There's a Gamer in All of Us
“What is it about these things that have you so… captivated?”
Luna sighed, slipping off her headset and setting down her controller. “’Tia, this is the fifth time today you’ve asked me that.”
Princess Celestia, with an easy smile on her face, settled on the Royal Gaming Couch next to her little sister. “I’m genuinely curious,” the white alicorn said. “Why are these ‘video games’ so fun?”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Somepony like you wouldn’t understand.”
“Then explain.”
Sigh. Luna floated her controller up to her sister, dancing it in front of her face. “Well, first of all, there’s a serious competitive edge to almost everything I play. There’s a certain satisfaction in trouncing whomever you’re playing against, and trouncing them good. Secondly, the world that these take place in,” she jerked her head over at a mountain of rectangular plastic cases, some of them green and others stone grey, “can be much more entertaining than Equestria.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible,” Celestia scoffed, disbelief written all over her face. “I meet amazing ponies amongst my subjects every day, and I never grow tired of what I do.”
“Well, we’re different ponies, dearest sister,” Luna said, her voice dripping with cynicism. “You’ve always been the one best suited for public interaction, anyways.”
“Only because you never gave it a chance,” Celestia muttered quietly. “But I digress. Continue with your explanation.”
“There isn’t much more to explain beyond that,” Luna said with finality. “Each different game has its own different universe. Some are soothing,” Luna smiled viciously, “and some are violent.”
“Fascinating,” Celestia said, examining the glowing black-and-green box that was hooked up to The Royal Gaming Plasma Television. “And all these worlds are in this little box?”
“Don’t play dumb, sister.”
Celestia pouted. “What were you playing just now?”
Luna gave a self satisfied smile. “Equestrian Effect 3.”
“Oh, the new game that came out a week or so ago?”
“That’s the one.”
“What’s it about?”
Luna raised her eyebrows. “How long do you have?”
Celestia stretched her wings lazily. “Well, I only had to raise the sun an hour ago. So I have pretty much all day.”
That wasn’t the answer Luna wanted to hear. Her eyes flashed with annoyance as she slipped her headphones back on. “Sorry Dash. Celestia sends her regards.”
A static-filled voice emanated from the Royal Gaming Plasma Television, “No problem, your highness. We were in between rounds anyway!”
Celestia raised her eyebrows. “Is that Rainbow Dash?”
Luna nodded. “Dash, remind me again what you play as?”
“Soldier, duh! And I’m gonna naturally be a pegasus. So much mobility!”
“And I’m an Adept. A Zebra Adept.” Luna grinned. “It’s fantastic, really. Such aggressive magic.”
Celestia’s head was spinning, but she nodded along. “I see.”
“You’re a poor liar,” Luna retorted, focusing her vision on the vivid screen. “You ready, Dash?”
“Ready as I’m gonna be.”
“Awesome,” Luna grinned again. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
Celestia watched the screen with fascination as a striped Zebra clad in some sort of armor darted around the screen, glowing and throwing screaming ponies over bridges and off into ravines. Luna would occasionally giggle and snort if something particularly notable happened. Such an event happened when Luna’s Zebra threw a pony into a group of hostiles, tumbling them all like bowling pins. After they landed in a heap, a flying friendly (assumedly Rainbow Dash) fired a grenade into the middle, blasting rag doll pony bodies every which direction.
Luna frowned, however, when a group of menacing-looking machines waddled onto the screen. “Dash, you got any grenades left?”
“Negative, your highness,” the rainbow pegasus pony replied. “All I have is assault rifle ammo, and all the caches are behind these mechs.”
“Fantastic,” Luna muttered. “Any plans?”
“Guns blazing?”
“Good enough,” Luna replied, her Zebra dashing into the fray.
The battle was quick. Celestia applauded the Zebra and Pegasus team’s valor, even as they were quickly downed by the blazing mechanical walkers.
“Damnit,” Luna muttered. Celestia heard a similar oath come from Rainbow Dash. “Well, it was fun while it lasted.”
“True facts, Princess. True facts,” Rainbow Dash replied. “I think I’m going to get off for the day. Gotta go stretch the wings, get some exercise in. A pegasus pony doesn’t get the hottest body in all of Equestria by sitting around playin’ video games!”
“Element of Loyalty, not Humility,” Princess Celestia muttered.
Luna winked at her sister. “See ya Dash.”
“So you actually do play with other ponies,” Celestia muttered as a little notification blipped on the screen: Wonderbolt_HopefulRD has signed out.
“Well, yeah,” Luna said, her controller doing a little somersault in the air as the darker alicorn deliberated on what she should play next. “I think almost everypony has played a video game at one point or another.”
Celestia looked at her hooves. They were, well, hooves, and didn’t have the necessary equipment for maneuvering the delicate joysticks. “But…how do…earth ponies and pegasi…”
Luna shrugged, floating over a different neon green case. It read Hoof of Duty: Equine Warfare 3. On the front of the case, a pony garbed in battle wear had a gun cocked towards the sky against a dark background. “Beats me, sister; they just do.”
“And what, pray tell, do you do in this game?” Celestia asked as Luna popped it in to the glowing green box.
“Point and shoot,” Luna smirked. “And, with any luck, the most pro pony I know should be on right now. And you’ll never believe who it is.”
A notification blipped up on Luna’s screen. Sparkling_Protégé is playing Equine Warfare 3. Luna’s grin widened. “Perfect.”
Celestia raised her eyebrows for what seemed like the tenth time. “Is that my Twilight?”
“The one and only,” Luna replied impishly. “And she is quite the gunner.” Fiddling with the controller magically, another notification blipped onto the screen. Party invite sent.
Ba-ding!
“Luna!” Even through the haze of static, Celestia could clearly identify Twilight’s voice. “You wouldn’t believe what just happened.”
“Knowing you, Twilight, I probably would.”
Twilight launched into a lengthy and excited explanation that was mostly technical jargon, as far as Celestia could tell. The words she could understand, but they were strung together in such a way that the white alicorn could only guess at their meaning.
“…and I was so close to a twenty-four killstreak,” Twilight was wrapping up her story, “and since I had my specialist bonus on, I had hardline, too, so I only needed twenty-four kills for a MMAB…”
Celestia shot a quizzical look at her sister and mouthed, “MMAB?”
Luna flicked the mute switch on her headset. “Massive Magical Air Bombardment. It kills all the players on the other team.”
“Oh…”
“…but some noob decided that his hoofer shotgun was called for, and totally wall-banged me!”
Celestia’s ears went red. “Did she just say?”
“Wall-bang is a term when some enemy player shoots at you through a wall,” Luna explained, “and ends up killing you with almost pure luck.”
“Anyway, Luna, do you want to play?”
Grinning, Luna flicked her headset back on. “Absolutely, Twilight.”
“I can’t believe you two can discuss things like this so easily,” Celestia accused her sister. “Have you two been desensitized or what?”
There was a brief silence on Twilight’s end. “Was that Princess Celestia?”
Luna’s grin covered her entire face. “Yep.”
“She knows this is just a game, right?”
“Yep.”
“Alright then…what’s she doing there with you? Doesn’t she have royal duties to attend to?”
Princess Celestia coughed. “Today, I decided to spend some time with my sister, get a feel for her hobbies. Shouldn’t you be studying the magic of friendship, Twilight?”
Another brief silence. “Princess Celestia,” Twilight responded slowly, “how about I write you a letter about all the lessons of friendship I’ve learned from playing video games?”
Celestia mulled it over for a minute. “That would be acceptable,” she said finally. Luna had to shove a hoof in her mouth to keep from busting out laughing. “I’ll expect it by the end of the week.”
“You won’t be disappointed, Princess. Now, Luna, what type are we gonna play?”
“I don’t know, Twilight. How about you pick?”
“Demolition!” came the resounding reply.
Luna chuckled, flicking one of her analog sticks on the Royal Gaming Controller. “Demolition it is!”
Celestia sat with open mouth and wide eyes as Luna dove into an extraordinarily-realistic looking battlefield. “It’s extremely vivid,” she remarked.
Luna chuckled. “An amazing blend of magic and science, isn’t it?”
Celestia nodded mutely.
The bottom of the screen started filling up with a bunch of little letters. “Er, Luna,” Celestia started, pointing a hoof at the letters, “is that good?”
Luna glanced at it, grinned again, and then devoted her attention back to the screen. Her character was crouching and making her way slowly through a burned-out building, occasionally taking quick shots at any other characters passing by. Any time she scored a “kill”, a “+50” would pop up on her screen. “Cleaning up, Twilight?”
Twilight snorted. On the Princess’ end, it sounded like a rush of static. “These nubs are no match for m- FUCK!”
Celestia flicked her ears. She looked positively shaken. “T-twilight?”
“Oh, sorry Princess Celestia,” Twilight muttered, angry undertones evident in her voice. “I forgot you were listening.”
“Wh-what should that have to do with anything?” Celestia demanded at the microphone.
“Nothing, I guess. Hah! Payback!”
“Twilight Sparkle! Are you even listening to me?!”
“’Tia, I think it’ll be okay,” Luna put a comforting hoof on her sister’s shoulder, ignoring as the pony on her screen met an explosive end.
“I’m sorry Princess!” Twilight called out, the sound of furious button mashing clearly evident through her microphone. “I just get really into thi-CELESTIA DAMNIT!”
“What am I damning?” Celestia said quietly.
Luna chortled good-naturedly. “What happened this time?”
Twilight sighed. “I was one away from specialist bonus,” she said foully. “But apparently, this stupid javelin foal decided to shoot it in a bucking BUILDING and kill himself. His stupid martyrdom killed me.”
Luna winced. “Harsh.”
“Yeah. I got it again, though,” Twilight giggled.
Luna whistled. “I’m impressed, Twilight. That was eight quick kills.”
Twilight made a pshah noise. “I’m like a steamroller, Luna. Foals just line up and get knocked down.”
“Are you sure Rainbow Dash isn’t still playing?” Celestia muttered. Her sister snorted.
“SON OF A-“ Sparkling_Protégé has signed out.
“My, my, she is quite the raging pony,” Luna muttered. “The game just ended, too.”
“What happened?” Celestia turned a quizzical look on her sister.
“That, as we call it, was an infamous ‘rage quit’. Twilight got so mad at something that happened in the game she just up and left. Probably shut off the console.” Luna snickered softly. “She’s always been like that.”
“Oh dear.”
“What should I play next?” Luna mused. “I’m kinda getting tired of these war games…”
“Can I pick?” Celestia raised a hoof, looking innocent.
Luna sighed. “Sure. Why the hay not?”
Celestia floated a dozen game cases in front of her, looking over their titles with a critical eye. “What in Equestria is ‘[PONYTYPE]’?”
“That’s my steam vent,” Luna said. “I get pissed off, I put that it, and I just slaughter stupid NPC’s for hours.”
“Er, NPC’s?”
“Non-player characters.”
“Oh, well how about this one?” Celestia pointedly looked at another one. “’Equestrian Outskirts’?”
Luna stuck her tongue out in disgust.
Celestia frowned. “I’ll take that as a no. How about ‘Brony Hawk’s Pro Skater’?”
Luna opened her mouth to refuse, and then thought about it. “Alright,” Luna said slowly. “I actually haven’t played this game in a while. I wonder if the multiplayer is still any good…”
Ba-ding!
“Oh?” Luna frowned. “Who do I have on my friends list that still plays this archaic game?”
Jack_Of_All_Apples has joined your party.
“Well, hay there Princess!” a certain orange pony’s voice reverberated through the speakers, “Ah thought ya were playin’ yer fancy shoot-‘em-up games with Twi’.”
“Oh, I was,” Luna smiled, “but she got upset and quit.”
“Ha, yeah, that pony’s quicker tah anger than a rattlesnake that just got hoofed all over.”
Luna rolled her eyes as Celestia called out worriedly, “Has Twilight been getting this upset very often?”
“Is that good ol’ Princess Celestia?” Applejack let out a laugh, “Naw, Princess. Yer pro-, er, favorite student only gets her tail in a knot when she’s ah-playin’ her games.”
“Well, I guess that’s good to know,” Celestia muttered.
“Anyway, Luna, where ya lookin’ to do a bit o’ skatin’?”
“Absolutely,” Luna replied through the headset. “Let’s get right into it.”
Once again, Celestia looked in awe as Luna manipulated a pony on a board that resembled a scooter with no handles over thin pipes and ramps of all sorts. Various number values popped up on the screen as Luna did something daring that, more often than not, would turn red and fall of the screen as Luna would crash and burn. Applejack’s character, however, managed to fly across the screen in amazing acrobatic feats, landing nearly all of her tricks perfectly. Pretty soon, the point counter heavily favored the orange earth pony. “Dang, Applejack!” Luna giggled. “Is this all you play?”
“This is th’ only game we got here on th’ farm, Luna!” Applejack’s reply was cheery.
“You’re good!”
“Awh, shucks, Luna. Yer too kind.”
“Applejack! Applejack!” Applebloom’s voice was nearly as annoying over electronic devices as it was in person. “Big Mac needs yer help out in th’ orchard!”
“But I just got on!” Applejack groaned. “Sorry ta cut this session short, yer highness,” Applejack apologized to Luna, “but Ah gotta get goin’ faster than a squirrel secretin’ their nuts away for the winter.”
Luna blinked. “Alright, then. Try not to work too hard.”
“Will do, yer highness.” Jack_Of_All_Apples has left the party.
“Huh,” Luna said, rubbing her eyes. “All of a sudden, games have lost their appeal.”
“Fascinating,” Celestia muttered. “It’s barely been two hours. You’re usually at this for much longer than this.”
“Insert obligatory “that’s what your mare said last night” joke here,” Luna muttered, turning off the glowing box and standing up. “You know, ‘Tia,” Luna smiled, stretching her wings, “I think I know a game that you’d be good at.”
“Oh really?” Celestia stood up, following her sister’s suit and stretching her wings. “What game would that be?”
Luna walked over to the Royal Gaming Dragonware Computer and pushed a button. The machine thrummed to life, whirring and glowing with a red light. “It’s a computer game, so you’ll be familiar with the interface. You keep that Tumblr blog of yours operating, right?”
Celestia grinned impishly. “I might.”
“Whatever, ‘Molestia’. Anyway, here’s your game,” the darker alicorn smiled and floated a box over to her sister.
“Age of Empires? Are you trying to say something?”
“Not at all, sister. You build your own empire, and you keep it operational. It’s not a shooting game, and you can even set it to prevent wars. I think you’ll enjoy it.”
Celestia frowned, but sat in the Royal Computer Gaming Swivel Chair. “Alright, I guess I can give it a try.”
“Good on you,” Luna patted her sister on the back with a hoof. “I think I’m going to get some fresh air.
Celestia slipped on a pair of padded headphones, clicking on the Age of Empire’s icon. “See you soon.”
~*~*~
The sun was dipping below the horizon as Luna lighted in the Royal Gardens. What a magnificent day, she thought pleasantly. She had visited each of the six Elements of Harmony and had spent some quality face time with them. Twilight had apologized to her head over hooves for earlier. “I wasn’t planning on getting so into it…”
“Don’t worry about it, Twilight,” Luna smiled. “I’m sure Celestia won’t mind.”
Pinkie Pie had stuffed Luna so full of sugary treats that the alicorn had to wait for at least half an hour before she was confident she could fly without cramping. Applejack had offered her apples (what else?) immediately after, as an apology for abandoning their game so quickly. Luna had politely declined, explaining her encounter with the pink party pony and her sugary treats. Rarity had relished the opportunity to use the tall, slim Princess as a model, and Rainbow Dash had put them both through a fairly intense flying session.
Fluttershy wasn’t home. She had tacked a sign to her door, reading “Rescuing the Chickens”. Someone had scratched an annotation into the bottom, reading “again!”
Luna sighed contentedly, wandering into the Royal Lounging Area. It was dark, with one exception. A faint, electric glow was radiating from her computer area. Curiously, she peeked her head into the room. The sight that met her eyes made her jaw drop.
Celestia was hunched over the keyboard, clicking and tapping furiously. Age of Empires was still in full swing, and Celestia was commanding a sizable army of ponies. Empty Buckstar’s coffee cups sat around, discarded in haste, and empty chip bags littered the floor.
Celestia herself was a mess. Her mane had ceased to flow with radiant colors and was now just a frazzled mess. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot and her face was inches from the screen.
“Stupid Zebra Empire,” she mumbled. “Giving me so much trouble…”
“Uh, ‘Tia, sis?” Luna poked her sister’s shoulder.
The white alicorn whipped around. “OhhiLunanicetoseeyou’rehomethisgameiswonderfulthanksforturningmeontoitIcan’tbelievethatIneverfounditbeforeIreallylikecoffeetoodidyouknowthat?”
“I guess I do know,” Luna murmured. “You okay? You look a little…tired.”
Celestia took a deep breath. “That’s what the coffee is for, silly filly. This game is amazing, have I mentioned that?”
“I think you did…”
“Oh good,” Celestia turned back around, devoting her attentions to the screen again. “There’s only one problem I have with this game.”
Luna raised her eyebrows. “And what would that be?”
“I can’t send my enemies to the moon.”
There's a Gamer in All of Us
“Hey!” Pinkie Pie tapped on the veil separating their world from ours. “So I’ve noticed a lot of you have been complaining that Konseiga hasn’t done a couple things that you would have liked to have seen. Well, listen up!”
The pink pony began to pace back and forth, taking on a teacher-like demeanor. “The first thing I’d like to address is the conspicuous lack of me and Rarity in the last chapter. Well, as Konseiga was churning out this story for your reading pleasure, he decided that, with the atmosphere he had created, Rarity and I didn’t quite fit into the scheme of things.” Pinkie Pie shook her head. “We just don’t like the kind of games Luna does, sorry!”
“The second thing,” Pinkie continued, planting her flank on the ground with a thump, “is all the complaints about ‘why didn’t you use this game?’” She affixed the audience with a glare. “Konseiga was attempting to make the story believable by using games that he played himself. He doesn’t own a Wii or a Playstation 3, so quit berating him over games that he didn’t include. He’s doing his best, okay?”
Pinkie Pie cut her glare off and gave the audience a wide smile. “He’d also like to thank everyone for making his work popular. It was hardly posted for two days, and it got over three-and-a-half thousand views!” She clapped her hooves together excitedly. “Which is amazing! He appreciates ever single one of you commentators, followers, favorite-ers…” her ears twitched. “Favorite-ers? Is that even a word?”
She threw her hooves in the air. “Forget it! It hardly matters! Without further adieu, delay, or any sort of hampering on my part, I’d like to present the second part of ‘There’s a Gamer in All of Us’. Bring out your popcorn and crack open those cans of soda with those strange spiders attached to your hooves, because ‘Community Gaming’ is comin’ at ya!”
And with that, Pinkie Pie reached out of the frame and drew a curtain of blackness over the veil.
~^~^~^~^~
“’Tia.”
Munch munch sip munch munch. “Yeah?”
Luna frowned. Her sister had hardly moved from the Royal Gaming Swivel Chair. Despite the younger alicorn’s efforts, the floor had remained a constant mess of empty coffee cups, chip bags, and various crumbs from snack foods that the white alicorn had consumed. “I think you should take a break.”
“Your note has been noted. Please note that your note has been noted by this noter,” Celestia’s gaze remained glued to the computer screen.
“Noter isn’t even a word,” Luna accused, “and I’m serious. You’ve been playing for over three days straight.”
“I see no problems with this,” Celestia said in a contented tone. “The world hasn’t ended, has it?”
“Not yet,” Luna muttered. The Night Princess was glad that she had regained her touch since coming back from the moon, letting her move both the sun and the moon without too much effort. She had done just that, lowering the moon and raising the sun not a few minutes ago.
It was annoying, though. “What are you even playing now?”
A look of irritation flashed over Celestia’s face. “Ponycraft 2: Horns of Liberty.”
“Oh? When did we get that?”
“Yesterday,” the white alicorn replied.
“You never left the house!” Luna exclaimed. “When did you go pick that up?”
“Silly, silly sister of mine,” Celestia chided. “You underestimate my magical prowess. I merely teleported a copy to myself.”
“YOU STOLE A COMPUTER GAME!?”
“’Stole’ is such a harsh word. Everything belongs to m- us… anyway.”
Luna threw her hooves in the air. “Whatever, your highness. So what are you doing in Ponycraft?”
“Conquering the Reptile Race as the Pony Race. I’m so OP,” Celestia giggled. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…” she waved a hoof dismissively at her sister.
Luna tsk’d and mockingly bowed out of the Royal Computer Gaming Room. “I’ve created a monster,” she muttered under her breath. “Still, at least she won’t bother me while I try to play MY games. And the day just started, so…”
With a squee, Luna bounded onto the Royal Gaming Couch, flicking on both the Royal Gaming Plasma Television and the Official Royal Gaming Console.
As the green box flickered to life, however, Luna was hit by a wave of a feeling she always dreaded; disinterest. She realized that she had no true desire to immerse herself in her own lonely little world, conquering whatever planet or killing some unfortunate enemy player.
No, what she craved was a little bit of community, and a whole lot of classic fun. With a small smile on her face, she levitated the Royal Communications Device over and dialed a number.
“Yes, Twilight?” Luna smiled. “I’m fine, thank you.” Pause. “No, Celestia isn’t mad at you.” Pause. “Yes, I gave her your apology.” Pause. “Yes, she accepted it. Hey, listen. Are you and your friends free today?” Pause. “You are, but you don’t know about the other five?” Pause. “Lovely. I would like to invite you all over to the palace.” Pause. “Not, it isn’t official. Just think about it as some community time with your princesses.” Pause. “Great. See you soon.”
~^~^~^~^~
An hour and a half later, an apprehensive group of six ponies were standing awkwardly in the Royal Reception Hall.
“Um, hello?” Twilight called out. “Princess Luna? Princess Celestia?”
A bumping sound came from a plain door situated behind the throne as it was kicked open. A midnight blue hoof beckoned to the group. “Twilight and co.! Please, come on in!”
“Okay…” Twilight took the lead as the six mares slowly approached the door. The alicorn’s hoof had disappeared back inside the portal, and the faint pulse of music came from the open door.
“Oh.”
“Mah.”
“FRICKEN’ CELESTIA, THIS IS SWEET!” Rainbow Dash refused to complete the cliché, choosing instead to hasten into the Royal Gaming Lounge. A smug-looking Princess Luna was situated on the Royal Gaming Couch, with the Royal Plasma Television aglow.
“Fricken’ me what?” Celestia poked her head out of the door to the Royal Gaming Computer Room.
“Hey there, Princess,” Rainbow Dash waved a cerulean hoof at the ruler of Equestria, but the disinterested alicorn had already retreated back into her enclave.
Rarity blinked. “Princess Luna, I don’t mean to pry, but your sister looks positively disheveled.”
Luna cracked a smile. “I guess that’s mostly my fault. I turned her on to Real-Time Strategy games.”
Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out. “Yuck. I never had the patience for those.”
“Patience is a virtue, Rainbow,” Twilight chided.
“Don’t lecture me, miss Equine Warfare. You’re always diving into those virtual conflicts guns blazing.”
Twilight shrugged. “Situations call for action.”
Fluttershy scraped a hoof against the ground. “I r-really don’t l-like those k-kinds of games…”
Rarity and Applejack nodded in agreement. “Violence is simply un-fabulous,” Rarity affirmed.
“Yeah, I never really got inta ‘em mahself,” Applejack added. “Which brings me ta mah next inq-, que-, awh, hayseeds, mah next question. What exactly are we doin’ here?”
“Don’t be rude, AJ,” Rainbow Dash waved a casual hoof. “Whatever Luna has planned, I’m sure it’s gonna be awesome!”
“Well, I figured that, even though you six have spent more time with my sister than most ponies throughout Equestria, we haven’t spent time together.” Luna smiled at the six. “So I decided that we could have a relaxing day together, as friends.”
“So what are we going to do during this funapalooza?” Rarity inquired. “Makeovers?”
“Save h-helpless animals?”
“Iron Pony competition?” (Applejack and Rainbow Dash said that one together.)
“Party?!”
“Read?” Twilight asked excitedly, drawing strange glances from her six companions. “What?”
“Equestria to egghead,” Rainbow Dash teased, “not everyone likes burying their noses in books all the time.”
Twilight deflated. “I’m so fragging you next time we play together,” she threatened quietly.
“Actually,” Luna floated an archaic looking box in front of the six, “I thought we might have some fun with this.”
“A box? Does it have streamers and confetti and balloons?”
“No, Pinkie Pie.” Luna smiled. “Well, somepony should open it.”
Rainbow Dash floated over, wings flapping slowly, and opened the box with careful hooves. Her eyes went wide as she saw what was inside. The other five moved closer to see what made the rainbow mare react in such a way. Their jaws dropped.
“Is that…?”
“I’ve only read instruction manuals about this!”
“Oh, darlings, I haven’t seen one of these in ages!”
“Wowzers! I still have one of these!”
“M-me too, Pinkie…”
“Uh, what in tarnation is it?”
Applejack was immediately barraged by disbelieving sounds. “Are you kidding me?” Rainbow threw her hooves up in exasperation. “You’ve never seen a Equindo 64?!”
“Uh, nope. Ah sure as hay’ve heard about this ‘Equindo’ company. What’s the 64 mean?”
“This was the first ever console to utilize a dynamic color scheme consisting of sixty-four bases and any combination thereof,” Twilight coolly explained.
“Put that in farmer pony-talk, and maybe Ah’ll get it this time around.”
“It was special,” Twilight frowned. “That’s all there is to it.”
“Yeah! And you can totally drop cakes and pies and all manner of baked goods on them and they’ll still work!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “And you’ll find no party pony who can beat me at Pony Kart!”
“Care to make that a wager?” Princess Luna teased, floating out a grey block-like cartridge that was curved on the top.
“Bring it, sister!”
“Four ponies can play at once. Who wants the other two spots?” Luna floated up two controllers. One of them was immediately snatched by Rainbow Dash.
“That wasn’t completely unexpected,” Luna muttered. “Anypony else?”
“Um, I-I’d like to have a turn. If you don’t mind…” Fluttershy scuffed a hoof against the ground.
“Absolutely, Fluttershy,” Luna smiled and passed her the controller. “We can rotate after we’re done.”
“Oh, don’t mind us, dearies,” Rarity waved a hoof. “I’m just interested to see how this turns out.” Applejack and Twilight nodded in agreement.
Luna quickly set up the Equindo 64 to the Royal Plasma Television. “Such glorious pixilation, don’t you think?”
“Can’t tell if complaining or sincerely impressed,” Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at Luna.
“Enough talk!” Pinkie Pie yelled. “Let’s get ROLLING!”
“Dibs on the skinny dragon,” Rainbow Dash called.
“What?! You can’t have Toasty!” Pinkie Pie shrieked. “I ALWAYS play as Toasty!”
“Then I guess you’ll have to change your style a bit, huh?”
“Grr…”
“I’ll be playing as myself,” Luna claimed.
“O-okay,” Fluttershy said with a shy grin. “I’ll play as Celestia.”
“WHAT?!” Celestia peeked her head out again. “LIKE HELL YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY FOR ME! I’m having WAY too much fun, and if you even THINK about taking this from me, I’ll send your flank TO THE MOON!”
Slam! The door shut tight.
The seven ponies looked at each other, wide eyed. “Uh, ‘Tia?” Luna called out. “We’re playing Pony Kart. Fluttershy isn’t going to play for you, she’s just going to play your character, okay?”
“HAH! ONLY NOOBS TRY AND CHEESE THE GREAT PRINCESS CELESTIA!”
“She’s not listening…” Luna facehoofed. “Fluttershy, don’t worry about her. She’s gone a little crazy.”
“N-noted…”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s a princess, after all.” Rarity asserted. The rest of the ponies just shrugged and turned their attentions back to the Royal Plasma Television.
“Guys, this is still a problem!” Pinkie Pie moaned in horror. “Who am I going to play?!”
“Play as Weegie,” Twilight suggested. “You can’t go wrong with Weegie.”
Growling, Pinkie Pie flicked her control stick until a green earth pony with a mildly disturbing expression on his face was highlighted.
“What course do you guys want?”
“ROYAL RACEWAY!” Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash yelled in unison.
Luna shot an amused look at a timid Fluttershy. “Royal Raceway alright with you?”
“It’s f-fine.”
A checkered flag filled the screen for a split second before the Royal Plasma Television split into four sections. The cartoony ponies and one dragon were settled on horrendously undersized carts, and Applejack couldn’t help but snort at the peculiar sight.
Bing.
Bing.
Beep!
A baby chicken (“Scootaloo?” Pinkie asked quizzically) that was settled on a cloud was holding a vertical traffic light. It flashed red twice, then glowed blue, signaling the start of the race.
“Hey! Cheater!” Rainbow Dash yelled as Pinkie immediately blocked the pegasus’s vision with a round pink flank.
“I’m using my resources!” the pink pony snapped in reply, earning a swift hoof in the backside.
“Get outta my way!”
“Fine!”
All four ponies became completely absorbed in their controllers, tongues sticking out at the sides of their mouths. The track was a long and elaborate string of paved roads, neatly groomed hedges, and glistening ponds. All things considered, it looked fairly tame.
A set of three red dragon scales popped up in a box at the corner of Fluttershy’s screen. The yellow pegasus pony glanced at the other three racers. They were all vying for first, so Fluttershy quietly fell behind; far enough take her out of the competition for first but not far enough to take her out of the race.
Pretty soon, the pony spectators figured out why. A huge jump over a tranquil moat loomed ahead. A deviously uncharacteristic grin split Fluttershy’s face as her character gained a ring of spinning red spikes.
“Don’t fall into the moat, Pinkie!”
“Watch your own flank, Dash!”
Luna just giggled.
Pew!
Pew!
Pew!
Luna was the first victim of Fluttershy’s homing scales. Her character exploded on contact with the projectile, and was promptly flung into the moat. Luna exploded with laughter, the controller falling out of her telepathic control.
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were the next victims, being struck almost simultaneously by Fluttershy’s destructive weapon. Both were flung immediately into the moat, and the two players’ jaws dropped.
“Fluttershy…”
“THAT WAS SO COOL! You suck, but it was cool anyway! (Did I mention you suck?)”
The rest of the race was a complete blowout, as the three other racers merely shrugged and admitted defeat. Fluttershy’s Celestia zoomed around the course in less than five minutes. Pinkie Pie looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she hugged Fluttershy anyway.
“Congratulations, Fluttershy,” she sniffed. “You officially have the title of best Pony Kart player in all of Equestria.”
“Oh, thank you, Pinkie.” Fluttershy smiled warmly. “I think I’m done playing for now, though. I’ll let some pony else have a turn.”
Rainbow Dash gave everypony present a look that would wilt flowers. “I’m not done yet,” she muttered, guarding her controller jealously. “I’m tired of playing Pony Kart, though.”
“But you only played one game,” Twilight pointed out.
“And I’m tired of it!”
“Ah, let ‘er be, Twi’,” Applejack chuckled. “She’s jus’ a sore loser, is all.”
Rainbow Dash muttered something that rhymed with “mucking witch” and turned back towards the Royal Plasma Television.
Luna just nickered with amusement. “Well Rainbow, I might have a game that better suits your tastes.” She floated another grey cartridge in front of the rainbow mare’s face. Rainbow’s jaw dropped.
“No way! You have Celestial Smash Sisters?” a thin line of drool ran from the corners of Rainbow’s mouth as she mindlessly snatched at it.
“THE ONLY THING I’M SMASHING IS THE OPPOSITION! BEY-YETCH!” a howl of laughter came from the room Celestia had barricaded herself in.
“You should get her hearing checked soon,” Rarity suggested.
“She’s wearing headphones.”
“LUNA!” Rainbow Dash screamed. “ONE VERSUS ONE!”
Luna raised her eyebrows at the two ponies. Applejack and Twilight looked at each other, grinning. “Actually, Rainbow,” the lavender unicorn started, “we would like to play.”
The cerulean pony growled, but nodded.
“So it’s going to be a team setup!” Luna said happily, turning on Celestial Smash Sisters.
“Me and AJ,” Rainbow said quickly.
Luna grinned. “If you insist. Twilight?”
“At the ready, Princess,” Twilight replied.
The four ponies dove into the game. Luna and Twilight had both picked the Royal Sisters (oddly enough, Twilight was Luna and Luna was Celestia), while Rainbow Dash and Applejack had both picked two bulky-looking earth ponies. One of them was extraordinarily annoying and kept darting around yelling “FALCON HOOF!” and the other pony was dressed in orange looking armor and kept throwing around a long blue chain.
Applejack was the first casualty of the game. Her character had “FALCON HOOF”’d into a terrible position, and Luna ‘sent her to the moon’, making Applejack’s character disappear. Huffing, Applejack bumped Twilight, who was locked in a flurry of hoof punches with Rainbow Dash.
“Hey! Quit cheating!”
“Quit winnin’!”
Unfortunately for Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the orange pony’s K.O. was just a harbinger for things to come. The two Royal Sisters tore through the comparatively weak earth ponies.
“STOP SENDING ME TO THE MOON!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
“I ONLY SENT ONE PONY TO THE MOON!” came the resounding shout from Celestia’s game cave.
Luna snickered and swiftly scored one last K.O. on Rainbow Dash before time ran out.
“Blue team wins!”
“Awh, yeah!” Twilight and Luna gave each other a high-hoof. “Blue Team for the win!”
“It’s a good thing Celestia is the most imbalanced thing on the face of Equestria,” Luna snickered.
“YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT! I’M OVER POWERED!”
“Seriously,” the Rainbow Pegasus moaned. “That’s really getting annoying.”
“ANNOYING?!” Celestia came flying out of her enclave, chip debris in her mane and her bloodshot eyes wide. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S ANNOYING? SPENDING A THOUSAND YEARS ON THE MOON!”
Celestia’s horn glowed a bright white, enveloping all seven ponies, who vanished in a bright flash.
“There,” she sighed. “Now I can dominate in peace."
~^~^~^~^~
“No!” Konseiga shouted, angrily standing up from his chair. He had been playing this little pony-based RPG for a few hours now, deciding to put off working on his other projects. His back ached and his eyes were tired, but he balled his hands into fists as he glared at the screen.
“That’s the fifth time I’ve ended up on the moon, even though I played through it perfectly!” he ranted. “Screw it, I’m going to get food. It’s a stupid game anyway…”
As he slammed his room door shut, a grinning face of a certain white alicorn popped up on his computer screen.
“Successful trollicorn is successful.”
