Equestria Under

"So...what are you saying, then?" I asked Snow.

After making an 'eh-heh' sound, Snow answered saying, "What I mean is that I just took a special interest in you..." his face reddened, some.

"...What was that?" I asked.

"What was what?" Snow asked.

"That...sound you made... What was that?"

"Oh. Ooooh! Thaaat!" Snow said, rolling his eyes and head slightly around, "It was just a chuckle."

"What is... a chuckle?" I asked.

"Well I guess you could say it is just a laugh..." Snow answered. I watched as he walked over to the hearth and began to fiddle with it.

There are only a few accessories to  dwell. One, a hearth. Something I've never made any use of since I never knew or cared how. Two, a  window. A simple thing, really. Every shadow-pony knows its only there so he or she is constantly made to veiw the miserable place we dwell in. Three, a exit and entrance, in one. This feature is self-explanatory. And lastly, a mirror. I've never made any use of this device, for, again, I know and care not how to use it. But it was now that Snow, this under-pony of whom I have only known a few rays, was fiddling with.

"A laugh?" I asked, tilting my head so to see what he was doing.

Snow turned his head to look at me. "You're curious. That is good. And a laugh, well... You'll learn about that, in time."

"....." I didn't say anything to him.

"Here - I am going to put a fire in your hearth for you." Snow trotted over to the exit/entrance of my dwell.

"Fire... you said... fire, didn't you?" I asked, turning to him.

"Yes. Why?" Snow asked.

Now's my chance. I thought. "Please, let me come with you."

"Yeah, sure." Snow said, smiling. I begun to walk towards him, but paused when his...smile... discomforted my essence. To even think to act on such an expression is bizarre! But for an under-pony -- which, he did specify at one point that he was-- I suppose it is not so  strange... But why direct his smile at me? Was I truly worth smiling at? How pitiful I must always look to him. He had already smiled in my direction, several times, since the time we had met at my dwell, a few rays back. Why did he care to be around me, so? What was so intriguing about me, anyhow? Nothing. Nothing at all. And I knew it.

Which only leaves me to wonder....

*   *   *   *   *

Snow and I walked deeper into Shadow Dwell. Somehow it  reminded me of when I went and I left Shadow Dwell, for the first time.

I felt eyes watching me. I glanced ahead, at Snow... and then again. He wore the eyes that were watching me.

He smiled back in my direction, "Something wrong?" He asked.

"More than me and my situation? What could possibly be? I wondered. I wasn't sure what to say to him, though, so I said nothing.

"Yes? No? May-be-so?" Snow asked.

"It's just..." I began, but then trailed off.

"What?" Snow asked, "Did I do something to offend you, again?"

"No." I said. "I am un-offended. This time, as well as the last..."

"So what is the matter?" Snow asked.

"It's just... You. You...You say that you're interested in me... why?"

Snow looked forward, "Because you are different." He said, "You are brave."

A spirit ignited inside of my essence. I stopped to look at him. "What?"

He paused, mid-step and looked over his shoulder at me. "It's not ever ray you see a shadow-pony so courageously leave Shadow Dwell, un-escorted, alone, and willingly, now, is it?"

"Well...no...of course not, but... I am not brave... I was... I was never brave, I..." I trailed off, again.

"Curious?" Snow asked, smiling a certain way.

"I...suppose so..." I said, blinking at my own recognition. Just then, something exploded within me essence, taking me by surprise. I felt something pass through my eyes, but only momentarily. I looked down at myself, enabling me to just catch the faintest glow about my essence before it died away.

"Oh, so you never acknowledged that spirit then, hm?" Snow said. He moved along, somewhere ahead of me.

"Acknowledge?" I said.

"Yes." Snow said, quietly, "When a shadow-pony, such as yourself does something and receives a new spirit, he or she acknowledges it... I assumed you knew - I assumed everypo - er - every shadow-pony knew that...

"Perhaps I did know." I said, quietly.

Snow just smiled in my direction, again, and then began to trot. I caught up to him and fell into step beside him... tried. I suppose he saw my struggle and slowed to a walk. "Sorry about that." He said.

I just nodded at him and we walked, quietly, on.

"So..." He said, after a while, "You know where we're going, right?"

"No." I said. z

"Oh, well, I kind of assumed... um...never mind..." Snow's voice trailed off.

I glanced over at him a couple times. "Why?" I wondered. "Why do I feel so...comfortable around him, as... as if... as if I am so used to being around...ponies... I... I've never even seen one before him, so... why...?" I glanced over at him again. His white hair covered his right eye, so I couldn't see it. I supposed his other was exposed other wise he shouldn't have been able to see, unless... I began to lean forward, in an attempt to see all of his face.

I leaned some more... and some more... an then right when I was sure I was going to get the slightest glance, I fell over. I fell forward onto my...my... chin-part, was it? Yes, I believe that's what it was. My chin-part. I had fallen forward and somehow my forelegs had ended up horizontal to my torso and my bottom was sticking up behind me. I blinked, almost confused.

"Pffff....pffff....pffft!" I turned my head and moved my eyes to see Snow. He had a hoof to his mouth, but I could see his smile....And why was he making those sounds? It was a struggle to get up, and I slid myself across the ground for a few seconds before managing to bring my right hoof back to the front. I then managed the other, and eventually stood. Behind me I heard a sound and then turned around.

I saw Snow lying on his back, kicking his back hooves - and making a lot of noise off of the while. I turned and walked over to him, looking down at him.

"Hahahahahaha!!" Snow wouldn't stop making that noise.... I looked around, but saw no shadow-pony around... Good. Things could get pretty awkward if any shadow-pony were around to see such a ridiculous sight.

"Snow, please stop." I said.

"I - I'm sorry, it's just... you looked so funny!" Snow said, continuing his noises.

"...So... I am funny, now?" I asked.

Snow's expression changed, immediately. "No."He said. "No, no, it's... it's just me. Forget I said that... I am sorry."

"You're always sorry." I responded, walking on, "Isn't that a bad thing?"

"Well, no." Snow said, trotting up besides me. "I am an under-pony, after all."

"Oh yes, well doesn't that matter, still? I mean... you aren't supposed to be sad or anything, right? That is to say, if any one should be sorry, it's me. I can't help being what I am so..."

"It isn't like that, Pinkamena." Snow said. And when he did so, something seemed to move within my essence... It was just so weird, so strange...How could he speak my name so easily? And...why didn't I care? I didn't even remember telling him my name...

I turned my head to say something to him, but he continued, "I am an under-pony. That has already been established, with and within me, so I am certain that I - as well as any other - can never go back. Ever. And why would we want to?" I turned my head away, uncomfortable with the way he said "we" - meaning not me.

"I can be sad if I want to - if I choose to. I do not chose to be sad, for what have I to be sad about? I am just one step closer to being where every - " He stopped for a few moments and then said, "Where every one of us wants to be, some ray."

"...I understand." I said, and hung my head. "I guess... I guess it really is true, how low we are....how low every *shadow-pony is... Are we really the only kind of "pony"- so to speak - who actually, truly suffers this way?"* I felt so deprived, now. The dominant spirit within me, now, consumed a large part of the hollow space within me and made me feel sickish.

"But don't worry, Pinkamena." Snow said, close to my ear, causing it to flick. "I am sure I know what you're thinking, right now... And about what you said earlier - you can change. I know so... It happens, it happened, and it will happen."

"Of course." I said, turning my head away. But even when I knew the secret about fire I was somehow, now, feeling a bit discouraged about it.

*   *   *   *   *

I remembered watching, consumed by the spirit of wonder, as Snow gathered the wood that now burned within my hearth... I remembered the conversation we had had about the fire and what Snow had said. I also remembered the advice he had given me, and the answer to the question I had asked him...

*   *   *   *   *

I had never noticed it before, but there were these things that stood taller than the dwells, within Shadow Dwell -Snow said that they were roots.

"What are roots? I asked.

He told me that they were supposed to represent trees, like those in the world above, but that they were just the opposite.

I asked him what he meant and he answered saying, "In the world above, there are plants and trees. The closest thing we know as plants is probably the grass.... But as far as trees, we have these." He motioned to the root. "Now the reality is that - in the world above - these roots are beneath trees, but are attached to them... As far as I hear, these roots help the tree to...live..."

My eyes widened a bit at his words, though he couldn't see it. His back was turned to me as he observed and tampered with the "root", as he called it. I had always known these things to be "thorns", for that is really want they looked like in my eyes, but I was certain Snow knew better, so I willingly acquired the term.

"Of course, I doubt these roots have any capability of giving life whatsoever. They are black, dark, ugly things which I would never give acclaim to..." Snow went back to what he was doing, and I watched, in silence.

Silence....Silence....Silence....! Why did I have to be silent? And why... why now... with him... did I want so badly to speak?!

Regardless of my wished, I said nothing as I continued to watch Snow, my spirit of wonder beginning to ignite within me. I felt a small burst, soon after and realized it was another spirit I hadn't acknowledged.

As I watched, Snow's horn glowed and at that moment, a glowing line was traced out over a portion of the root.The glowing perimeter brightening as the small portion of the root was removed from the whole. He set the piece down next to himself. He continued like this - every separate portion of the root a different shape an size - until a pile was formed at his right hoof. Taking a closer look, I saw that the root-pieces were giving off their own glow...

Snow turned in my direction. His eyes were at full-glow, but they died down, as well as his horn's glow.

He smiled, a little, and walked over to me.

Wrapping a foreleg around my neck, he quietly said, "I am so glad I can help you."

What was this madness?! He was much too close to me! And to touch me -- didn't he care?! I found myself pushing him away.

"Snow." I said, my tone firm.

"Yes, yes, I know - I'm sorry. I'll stop..." With his horn, brought the pieces of root over to himself.

"That's not... what I meant." I said.

"It's not?" He asked.

"No." I responded. "I..." I paused a moment. "You..."

"What is it, Pinkamena?" Snow asked, raising his eyebrow.

"I just...wanted to make sure you know what you're doing." I said, "With that - with those root pieces."

Glancing at them, Snow said, "I am going to make fire."

"Yes." I said, "And then I will become a pony."

....

....

I am not sure what happened between the small space of time after I made that statement or when when Snow began to speak, but I could feel it... Looking back, I suppose I must've said something...strange to him.

Snow's eyebrows came together. His face continued to change a little bit every now and then and I wondered what he was doing.

Finally, though, he seemed to decided on what face to wear. I didn't like the pick. His face seemed to be...well... not its usual. But on the other hoof - his eyes. His eyes bothered me. The way he looked at me -- what he meant -- all of that seemed to be caught up in his eyes, somehow.

"Pinkamena. Who told you that?" Snow asked, the sound of his voice, varying greatly to what it had been a few moments a go.

"I was told by -" I stopped short, realizing just how unsure I was of who it had told me. I decided that maybe I could just describe the character to him, so I did.

After a few moments of silence, which seemed to mean something, Snow asked, "And you believed him?"

"I did." I said, "And I do."

"...Pinkamena, I... I don't want to discourage you, but... I must let you know this - and you believe it." Snow's eyes seemed to challenge me in some kind of way that I did not yet understand.

"Pinkamena," he said, "You were lied to."

....

....

A small explosion took place within the boarders of my frail essence, although the discovery that the spirit defined was one of surprise and knowing myself, that was no small thing. I wasn't only surprised, I was shocked! My mind I acknowledged it.

I had believed that shadow-stallion. I had believed him with nearly all I was worth, I am sure... But... But ever since meeting Snow, that belief had somehow managed to be shaken - even when I never told Snow about it, until now.

Although now Snow had gone a bit too far, I thought. He was telling me that the shadow-stallion HAD lied, that he was wrong. He was telling me not to believe in my last hope of getting to where I wanted to be. He was telling me to give up... forever.

I stared at Snow. I stared hard, my eyes not blinking because they didn't have to. I stared until I couldn't anymore because I began to see an aura like the one about the shadow-stallion form about Snow. Instead my eyes simply widened, in wonder.

There was a dark and heavy spirit that was close to consuming me and I realized that I was giving off a bit of an aura myself...But just then, just now...seeing Snow that way... My aura subsided. I felt this emptiness in my eye-sockets leave. All of my attention was on Snow.

"Pinkamena," he said,  I never intended to anger you. I want to help see that what you were told was wrong. I know it might come as a shock to you and I am sorry, but.... I cannot stand by and let the shadow-pony I care about throw herself away like that. Give herself for something she was lied to about."

"What... do you mean?" I asked, my voice low. Another spirit seemed to be growing within me, but it was far from being defined or acknowledged.

Snow seemed back to normal, now, and used his magic to make sure the pile of roots near him were where he wanted to, before approaching me. I backed up a bit, but he didn't slow his approach. He put a forearm around me, again, and pulled me close, held me tight.

"Too tight! Snow... you're going to break me!!" I screamed this in my thoughts because somehow, right now, I couldn't speak. "Snow - Snow, please!! I... I am going to break, I am going to disappear! Oh some *shadow-pony, any thing, anypone - help me!!"* "Oh why, why can't I speak!?"

"Pinkemena, listen to me." Snow said, "I understand how you feel, right now. I know what you're thinking, and... I am sorry. You must believe me when I say that the fire you learned about will not help you." He held me closer. Surely, now I was going to break?

"And that is the the other thing." Snow said, "You are not going to break. You can't break. There is no such thing and whoever told you, whatever they told you about that, it was also a lie."

"A lie? Another lie? How - why?! This was a lie also? But then...How does Snow know that? How is he so sure...?"

"Pinkamena. You have been lied to, a lot, I assume. The stallion who told you these things - whoever did - they do not care bout your escaping this place. They want you to stay. They do not want you to leave this world under and only because they feast off of your fear your terror... your hate... They keep you for their own gain, yet... yet is there an escape... But fire isn't the way. It can't be. And it can't because because it is not the true fire.

Snow let me go, now, and just looked at me. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I didn't posses the spirit of confusion. I was... somehow... neutral. I felt nothing, really, for what was there to feel?  I could only stare back at him.

"Snow," I said, "The fire... why can't it help me? What can help me escape, otherwise? And... how do you know all of this?"

After a brief pause and sigh, Snow said, "How I know will be told, in time. But what I do know will be told, now."

"The fire you look for is bad because it is like a binder. If a shadow-pony touches it, they are forever bound to this place." His voice was solemn and eyes unwavering.

"But... that doesn't... I... I touched it." I said, finally finding my voice, "Does that mean that I --

"Yes, you did touch it, but NO that does not mean you are forever bound, down here. What you don't understand is that before time you had already been in the practice of observation. You observed this place you are in and responded to it. With this being said and done, you have set yourself away from the other shadow-ponies of this place. Notice how you talk, how you walk, how you do things. And compare it to them. You are different, in spirits and all - the stallion you spoke to must not have noticed this, for when he let you touch the fire you were left unaffected."

"So what are you saying, then?" I asked. "What about myself - why did he invite me back?"

"Because you were loosing hope, Pinkamena." Snow said, "Whatever you had been thinking before time kept you going, but then somehow you decided to decided to give up. You thought that there was nothing this place had to offer you -- and you might have given yourself to the evils thereof -- only that was the key. You couldn't see yourself being devoured by such evils so your spirit of hope was still somewhere within you...still is... And I suppose this is what he thought, that stallion. That you HAD given up. Completely."

I thought about this. I thought about what Snow was saying. Was he truly right? I began to think of my earlier rays. I had started thinking about giving up, often, hadn't I...

"But then why was this...stallion, as you say...why if my hope was waning did he want to give me more hope, even when it was false?" I asked.

"Did he not tell you that he would tell you when you were ready? And that it would be soon?" Snow questioned me back.

I nodded.

"It seems he saw that he could not get you with the fire, just yet. But it would have been soon that you would have lost all hope - he would have waited for this time and could have because you could only get access to fire when he wanted you to. He lied to you about the fire in hopes that you were like some other shadow-ponies, that you have just given up. It was a trick." Snow said.

"I see." I said. And I did see. It all made sense to me, now. The sha - the stallion had been lying to me.

"So now what am I to do?" I asked, aloud, almost not speaking to Snow, directly. "What can I do?"

"Just be patient." Snow said, "Be patient with this unworthy world around you and remember. Remember the True Fire, the fire that is within you. The fire that can save you. Your spirits. Remember your spirits and that when the time is right and when you have earned the correct spirits and become wholesome, then that is when you will earn your escape from this divine-forsaken world. But most of all, remember that this world - it and all of its unworthy inhabitants - are in no hurry to get you where you want to be. But also, know that not every detail of this world is bad and that may be you could actually come to dwell in it peacefully... This is the path you must take in order to get to where it is you truly want to be."

I wanted to say something, but what? What could I say? Was this all as true and as real as it seemed? What could possibly drive me to want to EVER dwell in this place? And peacefully at that?! Was there really any good down here? Was there really something down her that I could reach out to and take hold of, knowing that some ray, some time, it would guide me along the path that I always longed for? So many things seemed to clash -- it all seemed so simple, yet so complex at the same time!

"And I wonder... to do all this... did he do all of this?" I looked at Snow. "And alone? Was he alone? Who comforted him? What kept him going? How...?"

I suppose he knew of my thoughts, for once again he embraced me. "I will be with you." He said, "Because I want to and because I care about you."

This was the other thing bothering me.

"Why? I said, my voice soft and low, "Why? Why do you care about me of all things? Why do you even claim such a thing? What am and what ever was I to you, up until this point that you can say these things?"

"Because you are special, Pinkamena, and have always been so." Snow murmured in my ear. "Because I want to care about you. Because I can and truly want to."