The Deal
Jason Hunt sat in his small but comfortable home trying to find ways to occupy his time. He had already cooked and eaten lunch, and was now sitting in front of the T.V. flipping through channels. Nothing seemed to pique his interest though. Just the same news as usual. People dying, people crying, politicians lying. Same ol' same ol'.
With nothing better to do, Jason decided to head to his computer to see if he had any missions. It had been several months and he was starting to get worried. Well, not so much worried, more like he was getting a really bad itch that needed to be scratched. Sure he could go out and scratch that itch easily, but without the knowledge of good pay before hand, the incentive just wasn't there.
Jason never really considered himself a killer. More of a...cleanser. A hired gun that could sweep away the garbage that the world had produced. Politicians, business leaders, power tycoons, rich bastards who have nothing better to do then rub money in the face of the common and lower class while laughing at their misfortune. Jason felt especially good when it came to 'cleansing the world of' that last group. "There's nothing wrong with having money, just don't wave it around and buy unnecessary trinkets and antiques," Jason had said before he had delivered a bullet into the head of some rich prick named Antoine.
That was why Jason lived in such a small affordable house with little to no expensive goods. The most expensive things in his humble abode, were his TV and computer. After all, he needed to keep entertained and check important updates to see if there were any new missions. Everything else in the house was affordable on a middle class budget though. Nothing seemed to stand out as expensive or dazzling. Just the way he liked it. Not like he cared if anyone saw the inside of his house. Almost no one saw the outside as it was. He lived in a nice secluded area near scenic no-where with no one else for miles.
Jason opened his mail list and was surprised to see he had a message. Finally! A mission! He thought with glee. With great anticipation and a wide smile, Jason clicked on the new letter sent to him. After reading the first two sentences, he pulled out his trusty Colt .45, and fired the entire magazine into the computer.
Fucking spam...Four months of silence and then I get SPAM! The bounty hunter put his weapon down on the counter, picked up the pieces of his computer, and threw them out his open window into a pile of other discarded computers with bullet holes. He then walked over to his closet, full of computers, pulled out a brand new one, and began the process of hooking it up. I shouldn't feel bad for owning so many of these right? It's not like a go around waving them in peoples faces. Besides, if I had to go so long with out one, I think I'd go mad... Or maybe ju-
DING-DONG!
Jason became shock still and stopped what he was doing. Worst possible scenarios filled his head. Oh crap...Someone must have heard the shots. Yep I am so screwed right now. Jason looked at the gun sitting on the counter where he left it. Just in case...,
he thought, while taking the gun and feeding it a new magazine. Jason had never shot any police before, and he didn't really want to start now. But then again, what if it wasn't the police?
With his weapons ready, Jason made his trek to the doorway. He stopped a mere two feet in front of the door with his weapon aimed high. "Who is it?" A few moments of silence was his only greeting in return. That eerie silence faltered Jason slightly. If it was the police, he assumed they would be spouting off his name and have a warrant for his arrest or something. But what greeted him was the steady breathing, coming from his own nostrils. Just as he was about to begin firing into the door, a voice asked,"Are you Jason Hunt?"
Shaking the nervousness that he had built up from the silence, Jason replied,"That depends, who are you?"
"A client."
Jason moved forward and reached for the door. When he opened it, he raised the Colt to the head of a cloaked figure. He looks like some bad guy from a cartoon. Almost like that picture you see on those stranger awareness posters. Just instead of a hat and wide brim collar, he has a hoodThe figure didn't seem to mind the gun pointing directly at his head.. It simply asked, "May I come in?", in a manly, ruff voice. To which Jason stepped slightly to the left with the gun sill trained on the guys head. He wasn't about to take any chances with this him.
"Thanks" The stranger muttered while walking into the house. Jason went to close the door, and realized it was already closed. When did I...He?
"So sorry if I'm interrupting anything Mr.. Hunt. But I have someone that needs to be dealt with fast. I hear that you were the best choice," the stranger said while sitting down in Jason's lazy-boy chair. Ok this guy is rubbing me all kinds of wrongs ways. I don't think I ever said he could sit there.
"How can I trust you to be a client?", Jason asked. "And would you mind asking before you can just sit all over my furniture? I know it isn't the fanciest crap, but it's mine and I don't like it when people use it without permission."
The stranger merely sighed before standing up and reaching into his cloak. Jason was about to fire when he saw a sliver of silver. But instead of a gun, the man pulled out a suitcase. How did he?... Before Jason could ponder that any further, the man opened the case, revealing a huge sum of money stacked perfectly.
"$500,000,000 will be your first payment. There are more suitcases full of money besides this one. When you finish, you'll get them all. Of course, I don't think I have to tell you that," replied the stranger.
Jason immediately holstered his weapon and walked towards the suitcase. So much money....It had been to long since he had seen a suitcase. Let alone one filled to the brim with money. Well I could use more money for the TV closet. Or maybe I could use it to see a therapist...I think I'll go with the former one.He would have just stood there, staring at the money, had the stranger not closed the case. He then handed it off to Jason, who took it gladly.
"Now...about the target..." The stranger replied.
Oh right...the fun part! Jason thought with glee. "Who do I need to 'cleanse' to make this world a better place?" Jason replied while setting the suitcase down. The stranger just chuckled at his reaction.
"Well the 'cleansing' is not so much for this world. But I like the way you look at things."
"If it makes more then one hundred people happy that the target is dead, then I don't care who it usually is. If the world can benefit from their death, so be it. But I refuse to kill just anybody. No matter how good the pay. So I'm telling you right now, this person better be important." Jason replied, ignoring the not for this world comment.
The stranger just laughed at that. "Oh don't worry. She is very important I assure you."
"Good. Where is she? I'd prefer to get an early start, considering I have nothing better to do anyway."
"When you are ready to leave I will take you to where she resides."
Jason raised an eyebrow at that. Normally when someone wanted him for hire, they expected him to get to the target's house by his own means. They also wanted to stay as far away from the target as possible. And yet this guy, was offering him a ride to the target's house! He must be one of those people that enjoy watching someone get killed...Oh well. At least his money's good!
"Fine. Just let me grab some things," Jason said while walking to his room. Upon entering, he began to throw various objects into a duffle bag; weapons, rope, duct tape, cloth, Chloroform, a roll of quarters, and one pair of night vision/x-ray vision/thermal vision goggles. They were really expensive goggles, but worth every penny.
With everything packed, he then turned and left his room to find the stranger. He found him in the living room looking at some painting on the wall. Jason didn't remember ever buying that painting. But he was to busy focusing on the mission at hand. He gave a grunt and watched the stranger turn.
"You ready?" The stranger asked Jason, who simply nodded in reply. "Good. Now go forth, and bring me the head of Princess Twilight Sparkle"
To this day, Jason still had no idea of exactly what happened after that. All he remembered was the feeling of being sucked through a vacuum, extreme amounts of pain, and then darkness.
Strange Morning (Revised)
Strange morning.
Princess Celestia stood on her balcony after raising the sun to begin the day. She enjoyed watching the way Canterlot seemed to glow this early in the morning. All the buildings just seemed to shine with new life. Too bad most of the citizens of Canterlot don't seem to care for anything that doesn't involve money. I doubt the nobles would care to see such a beautiful sunrise. And with the once happy moment ruined, Celestia retired to her bedroom with a sigh to begin her daily routine.
After showering, brushing, and adorning the proper regalia, she left her room and headed straight for the kitchen to meet Luna for breakfast. Upon arriving there, she noticed that Luna was not in her usual spot. Hmm. She must have stayed up late last night reading again. Ever since she found that book she hasn't been able to put it down. She's almost like Twilight.
Princess Celestia sat at her usual spot and was greeted by a butler pony named Spotless. What was peculiar about his name was that not only did he not have a last name, his first name contradicted itself on his fur pattern. Adorning his blue coat, were several white splotches here and there. Most of the staff members were very wary of him. They didn't know a lot about him, causing several rumors to be made. Some said he was older then Celestia. Others claimed that he once fought and killed a demon. And there were even those that claimed he could do magic, even though he was an earth pony.
But no matter what was said about Spotless, it was always out of earshot of said pony. Although not the toughest looking, he was still very intimidating. His mysterious history, and quiet attitude, only added to ponies being cautious of him. Not even Celestia's royal guard, nor Luna's night guard, could stand to be in the same room with him for too long. But Celestia trusted him enough to handle simple matters of butlery. One of said matters was preparing the royal family meals. They did have a chef for that, but she had quit for some reason after Spotless had joined. When he offered to take up her duties, both Celestia and Luna agreed.
"Good morning Princess Celestia. I trust you slept well?", Spotless greeted while pouring her a cup of tea.
"Yes spotless. That tea you made for me last night was just what I needed for a good night sleep." Celestia thanked, while taking the cup. She then turned to the adjacent seat in front of her. "I just hope Luna got as good rest as I did. Or at least some."
"Oh I don't think you should worry about that your majesty. Princess Luna would know better then to stay up late the night before a day like this." Celestia did a spit take at that. Spotless kept a stoic expression, while pulling out a cloth from his breast pocket, and soaking up the mess. "Oh great Goddess I forgot her birthday is today!" Celestia exclaimed with worry in her voice.
After Spotless was finished, he discarded the used cloth into a nearby trashcan and turned to Princess Celestia. "I assume you forgot a gift? Otherwise, I imagine the tea was bad and you are finding an excuse not to hurt my feelings. Rest assured Princess. If the tea is bad, you can tell me. It will not offend me if you are honest."
"No no it isn't the tea." Celestia replied with a tired sigh. "It's just that...I remembered I promised Luna a really special gift for her birthday. That was over a month ago, and now I have nothing to show for it!" Celestia whined while covering her face with a hand. "I'm the worst sister ever."
"Now see here Princess. I can assure you, that without a doubt, you are not the worst sister ever. You have gone out of your way so many times, just to help Luna recover into society. Even after some, embarrassing moments at your expense, you kept at it. You are a very determined and caring sister. Luna knows this better then I do. And you managed to keep your calm while helping her. For the most part... That incident with the rubber chicken and the-"
"WE ARE NEVER TO SPEAK OF THAT DAY!" Exclaimed Celestia while lowering her hand and giving Spotless a stern glare. On the outside, it would seem he was unfazed, but Celestia knew Spotless better then anyone. She could tell he was nervous.
"Forgive me for speaking of such times your majesty. From this day forward, I shall never even mention said object from 'that day' nor will I bring up that time," replied Spotless with a false bravado that Celestia could easily see through. I Give him credit for trying though.
Princess Celestia merely sighed. "It is alright Spotless. It's just that day.....never mind. It's in the past where it will stay forever. But...thank you for your words of encouragement." Spotless beamed internally with pride at that. "But that still raises an important question...what should I get for-"
"PRINCESS LUUUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PRINCESS CELESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Celestia turned her head towards the voice. What she was greeted with was a Night guard with a look of absolute terror on his face. The pony was in such a hurry that when they entered the eating hall, they tripped over one of the chairs and landed face first on the table. Celestia stifled a giggle while Spotless rolled his eyes.
"Ugh....Princess...creature....garden..." The guard groaned.
Celestia's smile instantly disappeared in place of a serious expression. What did he say? Celestia raised her hand and used her magic to lift the young recruit off of the table. She could tell by his age and look how new he was.The other ponies he was positioned with must have made him the informer. Ever since the attack on Canterlot, Celestia and Luna had started stationing both Royal and Night guard's at various locations around Canterlot.
Celestia used another magic spell to heal the bump on the guards face and straighten out his uniform. She then asked, "What has happened in the garden? What's this about a creature?" The guard took a deep breath to calm his nerves and adorned the most serious face he could. It was hard because he was still nervous about what exactly had happened. That and Spotless was right behind the Princess staring at him with his so called stoic expression. I hope he cant read my thoughts! Thought the nervous recruit.
Shaking off the nervousness as best as he could, he addressed Celestia. "Princess Celestia! Private Night Shade from division 30C-B34-," the guard started off but was soon interrupted by Celestia's voice.
"There is no need for that here. Just tell me what happened in the garden Night Shade." Celestia replied while holding that serious expression. Night shade gulped and started again.
"Y-yes of course your majesty. Apologies. Anyway, while performing our routine scout of your maze garden, we came across a strange creature lying on the ground. He appears similar to us in some ways but there were several big differences as well. He appears bipedal like us, he has hands and fingers with five digits. But that's where the similarities end. He doesn't have fur, except for the top of his head. He also lacks a horn, wings, or a tail. He was wearing some sort of strange clothing with pockets showing their contents. They were some silver looking...devices. I cant really say what they were. He also had a very large bag next to him. Sergeant Night Light ordered me to inform either you or Princess Luna of the creature, and retrieve further orders."
Strange creature in the garden? Celestia thought to herself. She pondered for a moment on what to do and finally addressed Night Shade. "Have Night Light and the rest of your squad confiscate his belongings. We cannot risk him using anything to harm us. As for the creature himself, bring him to the infirmary to be checked for any serious injury. Just because he could be dangerous, does not mean we should assume he is and label him an enemy. First impressions are everything. Inform me when he awakes. If he is like us, then he should be able to communicate. Now go."
The guard nodded and ran off to tell his superiors their new orders. Celestia leaned back in her chair and ran a hand through her hair once Night Shade was out of sight. This is going to be a long day.
Introductions
BEEP!.....BEEP!.....BEEP!
Ugh....someone shut that thing off...
Jason groaned as he awoke from his slumber. Without opening his eyes, he moved his left hand to rub his face of that sleepy feeling. After a couple of seconds, he let his hand fall back to his side and opened his eyes to study his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was white. It was extremely white in this room. The other thing he noticed, was the fact that he was in a very uncomfortable bed. Putting two and two together, he deduced that he was in some kind of hospital.
Looking to his right, he saw that there was an IV dripping some clear liquid into a tube that lead to his arm. He had never bothered to learn what that crap was. The way he saw it, all he needed to know was that stuff was good for him, and that it would be a bad idea for him to try and remove it himself. Next to the IV was the machine that continued to make that infernal beeping, that damn heart rate monitor. Other then those objects, the rest of the room was bare for that side. Jason then turned to his left to observe more of his room, and discovered...an ass.
A very tight ass, struggling inside of a nurse's outfit. It seemed to sway this way and that, taunting him. The woman wearing the outfit, appeared to have dropped something, and was having trouble trying to pick it up. With a great amount of effort, Jason returned his head forward, hoping that the nurse didn't notice him staring at her. Luckily he did not hear him, but she did turn to the human after finding the pencil she had dropped. When she saw that his eyes were open, she let out a small gasp and almost dropped the pencil again.
"Oh good, you're awake!", she said with relief in her voice.
Jason turned to the nurse to ask how he had gotten here and stopped with his mouth halfway open when he saw her face. Her eyes were HUGE! That was the first thing he had noticed, and the longer he stared, the more strange she appeared to be. Her skin was a whitish pink, while her long hair was a dark red. To complete this person that Jason considered deformed, her face seemed to come foreward ever so slightly, giving it a muzzle like appearance, while atop her forehead rest....a horn She had a freaking unicorn horn!
Jason just sat there dumbstruck, staring at this woman, if he could even call her that. She was, by far, the strangest woman he had ever seen, and he had seen, A LOT, of strange women in his time. What Jason failed to realize, was that his stare was not registered to the nurse as shock, but more of a....perverted observation. She immediately looked down are her tight outfit, blushed, and held her clipboard tight around her chest.
'Um...if you could not stare at me like that....I would very much appreciate it," she said in a shy matter.
Jason stopped his staring and closed his mouth, noticing something else odd about this woman/creature. She was talking. She had been talking this entire time....and he understood her. This woman/creature was talking in his language.
Ok...I think I understand what's going on here. That guy who hired me had to have drugged me. Then, while I was unconscious, he must have beat me up or something, which is why I feel like crap and while I'm at a hospital. That means that, the medicine they gave me, or the drugs from that guy, or both, are making me delusional...Yep...That's makes perfects sense, and is in no way a lie.
With that thought settled, Jason turned to the nurse, and finally addressed himself.
"My apologies for that. I think it might have something to do with the medicine."
The nurse simply nodded, while adorning a face of shock.
"Ah so you do talk. That is very good to know, because you see, the Princess would like to have a word with you. As for your medicine, we did give you a pretty heavy painkiller. You had taken quite a nasty fall before you were brought in. The reason your hooked up is because we were unsure of what effects the painkillers would have on you, and we wanted to be sure there wouldn't be any... complications," the nurse replied while writing something down on her clipboard.
Princess? She must have said podiatrist, and I just heard Princess. And a nasty fall? I'd think that a nurse would know what a beat down was if they saw it. And I guess she wanted to make sure I didn't have any allergic reactions to the painkillers. Smart girl for that part. But what I don't understand is...If I am loopy...why is it only my vision of her is distorted, while everything else seems to make sense? Including my thoughts? I better start getting answers, fast.
"Yes I do talk. It's pleasure to meet you. My name is Jason Hunt. Now, what exactly do you mean by 'fall'? Didn't you find any bruises on me? You know, like from a fight? I'm pretty sure the reason I'm here is because someone drugged me, then beat the tar out of me," Jason said with a frown on his face.
The nurse grew a confused look before replying, "Uh...well Jason Hunt, It's nice to meet you too. My name is Heart Lift. While we didn't find any bruises or marking on your body that might have been from a fight, we did find several injuries that suggested to you falling. You're very lucky that you don't have any broken bones. Most ponies who fall from great heights, tend to pop a few things out of place. You however, managed to make out with just losing consciousness, and getting a few bumps. That reminds me, you were found in the garden. The tallest things there are the statues, so even if you were to jump from one of them, you would just get a few bruises, but not lose consciousness. So...where exactly did you jump from?" She suddenly gasped as a thought struck her. "DID A PEGASUS DROP YOU?!"
Not a beating....a fall. Did she say...ponies? Yeah...I think she did. Who's garden is she talking about? And a pegasus dropping me? Ugh...this is getting too weird for me. I'm getting more questions than answers! That bastard better pay up when I find him. I think I might even demand a raise.
"Wait wait wait...Ponies? Garden? PEGASUS?! What the heck are you talking about?" Jason asked while giving her the best 'are you serious' face he could muster. Before she could attempt to calm him down, and explain the situation to him, the door opened, revealing Spotless.
"The Princess and I grow impatient. Is the creature awake yet nurse Lift?" Spotless asked, while stepping into the room, in his usual swagger. Something about this 'pony' didn't sit right with Jason. For one, he looked out of place. Not a hospital ,mind you, but this whole area Everything and everyone else in the room was bursting with brightness and color, everything but Jason, and this pony. Though he still held more color then Jason, he just seemed darker then everything in contrast to the room. He sensed that nurse Light felt the same way about this pony, when she turned and said in a nervous way, "Er yes Spotless. He woke up just moments ago." She hid behind her clipboard after addressing him.
Spotless simply nodded before replying, "Very good. Does it speak?"
Jason didn't like the way he refereed to him. Any sense of awkwardness he felt for this pony, was instantly replaced with anger. Before Nurse Light could say anything, Jason took this as an opportunity to put this guy in his place.
"Yes 'it' can talk. 'It' also has a name, and feelings. And, 'it' doesn't like when someone refers to 'it' as an 'it'. "It" also doesn't like people with your kind of attitude." Jason said with a snarl. He may have been in a hospitable bed, but that didn't mean he was going to let this guy kick him with insults while he was down. Jason had expected the pony to become infuriated. However, a very strange thing occurred to both nurse Light, and Jason. He smiled.
Something about that smile though...made Jason wish that he had made the guy mad instead. It was just so...unsettling and unnatural. Sort of like seeing a shark's mouth on a sheep. Whatever that feeling was, it was creeping Jason right the fuck out. But before he could offer an apology to hopefully make Spotless stop smiling, he simply kept smiling and said, "Oh really..." Jason gulped at the way he said that
What's up with this guy?
"Well then...by all means, tell me your name Mr...?", Spotless said, while still holding that creepy ass smile. It seemed to be plastered on to his face at this point. That glint in his eyes, only added to the level of creepiness he gave off. Swallowing his growing fear, Jason replied, "J-Jason sir. Jason Hunt."
Spotless only smiled wider, much to both Jason and nurse Light's discomfort.
"Well now...at least you have enough manners to refer to me as 'sir'. It is a pleasure to meet you Jason. I am Spotless, Princess Celestia's and Princess Luna's personal butler and chef."
Something tells me he made the old chef and butler quit. Or he just...killed them. Jason turned from his thoughts as Spotless continued with his introduction.
"I have served both Princesses for many years Mr. Hunt., and quite frankly, I've dealt with your kind before. You question authority when you do not understand your own place, you feel that someone owes you something in return for your 'mediocre' and self proclaimed achievements, and you don't think that people like me should have any authority in the world." Spotless said, while slowly moving toward the bed.
Oh god he's going to kill me! Quick nurse Light! Throw me out the window! Jason thought desperately, while momentarily looking to where nurse Light would be. What greeted him instead, was a small bedside table with a lamp on it. Looking more towards the door, he discovered that it had been opened wider then before. OH DAMMIT! SHE LEFT ME IN HERE WITH THIS PSYCHO! Jason turned to spotless, hoping he would say he was punked or something.. His heart rate monitor was beeping faster and faster as the pony approached.
Once Spotless was at the edge of the bed, he stopped with that same expression held as he said, "Now...let me tell you something about me Mr. Hunt." He edged his face closer to Jason's in an attempt to freak him out. It was working marvelously. Too bad for Jason though, because he was sure that he would see that face in his dreams for months. With only inches separating their face's, Spotless whispered, "I am a pony who had to work for his position. I've had to work my fingers to the bone to get this job. Sure my methods might have been...questionable. But the important thing is, I got the job, and that I'm the best at it. Oh, and one last thing you should know about me Mr. Hunt...I. Don't. Like. Your. Kind. You are all just disease ridden filth, who contribute nothing to society. If it were not for the Princesses' kindness towards this situation, you would find yourself in a much worse place then a hospital bed. Now...you are not in any way, to talk to the Princess with the disrespect you just showed me. Otherwise,her kindness towards you might falter, allowing me to make a...suggestion. Do we understand each other Mr. Hunt?"
Jason simply nodded, unable to speak due to fear. I don't believe this...I've killed several people just like this guy, and yet...none of them made me feel like THIS before...I think I should do as he says.
"Excellent!", Spotless replied while returning to a tall standing figure. "Now that we have that settled, I think it is time you met the pony who was kind enough to allow you to live. Your majesty, if you would please grace us with your presence? Spotless announced while moving to a corner of the room.
Jason used every ounce of power he had left, to look away from spotless, and towards the door. What emerged, left Jason breathless. In had walked the most beautiful creature that he ever laid eyes on. She was curvy in all the right places, very fit, and was...ahem... 'well endowed'. She seemed to glow with pure beauty, her eyes were just so...inviting. Two large pools of pink, that he found he wanted to dive into. Looking towards her head he noticed...a horn. And on her back, she had a set of wings.
Wait...what the hell is wrong with me?! I forgot she's a pony. Still...she is very attractive. I'd certainly hit that.
And that's when the worst possible thing that could happen, happened. Jason grew hard at her sight. Seeing this as an insult, Spotless wasted no time in charging at Jason, and choking the poor love-struck bastard. As the last drops of life left Jason he uttered, "Boobies...."
Nah I'm just kidding. What did happen however, made much more sense.
Jason had managed to control his member from growing hard. It wasn't difficult once he reminded himself over and over again that she wasn't a human, no matter how much she looked like one. When she was mere feet from the bed she spoke in a very calming, motherly tone.
"Hello young one, I am Princess Celestia. What is your name?", she asked with an innocent smile. At this, Jason reached out, squeezed her boob, and said "HONK! HONK!" In response to his fondling, Celestia ripped off his arm, and began to beat him to death with it.
Just kidding, again. Sorry. I wont do it again. Seriously.
So anyway...after she had introduced herself, she pulled out a nearby chair that Jason hadn't noticed earlier. After she was settled, Jason replied, "Jason Hunt your majesty."
He he... Never thought I would get a chance to meet royalty.
"Jason Hunt....hmm, a strange name. Does it mean anything?"
What?
"Um...not that I'm aware of your majesty," Jason replied. Celestia chuckled at his discomfort, making Jason's stomach feel weak. She had an absolutely adorable laugh.
"There is no need to refer to me as 'your majesty'. You may simply call me Celestia, And please, do not feel nervous," she said with that sweet smile on her face.
Now THAT is a natural smile. Absolutely nothing wrong with that smile at all.
"Sure your maj- I mean...Celestia," Jason replied, still nervous.
"Well Jason, as you are aware, you are in a hospital. Do you know why?"
"Um...nurse Heart Lift said I was found in a garden with injuries that suggested to me falling from a great height. That wouldn't have been your garden...would it?", Jason asked.
"Yes, it was my garden," Celestia replied. "But do you remember anything before that? More specifically, how you got here? I am fairly certain that a creature like you does not exist on Equestria, as your clothing and personal belongings strongly suggest that.
So this place is called Equestria eh? Wait...these ponies were going through my crap while I was unconscious? Oh I am so screwed...
Celestia, sensing Jason's nervousness, tried to calm him down. "Do not worry, your things are in the same condition as when we found them. You can have them back after explaining what they are, and what purpose they serve. But first, you should answer my previous question."Jason gave a sigh of relief at that.
Now I just have to think of an excuse about the weapons. Maybe if...yeah I got nothing.
"Well...the last thing I remembered before waking up in this hospital, was some strange guy who had come to me with a job offer. After I accepted the job, I remember feeling like being sucked through a garden hose at high speeds, then slammed into a brick wall."
"And what was the job this 'strange guy' offered you?"
Oh crap! Think fast!
"He asked me to find someone," Jason blurted out.
Nice one me! Your not technically lying either. However, I don't think she needs to know what your going to do when you find Twilight. Hey we remembered her name! I wonder if Celestia knows her...If she does...then this could be bad, It would probably a good idea that she also doesn't know who I'm looking for.
"Who did he ask you to find?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I uh...I cant remember honestly. All I remember is the pain after I made that deal. I'm not really sure why he would want me to find this person either, but I get the feeling that whoever it is, is here in Equestria," Jason responded with a look of confusion on his face.
A world of ponies called Equestria...how original, Jason thought with extreme sarcasm.
Celestia studied Jason for a moment. Something about his response didn't sit right. But, she decided to ignore it for now and move on. There was one other matter concerning her greatly. With that in mind, she asked, "Do you think you could explain to me and Spotless the objects that we found you with?", Celestia asked in a serious tone.His explanation of a request to find somepony from a strange man, makes me even more worried about what exactly these things are.
Jason blinked at her question. "Uh...sure I guess. I kind of do want them back."
Celestia simply nodded before turning to the door and saying, " Sergeant Night Light, would you please bring in Jason's belongings?"
Night Light, who had been stationed to guard from the outside and had heard everything, responded with a simple, "At once your majesty."
How long as he been there?! Is his name seriously Night Light?!
After a few minutes, a new pony came through the door holding a very familiar bag, along with a holster holding Jason's gun.
Hello my old friend. Glad to see that they haven't hurt you.
Looking away from his colt, Jason turned to look at the pony carrying his stuff. He had purple fur and bat wings. Coolest thing I've seen so far. Hanging from either side of the pony's mouth, Jason could make out something sharp. Fangs? Is she working with vampires!? Oh god...how many scary creatures does she need to protect her!?
"Here you are your majesty," said Night Light. He then turned and left then room. After he was out of the room, Celestia began to dig into Jason's bag for some of his items.
"Now we were able to recognize some of your objects as weapons and some miscellaneous tools. So we have them in our custody. You can have them back, only after we find out your intentions for having them," Celestia said.
"I assure you Celestia, they are for self defense only," Jason replied.
Huh...two for two. Not bad. Keep this up, and we'll beat our previous record.
"Well, just to be safe, I think we'll hold on to them a little longer. Now then, what is this strange device?", Celestia asked, pulling out a flat black rectangular box.
"That is an iPod. It's used for many forms of entertainment. I just use it to listen to music to," Jason answered, a smile on his face.
Why did I pack that thing anyway? Oh yea. I brought it for the stake out part of the job.
Celestia rose an eyebrow at his answer. "You mean to tell me that this tiny thing is capable of playing music?" Jason nodded. "But, how?"
"Here, let me have it and I'll show you."
Celestia hesitated, before remembering that Spotless was there. If he had a chat with Spotless, then I'm sure he wouldn't try anything.
Once Jason had his iPod back, he turned it on and began flipping through his music in an attempt to find something appropriate for a princess to hear. After a couple of seconds of searching, he found the perfect song to listen to.
Jason was happy when he noticed Celestia tapping her lap and bobbin her head to the beat. Turning to a corner in the room, Jason found Spotless...standing there with a bored expression. Buzz kill. After the song faded out, Jason turned off the iPod and put it next to his pillow.
Celestia gave him a sad frown and said, "Oh that was a great song! Why did you make the music stop?"
"Well the song was over for one. And for two, these things have battery life. I need to preserve as much of it as I can. If the battery runs out, then no music for anyone," Jason replied. Celestia gave a little pout at that, but respected his wishes to keep his music player alive.
She began to dig into the bag again, and pulled out the roll of quarters. Oh you got to be kidding me...They don't have currency here?
Before Celestia could ask, Jason simply said "It's money. Quarters to be specific.The paper wrapped around it is just to keep count of a certain amount of quarters."
"I see...,' responded Celestia, not at all insulted at his outburst. If he is willing to cooperate then I can forgive him. But I will have a talk with him later about that. "So humans use quarters as currency? In Equestria, we use gold bits."
"Well...quarters are only part of it. We have pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters as change. We mostly use paper currency with dollar bills. The one, the five, the ten, the twenty, the fifty, and my personal favorite, the 100," Jason said with a smile on his face. Talking about money usually put him in a good mood.
Celestia was confused at his explanation though. "So...if humans use these 'dollar bills' then what purpose does change serve?"
"Lets see...how to explain this. Ok, so basically, the penny is the lowest amount out there. It equals out to once cent. The nickel is next in line, taking up the position of five cents. After that is the dime, which is worth ten cents. And finally the quarter, which is the most used of all the change, equaling out to twenty five cents. Anyway, it takes one hundred cents to equal a dollar. So if you have enough change, you can exchange them for bills. Or, just use them in place. Change can also be used to even out a sale, if the item is over a certain dollar, but under another. In this way, people are avoiding receiving change"
Celestia nodded at his explanation of change and bills. And with that settled, she put the roll of quarters on the night stand. She reached into the bag again to pull out a familiar looking pair of goggles.
"Ah those things. Brand new by the way, so I must ask that you be very careful with them. They seem to look fine, so I'll guess they haven't been damaged yet."
"Of course they haven't. But pray tell, what are they?", Celestia asked while turning them around in her hand, careful not to let them drop.
'Those are a very special brand of goggles that I call, ICU. The reason behind the name is, they can see just about anything. They have x-ray, thermal, and night vision. They can also zoom in to 350X vision, allowing me to see things from very far away. This lovely pair of goggles cost me $5000 dollars." And they're worth every penny.
"How do the work?", Celestia asked, putting on the goggles.
"There should be three small buttons on the right side. On the left side, is a small wheel that you turn to adjust the zoom."
Celestia, very excited to try out the goggles, pushed a random button on the side. What she was greeted with, was something very new to the princess. Everything that was cold in the room, provided a blue color, while everything that had heat in it, was in a red and orange hue. She looked over at Spotless and noticed a green mist form from behind him. Ignoring the strange coloration, she decided to switch to x-ray vision while turning towards Jacob.
She immediately blushed, tore off the goggles, and put them on the nightstand. After a second of awkwardness, Celestia said, "I...I think I understand how these work. No need for further explanation. Let's continue shall we?" Why in the world would he want something that lets you see...that?! Humans are strange creatures.
After about an hour, Jacob had completed his explanation of all the objects in his bag, which included; everything mentioned in the previous paragraphs, a deck of poker cards, a cell phone, and his lucky coin. The only thing that had yet to be explained was the colt 45. Jacob was torn between telling her the truth so she could confiscate it, or just lying to her so he could keep it. If she found out it was a weapon, then she defiantly wouldn't let him have it. Unless he gave her a good reason to...The idea struck him as soon as she pulled up the gun, while still in its holster.
"Princess Celestia...I'm going to be honest with you on that thing. It is a weapon." Celestia raised an eyebrow at that, and turned to call for Night Light to take it into custody. Before she could however, Jacob yelled,
"WAIT! Here me out!"
Celestia turned back and raised an eyebrow. Jacob took this as an opportunity to work his magic. "Please Princess Celestia, it is so much more to me than a simple weapon. It is a great gift that's been passed through my family for generations. It's got me out of a lot of tough situations, and I imagine it can get me out of many more. Besides, I'm not exactly keen on facing the repercussions for killing anyone here. So far, I don't feel the need to kill anyone here. But I do want to hold on to it. Just so it can bring me comfort, knowing that I have the option to protect myself you know? Please, keep my other weapons, just....let me keep my gun. Don't take away my baby." At that last sentence, Jacob had a single tear form from his left eye, and fall lazily down his cheek.
Three years of drama school better pay off!
Celestia seemed to ponder his inquisition for a moment. She didn't feel comfortable knowing he had a weapon of any kind. But, he had been very cooperative throughout the interview, and he had even said she could keep the other weapons. After a few moments of thought, Celestia decided that it would be ok for him to keep on to it for memorable purposes. But she needed to make sure he didn't use it to hurt her subjects. So, she cast a magic spell on the weapon, that would cause it to turn to dust if he used it ever again. After all, he just wanted it for the memorabilia, and there was certainly no harm in that.
As Celestia was handing the gun to Jason, her eyes fell on the iPod, and a thought struck her. Before the gun reached Jacobs palms, she pulled back slightly, and kept it there. Jacob raised an eyebrow her actions, to which she simply smiled and explained, "I will give you back your gun on two conditions. Number one, you will not use it to harm anyone or anything. It is solely for you to hold on to for memory. Understand?" Jason nodded eagerly.
CONGRATULATIONS! THREE GOOD IDEAS IN A ROW! IT'S A NEW RECORD!
"And my second condition, I would like your iPod," Celestia added with a smirk.
...FUCK!
"My iPod?", Jason asked. "But why?"
"Well my sister's birthday is today and I...might have forgotten to get her something after promising her that I was going to get her something amazing. Your iPod should make the perfect gift for her," Celestia replied.
With no other option to get his gun back, Jason took the deal.
"Fine take the iPod. Just...promise to be careful with it," Jason said, handing over the mentioned device.
And just like that, the trade was done. Jason had his gun back, and Celestia had a present for Luna. Everybody wins. But there was something bugging Jason now that this whole ordeal was over. What do I do now?
"Princess Celestia," Jason began, "what do I do now?"
Celestia smiled in response. 'Well since you were helpful and cooperative in answering my questions, I think it only be fair if I return the favor. After you are checked out of the hospital, I will have a chariot waiting to take you off to meet someone who can help you with your job. If this person that hired you trying to find someone, I see no harm in that. I just ask that you be careful in your quest."
"Relax your majesty. I already promised that I wouldn't harm any of your subjects or any animals," Jason replied with a smirk.
"You are right. Now then, get some rest. You should be able to leave tomorrow morning. When you leave the building, a chariot will be waiting to take you to Princess Twilight Sparkles house."
No fucking way...I AM THE LUCKIEST FUCKER ALIVE!
