Chapter One: Liquid Gold
I walked quietly through the town, heading towards the Everfree forest. I didn't intend to stay there long, the Pegasai had scheduled heavy rain for this afternoon. I just wanted to watch. I wanted to see the way the clouds would sit over Ponyville, and Sweet Apple Acres. I wanted to watch where I knew they wouldn't want me to help. I've never been the strongest flier, and I'm not really very coordinated. So they don't ask me to help very much. I can't really blame them. I can't see straight either, so I got fired from my last job delivering letters. I'm not much good for anything but watching.
The others know it too. They talk about me behind my back. I know that they don't really mean any harm, but sometimes it's really frustrating. I'm not very good at explaining myself, and sometimes the others treat me like I'm not even there. It's hurtful. Though I suppose everyone is treated like that sometimes, it feels like it happens to me more often than anypony else.
Stopping on the bridge going over the creek, I stood on my back hooves, placing my front hooves on the railing, and looked over the water. It flowed along peacefully, gently making its way over stones and through the cattails growing along the edge. There was a voice to it, as though it knew what was coming. It whispered in a way that suggested fast movement and roaring. I leaned over further, looking at the stones glinting in the water. Almost before I knew what was happening, I felt myself going over the rail, tumbling into the water, I sputtered and fell twice again into the water before managing to get to my hooves. I looked up, seeing a mare and a colt looking down at me from the bridge, “hey there Derpy, wanna be more careful?” The dusky purple colt sneered at me. I've seen him before, but I don't know his name.
The other is a light blue color, and I can see she's a Pegasus from the way she's holding her wings. I don't know her though. She smirks down at me, “your mane looks good like that. In your face, so we can't see your stupid eyes.”
The two walk off, laughing, before I can even think of a response. They pushed me off the bridge... I don't even know... Why would they do that? What did I even do wrong? I hang my head, leaving my wet mane in my face, letting it hide my eyes. It takes me a long time to climb up the bank of the creek, taking careful steps so I don't even stumble. I look at the bridge, then I look at the sky. The other Pegasus have already covered it in clouds, and I can feel the atmosphere becoming heavier. I just stand there, looking at the sky, trembling. Other ponies have been mean to me before, making fun of me or tripping me up, but... I grind my teeth, hanging my head again, eyes shut tight. I slowly sit down, taking heavy breaths, trying hard to keep my composure.
I lose it as I feel the first drops of rain on my back. I feel the hot tears streaming out of my eyes, and I cover my face with my hooves, sobbing. My whole body shaking... I don't even know what I did wrong. I just wanted to watch... I'm useless. I'm useless like everypony says. I know that's what they say behind my back. Me, going from job to job, always fired for breaking things or because I can't do something right, something that seems so easy for everypony else!
The rain thunders harder on my back, and I turn it into a mantra with every drop, 'useless, useless, useless. Stupid. Useless. Stupid. Useless.' It's true. I can never do anything right, and more often than not I just end up doing nothing, even when I want to, I know I'll just screw it up. I take sharp breaths, trying to calm myself down. This crying won't solve anything. It won't help, and it won't make this hurting stop. It's stupid. I'm stupid. I don't understand things as fast as other ponies, and I can't concentrate on anything. And my stupid eyes! They're right. My eyes are stupid. I can't see straight sometimes, and that makes it really hard to read.
I'm stupid... Stupid and useless... Why am I even alive? Would any of them miss me if I were dead? I shake my head, choking on my sobs, soaked with tears and rain. They wouldn't. None of them would even know I were gone. Even if they did notice, they wouldn't miss me. Nopony would miss me. I can't stop trembling at this realization. Why would they miss me? I can't even think of a reason anypony would go looking for me if I went missing.
I can hear hoofsteps near me. I don't bother to look up, still sobbing into my hooves. I can't bear to look at anyone right now. It's too hard. I can feel whoever it is standing near me. I don't bother to look up as they nudge me with their hoof, though I do try to quiet my sobs some. I'm obviously bothering them. I can feel their hoof again, resting gently on my shoulder, “excuse me miss... Are you okay?”
I shake my head, still not moving my hooves. I can tell it's a Colt by his voice. He doesn't sound like he's from around Ponyville though. Maybe Canterlot, or some place further off. I feel him sit down next to me. I move my hooves, and turn my head away. Eyes still shut, and tears still streaming. He stays quiet for a few minutes, then I feel him shift his body, “you know, I'm not from around here. I've never been able to stand it when others cry though,” he pauses for a moment. “Something horrid must have happened to make you cry like that.”
I just shake my head, he doesn't understand. How could he anyway? He's not from around here. He doesn't know who I am, or about how klutzy and useless and stupid I am. I grind my teeth and try to prevent a whole new wave of sobbing. I don't know who this strange pony is, and I don't know why he's talking to me. I feel him move again, and he touches my back with his hoof. I open my eyes, and turn my head to look at him. It's dark, afternoon has faded to dusk, and I can't see his face very well. He's dark, I can tell that, and his mane is sort of short. I can't see very well through the strands of hair in my face. He frowns, “well now... I can't see your eyes very well like that.”
I shake my head, turning away from him again. I don't want him to see my eyes. I don't want him to know what I look like, who I really am. I'm sure he'll be able to see it as soon as he sees my eyes. He'll know that I'm not like the rest. He gently turns my head with his hoof, “I think I may have a solution to the problem.”
He's holding up a hairband. I have no idea where he got it, he's not wearing a pack that I can see, though there's some vague shape around his neck. I shake my head again, “no.” I whisper the word, I know he can hear me. It's grown quiet, the clouds have stopped raining, and soon the Pegasus will push them away. “I don't want you to see them. They're not right.” I mutter the words, but I know he can hear me. My head hung, I look away.
He gently lifts my muzzle with a hoof, and shakes his head, “you're a beautiful pony, I know it. You just don't see yourself clearly.” He holds up the hairband, it's a black strip, with a white flower on it. I can't tell in the dark, though the flower looks like almost like a rose. I shut my eyes as he pushes my hair out of my face, and gently places it on my head, holding back my mane, and keeping strands of it held down, and away from my eyes. I feel him move his hooves away from my face, “there. Much better, I can see your face clearly now.”
I feel the tears start in my eyes again, and I give up and open them for this strange pony I've never seen before. Who doesn't know me. Who will see that I'm no good once he sees my eyes. I'm not actually looking at him, though my eyes are open and in his direction, I won't look at him. I don't want to see the expression on his face.
“Derpy. Look at me.”
I jump at his use of my name, and my eyes lock onto his. Fear shudders through my back, but then it melts, as I look at his eyes. They're calm, there's no threat. He nods, still keeping eye contact with me. I tremble again, this time for a different reason, though I still feel like crying. The way he's looking at me, like he's just lost something... As though he's lost me. As though I'm the only thing in this world he wants to see for the last time. “How do you know my name?” I ask, voice slightly trembling.
He doesn't answer my question. “Your eyes are like liquid gold, you know. Beautiful. They show your every emotion, and it's amazing. I've never met another pony who could express herself like you can, just through a simple glance.” He looks away, and I can see him tremble slightly, then he looks back at me, tears in his eyes. He doesn't try to stem their flow, they just fall, staining his coat and making his deep green eyes shimmer like emeralds. “Keep your eyes open Derpy. Don't hide them. They're beautiful, you'll see in time.”
I stare at him, and he stares back for what seems like the longest time, tears still streaming out of his eyes. Soon I feel my own eyes fill with tears, and they spill over, as I watch this strange colt cry. As he seems to cry over me. After what seems like hours, he gently brushes my face with a hoof, then presses his mouth against mine. I let him. I don't know why, but I kiss him back. I wrap my hooves around his back, and he breaks the kiss, wrapping his hooves around, I feel him sobbing. I hold him tight, not sure what's going on. I just shut my eyes and wait. Finally, he lets go, and I release him.
He looks at me for a minute more. His face stained with tears and his eyes so sad, so hurt, I can't bare to look at them. He turns away, then looks back, “I'm never going to see you again... I love you Derpy. Don't ever forget that.”
I watch him walk into the Everfree forest, then just stare at the spot he disappeared into. After a while I feel my body begin shaking. I look away, and cough a couple of times. I'm soaking wet. I need to get home. I stand, and walk, trembling, over the bridge. I cough a few more times, and I can't stop shaking. As I get further into town, I look up and see a few ponies running towards me. I can't quite understand what they're saying as I collapse, the world spinning slightly, and turning pitch black.
Chapter Two: A Present from the Future to the Past
Chapter Two: A Present from the Future to the Past
I opened my eyes, blinking, my head foggy. It takes a few minutes for me to figure out where I am, even though the surroundings are completely familiar. I'm in my apartment, in my room, in my bed. I sit up and look around at the warm surroundings. Pictures given to me from the foals I worked with while I had that job at the daycare hung on the walls, nearly covering them. The little ones had loved me, I'd gotten fired for improperly filling out paperwork, and causing a huge mess for the Pony Resources department. I thought about that for a minute, maybe trying to get back into the daycare in ponyville, when someone walked in. I looked up, the pony had a very light blue coat, and a feathery gray mane. She opened her wings slightly, smiling, as she walked over. I sighed, “hello Doctor Bones.”
She seemed slightly taken aback by my lackluster mood, since she was silent for a few minutes before speaking. “Well, you seem to be doing much better. Physically, at least. What happened Derpy? Everyone was looking for you for hours.”
I stared down at my sheets, hard, grinding my teeth and fighting, once again, to not cry. It was a failed endeavor from the start, as the tears started streaming from my eyes. I covered my face with my hooves, not wanting to let Doctor Bones see me like this. She'd been taking care of me since I was little, accident prone as I was. How could I explain to someone how I had felt last night? How could I explain to someone who obviously cared about me so much, who had just come all the way from Cloudsdale to see me on such short notice, how I had felt as if no one cared about me? How I found it hard to understand how they could care? I wasn't even sure I could form the words, let alone speak them. Doctor Bones wrapped her hooves and wings around me, holding me tight. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to or not, so I just let her.
It took a while, but eventually I stopped crying. Doctor Bones didn't talk about it, and we sat quietly for a little while. Eventually she spoke to me, “Derpy... You know that we're all here for you.”
I nod slowly. I know this. I know that other ponies care about me. I choke on the words, “sometimes... it's hard to remember.” This brings about another round of tears, though this one is much shorter.
Doctor Bones gently pats me on the back, “it's okay... Sometimes it's hard for me too. Derpy... When was the last time you spent any time with your friends?”
I shake my head, looking down, “Carrot Top is in Apploosa visiting family and helping them for the last two weeks... Everyone else is busy at work. I don't want to bother them,” I mumble. It seems like a feeble excuse, even to myself.
Doctor Bones just pats my shoulder. I sigh. She doesn't even need to say what I know. Still though, I can't shake this feeling. It's heavy, and I feel so hurt... I grind my teeth and shut my eyes before I can start crying again. This time it works, and I take a deep breath, then release it. I've cried enough today. She sits with me for a few more minutes, then stands, “alright Derpy... I want you to spend some time with your friends, or at least out with other ponies. You're fine physically and should be able to go out after you eat something this afternoon.” She looks at me, then places a hoof on my chest, “something is wrong here though,” she says softly. “I know how you're feeling. Everyone feels like that sometimes, and what you need right now is to spend time with the ponies who love you. I know there are a lot of them in this town. I'll be back to check on you in a couple days, and I hope that I see a smile that I know very well.”
She walked out, casting a concerned look in my direction before finally closing the door behind her. I didn't have much time to think about what she said, as there was a knock on the door to my room soon after. A moment later a mare let herself in, one with a white coat and a pink mane, carrying an envelope in her mouth. She sets it down on the table by the door, and smiles at me, “hi Derpy... It's been a while. I have a letter for you. It's a bit strange.” She looks at it, her brow furrowed, “an earth pony stopped by and gave this to me at my house last night. I'm not even supposed to work today, but he said it was really urgent that you get it right away. He wouldn't tell me his name or anything, just that you needed to read this.”
I got out of bed and carefully walked over, looking at the envelope. It was white and crisp, with my name written in cursive across the front. I looked at the mare, “well... Thank you Valentine...” I looked back at the envelope, afraid to open it. If it was from who I thought it was, then I wouldn't be able to convince myself that last night had just been a strange and wonderful, though almost awful, dream. “I suppose I should open it,” I said, somewhat nervously.
Valentine looked at it, then took a step back, “maybe... You should read it alone. He seemed very adamant that it get to you, it might be personal.”
I looked up at her and nodded, “yeah... Yeah I think you're right.” I took a deep breath, and what Doctor Bones had told me quickly ran through my head. I looked up at Valentine, “hey... do you have anything planned for today? I...” I forced myself to keep talking, “think it would be nice to catch up. We haven't spent much time together since I... got fired from the post office.”
She seemed surprised, and I looked back at the envelope, feeling stupid for asking. I heard her shift, and looked up as she spoke. “Yeah Derpy... That would be great! A lot of my other friends are out of town, and we really haven't spent any time together! I have to pick up some groceries this morning, but we could go over to sugarcube corner later.” She grinned, and I felt a little better. She looked over her shoulder, then back at me, “actually, there's some news I want to tell you. It's been so long, I wasn't sure if you'd heard or not.” She grinned even wider.
I couldn't help smiling back, curiosity getting the better of me, “what? What is it?”
She stuck her tongue out at me, “I'll tell you at sugarcube corner. Meet me at... ooohh...” She glanced up at the clock above my bed, “one-o-clock good for you?”
I turned and looked at the clock, it was ten now. I turned back to her, “ten is goo- wait I mean one! One is great, yeah.”
She giggled a little, then turned and began walking out the door. I followed and let her out. We waved goodbye, and I made another promise to meet her at Sugarcube Corner, one-o-clock. I watched as she flew away from my porch in the small cloud structure floating just on the edge and above Ponyville, then I closed my door and looked at the envelope in my hoof. It was crisp and white, and I felt nervous about opening it. I almost didn't want to read it, but I've always been far too curious to ignore something like this. I walked into my small kitchen and set the envelope on the counter, then I opened my fridge. I resolved to read whatever was inside the envelope after I'd had something to eat. I quickly made and ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich, then grabbed the letter, and sat down. “Okay... It's just words on paper. Maybe this will explain that whole thing last night... Yeah, it's just an explanation, I'm sure.”
I took a deep breath and opened it, sliding out the paper. I unfolded the paper and took a look at it, then frowned. “This is... blank?” I looked at the front and back, confused. I opened the envelope and peered inside. Was this it? Had someone just sent me a blank letter as a joke? I looked over at the piece of paper, then stuck my hoof inside to feel around... maybe I had missed something? I winced as I felt a sudden and sharp pain in the skin just above my hoof, and I jerked back, “ouch! Darnit!” I looked at my leg, and saw a tiny pin stuck in it. I pulled it out, wincing as little drops of blood formed and stained my coat. I looked at the pin, then at the papers. They had been in the same envelope... I shook my head, feeling kind of stupid. The pin had probably slipped in by accident. I bit my bottom lip for a second. If it was just a fluke, then no harm done to blank paper... but what if it were some kind of magic?
I picked up the paper, and touched a corner of it to where I was bleeding. I pulled it away and looked at the tiny dot of blood, then looked away, ashamed. I don't know what I thought would happen. I stood and placed the paper on the counter. I needed to get ready to go out. I went to my bathroom and sighed, then picked up a brush off the sink. I started with my mane, then my tail, getting the knots out. I brushed my coat, smoothing it down, then I took a little time to preen my wings. I sighed, feeling better. I looked at my mane for a few minutes, then blinked. Where was it? I suddenly felt panicked, and ran into my room, breathing a sigh of relief as I noticed the hairband setting on the table next to my bed. I picked it up and took it into the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I took it and put it on, pushing my hair back and letting the band rest behind my ears. I reached up to take it off, then stopped. No. I could do this. I would wear my mane out of my face and away from my eyes.
I trotted back into the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I smiled and took a sip, feeling better already about spending time with Valentine, and just being out in general. I walked out of the kitchen and paused by my closet, opening it and getting out my saddlebags. I checked to make sure I had the few things I needed, and my bit pouch. I put them on my back, thinking that I would get an early start and take a quick flight to the market to see about getting some fruit. I drank the rest of my water and walked back to the kitchen, placing my glass in the sink. My eyes wandered to the paper I had left setting on the counter, and I blinked.
That... I walked over, “but... it was blank.” I picked it up and opened it. At the top of it was a weird picture, all rectangles. I couldn't figure out what it was. I swallowed and looked down at the body of the letter. I took note for a second that the ink was dark blue, and then I began reading.
“Dearest Derpy,
First and foremost, I must apologize. You met me last night for the first time, and I would imagine that you have questions. Unfortunately I can't answer those. If I am correct in my assumptions though, soon I will be meeting you for the first time. Yes I know that probably just has you asking more questions. I can't answer those either.”
I stared at the paper, somewhat frustrated. So far it seemed like this letter was mostly about telling me that it couldn't tell me things. I sighed, and kept reading.
“I would imagine that you are rather frustrated with this letter at this moment,” I blinked in surprise, then shook my head and started reading again.
“I would imagine that you are rather frustrated with this letter at this moment, and you've never been very receptive when frustrated, so I will conceded to you a few small things. The first is that when you next see me, I will not know you. I will have never met you, so to speak, the me you met is a me from a different time, and the me you will be meeting is the me that has never met you before. So I need you to not tell that me about the other me. If that makes any sense... Well of course it makes sense, if you pay attention. You were always rather good at that, paying attention, when you wanted to. Still though, it is imperative that you DO NOT tell me about what I said to you. This will all be cleared up soon, but I couldn't risk writing it in this letter seeing as you probably already think this sounds utterly insane. Of course, that never did bother you before so I don't know why me writing things would really make that much of a difference.”
I stared at the paper, somewhat reluctant to read the rest. I had the feeling that my life was about to get a lot more complicated because of it. Though I wasn't sure if ignoring the rest of the letter would help prevent that. The writer seemed rather adamant that he knew... or was going to know, me. I was beginning to worry that I had a crazy stalker, and took a moment to contemplate the idea that I probably should have been worried about that before now. I shook my head, and began to read again, hoping that soon it would start to make at least a little sense.
“Well, despite how absurd I'm sure this all sounds, there are a few things I need you to do today. The first is to continue wearing that headband I gave you. Consider it a good luck charm, a bit of a gift that I am hoping will change some things. Though changing things is generally against my policy, I am making a selfish exception. The second is to stay away from Sugarcube Corner. Don't go there today, whatever you do, stay away from there. The third, is that when I tell you to run, run. Run away and don't look back. I don't know if this will change anything... Perhaps it will change everything. Maybe tomorrow you will wake up, and this letter, and myself, will all be a dream to you.”
I frowned... just a dream? I shook my head, and looked up, scanning my apartment. I touched the hairband. No... That hadn't been a dream. Despite what I had thought this morning, I didn't want it to become one. I looked at the clock, then stood, and walked over to the door. No. I didn't want last night to disappear. I wanted to know more, I would know more. I wasn't satisfied with so few answers to so many questions. I dropped the paper on the floor of my apartment, ignoring the rest of whatever it said. I stepped outside, and locked my door behind me, then spread my wings and took off, heading towards Sugar Cube Corner.
