Pony Story

by Pinkamena666

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1474

The SCARY MOVIE Of The Pony Universe

Your favorite show gets parodied in PONY STORY, the Equestrian version of SCARY MOVIE.
Twilight Sparkle arrives in Ponyville by order of the Princess. There she meets a wacky cast of characters that proves that every pony in town really IS crazy.

Rated TEEN: for Crude Sexual Humor and Language

Published 2012-03-15 09:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-15 09:04:01 UTC

No Friends

Twilight sat in the library of Canterlot reading a book on the history of Equestria. A unicorn who was walking by stopped and looked at her. Twilight looked up from the book when she saw the pony.

"What?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing." said the pony.

"Then... go." said Twilight, looking back down at the book.

"Excuse me?" the pony asked, sounding insulted.

Twilight looked back up.

"I'm kinda, ya know, reading a book." said Twilight. "So..."

"What up with the 'tude?" the pony asked.

Twilight gently closed the book and then slammed it down on the floor.

"I'm sorry, what?" she asked. "'Tude?"

"It means attitude." the pony explained.

"So you're saying I have an attitude?"

"I think it's pretty obvious." The pony sighed. "You need some friends, girl."

"I have friends, all right?"

The pony let out a laugh. "Okay." she said, walking away.

Twilight left the library and headed back to the castle, thinking about what the pony had said. Maybe she should get some friends. Not sayin' that it's gonna be easy. Just saying that she probably should.

Luna sat in the lounge of the castle watching the TV. An add was playing.

"877-241... Lunaaaaa." the announcer hummed.

"That is such a good name for a company." she said.

Twilight stepped into the lounge and sighed ruefully.

"Whoa." said Luna. "Looks like somepony is pi-issed."

Twilight looked over at her. She was sprawled out on the couch.

"Huh?" Twilight asked.

"You seem a little..." Luna started. "ya know."

"No, I... I don't."

"Pissed." Luna said.

"Yeah, I got that." Twilight said, trotting up to Luna.

"That must mean something's wrong."

"I, apparently, have no friends."

"Really?" Luna asked with a laugh. "You're... you're just realizing this?"

"Excuse me?" Twilight asked, shocked to hear this. And from a princess no less.

"I'm just sayin'... you're kind of an egghead." said Luna. "Bookworm." She quickly corrected.

Twilight let out an angry sigh and headed for the exit.

"If it makes you feel any better, it's not your fault." Luna said loudly. "No pony likes a bookworm."

Twilight stopped abruptly at the door and looked over at Luna.

"Oh, wait." Luna said. "How's that supposed to make you feel better?" she asked with a laugh.

Twilight opened the doors hard and left.

"Oh, come on!" Luna called, still laughing. "Come back!"

Twilight returned to her study room where Spike was placing books back on the shelf.

"Hey, Twilight." he said.

"Stuff it, Spike." Twilight snapped, slamming the door behind her.

"What up with--"

"The attitude?" Twilight finished angrily. "That... bitch, Luna!"

"Whoa, Twi." said Spike. "Watch what you say about the princess." He took a step away from the bookshelf. "What's going on?"

"I have no friends."

"You have me." said Spike, smiling.

Twilight mumbled something under her breath. Spike's smile faded.

"You know, Twilight." Spike began. "Maybe..."

He let out loud burp as a green flame shot out from his mouth. A scroll magically appeared and Twilight brought it in front of her.

"Disgusting as always, Spike." said Twilight. "Thanks." She unrolled the scroll. "Time to see what this magic vomit scroll has to say." She cleared her throat. "Dear Twilight, my uninteresting and faithful student." Twilight looked over at Spike. "Her, too?" Spike shrugged and Twilight returned to reading the scroll. "It has come to my attention that you have absolutely no friends whatsoever. I am also getting a little annoyed by how obsessed you are with me. You can't cling on to me forever." Twilight let out a little gasp. "I am not obsessed with Celestia."

"I don't know, Twilight." Spike muttered.

"I'm NOT!"

"What else does it say?" Spike asked.

Twilight looked back at the scroll.

"So I am sending you to Ponyville so that you may be able to make friends and actually have some fun in your somewhat depressing and miserable life. Have fun."

Twilight dropped the scroll and sighed.

"Guess I'm going to Ponyville."

Meet Rainbow Dash And Fluttershy

Twilight and Spike kept walking through Ponyville and finally wound up at a small cottage. Just then a yellow pegasus emerged.

"Who's that?" asked Spike.

"Probably just somepony who couldn't afford an actual house, Spike." said Twilight. "Don't stare."

She was then greeted by a blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane.

"Who's that?" asked Spike.

"I don't know." said Twilight. "Probably some lesbian."

"TWILIGHT!" Spike yelled, shocked.

"WHAT?" asked Twilight. "Just look at that mane."

Spike sighed and started moving towards the cottage. Twilight followed him.

"Hey Fluttershy."

"Hey, Rainbow Dash." said Fluttershy, sort of already knowing what she wanted. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know..." said Rainbow Dash, almost seductively.

"If you're here about what we talked about yesterday then you can just forget it."

"Oh, come on." said Rainbow Dash, narrowing her eyes and moving in closer. "Don't fight it."

"Back off, ,Dash." said Fluttershy, giving her a little shove.

"Hey, what's with the pushing?" Dash asked, giving Fluttershy a harder shove.

Fluttershy gave an even harder shove, too. This led to even harder shoves until the two ended up wrestling on the floor. Fluttershy swiped at Dash, who stood up and buck-kicked Fluttershy, knocking her back down.

"Yeah!" yelled Rainbow Dash. "Take that Flutter-bitch!"

Fluttershy let out a yell and tackled Dash to the ground. She pinned down her arms.

"Wow, Fluttershy." said Dash, seductively. "I never thought you'd be the one on top."

Fluttershy let out an annoyed sigh as she got off Dash.

"Hey, girls." said Twilight, approaching them.

Dash looked at Twilight as she got back up.

"Hey." said Dash. "Who are... you?" she asked with a sigh.

"Uh... Twilight."

"Hey, Twilight." said Dash with a smile. "I'm Rainbow Dash."

"Rainbow Dash, huh?" Twilight asked. "I've heard of you. You're supposed to be very fast, right?"

"Fast?" Dash asked. "I'm very fast. I also have wonderful stamina."

"Really?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah, baby. I can last for hours."

"Oh, brother." muttered Fluttershy.

"Who are you?" Twilight asked, looking at Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy."

"Flutter... shy?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah." said Fluttershy. "What about it?"

"It's just that... you don't seem that shy to me." said Twilight with a nervous laughter.

"I was when I was born." Fluttershy snapped.

"If you need a tour around Ponyville, I can help with that." offered Rainbow Dash.

"That'd be..." Twilight started. She stopped when she saw Fluttershy shaking her head. "nice."

"Yes!" yelled Rainbow Dash as Fluttershy let out a sigh. "Let's do this!"

"Have fun, you two." Fluttershy said, waving as they left.

Meet Pinkie Pie

Two royal guards pulled a carriage through the sky carrying Twilight and Spike. Twilight was resting her head on the rim of the carriage.

"This sucks." she muttered.

"What does?" asked Spike.

"This situation. I know I need friends, but... why Ponyville?"

Spike sat down on the bench in the carriage.

"Chill, Twilight. It's gonna be fine."

"No, it's not." Twilight muttered. She turned around and sat on the floor. "I've heard things about Ponyville."

"Like, what kind of things?" Spike asked, intrigued,

"Well..." Twilight started. "No pony in Canterlot likes it. To them, Ponyville is quote-unquote, 'shit-stain on the underwear of life'."

"Ponies said that?" Spike asked.

"That." said Twilight. "And... that it's filled with ponies who are crazy."

"Uh, Twilight?" Spike asked.

"Also that Ponyville is one of the worst places in Equestria."

"Twilight?" Spike urged.

Twilight let out an angry sigh. "What is it, Spike?"

"We've landed."

Twilight went wide-eyed and slowly looked around. A couple ponies walking passed them stopped and stared.

"Whoops." said Spike with a nervous laugh. "Talk about bad timing and an unfortunate situation."

"Shut up. Shut up Shut up." Twilight urged softly, hopping out of the carriage and scurrying away.

Twilight and Spike walked through the streets of Ponyville.

"So this is Ponyville." said Spike. "Looks nice."

"If by 'nice', you mean absolutely boring."

"Cheer up, Twilight."

Just then Twilight bumped into a pink pony.

"Whoa." said Twilight. "Sorry."

"Why don't you watch where you're going?" the pink pony said quickly. "You got some problem with your eyes? They not working?"

"I'm sorry, I--"

"Oh, you're sorry? You're sorry?"

"Uh... yes." Twilight said hesitantly.

"Oh." said the pink pony. "Okay, then." she said happily. "Welcome to Ponyville. I'm Pinkie Pie."

"Twilight."

Pinkie Pie kept on rambling on and all Twilight could think of was, Please. Some pony shoot me now. KILL ME! I can't take this crap anymore! It's too much!

After a half-hour or so, the talking was over and the two ponies went their separate ways.

"I didn't think that would ever end." said Spike.

"I wanted to kill myself." said Twilight. "I really wanted to kill myself."

they continued on through Ponyville, unbeknownst that their next encounter was gonna be a weird one.