Littlepip and Artemis save Christmas

by Red Light

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 2205

Santa Clause has been kidnapped and only one group of badasses can save him

Santa Clause has been kidnapped by one of Redeye's fiendish slavers and now Littlepip and her friends must team up with Artemis Arrow and her friends to save the big man and even Christmas itself!

Based off Fallout Equestria by Kkat.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-24 18:10:03 UTC

Chapter 1

Littlepip & Artemis save Christmas

Huff huff huff this was it. The North Pole. Littlepip and Artemis had been searching for a long time for Santa's workshop. The gang had discovered that one of Redeye's constituents had planned to take Santa hostage and try to destroy Christmas and goddesses only knew what else.

The large group; Littlepip, Velvet Remedy, Xenith, Calamity, Steelhooves, Homage and Pyrelight all walked in the thick crunchy snow. Crunch crunch crunch. Artemis and her gang; Verity, Aroma, Hans and Alpha traveled not far behind. All had on heavy winter gear so as to stay warm.

“Ugh I'm freezing my dick off in this cold!” Hans griped as he erected a magical shield to block some snow.

“Don't freeze just yet. We've gotta find Moscolt.” Artemis reminded her pink friend. Moscolt was the slave general that was heinous enough to attack Santa Clause.

“Pip love are you sure we're going the right way?” Homage asked/yelled in a worried tone.

Pip fumbled with her pipbuck. “Yeah, my pipleg detects a structure to the north.”

“If it get's any colder my flesh will freeze into my armor.” Steelhooves intoned sardonically.

The group walked across the nuclear winter wonderland. Icy peaks rose to kiss the heavens and snow peppered the land like a child who uses too much pepper at a meal. Nuclear winter had come and boy it sucked. When you patrol the San Palomino it makes you wish for a nuclear winter but now Artemis couldn't wait for the sun baked dunes of home.

“What do you think Moscolt will do to Santa Clause?” Aroma asked Verity.

Verity shrugged. “From what we know it seems Moscolt wants to resurrect the Goddess or something along that line.”

“If Moscolt resurrects the Goddess then all life in Equestria is jeopardy.” Littlepip cautioned.

The snow cleared and the group found the gates...

Large candy cane doors with gingerbread walls ran as far as the eye could see to the left and right and the door was as tall as Spike! But Artemis and Verity could fly over so she wasn't to perturbed, less could be said about the others.

“Aww shit.” Littlepip cursed under her breath.

“Suggestion: User Littlepip I suggested we try demolitions to get inside.” Alpha readied his gatling laser and it began to glow red.

“No wait...” Littlepip said and approached the door. She waived some snow away and discovered a small lock. “It's okay guys, there's a lock, I got this.” She said and went to work.

But just as her tools touched the lock the door groaned and began to fall! “Littlepip!” Everyone yelled in shared worry.

Hans quickly wrapped the heroine in a magical field and slung her back away from the falling door. Pip was covered in snow like a snowpony but she was alive. Pip shook the snow off. “Thank you Hans.” Pip said with a brr.

The door had fallen off it's hinges. So something had to have damaged it and someone didn't want anyone else thinking something was wrong. Most likely the work of Moscolt. The gang walked into the jolly man's workshop.

A large joyful factory with wreaths a million and candy cane poles decorated the entire place. At the very top was a red and white striped pole with a golden ball at the end, the north pole. The factory looked like it was usually jubilant with elves running about but now things seemed... odd. Like the happiness had been shut down and was now replaced with a blanket of fear. No doubt Moscolt was already here and enacting his fiendish plans.

“What're we waiting for an invitation? Let's go kick Moscolt's ass!” Hans yelled and flicked a cigarette away.

The gang charged the magical factory running over crunchy snow. But their assault was halted when suddenly legions of slavers rushed from all sides and surrounded them, guns at the ready!

“Well this might be problematic...” Littlepip commented and drew Little Macintosh.

“Ya don't say?” Artemis retorted drawing her famas.

“Look!” Hans shouted and pointed to the very top of the highest smoke stack. There stood Moscolt a stallion with a jet black coat.

“Give up you fools! I have the big man!” He shouted.

“Suck my dick!” Aroma shouted back at him angrily. Hans facepalmed.

“Hmm so, it looks like there's about 3200 of them. How long should that take us?” Verity asked pressing his back against Artemis's.

“3200? Hmm I say a little montage of us killing ought to be enough.” Artemis answered snidely.

“Well then, let's begin.” Verity said calmly.

Artemis wrapped a mare around the neck with her famas. Once she broke her neck Artemis shot the next three slavers with a burst from her rifle. Next she grabbed a slaver she was fist fighting and used him as a shield against the gunman that had lined up shots on her. Instead the shots killed her slaver shield, now for those gunmen...

Verity slashed and hacked in a horrible and somewhat beautiful dance of blades and dismembered limbs. His hellhound blade cut through pony hide like warm butter.

Hans bucked a stallion in the face and the slaver hit the wall of a brick house. He sat there dazed. Hans walked over to the stallion and before he could regain his composure Hans placed a big kiss on him, tongue and all. A second later he blew his brains out with With Love. Now to find another stallion.

Boom! Chick chick. Boom! Aroma's shotgun fired off buckshot after buckshot into the crowds of slavers. The bullets peppered their flesh and sent many reeling.

“Take this faceless bad guys!” She yelled in a fiery shout.

Alpha and Steelhooves both fired in opposite direction. The Steel Ranger's grenade machine roared as limbs separated from their owners with each resounding explosion. Alpha's gatling laser was quieter but just as deadly. Each zap of the gun left each target horribly scorched or turned to ash altogether.

“Oi what're you doing?” A slaver asked as Velvet Remedy knelt down under the carnage to heal him.

“Be still, I'm going to help you.” She said as she readied a syringe. Once the syringe was filled she injected his torso with a rough thump! He let out a cough he felt something horribly wrong.

“What is that?!” He asked in dismay.

Velvet smirked. “It's toilet cleaner! You don't mess with Christmas biotch!” She said and dashed away leaving her poisoned patient. Pyrelight cooed as she incinerated several slavers in a hellish fire. Her husband Calamity fired his battle saddle and hit the target every time.

Xenith just dropped the final of the sixteen slavers that had been attacking her. With a final raise of her hoof she snapped the mare's neck with a sick crack!.

Homage fired her star blaster into the crowd of slavers who were now starting to thin. Pew pew the blaster fired blue bolts of alien energy.

Last but not least Littlepip fired Little Macintosh in SATS and blew seven heads off. After she blew off the revolver's end she immediately sidestepped a slaver with a chainsaw. Pip danced around the chainsaw and clotheslined him when the window opened. The chainsaw landed in his chest. Dammit they weren't getting anywhere. It was time to split up.

“Artemis! You and your group get inside the factory and find Moscolt.” Littlepip ordered and turned to her friends. “You guys, find out where they've hidden the elves and set them free.”

“What about you?!” Artemis asked with worry. It's not that the Lightbringer couldn't take on all these thugs but what if she couldn't and Artemis had just put her on a pedestal?

“I'll be fine. My badassery will keep me safe!” Pip reassured and killed a slaver nonchalantly.

Artemis nodded and her and the others ran to the workshop. Calamity and the others ran off to find the elves.

They reached the backdoor to the workshop. Verity cut the chain off and they walked inside. Artemis felt around for a light switch and her EFS detected a non-hostile entity. When the lights did come on Artemis was shocked to see a plump elderly woman hogtied with duck tape over her mouth. Without a second thought Artemis and the others helped the woman.

“Oh thank you Artemis, I was afraid I would be stuck like that.” The woman confessed.

“Who are you?” Verity asked.

She raised a motherly eyebrow. “Oh my I thought you knew. I'm Mrs. Clause, Santa's my husband.”

Artemis could see that. She wore a big scarlet red dress with holiday adornments that made her look like she could bake you a hearty pie at a moments notice.

“Where is your husband Mrs. Clause?” Artemis asked in a serious tone.

“Nick was taken by a very mean pony. Why I may be so bold as to say he'll be on the naughty list for the rest of his life.” She wagged her finger and put her old lady glasses back on.

“Hrmph I don't think he'll be alive much longer.” Hans smirked. Mrs. Clause hid a grimace.

“Query: User Mrs. Clause do you know what Moscolt is planning?”

Mrs. Clause grimaced again. “Yes. I heard him talking about it. He plans to take Santa's power and use the factory to build a mecha-goddess that he will assume control of. This factory can't build something of malice like that! This place runs on smiles and gumdrops not slavery and coal.”

“Wait, I thought there was no coal left in the world?” Aroma asked everyone.

“No, you see coal is a byproduct of our factory and we don't know what to do with it so we just gift it to the naughty list people.” Mrs. Clause explained.

Artemis punched her fist. “Alright, but we need to stop Moscolt before he can destroy Christmas.”

“Right!” The others agreed in unison.

With that the gang left Mrs. Clause safety hidden back in the store room. They entered the heart of the factory, the conveyer belt room. Hundreds of still assembly lines were arranged to work at maximum efficiency for making toys for the good boys and girls but now they were still and silent.

“Ha! You're too late!” Moscolt shouted from a catwalk above them. Everyone looked up and saw the ashen pony levitating a hogtied Santa. The jolliness he usually wore was replaced with fear.

“Put him down Moscolt, you've lost.” Artemis demanded and point a sharp talon at him.

“I beg to differ, in fact as we speak the machines here are making me a robotic alicorn army that would put Redeye's to shame! Hahahahahahaha!”

“That'll be an army you will never see Moscolt...” Artemis muttered with finality. Slipping into SATS Artemis shot one of the wires holding Moscolt's catwalk. The melt floor turned and dangled.

“Whoa, whoa!” Moscolt struggled to stay up. “If I fall I can assure you the fat man will not survive.” He threatened and dangle St. Nick over the edge.

Now was not the time to tarry, it was time for action or Christmas would be ruined! “Catch him Verity! Artemis shouted and in the same motion she slipped into the nirvana of SATS and shot Moscolt in the chest.

Santa fell! But Verity caught him before he splattered on the ground. Less could be said about Moscolt. He landed on a moving conveyer belt that was slowly moving towards a pressing machine that would turn anything under it into a pancake.

Moscolt barely screamed before he was smashed under the huge gauges of the machine. It was over... Christmas was saved and so was Santa. Mrs. Clause rushed to her husband.

“Hey guys I think I learned something.” Artemis announced softly to her friends.

What is it?” They asked turning around.

Artemis had a soft smile. “Christmas isn't about what you get, it's about being with your friends and family who care about you.”

Before anyone could say anything the jolly man himself came over to the group. He was heavy set, his belly like a bowl full of jelly. He had a snow white beard and rosy red cheeks.

“Thank you guys so much. I was afraid that bad pony was going to ruin Christmas but I'm glad to see you guys saved the day.” He said joyfully and gave a hearty chuckle.

“We didn't work alone Santa.” Verity commented and nodded to the door.

At the door Littlepip and her friends walked inside along with the freed elves. Littlepip looked a little scuffed but no worse for wear.

“You might have a big mess outside Mr. Clause.” Pip blushed and rubbed the back of her head.

“Oh ho ho ho that's okay, all in due time Pip all in due time.”

“What say I make us all some Christmas pies?” Mrs. Clause asked gingerly. “You guys can even help bake em'.” She added.

“Yeah!” Everyone jumped into the air and high five'd!

The End Merry Christmas

Meanwhile...

“Brr Blackjack are you sure we're headed in the right direction?” P21 asked with a concerned expression.

Blackjack lowered the map with her magic. “How should I know? I'm not a smart pony.” She retorted.

P21 sighed.