To be an Invader

by FaelaArts

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Crossover
Length: 5953

Wormholes are often unpredictable, unless your an Irken that is. Zim was expecting the wormhole, what he wasn't expecting was Dib to get lucky and shoot him into it just as he shot Dib in. Stupid Dib.

Zim's plan was flawless. Lead the Dib on a wild goose chase into the nearest wormhole. He would use all his charm and wit to cleverly hide his plan from even Gir, the pesky robot that liked giving casual spoilers to the Dib human.

All was going exactly to plan, right up until the wormhole appeared. Using his expert driving skills he masterfully dodged the Dib and aimed a few ten, maybe twenty, shots to make him fall into the wormhole. It worked, Zim felt the smile fall on his face. Dib was gone forever, now he could conquer the world!

And then the smelly human decided to shoot his propulsion system and send him spinning into the wormhole after the putrid flesh monkey. If he wasn't stranded in some strange alternate world surrounded by weird, hooved creatures, Dib would die by his hands the second he saw the meat bag.

And where the hell is Gir?

Published 2013-12-25 01:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-02 06:30:55 UTC

Crash course in alternate dimensions.

“You’ll never get away with this Zim! I will stop you!” Dib shouted into the microphone of his stolen ship, piloting the controls as best he could. Without his sister Gaz piloting the ship, he feared he might be slightly worse than Zim. He was wearing his usual black coat, glasses, and pants, the look of a paranormal investigator. On his shirt was also a symbol of a monotone expression. His black hair pointed upwards, forming almost a U shape, with his head being on one side of the U.

“That is what YOU think Dib! My plan is so ingenious this time that it makes my old plans leap into the closest sun in SHAAAMMME!” Zim was not wearing his disguise, and he saw no reason to. Above the world as he was, he had no reason to walk around wearing those itchy eye-cover-thingies and that wig. Why should he have to hide his dashing antenna, and his outfit that consisted of red segmented funnel-shaped uniform with a pink collar, black boots and gloves. He was the pinnacle of Irken style!

“I highly doubt that Zim! What are you going to do? Throw me into the nearest wormhole and laugh at the irony because you are comparing me to a worm or something?” Dib laughed before dodging out of the way of a blast from one of the many guns located on Zim’s ship. As they dodged through an asteroid belt, he noticed a pale blue light shining in the direction he was fleeing, or being herded.

“You’re kidding right? Isn’t this, I dunno, cliché Zim? Are you running out of ideas or something?” Dib saw the gunshots coming for him, and heard the mocking laughter through the radio. In the asteroid belt there was very little room to manover, and he slowly found himself with only one option, to be sucked into the wormhole.

“My plans are NEVAR clicheee! They are a combination of skill and smarts, which combine in such a way to defeat you Dib! I hope you enjoy your one-way trip to a new reality!” Zim pressed down on the button, and fired the shot which would send Dib’s ship into the pull of the wormhole. Leaning back, he began to crackle with laughter, he had done it! Dib was going to be gone forever!

“If I’m going, you’re coming with me!” Dib fired one last rocket before the worm hole sucked him away, and turned the ship so he would see the destination of the wormhole as he arrived. Quickly bringing up the communications rig, he began typing in the number of his sister. Her answer was immediate, and scornful. Dib cut her off quickly.

“Listen Gaz, I know I said I’d be home in time for us to both catch that gaming convention you wanted to go to, but I’m being sucked into a wormhole and I don’t think there is any possible way out. Just tell dad that if he never sees me again, IT WAS ALL ZIM’S FAULT!” Dib shouted loudly, and blinked as he could only hear static from the other end. Tapping the device, he realised he had gone out of range sometime during the call. Looking behind him as he heard screaming, he was pleased to see his aim had been true.

“GIR! We are spinning out of control! Find a way to steady us!” Zim frantically held on to the pilot’s seat as the ship spun around madly. Gir, a robot with a stick-like body and a trash can head, was quick to salute, and then dance a jig on the controls. Zim could only scream as their spinning speed got stronger, and he was thrown against the glass, Gir landing right on top of him. As he looked at the spinning world outside, he saw the wormhole end. The pale blue-ness of the wormhole faded to encompass a wide range of colours, mostly green, before the ship crash landed, sending him face first into a patch of mud. His antenna twitched as he heard Gir go flying through the air, screaming at the top of his lungs. He also heard a second ship land.

“Nice plan you landed yourself in, Zim! I love it when your plans end in you, loosing.” Dib rested a foot on Zim’s back as he sank into the mud, and began to laugh loudly. After a moment he removed it and noticed their surroundings. They were in some sort of forest close to a very weird town. And everything seemed brighter somehow.

“Laugh it up you filthy human, for when I escape and leave you stranded I will be the last one LAUGHING!” Zim then raised his head to the sky, and gave his best maniacal laugh, before launching into a coughing fit. Zim always forgot that laughing right after a ship crash was not always the best idea.

Looking toward his shattered ship, and Dib’s less shattered ship, he began to piece together a plan to determine the location of the next wormhole. If he could get a strong enough link to the other dimension, he might be able to download the list of the wormholes leading to Earth from here. It was only a pity they could not take the wormhole they had arrived in, but no matter.

“So Zim, how do we get home? And where are we?” Dib watched as Zim finally noticed their surroundings and sniffed the air. Looking around, he also seemed to be looking for something. Dib wondered if he should ask about it, but decided Zim would probably speak it aloud soon enough. Dib watched as Zim leaned back, and a small antenna appeared, with a microphone on the end, from the bag on his back.

“Is it just me or does it feel brighter or something in here? No matter, Gir! Where are you?!” After pausing for a moment, Zim began to tap his feet impatiently. Without Gir, he wouldn’t be able to triangulate their position in relation to Earth.

“I’m in a barrel of candy!” Gir’s reply was just as loud, if not louder. Zim growled and grabbed a hold of the microphone, and began to talk very slowly into it. Dib wondered just how often Zim had to do this. He also wondered if he had any popcorn in his ship.

"Gir! Get over here right now!" Zim shouted once more into the microphone, even leaping into the air as he did so. There were sounds of a confusion and shouting from the other end of the microphone. There was also Gir laughing with apparent glee. Zim grinded his teeth, and waited for the answer.

"I can't boss! They're offering MORE FREE CANDY!" Gir's voice reached new levels, and Dib winced slightly at the volume, watching with slight amusement as Zim looked ready to burst into anger. However, with a disgruntled growl, Zim pulled out some sort of tracking device and began heading toward the town. Dib, with nothing else to really do, and not wanting to leave Zim to destroy an innocent dimension, decided to follow. Turning back, he clicked the button on his ship’s keys and locked it down.

Zim meets ponies.

As they walked through the town, Dib began to notice the differences between his Earth, and wherever he had ended up. For one, everything seemed to be made up of very simple colours, and the backgrounds looked like they were the backdrop to a happy play about rainbows, or other such things. Looking toward Zim, who was ignoring everything in favour of following the tracking beacon, he watched as a yellow shape appeared from around the corner and bumped right into Zim.

“Who darrres interrupt me while I am working!” Zim pounced on the creature, leaning over it menacingly, which was surprising because there weren’t many things Zim could actually loom over with his size. Dib took a look at the form, and realised it was similar to a creature found on his planet.

“Is that a…Pony?” Dib watched as the cowering, what looked to be a female, pony looked up and ‘eep’ed before hiding behind her front hooves again. What was most striking about the pony wasn’t the candy-yellow colouring or the bright pink mane, but the pair of wings sticking upright.

“What is this ‘poem-ee’ you speak up?” Zim turned his attention away from the pony, and Dib did the same. Rolling his eyes, Dib felt annoyed that of all the things that Zim didn’t know, it was this one. List of human diseases? Zim knew it. List of common small mammals? Zim knew it. Knowledge of where cheese came from? Zim knew it. Knowing what a pony was? Nope, Zim didn’t know that.

“It’s pronounced ‘pony’ Zim, and it’s a smaller horse. Do you know what a ‘horse’ is Zim?” Dib leant into Zim’s face and smiled. Zim pushed him away quickly, and looked back to the pony. Poking a finger at it, he beamed at his apparently knowledge.

“Of course I do, human meat puppet. This horse creature is like one of these ‘poenies’, only bigger.” Zim stood tall and proud of his knowledge, and Dib forced himself not to face palm. Instead he motioned to Zim with his palms facing the sky.

“You only know that because I just said it!” Dib grabbed onto Zim’s shoulders and began shaking him, but was quickly shrugged off by one of the robotic arms from Zim’s backpack. Dib backed away as the remaining three emerged. Both narrowed their eyes, and braced for a fight.

“You cannot prove that Dib! I showed the knowledge of these horses you speak of! But if it’s a fight you want, I will be more then happy to show my expert skills as greatest Invader of the Irken empire!” Zim raised his fist to the sky and shouted to the heavens. Dib rolled his eyes, and crouched. When Zim attacked he would leap onto the back of Zim and try to bind his arms.

“U-Uhm, e-excuse me.” In the silence before their battle, the yellow form that had been completely forgotten up to this moment was heard speaking, breaking the concentration of the two. Turning to face the pony, Zim retracted his robot legs. Dib pointed a shaking finger at the pony.

“It-It just talked!” Dib took a step back, and pulled out some garlic and a cross, holding them in front of him. Shaking he began to mumble an ancient chant. Zim slowly turned his head, and blinked in confusion as the Dib human began to drag himself along the ground.

“Er, yes it did Dib human. Sentient creatures tend to do that, and sometimes non sentient meat monkeys” Zim watched Dib slowly stopped his weird ritual and stood up, hiding the objects behind his back, where they vanished into various pockets. Pausing, Dib peered at the pony before blinking and leaning back.

“Ponies don’t talk on Earth Zim.” Turning towards the pony, Dib noticed that she seemed very afraid of them, and crouched down and held out a cautious hand. Making small ‘shh’ sounds and trying to reassure the creature, Dib was rewarded when it raised it head and looked to him with no small measure of confusion.

“So uh, what’s you name uh, talking pony?” Dib shuddered inwardly as he realised once more the nightmares Zim would cause him. Even now, he couldn’t stand a pig to this day. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but it was always Zim’s fault. Hesitantly, the yellow pony took his hand, and he helped it to it’s feet-hooves-whatever they were called.

“I’m Fluttershy,” she spoke, so soft Dib could only just make it out. Standing up, he looked over as Zim began to pester her to speak louder, rolling his eyes and looking around. They were in a main street of some sort, and there were ponies running for their lives in the direction they had been heading.

“Hey Zim, I think I know where Gir is.” Dib felt the wind as Zim immediately grabbed him by the shoulders and began to screech at him.

“Tell meee!” Zim began to shake the Dib, and every time the putrid monkey took too long to answer, Zim would repeat it in a louder voice. It took a full minute before he let the Dib speak, and turned his attention to the fleeing ponies. How dare they flee towards him and not away!

“Only if you agree to take me with you when you leave this place!” Dib pointed a finger at Zim, who growled and gave a begrudging nod of his head, before looking away and letting a smile fall on his face, giving a snicker.

“And no dropping me in space on our way back!” Dib smiled as he saw Zim blink in shock and growl. Looks like he had been right. Holding out his hand, he smiled at Zim. He got his ticket home, and he got to humiliate Zim, it was win win.

“Fine! You putrid flesh driving flesh-something something…” Zim trailed off, trying to think of a new insult, before shrugging it off and taking the Dib’s hand. Once he had Gir, he had no reason to honour his bargain, but even so he would have to consider it at a later date. The Dib had a way of reading his mind, it was dangerous to think around him.

Both were once again completely unaware of the yellow pony.

Those are not candy.

“It’s a monster! Kill it with fire!”

“Fire isn’t working! We’re doooomed!”

As Zim grudgingly followed Dib around the corner, voices screamed as they fled past them. Around the clearing, various buildings were on fire and explosions still rocked the square. In the center of it, a single pony seemed to be holding a small robot in a purple shield of some design. Zim could see no switch or containment fields, and that made him have minor interest.

One of the Poenies was currently pointing a protrusion from her head at the shield, could that be the source of her power? Irken Pak's could allow levitation, along with personal shields, using devices hidden inside the Pak. It was possible this Poenie had done the same.

“What the Celestia is this thing!” The purple Poenie opened it’s mouth, revealing it had a feminine voice. Zim saw four other ponies round a corner, a fifth coming from behind them. Zim glanced at the fifth, it was the yellow one from before. Seeing there being no importance in paying more attention to the yellow one, Zim returned his attention to Gir, and the Poenies. He debated walking over there to fetch Gir, or to simply order Gir to come to him.

“GIR, get over here Right Now!” As Zim spoke, the five in the clearing jumped in shock, seeing the yellow one behind him and his obviously alien appearance. He noticed the Dib human shift position, and gave an irritated glance toward him. Just what was his problem?

Dib glanced toward them and toward Zim, and gave a hesitant wave toward the ponies. While he was having trouble seeing any faces from this distance, he saw one of them return the wave with open enthusiasm. Narrowing his eyes, Dib could make out a pink body with Curly hair along the mane and tail.

Before either party could make a move, Dib turned his eyes as Gir stopped leaping around, saluted Zim, and stood absolutely still. Glancing to Zim, who was in Gir’s line of sight, Dib witnessed a red laser beam erupt from Gir’s eyes, searing through the shield, and hitting Zim right in the face. As the dust cleared, Dib covered his mouth and tried to stifle his desire to laugh as he saw Zim.

Zim’s antenna were trailing smoke, and his green skin had been rendered almost black. As he shook his head, he blinked and it all fell off him like dandruff. Giving a small cough, he exhaled a cloud of dust. Giving Gir a glare, Zim opened his mouth to punish Gir, when the filthy human beside him fell to the floor, and began to laugh.

“How Darrre you laugh at the Great and Mighty Zim!” Zim leapt onto Dib, and they began to wrestle in the dirt. Zim was obviously winning, however as Dib landed a lucky kick which sent him flying a short distance, he stood up to find the five poenies had approached, the purple one charging something on her portable shield device.

“Candy!” Gir squaled with delight and leapt once more at the poenies. However, Zim grabbed Gir before he dived, turned him around so he was facing Zim, and leaned down to educate the poor dumb Gir in what these creatures he had absolutely known about before five minutes ago were.

“No Gir, these are Poenies. Not candy, Poenies. If you want some candy there might be some left in the-” Zim had finished, Gir had already vanished in the direction of the wreckage. Zim watched Gir go, before returning his glare to Dib, who had stood up and was glaring at him in return.

“What’s wrong Zim?” Dib leaned in, and smirked as Zim did the same, their foreheads touching.

“Why nothing is wrong Dib, I just don’t need Gir here to defeat you. I don’t want you thinking I need any help in defeating youu.” Zim’s claws once more emerged from his Pak, and Dib reached behind him for his own weapon, hidden under the folds of his jacket. However, once again, they were interrupted before they could fight by the purple poenie.

“I’d hate to interrupt your dual, but what the actual-” Tired of being interrupted by the poenie creatures, Zim cut the purple one off.

“SILENCEE! You Nevar interrupt mee when I am about to show this flesh monkey the bitter taste of defeat!” Zim raised his fist into the sky, adding emphasis to his words. The purple poenie took a step back, confused beyond all reason. Dib merely rolled his eyes at Zim’s antics, and decided it was time to breach the gap between these ponies and his race.

“I’m Dib, and that alien over there is Zim.” Dib held out a hand in greeting, only adding to the confusion of the purple one. Hesitantly, she held out her hoof, and they shook in greeting.

“Twilight...But that doesn’t-” Once more, the purple pony named Twilight was cut off by Zim, getting the attention of both the pony and Dib.

“Yes! I am the Legendary Ziiim! Proud warrior or the Irken Empire! You may bow before me!” Zim once more shook his fist to the sky, much to the eye rolling of Dib. Turning back to the pony named Twilight, he opened his mouth to reply.

“You wanted to know what we are? Well I’m a human, and as you just heard, Zim is a species of alien called an ‘Irken’.” As Dib spoke, he saw Zim glance between them, as if trying to read something out of the situation. Turning his attention back to Twilight, he saw her considering what she should ask next.

“Why are you here? And what was that one-pony wrecking ball that destroyed half of ponyville?” Twilight’s voice rose slightly as she motioned with a foreleg toward the burning houses surrounding them. Dib paused to ensure Zim wasn’t going to interrupt him before he could answer. To his suspicion, Zim was being strangely silent as he typed something into a small device on his wrist.

“Well we’re here by-uh-accident and we only want to return to our universe through a wormhole. As for the destruction, that was caused by Zim’s robot called Gir.” Dib glanced once more to Zim, who was still typing into his device. After a moment of watching Zim, he finally raised his head and realised Dib was watching him.

“What do you want?” Zim glared once at Dib as the flesh monkey glanced away. What was it with that human and always staring at Zim? Returning to his device, he finished his list of the resources he would need to rebuild a transmitter. If he was going to get the schedule for the wormholes leading to earth from this universe, he had to get in contact with the Tallest.

“I have a feeling leaving you alone would only cause more destruction than if we helped you so...If you need materials to get you off my planet quicker, you may ask for them. I only ask is that you are the only one to enter Ponyville, those two have to stay away.” The poenie spoke once more, breaking Zim’s concentration briefly as he debated whether he should make the communication tower able to contact more than just the Tallest. It would raise the amount of materials he would need slightly, however it would make it more reliable. Zim decided to take the cheaper option.

“I can’t guarantee it, but I’ll try.” As Dib spoke, Zim raised his head and glared at the human. If he thought Zim was going to obey his orders, he was mistaken. Zim turned and began to head back towards the ship. He had found Gir, so it was time to begin construction.

“Oh, er I guess we’re going. Uh, see ya.” Dib turned and jogged after Zim, who was his only way back home. Hopefully it would only take Zim a few minutes to rig up the device.

Everybody likes Tacos.

“So Zim, how long until you build this thing to find the wormhole we need to get home?” Dib looked around the crash site as Zim leapt out of the broken ship and toward the Irken device he was building in another section of the crash site. Zim’s antenna rose as he pointed toward a machine that was standing next to Gir.

“Already finished it, it’s right over there.” Zim pulled out a interstellar flux capacitor from his pile of parts and went to put it into the device he was currently making. Attaching the wire, he frowned as Gir began to sing the doom song again.

“Oh! That’s great, then why aren’t we on our way home?” Dib glanced to Gir as the robot opened his mouth and inserted what looked like a taco. Blinking, he shook his head and folded his arms as he faced Zim, who was currently going through his scrap pile for something.

“Gir turned it into a taco machine.” Zim glanced to Gir and narrowed his eyes. The robot has caused him to have to restart his entire construction over again many times before. Zim knew he had to keep a close eyes on this version. Turning back to his pile, he saw the infusion matrix that would hopefully travel through any open wormholes and find a signal to the tallest. If not he could always try breaking a few laws of physics.

“Right, great, uh.” Dib looked toward the town where the fires were still raging out of control and sighed. With nothing else to do, he wondered why Zim would want to send him to this universe of all places. Turning, he opened his mouth and took a step toward Zim.

“Why did you want to send me here anyway Zim? Surely there were plenty of wormholes with mooses or something right?” Dib watched Zim raise his head and glance toward him, one antenna raised. Dib watched Zim return to putting in what looked like a large steering wheel to the side of the machine.

“Wormholes with no forks in them are rare Dib. This was the only one available this year. I wanted to ensure you could not bust out once you got caught in it’s pull.” Zim put in the final piece and stepped back to double check his work. To a human it probably looked like a large trash can, but to Zim it was perfect.

Turning the wheel on the side, the lid flipped over, supported by a large thick wire as it came to a halt. The sides of the bin flattened, and expanded to reveal a large flat screen as the bottom flipped over showing a grid of glowing lines. Zim pressed a button on the side of the grid, and the screen flickered to life, a floating keyboard appearing over the grid.

Zim pressed a few keys, and then leaned back and looked at the makeshift dish as it began to move around, scanning the sky. Eventually, the screen buzzed to life, and static showed on the screen. As it began to clear, two tall Irkens, one with purple eyes and clothes, and the other with red eyes and clothes, slowly swam into view.

“What is it Zim,” the red one spoke, taking a sip from his drink as he glanced to the purple one. Both shared a look of annoyance as Zim saluted. Both looked in the background and saw a burning city, a human, and the robot they had given Zim.

“My tallest, I have crash landed after passing through a wormhole while trying to rid Earth of the stupid meatmonkey named Diiib. I need access to the Irken mainframe to my co ordinates before the link between these two universes closes and it changes.” Zim waited patiently as the two muttered to each other, blinking and not saying a word. Dib slowly approached the monitor, hoping to catch some of the conversation, but was too slow in doing so.

“Uhh well we’re sorry but the uh wormhole emergency access...thingy is currently broken.” The purple one smiled at the red one and winked. Dib frowned, and glanced to Zim. As usual, Zim either didn’t seem to notice or didn’t care.

“That is fine, my tallest, when can I expect the repairs to be complete?” Zim watched as once more they discussed his words. Dib leaned in, able to catch some of the muffled words this time.

“We can’t say forever, he’d get suspicious. How long is the longest lifespan? A thousand? Right, ok” The purple one turned once more to Zim and mocked a wincing face.

“Oooh I’m really sorry Zim but it’s gonna be at least two thousand years before it can be complete. I’m afraid you’re stuck there for the remainder of your life.” Purple turned to glance out of view of the monitor and began making choking gestures with his claw.

“Wait you can’t leave us here to die!” Dib began banging on the monitor, gaining the two’s attention once more. They both gave a mocking smile as they leaned toward the camera.

“Very sorry, your life will not be in vain you will be remembered for generations as a proud Irken warrior yada yada have a good day.” And with that, the screen went black. Dib looked to Zim and began to shake him as the panic set in.

“You can’t just accept that Zim! Surely there's a way to get us back out? Zim?” Dib watched Zim as he raised an arm, and shoved him into the ground, taking a step back and giving a short laugh before turning to look back at the machine as it slowly packed itself away.

“Of course there is you stupid, stupid human. I’ll just have to create a device that will transmit to the Irken mainframe from here and get the co-ordinates without help from the tallest.” Zim began dismantling his machine, looking at all the parts he had available as he worked out what he would need to make the device. Frowning, he wondered if it might be easier to just send for the plans using his device first. Shaking his head, he returned to his work, he didn’t need blueprints, he was Zim after all.

“Why didn’t you do that in the first place then?” Dib glanced around the wreckage, noticing that Gir had vanished. Turning to look at the city, he narrowed his eyes as he saw something flying around in the sky that was quickly dousing the fires. Turning to look back at Zim, he realised he was being ignored.

“You’re not going to answer me are you.”

“Why would I answer such a repulsing creature?”

On the edge of my seat.

After quite some time, Zim stopped working, and breathed out. It felt like had had been working for months, when in fact it had only been a few short hours. In that time, both the spaceships had been completely demolished, and a half built device stood in front of him. Affixing another piece of the debris to the tip of it, he pressed a button, opening the radar.

“That should just about do it,” he spoke, pressing some buttons to bring up a countdown on the screen. Dib walked over, curious. It looked like alien letters to him, but that didn’t make his relief any less soothing. Zim began to pile the remaining debris into a pile, and walked over to Gir’s taco machine. Taking one, he began to quietly munch it, looking toward the setting sun.

“Wait, so we can go home?” Dib pointed to the machine, and Zim just narrowed his eyes in annoyance. Dib glanced toward the sun, noticing how it set much quicker over here. He quietly wondered about it for a moment, before picking up a taco for himself.

“It is going to take some time to download Dib. Especially considering I’m without any sort of guidance chip to insert into it. Hopefully it will be ready by tomorrow.” Zim pulled out a device, and clicked it, bringing up a screen. Drawing a house on it, he picked out an open area, and placed it on the ground.

As the house built, it beeped, notifying Zim it was running on emergency power. Disregarding that message, Zim opened the door. The Mombot and Dadbot answered, and he swiftly ordered them to shut down. Gir skipped inside, arms full of tacos. Taking a seat on the couch, he was saddened to find out there was no TV.

“Computer, how many hours of power do we have?” Zim stood in the living room as Dib slowly crept inside. After a moment, a robotic voice answered that they had 24 hours. Zim absorbed this information, closing his eyes and putting a hand to his chin. After a moment, he pressed a button on the wall, exposing a panel.

“Computer, energy saving mode. Place a laboratory in the kitchen.” Pressing a button, Zim watched as the kitchen dissolved, and a sort of laboratory was haphazardly smooshed into the kitchen. Zim payed no attention to the substances that fell. Most of them were items he wouldn't be using. Closing the panel, Zim stepped inside, and headed for the small computer in one corner.

“Wait, what about sleep?” Dib frowned as Zim raised an antenna. Gir walked in, skipping around and singing the sleep song. Gritting his teeth, Zim caught Gir, and tossed him back toward the couch. Hopefully the annoyance would find something to amuse himself with.

“Irkens do not require sleep. If you require sleep, you can sleep on the filthy couch like a filthy human.” Narrowing his eyes, Zim watched Dib fold his arms, and stomp toward the couch. Gir shuffled over, before standing up, pulling out some paper, and heading into another room to draw.

Zim got to work on preparing the vessel that would see them home. Inputting the amount of resources he had, he grimaced at the list that he required at a minimum. A lot were hard to build from scratch. This would take a lot of time, time that could have been better spent planning the doom of Earth.

Dib shivered as the cold air swept right through the thin walls of the house, hugging himself as he tried to keep warm. Closing his eyes, he silently hoped it would only be for one night. For a moment, he remembered his sister, and wondered what lengths she was likely going to to find him. After all, Dad wouldn’t let her go alone, right?

Zim paused, putting a hand on the counter as he stared at the computer screen, deep in thought. His antenna lowered, and he closed his eyes. Opening them, he continued to work for a while longer, before glancing into the lounge room, seeing Dib apparently asleep. The human was shivering like crazy, and Zim put a hand to his chin.

Zim quietly stepped outside, digging into the remains of the ships to pull apart the cockpit of one. Ripping off the fabric, he quietly stitched it together. Stuffing the seat stuffing inside it, he once more stitched it up. Flapping it, he ensured the stuffing was sitting properly. Zim used his claws to carry it back inside. Dumping it on Dib, he headed back into the kitchen to resume work.

Dib felt something land on top of him, and blinked his weary eyes open. Pulling his head out from the lumpy thing, he realised it was some sort of makeshift blanket. Glancing around, he saw nothing that revealed who had done it. As the blanket began to warm him up, he discarded it. Such questions could wait until the morning.

Zim finished typing in his calculations, and printed out a list, giving a small shiver of his own. Glancing it over, he tried to work out the best method to creating the items out of raw materials. If he was lucky, these Poenies had basic electricity. Or at the very least, access to some sort of mining operation.

Zim stepped out of the lab, and looked out the front window at the moon. It was likely the Poenies slept like the earth monkey, so there was little use to heading down of the night. Sitting down in the corner, Zim looked upward and out, thinking silently to himself. After a moment, he stretched, and curled into a ball. A moment later, Gir curled up beside him like a cat.

Zim closed his eyes, knowing that he would wake the moment the sun rose in the morning. After that, he just needed to procure the resources for their escape. If all went well, they would be able to return home in just under 24 hours. Give or take construction time. Thinking of how to enact revenge on Dib for their predicament, Zim smiled, giving a quiet chuckle.

Lasers, Zim was thinking Lasers.

The art of Invading

To be a good Invader, you need to be able to go to a world and immediately blend in with the local species.

To be a good Invader, you need to quietly overtake the world, and prepare it for the Irken empire’s arrival.

To be a good Invader, you need to trust your robot with all top secret information, in the case you fail at any point.

To be a good Invader, you need to be disciplined, and stop at nothing to take over the planet

But, to be a great Invader, you need to be able to do this while handicapped.

To be a great Invader, you need to do this while wearing a disguise that barely hides the fact you’re an alien.

To be a great Invader, you need to put plans in motion to take over the world, without the government even sparing you a glance.

To be a great Invader, you need to know the strengths of your robot, even if it is defective.

To be a great Invader, you need to know when to use the local species to their most usefulness.

What kind of Invader are you?