudo German accent. It transformed again, but this time into Blitzwing from Transformers! Hasbro FUCK YEAH! The triple changer uppercutted the Hamster into the air and the mane six combined the elements of harmony activating the Orbital Friendship Cannon obliterating the Hamster into Hamsterjelly! And thats how Equestria was made, The End!
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned you should never play rock, paper, scissors with actual rock, paper, and scissors even though it is hilarious. Also hamster jelly taste delicious on toast. I'm very surprised to learn that this particular sort is high in iron for an odd reason. Just don't try to eat it with peanut butter it's kinda gross. Oh right, right this is suppose to be a friendship letter. Umm...Well I learn that no matter how big the enemie a giant ass robot who can transform into a tank and a cannon that fires rainbows from space will always end in a ungodly explosion the will make even Discord piss himself.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
