Wretch

by GallantNavy

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Original Character, Adventure, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 20889

When you hate yourself, life is hard. However, it gets exponentially harder when you've been tasked with killing everybody else like you, or be killed yourself. Welcome to the life of a Wretch.

What is a Wretch?

A dangerous freak of chaos magic, that's what.

Join a pair of Wretches as they fight for their right to survive, telling the tale of their lives through their own eyes as they learn just what makes a Wretch... A Wretch.

A collab fic between myself and this guy right here containing copious amounts of world altering and building, all told from the perspective of the main characters.

Words from the Hammer: Enjoy the read and be sure to comment. We don't hate critism: we thrive on it.

Published 2013-12-25 01:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-19 00:31:16 UTC

Chapter 1

Another day, another job well done. With my hammer on my back and pride in my soul, I was sure my boss would have no problems this time around.

"Theo Stormhammer reporting in."
"Celestia damn it Theo! What did we tell you about being careful?!"

Or not. Great, I get to be chewed out again.

"What did I do this time?"
"Well let's go through the list shall we! First, you destroyed a building.”
“Hey, that building was on it’s last leg. It was coming down whether I helped it or not.”
“Second, you caused massive amounts of panic.”
“And the target wasn’t already doing that?”
“And finally, you revealed your power to the public.”
“Come on. Can’t we just claim that it’s a freak electrical storm like we usually do?”
“Theo, ponies are not going to keep falling for that! You need to be more careful when doing your job!”
“How come Garden Hopper isn’t receiving this abuse too? She also used her powers in public.”
“Yes, but her powers didn’t cause a building to collapse!”

The boss and I go through this song and dance from time to time. I screw up, she chews me out, I act like I’m sorry, then ultimately ignore everything she says. I am fully aware that they can’t replace me. No pony can get the job done like me… Minus the collateral of course.

“Theo. Why are you dragging me into this?”
“Cause it’s easier on me if the blame gets spread out a bit.”
“You try that with everypony that you go on a mission with, and it fails everytime.”

Oh Garden Hopper. What a cold cold mare you are. Can’t even help me out a little.

“(Sigh) Just dispose of the target and get back here you two. We have more missions lined up that need to be taken care of.” Click

And with that, we reach the point of the dance where I ignore what she told me.

“Alright Garden, you dispose of the body, and I’ll go do… some reconnaissance.”
“Reconnaissance of what?” She asked with an eyebrow raised.
“Of that suspicious looking bar on the other side of the city. It seemed really sketchy. Probably swarming with beings of chaos.”
She responded with a facehoof. “Just go. You’re gonna just do it anyways regardless if I protest or not.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. But I gave our target one last look before I headed out. “Hehe, take that you vile wretch. Nothing but death is meant for your kind.” And with that, I was off.
I ran out of the alleyway and into the main streets. It was pretty vacant. Probably due to my show from a little earlier. Oh well, not my problem. My boss is pretty good at the coverup work. My only concern was trying to remember what part of Chicagoat I saw that bar at.

Well after walking around for about an hour, I finally manage to find it. The Rusty Horseshoe. A place where only the toughest could survive. A place where you could drink until you passed out, and then drink some more. A place where all the foxy mares stop by.

Oh colt, were there some foxy mares there. I tried to follow a couple inside before being stopped by the overly muscled bouncer. Seriously, this guy looked like he did steroid every chance he got.

“Sorry pal. You ain’t gettin in.”
“That so? And exactly who would be the one to stop me?”
“Hehe. You got guts shrimp. But that ain’t enough to get in. Boss doesn’t care too much for cosplayers.” He said, pointing a hoof at my hammer.
“Well shucks mister. Looks like I’ll just- Hey what’s that over there?!”

This idiot actually fell for it! He turned his head to the left to see what exactly I was pointing at. At which point I decided to introduce him to my trusty maul. One smack to the cheek later and suddenly everypony was allowed in the place. Who says violence never solved anything?

So a list of things I wanted to get done before Garden would drag my flank out of there. Get drunk beyond the ability to see, get a few number at least, and finally see if I could hustle some money from a couple of suckers. Well considering I had no cash at the time to get drunk and the ladies were all busy dancing, I suppose I’d start with winning myself some bits. And joy oh joy, they had a pool table with some red-headed sucker just waiting for me.

“Hello sir. My name is Theo. Care to play a game or two?”

He gave me a once over before responding. Probably assessing on whether or not he could win.

“Name’s Gingersnap... And sure, I’ll play you.”

The game took a while. Both because I was trying make a convincing loss, and also because this Ginger fellow was absolutely terrible at this game. After finally getting tired, I purposely sunk the eight ball to give him the victory.

“Damn! I thought I had you!”
“Well, I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles.”

“Mind if we play?”

Two stallions came up to the table. One was a pegasus who I will name slim, the other was an earth pony who I will refer to as fatty. Both seemed to be in the mood to kick our flanks at pool.

“I don’t see why not. Shall we do one on one and take turns?”
“No, we want to do teams. You two versus us. I also propose we make the game interesting. Winners get all their drinks covered tonight.”

I gave Ginger a nervous look. The offer sounded great, but could I win with him on my team? I sighed and accepted his offer. Even with Ginger’s lackluster performance earlier, I was sure I had the skills to cover for both of us.

Fatty was first. After failing to sink anything, Ginger took his turn. I was praying that he wouldn’t hit the eight ball. I couldn’t afford their drinks.

With what seemed like laser guided precision, Ginger sunk two striped balls with one hit. With a smile on his face, he took another shot and sunk another one. Seeing as he had no more good moves left, he struck the cue ball into an awkward spot for our challengers. This mother bucker! He was hustling me back! I wasn’t sure if should smack him or shake his hoof.

Slim took his shot and accidentally knocked one of our balls in. Which meant it was my turn. As I lined up my shot, I noticed Ginger giving me the same look I gave him not a moment before. With a wide grin I knocked a ball in and took another turn.

It wasn’t long before Slim and Fatty had to pay up for losing. I sat down with Ginger at the bar and ordered something nice and strong. Oh I couldn’t be happier. The words ‘unlimited’ and ‘drinks’ used in the same sentence was like music to my ears. I gulped it down and turned to my new chum.

“So Gingersnap. Besides trying to hustle me at billiards, what else do you do?”
“You can just call me Ginger. And if I recall correctly, you were trying to hustle me too.”
“Hey, I needed cash for drinks.”
“Same here. Good thing we didn’t bet each other. Where would we be then?”

Well it would end with me either running out of there as fast as I could or threatening him to pay up.

“Eh, who knows?”
“Yeah. Anyways, to answer your question, I’m a pretty standard Cloudsdale Rainbow Technician. You know, making and handling rainbows and what not.”
“Interesting. I thought about doing that, but decided against it.”
“Is it because your talent is related to carpentry?”

He pointed a hoof at the crossed hoofsaw and hammer on my flank.

“While that is my talent, I’m actually an entertainer of sorts.”
“The hammer part of the act?”
“Yeah, but not the main event.”
“Care to give a demonstration then?”

While I wasn’t quite in the mood to put on a show, I noticed a couple of mares eyeing me after I claimed to be an entertainer. Who was I to let the ladies down?

“Alright, no problem. Hey barkeep! Can you get me a lightbulb, a hanger, a glass of water, and a plate of frozen hay fries?!”

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Panic.

It’s a small word, but it conveys a whole slew of emotions all at once. Fear, however, is probably the strongest of these emotions. Actually, scratch that. Panic is one of the highest forms of fear, not a collection of other, less primal emotions headed by it.

I know this because I’m the type of guy that finds himself panicking more than I’d like. Sometimes its about relatively small things, like spilling a bit of high quality Spectra at the factory. Not the end of the world, but I remember a time where I would treat it like that. Glad I mellowed out as I gained experience in dealing with things like that.

This, however, I didn’t really have much experience in.

Then again, I’m not sure I ever want to get used to having some drunken lunatic swinging a freaking warhammer around as he chases me through the backroads and alleys of Chicagoat.
Just say’n.

Luckily, the guy was, really, really drunk right now, so he was having some serious trouble keeping up with me, but that didn’t mean too much when I had hurt my wing in the brawl that I had just escaped from. Really shoulda seen that bar-stool coming. Also didn’t help that I already had a few before the fight broke out, so I was having trouble dodging trash cans and dumpsters and hobo-ponies myself.

Despite this, I’m gradually earning a lead. My last glance over my shoulder had proved that. Now all I have to do is get out of sight so I can hide.

“Get back here y’*hic* filthy wretch!”

I honestly don’t know what this guy’s got it out for me. I mean, we were being buddy-buddy before the brawl. Heck, we were even on the same side until… Buck me running. He saw it, didn’t he? Just great, just bucking great. This is the last time I go drinking anyplace that isn’t Cloudsd- No, screw that! Can’t risk anything like that anymore. From now on I’m going to have to drink alone, in my house, with the doors and windows locked! Then again, cloud-houses don’t have windows or doors to lock, but I’ll find a way, Celestia da-

Wh-clang!

Groaning in pain, I pick myself back up after running headlong into a dumpster. So much for having a lead… As I jump atop the bucking iron container, I chance a glance back at my pursuer, who’s disentangling himself from a pile of trash cans he also seemed to have run headlong into.

“Or not,” I comment with a grin, quickly jumping off the other end and dashing around a corner, then into a conveniently abandoned building with an open doorway to hide. Looks like I’ve gotten lucky again. After finding a pile of crates that were probably filled with rotten junk to hide behind, I try and focus on lowering my heart rate, which was understandably much higher than I’d like. Seriously, if I had gotten cornered by that pegasus it probably would’ve been curtains, and my body probably wasn’t ready to let that fact go anytime soon.

Still, as the minutes begin to tick by, my panic finally starts to fade. Maybe he ran down the wrong path. That would be nice, then I’d be able to get back to my hotel and just rest. Maybe tinker with my experiments a bit before I hit the sack… Yeah, that’s what I’ll do once this is all ov-

BANG.

“I know you’re in here, you bucking coward!”

Well buck.

I move back from the source of the voice, catching a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye. Fearing the worst, I spin around to face it, rising to my full height as I do, preparing to fight for my life… With myself, it seems. The movement I saw was my own being reflected in a mirror, and for the first time since this morning, I get to see a glimpse of myself again. Red mane, yellow coat, brown vest, wings build for relatively short distance flying, yeah… That’s me alright.

I don’t remember the glowing, though. That’s ne- Buck. I forgot that vial of rainbow I wore around my neck gave off light, and now it’s gonna get me killed! Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck aaaand BUCK! Gottamoveno-

“There y’ are!”

Too late, there’s nowhere to run. The crazy blue pegasus is reared up on his hind legs gearing up bring his hammer down on my face. His shades must’ve gotten lost in the chase, as they’re absent from his face, letting me get my first look at his teal eyes. Glowing teal eyes which bore into mine, causing that itch at the back of my mind to flare up again. There was so much hatred in his eyes, so much pain, even a fair bit of sorrow. But mostly hatred. And intent to kill.

Which is why I’m not particularly surprised when he sets his warhammer swinging in a wide arc towards the side of my head, the act of which I’m able to see in slow motion. Probably because my brain’s attempting one last giant chemical burst to keep me alive, honestly, but there’s a major problem with this: It gives me more time to think, and the more I think the more that spot in the back of my mind itches. And its that one place I really don’t like to think about either, that part of me that shouldn’t be there.

That part of me that makes me hate myself.

Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at ignoring it, leaving it to rot in its own little corner of my brain all alone… But it won’t die. It refuses to die. And it won’t let me die either.

Not that I want to die… Most days… But it doesn’t even give me the option. It gets angry every time I get close, and when it gets angry my mind starts to itch again, getting worse the closer and closer death comes.

Kinda like that blade that was going to bury itself in my barrel just a few minutes ago, back at the bar. Or that electrified mallet halfway on its trip to crush my face right now. Closer it is, slower things get, harder it is to resist the urge to just give in and scratch the damn thing.

Wait, electrified mallet?

That’s new.

And just like that the itch doubles in un-ignorable-ness. Huh, seems it has an aversion to uncontrolled electricity, just like me. Seriously, if I had the time I’d probably shit myself right now. But I don’t, not when certain death a split-second away from becoming well acquainted with my skull.

...

Alright, three-quarters of the way there now, and my perception of time seems to have slowed even further, and that bucking itch is even worse now than it was with the knife! Seriously! I don’t want to scratch you! You know what that does to me! How much it hurts! Shut the buck up and let me die! I’m tired of you! What’s that?! You’re going to get even louder?!! Well guess what, bucker: TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! I CAAAAAAAAAANT HEEAAAAAAAR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!~ I’M JUST GOING TO STAND HERE AND LET US DIE SO I DON’T HAVE TO HEAR YOU ANYMORE!

...

CELESTIA DAMN IT, MOVE FASTER MR. DEATH-MAUL! HE’S GETTING EVEN MORE ANNOYING!

Finally, after what feels like a good hour of waiting, the hammer gets close enough that I can feel the heat of the lightning surging off of it and I can’t take it any longer. It hurts too much, and knowing my luck if I deny it any longer It’ll take another five hours before thing will finally break my skull and deliver me from my suffering. Despite the consequences that I know I’ll soon be facing, I give in.

I scratch that mother-bucking itch for the second time today.

And suddenly my world is filled with agony.

Chapter 2

Well this is a fine mess I found myself in. Tied down to a chair with a rag covering my eyes and a very painful hangover. I’m also pretty sure the wretch escaped too. And how was he able to flash so soon? Well I was still pretty smashed, I probably just lost track of the time while chasing him. But I suppose I would deal with that once I was free of this problem.

“Sir! We got somethin you might be interested in.”
“Oh? What might zat be?”

Who the buck was this guy? And why was he speaking in fancy? Damn it, it sucks to be blindfolded.

“We found him at your bar. He was doing some weird parlor tricks involving a light bulb and some wiring. He pulled off stunts with electricity that should have killed him. Yet here he is, alive and well.”

If my boss actually enjoyed chewing me out, then she would be having a hay day after these turn of events. At least a building wasn’t destroyed this time.

“What? Are you saying zat zis blue equestrian is a special?”
“That’s what we believe sir. He tore up the place after a brawl broke out. We caught him talking to himself in an abandoned building. Managed to catch him by surprise while he was still intoxicated.”

Well, seeing as I didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, I thought it would be good to get a better idea of the situation. Getting answers from these guys would take all my wit and all my cunning.

“Hey Dumbass! Where the buck am I?!”

Well actually only a mild amount of my wit and cunning. I received a good smack to the jaw as a reply.

“What a mouth zis one has… Hehe, he would do fine wiz us.”
“Look pal! I don’t know what I was just invited to, but I-” And I got another blow to the face. Suffice to say, I was starting to get a little ticked off at this point. My head pounding wasn’t helping me at all either.

“You will learn to only speak when spoken to soon enough my blue associate. Now what is your name?”
“How about you take this blindfold off first, then I might be more inclined to cooperate.”

Surprisingly enough, they actually did as I asked. After wincing at the light shining in through a hole in the ceiling, I was able to take stock of the situation. Now what was I dealing with? A warehouse full of burly ponies and griffins, my hammer nowhere in sight, and some stuck up looking griffin with a black twirly mustache. I’ll admit, this was probably the worst place to have a hangover.

After giving my captor a quick once over, a thought appeared in my head. Damn this guy was ugly.

“My name is Mr. Strap.”
“Interesting. And what might your first name be?”
“Jacques. I go by Jacques.”
“Oh hoho. I see you and I come from ze same culture Mr. Jacques Strap… Wait a minute.”

All his goons were trying their hardest to contain their giggles. I had no such problem as I didn’t even bother to. But it seemed the sound of my laughter was not something he appreciated. It wasn’t long before he was holding my head up by my mane and getting very close to my face.

“Now listen here you blue Shit! Do you have any idea who you are messing with?!”
“A very angry griffin?”
“Not just any angry griffin. I am Gustave le Grand. Part time baker, full time criminal mastermind and leader of The Grand Knights.”
“Uh huh. And this concerns me how?
“Simple you swine. My gang runs this city from it’s underbelly. But there are those out there who think they can muscle in on my business. More specifically Mulia and her donkeys. Which is why I need top notch stallions to, shall we say, take out the trash for me.”

I saw what he was getting at. He wanted me to destroy his competition. A good plan if I were to actually accept it. He then continued.

“You see, if I am to run her out of business for good, then we need to break into her warehouses and confiscate her goods. The only problem is that she has one of the finest security systems to date. Among its features is a high voltage security gate that protects her merchandise. Any creature unfortunate enough to pass through don’t live to tell about it. But if what my lackie says is true, then this shouldn’t be a problem for you.”

He was right, it wouldn’t be any trouble for me at all. Would probably feel like a message if anything.

“That’s all fine and dandy Gusta- Guste- Gusto?”
“Gustave le Grand!” He corrected angrily.
“Yeah, whatever. But the thing is, I’m gonna have to decline. You see, I tend to try not to get involved in gang wars and business dealings. So if you would be so kind as to untie me, I will-”

Another clonk on the noggin. I was getting really tired of this shit.

“You speak like you have a choice in the matter. Allow me to put it bluntly. You will do as I say, or I will kill you here and now.”
“Really? You’re gonna kill me? Haha, did you not listen to your coffee bitch a moment ago? I can do things that other ponies can’t. And what I did in the bar is but a mere fraction of it.”

He was looking pretty smug as I spoke, even went as far as pulling a cigar out of his shirt.

“Exactly why you would do well to do the job for me. Not only will you not be killed, but I will also pay you handsomely. Cigar?” He offered.
“First, I still decline. Second, I don’t smoke.”
“Ah, to bad. Most stallions find that a final puff helps them relax before the end.”

He then flicked his thumb up and had a small flame hovering above it. I couldn’t believe it. This punk was one of them. A Wretch! A Freak! An Abomination! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! He used his hand to light his cigar, then took a long deep puff from it. Afterwards, he exhaled the smoke into my face.

“I have to say, you are much more brave than the other goons I bring here. Most would be on the verge of wetting themselves after seeing what I can do. Yet you look like you want to destroy the world.”

This plague has no right to live. Nothing but death is meant for his kind. That is how it is meant to be. That is how it should be!

“Listen here Gustave.”
“That’s Gustave le-”
“Shut it you fledgling!”

He didn’t take to kindly to that comment, as he moved his fist to give me another blow. I moved my forehead in the way to absorb the impact. My glare never wavered for a moment, even with the splitting headache.

“There are three things in this world that I hate above all else. The first is asparagus.” I scootched my seat closer to him. “The second is myself!” I moved my head right into his face. “The third are the cursed monsters like you that infect this land. The first I can deal with. The second I’ll handle at a later date. But the third-”

I then headbutted him in his beak. Not to smart on my part considering his beak was pretty damn hard, but it still produced the desired effect. He recoiled away while grasping his schnoz.

“The third I can take care of right now!”
“Argh! Maudit bâtard vache!”

While I have no idea what he said, I could only assume it meant that he was pissed. He held a talon out in front of himself and had it ignite. The other members of his gang started to back away, probably to not get caught in his crossfire.

“You shall burn like the trash you are!”

He then threw a ball of fire straight at me. If he expected me to sit back and take it, then he had another thing coming. With a quick hop of my chair, I managed to turn it around to allow the back of it to receive the flame, breaking the ropes in the process. I got up and started to dust myself off.

“Well this has been a fun experience chums, but I think it’s time I show you what my real profession is.”

Gustave simply gritted his teeth at my comment. “What are you idiots doing? Get him!”

Although hesitant at first, his grunts complied. They all charged at me but seemed to ignore a small fact. None of the stallions present were pegasi. With a flap of my wings I was in the air. In order to fight effectively, I would need to get outside.

“Quick! Seal all exits before he can escape!”

Huh, those bozos were smarter than they looked. They had doors shut and chained before I could reach them. Then I felt something pinch my back. I had no idea what it was, but it felt pretty damn good.

“Ha! You guys called me an idiot for buying this stun gun!”

A stun gun? Really? I take back my comment from earlier, these guys were all stupid. I flew straight towards him and socked him square in the jaw.

“I’m taking this dumbass.” I said as I picked up and pulled the trigger on the gun. While it didn’t provide the same energy as the storm, anything was helpful at this point. Suddenly, a griffin tried to dive bomb me. To which I responded with an electrically charged hoof in his stomach. He fell to the ground gasping in pain.

A stallion grabbed me from behind and tried to hold me there while his friend tried to buck me in the gut. A quick discharge got him off my back rather quickly and scared his pal away.

Let’s see, how many were left? One, two… Way to many. Damn it. I kinda wished Garden was there. Granted it would end with her chewing my face off, but at least I would of had some back up. My lack of a weapon wasn’t helping any either. Worst off, the electricity from that stun gun was being used up to rapidly. I needed my bucking hammer.

Armed with nothing but that chair I was strapped to earlier, I continued to try and fight off the swarm of grunts. During this time Gustave was watching quietly from a distance, probably waiting for a proper moment to strike. Well I decided to choose for him. After smacking another goon on the skull with my chair, I started flying straight at him.

He panicked as he tried to throw more fireballs at me. I may have been tired, but I still had the energy to evade them easily. When I finally reached the wretch, I had my chair in position ready to strike. To which he responded with a grin. Before I could perform a finishing blow, he threw both talons on the ground and created a towering inferno around himself that caused me to fly backwards towards the ground.

Before I could recover, the remaining gang members dog piled me. The last of my electricity was already spent, and I was way to tired to throw them off. I couldn’t break free from them. Gustave then proceeded to approach me, looking rather livid.

“This is the end of you.” He whispered, raising his flaming talon before him. I knew that there was no way I was getting out of this one. It was looking like my luck has finally run out.

At least that’s what I thought until I heard a pop.

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Its a wonder he hasn’t found me yet, laying here on the rafters above him, desperately trying to keep quiet while my body recovers what I just put it through. Well, relatively quiet anyway: Making quite a ruckus down there, he is. Probably because he’s still drunk, and my sudden disappearance wasn’t making any sense to him… Either that or it does make sense and he’s pissed he didn’t see that coming: It’s the reason he’s after me, after all.

My… Condition.

Yeah, lets call it that.

Y’see, I’m not quite a normal pegasus, not anymore. Not ever since the incident. That Celestia damned incident that made me into a freak. Made me hate myself. Put that bucking itch in the back of my head that hurts me in nearly every way possible every time I scratch it… And has saved my life a hoof-full of times since then.

I’m what I refer to as a “Blinker,” though I guess you could call me a “Porter” or anything similar if you wanted. It means I can instantly move from one location to another with just a thought, a scratch of that itch, without magic. Well, normal magic, anyway: I don’t have a horn to channel that stuff with. I honestly don’t understand just how it works, but I really don’t want to. It’s unnatural, no matter how you look at it: Pegasi aren’t meant to be able to teleport. I can teleport. I’m a pegasus. Thus, I must be unnatural.

Logic, how I love you so.

Anyway, most ponies would look at this as some kind of gift. I’m not most ponies. To me, its just another thing that keeps me from truly being at peace. Another thing that keeps me from fully opening up to others. Another oddity that sets me apart, isolates me, makes me feel like I don’t belong. And I didn’t need anything else doing that either, my blank-flank was enough, thankyouverymuch. But no, fate decided I needed another burden on my shoulders, and I don’t like it one bit.

But honestly, there’s nothing I can do about it aside from cope. Try to avoid it happening again. Ignore the itch. Because there’s another part of my “gift” that makes it suck even more:

It happens to hurt like Tatarus.

Seriously, every time I ‘port someplace its like somepony decides to slowly cut me up into little pieces, then melt them down and funnel them through a system of itty-bitty tubes into a mold on the other side where I have to wait to cool and harden before I can move again. Imagine feeling all that in the amount of time it takes you to blink your eyes, and now you’ve got an idea of what I have to deal with.

Yeah, teleportation isn't near as attractive when you’ve gotta torture yourself every time, right?

But still, like I said: It’s saved my life a couple times now… So if I’m honest with myself I don’t really have much room to complain: If I didn’t have this “gift” I wouldn’t be here right now.

Tatarus, I would’ve died twice over today already. So I’ll just quit my bitchn’ and get back to narrating and paying attention to my surroundings and stuff now, okay?

…

Damn, what did I miss?

That crazy pegasus from before, the one that nearly smashed my head like a pumpkin with his hammer? Yeah, he’s on the floor unconscious now, like, four stallions in a circle around him, all of them looking like they just got done with a fight that they had their work cut out for ‘em in. Did he piss somepony else off now? Well, I guess I don’t have to fear for my life anymore, now that he’s outta the picture…

Hold the phone…

Why are they dragging him off now? Did his piss off the mob?

…

Holy buck, he pissed off the mob. Rather, he pissed off “The Grand Knights,” current most dangerous gang on the streets of Chicagoat… What? It pays to know who to look out for when you’re going off on a job assignment, right, and I’m not a Chicagoat native: I’m from Cloudsdale. The only reason I’m here is to help make sure the new rainbow production facility that just got started here a few months back knows what their doing, as per my job.

Anyway, The Knights are not a good group to associate with, highly dangerous, highly controlling. Been engaging in war after war to take up as much turf as possible, but nopony really knows why. Heck, nopony even knows where they came from, they’re a greenhorn gang that’s only been on the scene for like six months, but they’re probably one of the most deadly Chicagoat’s seen in years.

…

Alright, I maaaaaaaaaaaaay have made a hobby out of keeping up on what goes on in the underbellies of large cities. I blame my father for that.

…

And now I’m about to do something really stupid. This is too good of an opportunity to pass up: Tailing these guys to find out where The Knights have set up. Maybe find out a little more about why they’re trying to run everypony else outta the underbelly. Or maybe figure out why they want Blue for, he didn’t seem like the type to really start trouble back before the brawl. Then he was just a freaking insane plot-kicking machine..

Shivering at the memory of him chasing after me, bound and determined to smash my skull in, I slowly glide down from the rafters that I’d been hiding in. Emphasis on slowly: I’m still sore as buck from Blinking up there in the first place. Once I’m safely on the floor, I take a look around at just how much damage the fight I completely ignored was happening had caused. Scorch marks are just about everywhere, and the smell of ozone is strong.

“Why does it smell like somepony bucked a thunderhead into vapor down here?” I ask nopony in particular, knowing full and well the smashed boxes and barren walls won’t answer my question. My brain, however, decides it will by bringing back the memory of my would-be murderer’s sparking hammer.

Which reminds me of what he had done with that light bulb and stuff back at the bar.

Which reminds me of how most ponies he hit would stay down after one punch or buck, shaking and stuff.

Which leads me to one, rather jarring conclusion.

“He’s like me.”

Chapter 3

So, it took a while, but I managed to track down where the grunts carted Sparky off to: An abandoned warehouse surrounded by other abandoned warehouses. I’m seriously starting to wonder just how much of Chicagoat’s gone to shit if they can’t keep their harbor-trade up and running for more than a few years, honestly. Either that or the business was booming enough to justify abandoning all these big ol’ buildings for some nicer ones. But that doesn’t really matter. What does matter is the fact I know where he is now, and now I want some answers.

Specifically, I want to know just how many of us there are: How many ponies are hiding themselves because they too are unnatural freaks that nopony could ever love? Am I really as alone as I thought I was?

I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’m willing to risk my life… Again… to find out. Besides, its not like they’ve got anything that I can’t get out of, if need be. Sure, Blinking might hurt as bad as the sun is hot, but I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about how useful it could be if I actually used it more often…

Anyway, I happen to be lucky enough to find a hole in the roof of what appears to be The Knight’s headquarters and slip inside undetected: I’m pretty good at being stealthy when I want to be… Though Sparky’s hammer makes it a little harder than normal. Seems the grunts that took him didn’t think to take his weapon with him, which I honestly don’t understand: The thing is freaking neat! I mean, how often do you find an authentic, usable maul made in today’s modern age? Not to mention the fact that it seems to be capable of holding quite a bit of electricity, if the shock it gave my mouth when I first tried to pick it up was any indication. (Note to self, electrical discharge to the teeth bucking hurts, avoid at all costs.) Also, it’d probably be a pretty good bargaining tool if I needed one: The thing seemed to be custom made for him, so obviously it’s got some kind of value to him, right?

So, after getting in I immediately set to silently gliding around the place, using the ventilation system for getting from room to room rather than the doors so I can better avoid getting seen and stuff, and eventually I come to a large room with a bunch of ponies and a few griffons in it. Most importantly, a griffon talking at a pony that looks highly familiar tied to a chair.

“Found you,” I comment, smiling slightly, “And you’re not dead yet, so that’s good…” I watch as the griffon slugs Sparky in his jaw. “Though you might not stay that way if I don’t do something… But what?”

No immediate plan jumps to the forefront of my mind, so I opt to lay there in that dusty vent and watch, hoping to all that the sun shines on that I can figure something out before Sparky does something stupid and gets himself gutted. Imagine my surprise when not even five minutes later he headbutts his captor in the beak and gets rewarded with a fireball getting hurled at him! Seems even griffons can be unnatural freaks of magic too!

...

I’m not sure why that excites me so much…

...

Anyway, Sparky doesn’t take this sitting down and uses the fireball to free himself from the chair that he was tied to so he doesn’t have to sit down anymore and proceeds to beat the ever-loving-shit out of everypony in hooves reach after it becomes clear he’s locked inside. Unfortunately this doesn’t last long before the griffon (Who’s apparently named “Gustave le Grand,” of all things, not to mention the leader of the gang that owns this place) stuns Sparky long enough for his grunts to pin him down so he can dish the blue pegasus out any way he wants.

Which is when I decide its my turn to be incredibly stupid and Blink down there behind Gustave without any kind of plan.

Luckily the adrenaline along with the immediate threat of death seems to dampen the pain of my trip, so I can still stand and stuff, but unluckily now I’ve got the attention of a room full of angry ponies and and griffons, including one very angry, flaming griffon-leader-guy. Did I mention he’s kinda on fire right now, he was so mad? I’m not sure how I’m able to even stand in the same room as him without freaking out, let alone when his burning gaze is directed at me, but for some reason I feel…

Excited.

And I’ve no idea why.

“And just what do you want?!” Gustave snaps, drawing me out of my internal musings at my sudden disregard for my own safety, “Can’t you see I’m busy?!”

For the life of me, I don’t know how this plan suddenly manifests itself in my brain when he says that, but I’m not going to complain. Now really isn’t the time to question gifts from above.

“Yeah, you’re busy about to steal my kill. Kindly stop that.”

… Wat?

“What?” From anger to confusion, Gustave’s face contorts for a brief moment, before going to mildly annoyed. “What are you talking about?!”

“You’re about to steal my kill, Gustave. I don’t think you really want to do that.”

How I’m able to say this without breaking a sweat or cracking any kind or smirk astounds me, but my face stays neutral. Calm. Collected. Turns out I should really pick up poker, because with a face like this I’d probably make a fortune.

“And why would I not want to kill this little prick, eh?” Seems my air of calm is starting to unnerve the griffon, as his fire isn’t burning as brightly.

“Because then I’d probably go after you instead: If I can’t take him I’ll just have to take the next best thing.”

“Me?” He points to himself, now looking more confused.

“Exactly. Can’t take revenge out on him then I’ll take it out on the one that denied me my kill.”

“You think you’d be able to take me out?” Oops, might’ve hit a nerve there, he’s angrier again.

“Think? I know.” Shut up, mouth.

“You shut your mouth, pony! Do you know who you’re talking to?!” Yeah listen to him, mouth, stop talking.

“Gustave le Grand, leader of The Grand Knights and apparent wielder of fire. It’s good to finally meet you in person, big fan of what you’ve done to the place.” Seriously, why won’t you stop tal- What? Did you just compliment him? Bad mouth! Ba-

“So you’ve heard of me,” At this Gustave smiles a bit, taking a step closer. “And you know what I can do.” Another step, Blinky’s starting to itch again. “So what makes you think you stand a chance against me?”

Oooooh, now I know why you said those things. Good job mouth, nice way to turn up the drama.

“This.”

Pain. Pain. Pain. Painpainpainpain, agony and pain… Pain.

Now I’m right next to Gustave, specifically right in front of him, with my teeth grit and Sparky’s hammer pressed up underneath his chin, eyes glaring into his. It seems my sudden Blink into his face startled him enough to put out his fire, as I can’t feel the heat of the flames trying to eat me alive, so that’s a plus. Also seems that he’s now afraid for his life, which may or may not be a good thing… Oh, and now I’m feeling a little lightheaded, and the world seems grayer than normal… Strange.

“I happen to be a freak, just like you, Gustave.” I growl into his face, ignoring the pounding in head, “But unlike you, I don’t have to worry about dodging arrows and fists, or weather or not my fireballs miss or are blocked. All I have to do is think a little thought and I’m right in your blind spot, ready to strike you down before you even know I’m there.” I have to repress a shudder at just how dark my voice sounds, lest I ruin the effect. Sure, I’ve had some dark thoughts, but threatening somepony, or griffon, as the case may be, like that? Way outside my comfort zone.

And I like it.

Which honestly scares the buck outta me. If push comes to shove and I have to kill somepony, I really hope it isn’t near as enjoyable as bucking with their heads, otherwise I’ll be public enemy number one in no time.

“W-what do you want?” The cat-bird before me manages to stutter out, my performance having scared him much more than it scared me.

“I thought it was clear.” I whisper back, my voice still as calm as ever, “I want him.” I glance over at Sparky, who happens trembling with barely contained rage as Gustave’s goons continue to pin him to the floor. Its a wonder he hasn’t said anything since I’ve shown up, actually. “The question is, what’s your price?”

“M-my price?” Confused Gustave is confused, which gets a snort of amusement from me.

“Yes, your price. Currently he’s in your possession, and I’ve just broken into your headquarters. If I were to kill him and just take my leave, you’d probably put a price on my head so large even Mare-Do-Well might consider coming after me. I obviously don’t want that, and neither do you: I’d probably come back and use Sparky’s maul, it’s his by the way, to smash your skull in. I don’t think you’d like that either.

“So, the question stands, how can we both get what we want out of this? How can I get to take his pathetic life without you coming after me when I’m done? What do you want?”

…

I really don’t know where I’m coming up with this stuff, or how I can be this good at acting, but for whatever the reason, I’m really hoping that next time I check my flank I’ll understand everything. That’d make this all worth it.

“W-what do I want..?” Gustave stutters for a moment, before a slow smile starts to spread across his beak and he dares to slide the head of Sparky’s hammer away from his throat, chuckling a bit. “Y-you’re proposing doing business with me?” He chuckles again, his smile breaking into a grin as he takes a careful step back, “Boy, I like your style, breaking in here and threatening me like this, shows you’ve got guts. Willing to do whatever necessary to get the job done.”

He claps his claws together, looking relieved now that things have taken a turn for the better in his eyes. He’s no stranger to threatening rivals like I just did to get what he wants out of them, it seems, and by doing what I did I may have earned his respect… Too bad I’m only toying with him. Just need to get close to Sparky for this gambit to be over.

“Yes, I can see you doing well in The Knights,” he continues, “Though you’ll have to learn your place.. But once you do, we’ll be able to get things done! Mulia won’t know what hit her!”

Hold the phone, he thinks I’m here to be recruited..? Dumbass… But I let him think that anyway. Its not like that’s going to matter soon enough. Not once Sparky gets his maul.

“Glad you see things my way, Gustave.”

“Boy, I’m glad you showed up when you did: We were just about to kill our only way to take her out quickly!” He laughs, clapping me on the shoulder after I transfer the hammer to one of my wings, utterly jolly that things worked out for him in the end. “By the way, what’s your name, eh? Can’t keep calling you ‘boy’ if you’re going to be one of my lieutenants, now can I?”

This guy is seriously jumping the gun, thinking I’m leadership material. Still, makes things easier on my end.

“Call me ‘Blank,’ Gustave.” I reply, gesturing to my still blank-flank with a bit of a hole in my heart. Seems my special talent isn’t improv after all, which kinda sucks; Now I really don’t know where this sudden ability to act on the spot came from.

“Very well… Blank,” He begins, eyebrow quirked at my lack of a mark and choice of name; as far as he remembered ponies didn’t like not having one. He shrugs it off though; there’s an exception to every rule. “Welcome to The Grand Knights.” He rubs my shoulder like a father might do to a son they’re proud of. “Your first task is to squash that annoying blue pegasus over there like the bug he is.”

I look to the “bug” in question, who is doing his best to give the guys pinning him a hard time, getting increasingly violent as I slowly trot closer with a small smirk on my muzzle. He fell for my bluff too, it seems. Now all I have to do is place enough doubt in his mind he won’t kill me as soon as he gets the chance.

“I’ll get you for this, wretch,” He growls at me, trying to lift his head so he can spit it in my face once I’m close enough to him, “You won’t be able to do me in, and I’ll find you after you run.”

I glance at the griffon that’s holding his head down.

“Let go of his head, I want to be able to say what I want in his face, not to the top of his skull.” The goon in question responds with a nod, letting Sparky’s head up, which he immediately tries to slam into mine. Too bad for him I was about a pace away, so all he accomplishes is swinging his head upwards so fast he might have given himself a little whiplash.

“Stop.” To my surprise, he does, looking at me with a glare that would make a cockatice back down. I simply quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Do you really think you’re going to get out of this one, Theo?” He snorts when I use his name, which I had literally just remembered after looking into those fearless teal eyes of his. “Because if you do, you’re going to be disappointed.” I bring my face a little closer to his, my gaze boring into his, “And once you get to the next life, do yourself a favor: Don’t chase random stallions down alleyways flailing a hammer around, they might take offense to that.” I can see him getting ready to spit in my face as a last act of defiance, so I take a step back. “Pin his head again.”

WHAM!

The griffon was more than happy to comply, slamming the pegasi’s head back to the ground so hard his eyes roll around in their sockets. I politely wait for them to stop before I lean down and whisper my last bit into his ear, the part that will hopefully stay his hoof when push comes to shove.

“And just so you know; you’re about to owe me big time.”

I take a step back and look down at him, smirking at the confused look his face takes and decide to go the extra mile and wink at him. Cue small spark of realization before he covers it with an angry scowl and more struggling. I can’t help but chuckle at this; he actually caught on! Seems he’s smarter than he looks. Gustave, on the other hoof, looks incredibly confused as I start to trot back his way.

“What? Is that it?” He’s starting to get a little upset again, “I told you to kill him, not make him angry!”

“Relax, Gustave,” I chuckle at him, unable to contain my mirth at the fact everything’s still going according to plan, “Just some mind games before the final blow, I find it’s fun to mess with them before the end.”

Seriously, how bucked up am I that I can say with a genuine grin?!

“But now, how do you plan to-” I answer his question before he can finish it by raising a hoof towards his beak and rearing back on my hind legs, taking Sparky’s hammer out from my wings with my other hoof at the same time.

“With his own weapon of course.” I grin at the griffon, “Makes it more ironic.”

Gustave grins at that, “Aaaah, I understand.” He then turns his attention to the still struggling Theo while adjust my hold on the weapon, gripping it tightly with both hooves. Then, once I’m ready, I charge at the restrained pegasus with a roar, causing his eyes to open up wide before he winces as I start to bring it down, giving in to the itch in my brain at the same time-

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!

In order to smash Gustave right in between the wings before either of us can open our eyes. Predictably the griffon collapses, screaming in pain, and his entire gang freezes up. Literally, all of them stop whatever it is they’re doing to stare at me, mouths agape. Meanwhile, I fall to back down to three hooves (one still being needed to hold the weapon), eyes clamped shut and teeth grit. My head’s pounding even harder now, and now my blood feels like its on fire. I have to force my jaw open to pant my breaths out several seconds later, the act of which hurts more than it should. When I finally open my eyes to look at what I’ve done, the first thing I notice isn’t the fact I’ve crushed Gustave’s back… Its the fact everythings gone gray.

Barely registering the broken griffon underneath me, my attention shifts to who I had done this for, causing my gaze to shift upward in search of him. He’s still pinned under the fallen leader’s goons, but he isn’t struggling anymore, he’s grinning. Weather its at me or the fact Gustave is either dead or dying underneath me, I’m not sure, but I don’t really care. All I care about is getting his hammer back to him so he can buck up the rest of this gang and get us out of here. Problem is, I can’t seem to move from this spot: My muscles have frozen up. So, in what is quite possibly the single most stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life beyond chasing those taffy clouds in Manehatten, I force myself to rear up on my hind legs and scratch that insatiable itch one last time, Blinking to directly in front of Theo and his captors, smashing the largest one in the jaw as soon as I can.

This causes all of them to scramble away from me, terrified that I might be after them next, which of course means Theo’s now free to move around. He immediately exercises this right and stands up, looking me in the face as I fall to three hooves again, doing everything I can too keep from collapsing then and there.

“I-I think..” I begin, trying to get out this stupid one-liner that had just appeared in my thoughts and wouldn’t go away, “That this is yours…” With that I unceremoniously drop his maul in front him, letting the hoof that had been holding it fall to the ground as well to try and steady myself.

“G-give ‘em Tatarus..” I finish, finally meeting his gaze, wondering why his face is a flat gray rather than blue.

He corrects this by punching the consciousness clean out of me.

-|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|-

I just couldn’t believe it. The stallion that I tried to kill that very same day just saved my life. Not only that, he took out the wretch too. There were too many questions that were swarming my mind. Why did he save my life. Also, how did he flash so many times? Last time I checked, Flashers could only teleport once every five to seven minutes, yet he did it four times within that timeframe. Such a feat should be impossible. It was something I was gonna have to talk to Garden about.

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang started to back away a bit as I retrieved my trusty weapon from the ground. Oh, it felt good to hold it again. The stored energy within it alone was making me feel great. I turned my gaze upon the goons who recoiled under my glare.

“Anypony who gives a shit about their safety better clear out now!”

This didn’t need to be repeated as they all scrambled over each other to the locked door. While they were busy flailing with the lock, I looked down at my savior again. The questions about why he saved me were still floating around my mind. They were interrupted when I heard a small grunt come from nearby. It seemed the blow Gustave received wasn’t enough to kill him. Bastard was tougher than he looked. While he did survive the impact, it also appeared that his back was broken and he was left out cold. He certainly wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

I place Ginger and my maul on my back and grabbed Gustave by his tail. I dragged his sorry ass back to the door the grunts managed to finally open and scurry away through. Once outside, I placed Ginger on the ground and tossed Gustave a short distance away. This seemed to be enough to wake up the abomination as he flailed his head around frantically searching for his crew.

“Enjoy your nap Gustave? I sure hope not. You’re about to experience a much deeper one here soon.”

He was unable to stand but moved a talon in front of himself, igniting it as he did so. It didn’t stay lit very long as I smashed it under my hammer. He let out a shriek of pain before examining the bloodied, flattened claw.

“What? What is it that you want? I can get you anything. Just name it. There is no price to high.”
“What do I want?” I lifted him up by his feathers and peered right into his fearful eyes. “I want every last wretch, freak, and abomination like you to be gone from this world once and for all! Nothing but death is meant for your kind!”
“But you are just like me!”

I pressed my face right into his like I had done earlier.

“Trust me, I know full well about that. But I told you earlier that I would take care of that at a later date.”
“But why? Why do you hate what you are?”
“Oh I have my reasons Gustave!”

MOMMA!!

“And those reasons alone are enough to justify what I’m about to do.”
“Wh-What exactly are you going to do?”

I don’t think he needed to ask, he probably already knew the answer. I dropped his head back to the ground before responding.

“Let me put it this way. If you have any regrets in your life, then you have five seconds to come to peace with them.” I then walked a short distance away back to where Ginger was still sleeping. A giant cumulonimbus cloud started to roll in. Gustave looked to the sky as the cloud began to block out the sun.

“Starting now. Five.”

The skies overhead let loose a titanic crack of thunder. With one hoof, I raised my weapon above my head.

“Four.”

Even more fear shot through Gustave as he witnessed a bolt fall from the sky and onto my hammer. The decorative runes began to glow with a yellow light and electricity began to dance across it’s surface.

“Three.”

I brought my hammer down before myself and gripped the handle harder. My eyes began to glow a bit and the electricity started jumping over my flesh as well. Gustave tried to crawl away with his good talon, not wanting to face the stallion before him.

“Two.”

I slowly walked towards him. It was obvious that more than five seconds have passed since the start, but I was pretty sure that was the least of Gustave’s worries. Whatever hope he had left was more than likely extinguished when I stomped a hoof down on his tail, halting his retreat. He cringed in pain as he felt the residual energy from the storm electrocute him. He turned over to see me holding my hammer above my head, ready to bring it down on him.

“One.”

I plunged my weapon into his core and released a blinding flash of light. With what little I could see, Gustave let out a silent shriek as his silhouette faded from existence. Once I could properly see again, all that was left of the griffin was nothing more than a pile of ash resting at the bottom of a crater.

“See you in Tartarus you filthy wretch.” I said after spitting in his ‘grave’.

I turned back to Ginger who was still sound asleep. While I didn’t want to admit it, he was right, I did owe him big time. I picked him up from the ground and threw him on my back. Not a moment later, Garden flashed in front of me looking positively livid.

“Theo! What the buck happened?! I leave you alone for a few hours to go drinking and you suddenly vanish! You wouldn’t pick up your headset and that bar was completely trashed!”

It seems I lost my headset sometime in the process of chasing Ginger. It would have been very helpful earlier.

“Garden, not now.”
“Oh no, you are not going just ignore me here Theo! I searched high and low for you! The only reason I found you is because of your storm! Who the buck did you need to kill that you had to summon that?!”
“Gustave Le Grand of The Grand Knights. He was a class B Scorcher. He also almost took my life.”
“Well you wouldn’t of had that problem if you didn’t go off by yourself!” She then finally noticed the sleeping stallion on my back. “And who the buck is this?!”
“Gingersnap. A class C Flasher.”
“Hold on a sec.” She brought an ear to his side and noticed he still had a heartbeat. She took a few steps back. “Since when do you show mercy Theo? Your policy was always to kill any and all beings of Chaos. Buck, I’m sure you would kill me if the boss had allowed it.”

I gave her a mild glare at her last comment.

“You are not wrong, but you are not right either. In any case, I spared him because I owe him.”
“Why do you owe him? Did you lose another bet or something?”
“He is the one who saved my life.”

This seemed to be enough to silence her for a moment. After walking a short distance, I broke the silence.

“Quick question, how often are you and other Flashers able to teleport again?”
“About once every seven minutes, give or take. Why?”
“I think this guy just broke a rule or two.”

Chapter 4

Fun fact about being knocked unconscious by a hoof to the face: You don’t actually dream while you’re out.

As such, the next thing I know I’m suddenly blinking awake in some room I don’t have the time examine with a headache worse than any other I’ve ever experienced, and that’s including the hangover I earned the night after finally figuring out the perfect blend of stuff for my signature drink. And yes, before you ask: I experiment with alcohol quite a lot, so my tolerance for hangovers is probably too high to really be considered healthy.

And no, I don’t have a drinking problem. Ponies just have a problem with me when they try to out-drink me.

Regardless, that morning was one that I shall forever use to compare throbbing cranial pains for the rest of my life, and right now the one in my skull right now is about 20% worse… Why does that number make you shake your head like that..?

…

You’re weird, y’know that?

…

Anyway! To make matters worse, whoever decided to drag me outta that warehouse also decided it was a good idea to have a strong light hanging above me! Pain ol’ buddy, how ya been? Wife and kids doing good? Did little Agony finally learn to walk? Well that’s great news, bud! Lets go hit up the- WHY IN TARTARUS AM I THINKING LIKE THIS?!

Now’s about the time where I’d try and slap the residual drunkenness out of my system, a little mechanical agitation has always helped in the past, but there’s a bit of a problem with that plan right now: I can’t move my hooves. Well, the front ones, anyway; I can kick the hind ones around without a problem. Probably because right now I seem to be tied to a chair. When did that happen?

“Good, you’re up.”

And why is there a mare in here with me?

Did I get drugged and raped after partying too hard? I force myself to crack an eye open to actually take note of my surroundings, wincing as the bright light assaults my sensitive brain with its annoying intensity.

“Ohgood…”

Nope, not in some sex dungeon, that’s always a plus. And yes, I do mean always: Thanks to a ex-marefriend I’m now deathly afraid of them.

…

Y’know, the more I think about it the more I realize that Mr. Blinky’s saved my pelt more than I give him credit for. Maybe I’ll stop ignoring him so much. How does that sound, Blinky?

…

Blinky?

…

Where the Nightmare is he..? I don’t feel him at all…

Strange...

“I take it by the confused look on your face that you’ve just realized that you can’t flash out of here. Good. Now you know that you’re at my mercy.”

I look at the mare seated across the interrogation room from me with a furrowed brow. Oh, yeah, this room happens to be some kind of shitty interrogation room. I recognize the layout now that I’m not pondering just how big little Agony has gotten over the years.

Yes, I know what the typical interrogation room looks like. I was suspect in a couple disappearances at the Cloudsdale Weather Facility a few years back. Wasn’t involved, of course, but to this day nopony knows what happened to Scootaloo…

Shame too, she had potential… Deserved better than whatever happened to her...

Bah! Getting off track again, sorry. Back to that look I was throwing my interrogator's way:

“‘At your mercy?’ Last mare who said that to me wound up with a broken heart and an empty dungeon.”

Shame too, she was a nice mare until she started feeling frisky.

“Different kind of mercy, Mr. Snap,” The mare clarified, gesturing to the large silver ring that was laying on the table in between us. “I assume you don’t know what this is, do you?”

I stare at the unimpressive hollow disk for a few seconds, eyes tracing the almost hidden runes carved into its inner surface.

“Know? No, I don’t know what it is, but I think its one of those, eh… ‘Non-evasion ring’ thingies. Essentially monitors a subject’s brain waves and lets loose annoying screech if the activity in there is enough to suggest the subject is trying to forge a lie or not.”

It takes a few seconds before the unicorn responds, eyeing me carefully from behind her glasses.

“... Correct, Mr. Gingersnap. I’m surprised you know about them.”

“Then you’ll also be surprised to find out I happen to know there was a reason those things weren’t ever issued to any guardhouses beyond those in Canterlot and a few other choice cities, and were soon removed completely: Incredibly unreliable with inconclusive results, the ‘evidence’ generated by those devices was disregarded in just about every court that they were submitted to, meaning whatever you’re going to try and prove with that thing isn’t worth a grain of salt.”

Yep, she was surprised alright, though she hid it quickly, lest she show weakness when she was the one who was supposed to be in charge here. Still, she couldn’t help but ask something to sate her curiosity on how I was informed on something like that:

“Impressive, and you know this… how, exactly?”

I stare at her for a few seconds, trying to find a way to explain myself without getting on some long winded speech that my weakened patience and shortened attention span wouldn’t really be able to handle: My head still hurts pretty bad, and dredging up that knowledge I just spouted out didn’t exactly help things either.

“Lets just say my daddy was- is a paranoid kind of pony and leave it at that, alright?” Which is why I don’t visit often.

Her light blue eyes glint a little, probably thinking she found a weak point she could use against me for later.

“Family a touchy subject for you?” She asks with a half-smirk on her muzzle. I just give her a look that screams ‘Yah don’t say?’ prompting her to continue, “Why is that?”

My face becomes unamused at this point, not liking how she’s more interested in who I am rather than why I’m here. Still, I humor her. For now.

“Ma’s baker. She wanted her kids to follow in her hoofsteps, but was only able to mother one foal for whatever the reason. Me. So when it came to pass that just about everything I ever tried to bake came out an inedible mess, she was understandably crestfallen… And when I never displayed the signs of any sort of innate talent in anything, no matter what she tried, she became depressed: Figured she was a failure of a mother for not helping me find myself… And as far as I know she never got over that.”

I can feel tone become more relaxed as I continue, either because I’m dropping my guard or my headache is fading somehow, not really sure which.

“Dad, on the other hoof… I can’t say much about him. He’s the kind of pony to question everything to the point of insanity, and was paranoid beyond belief. Filled my head full of conspiracy theories and hidden agendas and all of that nonsense, almost made me like him. Probably would’ve been proud if I had, to be honest: Then he’d know I’d be safe from the world, even when I went out into it.” A smile slowly plays on my muzzle in spite of the bad memories as one of the genuinely enjoyable ones surfaces, “Still, he wasn’t all bad. In fact, he’s the one that kept on trying to help after Mom gave up on me… And once he was outta ideas he helped me work on my favorites: Rainbow making, escape artistry, basic martial arts...”

I can’t help but let out a happy sigh, the nostalgia clouding my mind at this point, something I’m quick to rectify by shaking my head. Can’t be letting too much out, now can- Wait, what?

“Where did you get those?”

While I was busy taking a trip down memory lane, the ring on the table had been replaced by a pair of files, one of which the mare across from me was browsing through. That wasn’t the surprising part. What was surprising was the fact they had pictures of my parents on them!

“Oh, these?” She lowers the folder from her face, a small smile playing on her lips, “They just came in: part of your background check. We’ve got to know just everything we can about you before we can decide what to do with you, now don’t we?”

“Background check..?” Okay, now I’m confused. When would whoever she was working for have time to run a background check?

“Background check,” She reaffirms, setting down the file to focus her full attention back on me. “But from what you tell me it sounds like your relationship with your parents was just fine. Maybe a little strained, but not enough that you should get bitter whenever you talk about them. So what changed?”

I regard her silently for a few minutes, mulling over my options. If I don’t cooperate, things will likely go downhill quite quickly, but if I do… Well, then I’ll probably wind up telling her something I really don’t want to, something she can use against me.

“Mr. Snap? The question requires an answer.”

But if I don’t, she’ll eventually find a way to get what she wants out of me. I can see that much in her eyes.

“Me.”

“You?” She blinks at me before what I said seems to click into place in her head, her smile and more relaxed demeanor returning soon afterward, “Aaah, you. Something to do with your ‘condition’ then?”

I freeze, the shock I’m feeling probably evident to her instantly.

She knows.

Good goddesses she knows!

After hiding this secret for so long, for somepony I don’t know to suddenly know about it, about what I am is jarring. No, scratch that, its bloody terrifying. Immediately my mind starts shooting in seventeen different directions at once, trying to figure out just what this could mean, what I should do now, how much she knows, if my life is in danger, are my parents at risk- All of it, all at once.

And it bucking HURTS!

Luckily the mare has enough sense in her that she’s able to slap some into me before I can really start to panic, for which I’m glad. I’d probably hurt somepony or do something I’d regret if I got too far down that road. I look at her, dumbfounded, as she moves back to her seat.

“Better?”

I nod numbly.

“Good, I really don’t want to drag this out longer than necessary.” She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, looking mildly frazzled at my outburst. “Now, tell me, how did you *ahem* acquire your condition? That happens to be one of the reasons we’re here, after all…”

So… I’m here, tied to a chair against my will, because of what happened, eh? That bucking sucks. Still, if the only way I’m going to get out of here is to answer her question, then I’ve got no choice…

“I, uh…” Hoo boy, this is gonna be hard… “It was about… t-ten or so years ago, back when… When Discord got loose and started messing with things,” I can see her eyes narrow at the mention of the Chaos God, causing me to give a pause before continuing, “I-I was working in Manehatten at the time, trying to make a name for myself as a rainbow technician in the plant that had just cropped up there… Anyway, uh, as you know when he got out the weather all across Equestria got weird, a-and Manehatten was no exception; chocolate ice-cream started falling down like snow from clouds made of some kind of maple syrup stuff.

“So, just like everypony else at the factory, I got called out to help try and control them. I never was too good at cloud-breaking, but as a team we were making slow progress, even if it did take four pegasi at once to take out a cloud. Eventually we managed to clear our sector so we could move on to the next… But when we got there… Well, the clouds were coated in spectra, raining down Supermare ice cream.. A-and I didn’t take kindly to that.

“We were a small plant and we didn’t even have enough spectra in storage to justify starting to make other products besides stock liquid rainbow… And just by looking at that sky full of stained clouds, I knew. I knew that the buckers had somehow gotten into the storehouse and wasted all that hard work! That was probably a month’s worth of time that had gotten put into what was now nothing more than unwanted desserts falling from the sky!”

“You didn’t.”

I turn my attention back to the mare before me, now acutely aware of how deep of a scowl the memory had carved into my face. She was regarding me with an expression of disbelief at my stupidity. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

I can feel my eye glint as I smirk at her, which promptly causes her to facehoof.

“Sweet Celestia, you actually did,” She states as her hoof slides down her muzzle, “You’re lucky to be alive, you know that right? Exposure to that much unstable magic should’ve killed you before your friends managed to save your tail.”

I just stare at her for a few moments before looking away, thinking over what she had said.

“I mean, ponies have died from less, honestly,” She lets out a breath, sitting back in her chair all relieved like, “But still, at least now we know why you are the way you are: Magic straight from Discord does some really strange stuff to ponies.”

I continue to stay silent after she finishes, letting her gather her thoughts for the next question as I mull over just how causally she seems to be taking this.

“So, after you got out and fully recovered and stuff, you were a Flasher. What does that have to do with your parents?”

Flasher? So that’s what I am. Huh… Fitting name I guess. Blinker’s a better one in my opinion though… But its comforting to know that whatever it is I am is common enough to have a standardised sort of name… Sort of.

“Well…” I stare at the files on the table for a few seconds before continuing, “I never told them.”

She smirks at this, glancing at the files herself, “Broke off as much contact with them as possible, as soon as possible, right?”

“Yeah…” I nod, “Didn’t want to worry them.”

“Worry them?” She repeats, giving me a funny look and a raised eyebrow, “Really? That’s why you never told them?”

“Mhm… Figured I had been enough of a burden on them with the whole cutie mark thing, didn’t want them to have to deal with anything else like that.”

I can feel her stare at me while I busy myself with gazing into the one-way-window behind her, looking at my own reflection. I look haggard and worn, probably because of what happened in the warehouse. Which reminds me, where the buck is Theo? Last I saw of him he was punching me in my face!

“Well,” The mare’s voice brings me back from my ponderings, “Unfortunately you’ve gone and done the opposite, Mr. Snap.”

“Because without information they’re filling in the holes with the worst they can think of?” I ask, eyebrow raised.

“No.”

She pulls a picture out from one of the files on the table and shows it to me, causing me to freeze up again. It’s me, lying on some concrete floor somewhere, broken, bleeding and bruised… And probably dead, as I’m pretty sure my neck wasn’t made to bend that way.

“Because as of yesterday, you are now officially a dead stallion.”

-|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|- -|--< ( - ) >--|-

I had to admit, Miss Cabbage Patch really outdid herself with that fake death. I’m nothing short of amazed at her ability to cover up the truth. That’s probably the reason why I don’t care too much about the collateral I cause.

In any case, Ginger seemed to be render speechless from the picture, probably wondering why this was all happening in the first place. I’m pretty glad too. He was staring at me through the window, even though he couldn’t see me. It was kinda creeping me out a bit. Almost made me forget why Garden and I were there in the first place.

“From what I have seen so far, he seems to think of others before himself. It’s looking like you made the right decision.”
“It’s still to early to call that. He still hasn’t explained exactly what he has done with his power, or how he does it so frequently.” Although, those are not the questions I want answered.
“I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around that too. If what you say is true, then he is an exception to a very big rule for Flashers.”
“I know, and it might deem him too dangerous to live. Granted the boss is more merciful than me, she still knows when it is okay to take a risk or not.”

“It’s true! The interrogation already began! When I heard the news, I immediately ran!”

Oh great! If it isn’t the rhyming pink nightmare herself. Pearl. Son of a- Of course she would show up! It’s not everyday we get a potential recruit. What is she holding? Did she really bring popcorn for this?!... She at least better share.

“Pearl, your presence is not needed here.”
“Oh, I know that Sparky.”
“Okay, then let me put it a different way. Leave Now!”
“Geez, there’s no need to get snarky.”

Why does everypony call me Sparky? Surely there are more creative names out there. Like Static Shock, or Shazam! Are those copyrighted? I might just use them.

“There is really nothing to see here, you can just go and leave.”
“And miss out on the pony you didn’t kill? I would never pass up on this thrill.” She munched some of her snack as she examined the yellow bastard, raising an eyebrow as she did so. “Ooo, I see why you didn’t kill this guy. He is real pleasing to the eye.”

Just breath Theo. Remember, she takes pleasure in your pain.

“Pearl, either leave or shut up. I am really not in the mood to deal with your shit.”
“Then just a quick question, why let him live? Why instead, did you choose to forgive?”

I believe at that moment I gained a very violent scowl and I stared daggers into my pink associate.

“I didn’t forgive anything you bucking bitch! I just owed him a favor! As far as I’m concerned, that was payed off the moment I didn’t smash his head like an egg!... Why the buck are you laughing?!”
“Hehe. I’m sorry, it’s just your stache. It makes you look stupidly brash.”
“Stache? What are you-”

Before I could finish my sentence, she held a mirror up to my face to reveal a rather poorly scrawled on mustache on my upper lip. In bucking magic marker no less!

“What the buck?! When did this happen?!”
“Never sleep around where there are markers to be found.”
“Celestia damn it! Garden, why didn’t you say anything earlier?!”

She responded with a shrug. Oh yeah, right. She doesn’t care that much. And now everypony know why I hate Pearl to the degree I do. She goes out of her way to do whatever it takes to piss me off. The boss tells me just ignore her and she will stop, but that only makes her try harder. Found my hammer super glued to the toilet seat once because of that.

Again, I took a deep breath as I tried to not let her get to me. Knowing her, she actually let me off fairly easy this time around.

“You must be losing your edge Pearl. A mustache is pretty tame for you.”
“Oh, you believe that to be so? Just turn around Mr. Theo.”

I did as she said to see she had written in bold letters on my flank ‘Room for two’ followed by a semicolon and a parentheses.

“Tell me Mr. Snap, why did you save Theo Stormhammer?”

The sound of my name stopped my train of thought. Good thing too, because I was on the verge of literally beating the everloving shit out of her. Apparently I missed a lot in the time Pearl was distracting me, but it didn’t matter. They finally got to the part of the interview that had me curious from the start.

This seemed to grab Garden and Pearl’s attention as well, as both were now staring the same direction I was. All of us waiting for Ginger’s response to the question.

“From what Theo told me, you should of had every reason to just let Gustave kill him. Why go through the trouble of saving him even after he tried to turn you into a pony pancake?”

Ginger took a breath before answering, probably to think out what he was going to say.

“Well, mostly because he was the first pony I met who was like me. Some unnatural freak of nature. And one I was actually getting along with at that. I’ve, I’ve been alone all these years. I had literally nopony to turn to. Nopony who actually understood what I have gone through. Was I terrified of him at the time? Of course, who wouldn’t be?”
“Me!”
“Pearl shut up!”
“Teehee.”

“And to be honest, I kinda passed his behavior off as him being drunk off his flank. I’m mean, we won free drink for the whole night, and I was pretty sure he was doing his best to keep up with me.”

Sadly, he was right about that last part. I couldn’t keep up with him no matter how hard I tried. This bucker has quite the alcohol tolerance. Still didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try. One of my goals for the night anyways was to get drunk beyond the ability to see. I never did get the numbers of those two foxy mares though.

“Tell me Mr. Snap, do you know what it is that Mr. Stormhammer actually does?”

I had heard enough, I already got the information I wanted. There was nothing more for me to hear. I ignored the questions of the two gals as I left. Whatever they were asking was none of their business.

So he spared me because he thought of me as a friend huh? Somepony just like him so he doesn’t feel so lonely? What a bucking idiot! I’m only like him in regards to power. Other than that, he is nothing more than a wretch. A pest that needs to be exterminated from this planet! Friendship? His kind is undeserving of any kind of friendship. The only thing his kind deserves is death. That is how it is meant to be. That is how it should be! That is how… Oh, there is no greater smell in the world than that of freshly sawed lumber.

I retreated to the one place in the universe that could provide me with true everlasting bliss. My workshop. It was exactly how I left it. My machines left idle, my tools hanging on the wall, the picture frames laying face down on my workbench. Yep, just the way I left it. As much of a bitch Pearl is, she always had the decency to keep her pranking out of my workshop. She probably knows that I would tear this building out of it’s foundations if anything happened to this room.

Hours must of passed since I entered and started my project, since out of nowhere, Garden knocked on my door, knowing better than to walk in on me.

“Theo. The boss is calling on us for a mission.”
“Alright, I’ll be in her office in a minute.”

As I heard her move away from the door, I proceeded to go through my normal clean up routine. Disconnect power from all machines, replace tools back where they belong, stop in front of facedown picture frames and wonder if I should finally lift them back up before eventually giving up and just leaving the room without doing so.

Chapter 5

I can’t tear my gaze away from that mare across from me. Not after that bombshell she just dropped. I mean, I figured the “entertainer” thing Theo had told me he was before shit went down was complete crap after figuring out what he was, but… The truth?

…

I think I would rather have believed the lie.

“You looked stunned, Mr. Snap. Having trouble believing it?” She intones with a quirked eyebrow.

No. Quite the contrary…

“... It all makes sense now…” I finally manage to mutter, five minutes after she blew my mind.

And not in that way you sick buckers. Get your minds outta the gutters!

“Come again?” She tilts her head slightly, a small smirk on her muzzle. Is she enjoying watching me squirm like this?

“It all makes sense now,” I say again, louder. “I… I just don’t want it to.”

Seriously…

“You regretting your decision to save him now?” I finally manage to tear my gaze from her in order to try and think this question over, closing my eyes.

Do I feel regret?

…

“No… I can’t say that I do.”

I open my eyes, finding she’s looking at me confusedly. Probably didn’t give the answer she was expecting.

“Y-you… Don’t regret saving his life? Knowing what he is? What he does?” Eeyup, completely derailed her whole planned course of action. She seems like she’s done this several times now, knows what buttons to push and all… But I don’t think she’s ever had somepony react quite like this.

“No.” I let my gaze wander her features. Her poofy burgundy mane, her leafy green coat, those black rimmed glasses that obscure her aquamarine eyes which stare back at me with a mixture of curiosity and puzzlement. All in all she’s a decent looking mare, even if she’s older than me by at least twenty years. She can’t hide the bags under her eyes from me, or those stress lines on her face… But why is a mare as worn as her involved in something so…

...

I can’t even think of a word for what this business must be like.

“Pray tell, why not?”

I narrow my eyes slightly, just to make it clear that I know that-

“I know you’re not feeding me the whole story.”

Yes, that. Thanks for interrupting, mouth.

Oh, that look on her face. So flat. From curious to serious in the matter of one line. She doesn’t like it, the fact I can read ponies. See through her attempt at deception. I’ve stepped too far away from the norm, set off some alarm bells. She thinks I know too much. Funny thing is, it isn’t much more than she just told me with that reaction, a fact I find myself cracking a smirk over. Time to push her buttons a little more then, eh?

“Ah, so there is more to it after all,” I let my tone ooze just a bit of smugness, just to let her know that I know how to play this game too. She’s made it pretty clear I’m not going to be able to go back home after everything is said and done, what with faking my death and all, so I figure I don’t have much left to lose, “Good, because I’d doubt you’d be telling me all this otherwise.”

“Telling you all what?” Now her eyes have narrowed, wanting to know how much I’ve managed to piece together.

“That the stallion I just saved hunts down and kills guys like us for a living,” I reply rather casually, tilting my head one way and cocking an eyebrow, “Why would you bother telling me if that were just it? Because you think I’d be able to help track him down or something? Naw, if he wanted me dead he probably would’ve smashed my head in like he tried to earlier. So obviously he’s got some kind of agenda, and from the looks of things you’re in on it.”

She narrows her eyes a bit more, leaning forward in her seat, forelegs resting on the table to aid in this endeavor. Probably hit the nail on the head with that.

“Criminal organizations don’t use methods like this for interrogation, they’re more about either using fear or awe, most of the time both, to get what they want out of their captives. This, coupled with the data files on my family and your more professional air suggests that this is some kind of bureaucratic operation.

“However, then your implied prior interaction with Theo makes things a little more fuzzy. He’s not just some killer of… unique folk such as myself: If that were the case I figure there’d probably be a lot more civilian deaths printed about in the papers, especially from electrical causes. This means his bloodlust or rage or whatever the heck it is that drives him is being directed at targets that would likely get swept under the rug, that the public would never hear about.”

I redirect my wandering eyes to stare right back at the mystery mare across from me, the two of having a rather bad habit of just idly roaming my surroundings but not really telling me anything while I’m busy thinking, especially aloud.

“Meaning he’s killing guys who hang around in the underbelly of society, doing things they’d be likely lynched for anyway if they were caught, but doing them better because of their… condition... And I don’t honestly think that’s such a bad thing.”

She stares at me for a while, soaking in all I was able to speculate on without moving, making it impossible to read her. An impressive feat considering I’m pretty confident that I had been correct in just about all of my assumptions, actually. However, as the silence lapses longer I notice a particular look in her eye, almost like she wants me to continue, to finish the thought...

“Which just leaves the question,” I continue after a it becomes clear she doesn’t seem to have anything to say just yet, “Where do I fit in all of this? Why bother with this interrogation? Why not just kill me instead? Especially if I know too much, which based on that look you’re giving me I’d say I do.”

...

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like she’s about to answer my questions any time soon: She’s busy thinking, her eyes tracing my features… Looking for something.

…

And once she’s found it, I can tell she has based on the slight twitch of her mouth, she simply gets up and walks out of the room. Which of course leaves me completely alone.

And quickly growing bored.

Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, I know quite a few way to pass the time, but… Well, lets just say I’m not exactly in the mood to sing and my hooves are currently tied to the chair I’m on, so that makes the various distractions I carry around with me everywhere null and void as well…

So I settle on letting my gaze wander again, hoping they find something I can do while I wait for the mare to come back and either continue the interview or just kill me. Preferably the first option.

…

Hang on… Eeyup, peepers found something for me alright: the rope that binds me.

What’s so special about it?

Well, it happens to be glowing, for one. Er… Not quite glowing, more like a shimmer or a shine than that. It’s also blue, which of course isn’t normal for rope. At least, I don’t remember it being a normal color for rope. Aren’t they either brown or yellow or something? Bah, doesn’t matter: Shimmering negates any doubts that this isn’t normal rope. Shimmering means it’s probably got some kind of enchantment on it. Added strength, maybe?

I run my nose over the bindings, just to try and get a better idea of what I’m dealing with. It feels… Silken… And isn’t silk rope like the strongest kind of non-magical rope out there? I’m not too sure, but I remember learning somewhere that silk ropes are strooooooooooooooohgoddesses!

No. No! I do not want to remember that! Bad brain! Get yer thoughts outta the dungeon! Now! Now!

Shivering off that little incident, I can now safely affirm that silk ropes indeed are strong as buck. Meaning that if this rope is similar to silk, it wouldn’t need strength enchantments, so that rules that idea out… Got anything else brain?

…

Y’know with my death looming ahead of me like this, you’d think that Blinky would be at least pestering me at this point, right? Whispering the fact he could get me out of here into my ear over and over and over again? But no, he’s still silent. Why is that?

…

Oh.

…

Well, there’s a valid theory. I mean, short of being unconscious, I’ve always been able to at least feel Blinky, even when he wasn’t talking at me. Now its like he’s not even there…

Looks like I finally found his kryptonite.

…

Now to decide whether or not I like having a part of my mind unavaila-

“Oh! Hello there, didn’t hear you come in.”

I need may to pay a little more attention to my surroundings when I’m going off on internal monologues, this is starting to become a problem...

…

Anyway, this isn’t the same mare that I had been talking to before. Not unless she can drastically change her appearance anyway, shave a decade or so off her face and whatnot. No, this mare’s mane was long, straight and a much lighter green than the other mare’s coat. Also this one’s coat happened to be a pale yellow, and he eyes a sort of tangerine color. She’s also wearing a red flower behind one of her ears for some reason, as well as a rather bored looking expression.

“Finally done examining that rope?”

“Pretty much, was just trying to keep myself busy till somepony else came in.” Despite my calm outward expression, a nervous chuckle escapes me, “And as you’re not the mare that was interrogating me, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say I failed whatever test she was giving.”

“No, though that was Theo’s hope,” The mare rolls her eyes before continuing, “No, I’m here because there’s something we want to learn: What is flashing like for you? Does it burn?”

…

Did she just purposely word it like that so she could rhyme? I let my amusement at this show in the form of a quirked eyebrow and a slight smirk.

“Burn?” I chuckle a little at the thought, flashing only hurting as bad as a burn? “Mam, if it were that easy I probably wouldn’t have been actively avoided flashing for so long... Heck, I might’ve used it for convenience rather than as a last resort... No, flashing is the utmost in self-torture for me. Its letting myself go through the pain of getting butchered by a dragon or torn apart by a timberwolf so I can live to die some other day. Why else would I do my damndest to not trigger it for the better part of ten years?”

She stares at me for a few moments, probably trying to figure out if I’m exaggerating it at all. Funny thing is, that description is kinda downplaying it, honestly.

“But you flashed six times that day, right? Four to save Sparky and twice in the fight?”

“Actually, it was once in the fight, once to get away from Theo shortly after the fight, then four times to get take out Gustave and give Sparky his hammer back,” I correct automatically, not even thinking about the position I’m in, “And there was a respite that separated the first two from the last four, which is probably the only reason I was able to pull that off in the first place.”

“You have a limit, then?”

“I… Guess?” I admit with a shrug, “That was the most I’ve ever flashed in such a short period of time. Heck, I bet it was the most I’ve ever flashed in a single month, honestly.”

She stares at me a moment before sliding a blank piece of paper out of one of my parent’s files and proceeding to look around for something to write with. “Damnit, where did I put my pen..?”

I find myself tilting my head a few seconds later, unable to comprehend how she’s managed to rhyme every sentence she’s said thus far. She doesn’t seem to notice my confusion, however, instead electing to continue her search for a writing utensil. It takes her a full minute to remember that her flower accessory also doubles as a pen. Why somepony thought it was a good idea to combine an artificial flower and one of those new ballpoint pen things into one object is beyond me though.

Once she’s all set she looks back up at me, “Now was there anything that let you know your limit was near? Or did you just keep on flashing without fear?”

Again with the rhymes? Must be some kind of game she plays with herself or something.

“Uh… Yeah..” I let out a puff of air, thinking back to the last couple jumps before Theo knocked me out, “It gets more tiring to flash the more I do it: I could barely stand right before I blacked out… And for whatever reason I lose my ability to see color. Like, his face was a dark gray after that last one… Any idea why?”

“No,” She admits around her mouthful of flower-pen, “Bu ‘en a’en-” Realizing its hard to understand what she’s saying with that thing in her mouth, she finishes whatever notes she was taking and spits it out. “But then again, why would I know?”

I start to try and point out that they’ve got a term for ponies like me already, but she cuts me off.

“Because you happen to be the first of us to play by this set of rules. To pass up learning them would make us fools. And yes, before you ask, I’ll answer you in rhyme: Other flashers find their limit in time. Every five minutes they may make one flash, and such a limit keeps them from being rash. Because if they were to use it up and then find themselves caught, their existence would soon become naught…” A strange sort of smile forms on her muzzle as she regards me with an expression I just can’t read. “You, on the other hoof…” The smile grows into a grin, and I can’t help but worry just what it’s for, “You can afford to be a little more aloof.”

…

Is… Is she..?

Eeyup, she just crawled up onto the table just so she could look down at me, and that look just gotten a tad more readable. Okay, maybe more than a tad: She’s appraising me… And liking what she sees.

This is why I wish I didn’t look almost like a genderbent, less athletic Spitfire most days.

Thankfully it doesn’t look like she’s about to pounce at my helpless form, I’m pretty sure she can’t do that while she’s lounging on the table… Wait, how’d she go from sitting to lying that fast..? Nevermind, got more important things to worry about: I’m on her radar now.

“Not to say you’re the type to be that cold,” She continues, deciding that she try and take a stab at being ‘friendly’ with an admittedly attractive smirk manifesting on her muzzle, “No you look like you’d be a little more-”

POP!

“When I agreed to letting you come in here posing as me that didn’t give you permission to hit on him as me, Pearl.”

...

Wat..?

…

Sorry, just let me reassess what just happened alright?

…

Nope, still confusing.

So, the mare that was about to start hitting on me? Yeah, now there’s two of her in here. Literally two of them. The first one, y’know, the one that was on the table didn’t even get to finish her line before a second one, whom literally came from nowhere with just a flash of light and a p-

…

Oh. So that’s what flashing’s like when you’re not the one doing it… Neat.

…

And suddenly it all makes sense, the first mare was wearing a disguise of some kind to look like the second mare, whom is the genuine article. Why and how? I’ve got no clue, but at least its something, right?

“Oh come on Garden, you and I both need you need to get laid,” the first mare, apparently called ‘Pearl’ based on what the second said, whined. And I do mean whined, kinda like a small filly who hasn’t gotten their way.

“I don’t need anything of the sort, thankyouverymuch,” the second mare, ‘Garden’ by what the first said, sighed. It wasn’t annoyed kind of sigh though, more of a tired one. Seems her double has been trying to do this for a while now or something. “The only thing I need right now is for you to get out of here before the boss gets back. I really don’t need her docking my pay because you decided to have some fun with the new guy.”

“Garden, you and I both know that there’s more to life than getting paid,” Peal replies, throwing another suggestive look my way for good measure… Before bursting into a fit of giggles at my not so stubble attempt to scoot away from her.

“Oh, I like this one,” She grins, sitting up in the process, “Hopefully I get a mission with him, that’ll definitely be fun.”

“If it keeps you from pushing Theo’s buttons, go ahead and rib on him then,” Garden comments noncommittally, glancing at the door. “I swear he gets even more reckless out in the field every time one of your bigger pranks goes right.”

“Don’t worry, Sparky’s not gonna get off the hook just because I’ve got a new playmate,” Pearl’s grin becomes mischievous at the thought of the blue guy, “By now he should know just to laugh at his fate.”

Trying to tell these two apart is kinda like trying to tell a pair of identical twins apart: May have the same bodies and voices, but on the inside they happen to be quite different. Thankfully Pearl’s tendency to rhyme makes the task a buckton easier. Also helps that she hasn’t moved from her perch atop the table.

“Is the kid at least going to keep you from nicking his hammer every other week?”
“Eh, one a month will probably be the best I can manage.”
“Then go ahead, mess with the new guy. Just get out of here, she’s gonna be back any minute now.”
“Fair enough, leaving now would probably be to our advantage.”

How the buck does she rhyme so fluidly?

Anyway, the pair of them turn towards the door to take their leave, but before they can even take a step for it the first mare that was in here returns. Talk about timing, eh?

“Apologies for leaving like thaaaaaaa- What are you two doing in here?!”
“Since you and Theo decided to leave, I decided the interview should be left to me.”

“And that’s a problem beca-”
Garden jabs a hoof in Pearl’s direction, eyebrows raised.
“Oh, right. Didn’t want her tarnishing your record?”
“Obviously.”
“Fair enough…” The burgundy mare sighs again, bringing a hoof to her temple, “You both do know that he still hasn’t been cleared yet though, right?”
“Like you’d pass up on a Flasher that doesn’t have a time limit?”
“We still don’t know exactly what his catch is though, now do we? It could be that he’s able to do it whenever without any limit other than his own morals,” She throws a glance my way, looking mildly worried, “And we can’t exactly trust morals, now can we?”

“Actually,” Pearl interjects, now sporting a light pink coat and matching light blue mane. I… I’ve got no clue how she managed to do that, go from a carbon copy of Garden to her own thing within a hoof-full of seconds, but she did. Kinda makes her look like she’s made of cotton candy or something… Anyway, with her back turned to me the look of surprise in my eye goes unappreciated, which is something I’m glad for.

“From what he told me his ability might be endurance based, kind of like some of the Stormers and Scorchers we’ve cased. He hasn’t done much at all, essentially only when backed up to a wall. However, were he to use it more…” She let the statement hang in the air, though if she continued she’d probably end it with the word ‘score,’ that’s definitely what my brain supplied for the lack of rhyme it had grown accustomed to.

The others, however, stare at Pearl, letting the information sink in for a minute or two.

“You mean to tell me that you don’t think he’s got a cap, in other words?” The first mare, whom irritatingly enough I still haven’t gotten a name for, asks.

“No, right now his cap is four,” Pearl giggles, glancing back at me, “But he was on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion before Theo knocked him out. And that should remind you of a certain pony, without a doubt.” Surprisingly, Burgundy (that’s what I’m calling her until I get a proper name) shifts in what appears to be discomfort.

“That certain pony happens to be one of the biggests assets the Foundation has nowadays, aren’t they?” Garden adds, looking almost thoughtful behind that mask of indifference she seems to wear.

Burgundy looks between the two of them, from the desk-perched Pearl to the ground-bound Garden and back again. “Are you two seriously playing that card right now?”

“Yes,” They reply in what seems to be some kind of rehearsed response. Just what’s going on here?

“Why?”

Garden happens to answer alone this time, shrugging just to show how little she cares, “A Multi-Flasher or whatever the heck we’re gonna call him would be useful to have around, especially after what happened with Clean and Tide.”

Despite the fact none of them are directly facing me, I can feel a sort of regretful mood descend upon the other mares… And given their line of work, I think I can figure what happened… Hope it was quick, for their sakes.

After a minute or so of what I can only assume is mourning, Burgundy speaks up again.

“Alright, cut him loose Pearl.”

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I walk into the bosses office. The same office I always enter when I get a mission or get chewed out personally. Today it looks like it is the former. Garden was already in the room staring blankly at opposite wall. I do wonder what goes through her head sometimes. She just always keeps to herself, only speaking up when she feels the need to.

Miss Cabbage Patch was busy sifting through papers as I walked in. I wonder what we were dealing with today? Perhaps another Scorcher like Gustave. Well, whatever it was, It wouldn’t stand much of a chance against Garden and I.

The boss lowered her papers to finally acknowledge my presence. “Ah, so good of you to join us Mr… I see Pearl found the magic marker again.”

It took me a second before I realized that I never did wash that off. To my left I heard the giggle of a certain annoyance. Yep, there she was. Oh how I wish I could knock her down a peg or two. Oh how I wish-

“Hey Sparky. I like the new stache.”

My attention is drawn to the yellow stallion sitting next to her.

“YOU!!” Was what I was able to get out as I charged the wretch, only to be stopped by Pearl tackling me to the ground.
“Now now Theo, you be nice to Mr. Snap. He has already been through a lot of crap.”
“Get off! The wretch escaped! Can’t you see-”

“Enough!”

Both Pearl and I turn our attention to our rather annoyed boss sitting behind her desk.

“Theo! He passed his interrogation! He is now one of your associates.”
“Are you bucking serious?! Are you just ignoring the fact that he can flash multiple times?!”
“So long as he uses his power to help us, I believe that his ability to break the rules will prove to be an asset to us.”

As much as I don’t like it, if the boss believes him to be safe, then I have to too. She’s always been great at passing judgement on other ponies: so it’s not too hard to figure out how she rose to her position. In any case, Ginger is safe so long as the boss says. He better hopes he doesn’t give her a reason to reconsider.

“Fine! I’ll treat him the same way I do Garden and Pearl... Speaking of which. Pearl, get the buck off me!”

Thankfully, she let me return to my hooves so that I could receive our assignment.

“Alright Theo. You and Garden are to investigate various dragon attacks that have been happening as of late.”
“Wait. Since when do we deal with dragons?”
“Normally we don’t, but there is something odd about these occurrences.”

“Odd how?” Garden finally chimed in, even after all the ruckus that happened not to long ago.
“Well for starters, whenever the dragons attacked major cities, there is almost no damage done to the buildings. Any damage that has been done is caused by the ponies trying to hit it with bullets and artillery.”

“Okay, so the dragon is very careful. I still don’t see what this has to do with beings of chaos.”
“Of course you don’t my blue friend. But you will soon comprehend.”
“Shut up Pearl.”

“Next is that the dragon always attacks near jewelry stores. All of which seem to be cleared out by the time the dragon leaves.” The gears in my head suddenly clicked.
“Ah, I see now. We are dealing with an illusionist then.”

“Who is using their power to stage a dragon attack while they go on their crime spree.”
“Correct Garden. So you two are to take out the target how you see fit.”
“So since Theo is going, you mean dispose of the body?”
“(Sigh) Yes.”

“Alright, where is the target and what do they look like?”
“The target seems to be following the railroads as they go from town to town. Following their patterns, their next heist will be Vanhoover.”
“Woo! Vanhoover has some of the best drinks around! I’m gonna have some fun tonight!”
“You are to take out the target then return home! Not go drinking like you normally do!” She really put some emphasis on that part. Maybe I should listen to her this time around… Naw.

“So what does this target look like?”
“Ah, yes right. While we have no definitive proof, we believe it to be this mare. She has been spotted at every dragon attack since we started monitoring them.”

She placed a picture of said mare on the table for Garden and I to examine. She was roughly twenty something with a brown mane and coat. Not to bad looking if I had to say so myself. Shame she had to die. I made sure my hammer was still on my back as I place a hoof on Garden’s shoulder.

“Alright Garden, get us out of here.” Before she flashed us away, I was sure to give Gingersnap one last glare. Just to let him know how bucked he was if he didn’t live up to our bosses expectations.

Now Vanhoover is roughly thirty miles away from base, and the maximum distance that Garden can flash is roughly one mile. Meaning that it would take about two and a half hours for her to flash us all the way there. Luckily, our base is within a mile of a bullet train that was set up about six years ago. It really cuts down travel time. We go through the same routine when arriving there. She ports us behind a dumpster, we walk to the security gate, I short circuit the security gate, then we both climb onto the train. Although I did stop in the bathroom first to wash off Pearl’s latest prank. Within a half hour, we make it to Vanhoover.

It’s good to be back in Vanhoover. The tall buildings, the open port, the many fine folks just going about their own business. Oh, and that one bar I got thrown out of last time I was here. Good times, good times.

“So Garden. Where in Vanhoover would we find the most well stocked bank in the city.”
She shrugged and pointed towards a bit of smoke rising off in the distance.
“Probably that way.”

One flash later found us in an alleyway next to a giant green claw. I believe we found our dragon. We exit into the main street to see ponies running away in panic and the local precinct trying to halt the beast’s advances. Who ever this illusionist was certainly knew what they were doing. Having the dragon respond to the shots as if it was being hit. Moving slowly forward so that it’s foes have time to retreat from it. Spitting flames into the air to seemingly increase the danger.

While I was busy galking at the beast, Garden was actually doing our job. After about five minutes of waiting, she gave me a quick nudge of the shoulder. She pointed to the bank across the street that had already been evacuated. Evacuated except for one mare walking out of it with a giant sack on her back. She was a perfect match to the photo we were shown earlier. I extracted my hammer from my back, ready to charge in and slay the wretch where she walked. I was stopped by Garden pulling on my tail.

“Remember the last time you tried to charge an illusionist?” She said with a mild hint of annoyance.
“(Sigh) Yes, I remember. I’ll follow the book this time around. Do you got the tracker?”
She nodded and held up a gold collar that she extracted from her bag.
“Good. Then you do your part and I’ll do the rest.”

Without responding, she quickly flashed across the street and snapped the collar around the mare’s neck before she had time to react. The moment it was on her, I flew as fast as I could towards her.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going you stupid bi- Oh Shit!”

With a quick jump, she avoided me smashing her into the building by the skin of her teeth.

“Vile wretch! Your existence on this planet has run it’s course! Now it is time to say goodbye!” I move to strike again and she quickly drops her sack and runs into the alley next to the bank. During this time, the dragon vanished from existence, leaving a lot of incredibly confused ponies behind.

As Garden and I gave chase down the alley, I pulled the compass out of my shirt pocket. The compass is simply a small, free spinning needle that is magically synced with the tracker on the target’s neck. Wherever the wretch goes, the needle will follow.

We zig zagged around the backstreets for a while to keep up with the target, following the compass whenever we lost her. Eventually, we turned around corner and found several copies of the wretch waiting for us. She gave a quick wave to us and had all her clones dash down several different alleyways away from us. A quick look at the compass told us which path to take to continue the chase.

She tried this trick several more times, looking more and more scared as we continued to correctly guess which way she was going. Several turns later, we come across a brick wall resting in the middle of the alley. Knowing that this was an obvious illusion, the two of us went right through it. The target was still on the run ahead of us. Around another corner was another fake wall. Behind that fake wall was another one. Then another, and another, and anoth-

WHAM!

...Th-That… Last one… Wasn’t fake.

I fell to the ground in gratuitous amounts of pain. As I fell, I saw the target start running to opposite way away from us. When Garden helped me to my hooves, we both took a look at the compass. It seemed that she was running back to where we found her to begin with. Probably to retrieve her lost booty.

After resting for a minute to gather my bearings, we both started heading back to the bank. Sure enough, we managed to catch her right as soon as she hoisted her bag onto her back. With a look of fear she immediately dropped it again and ran back into the bank. We gave chase and watched her close the vault door behind her. She probably assumed that was something that we just couldn’t get past. Well I certainly couldn’t get past it, I would just end up breaking my hammer. Garden on the other hoof-

POP

Is quite adept at getting in restricted areas. The moment we got in the vault, the wretch looked at us with more fear than ever, knowing that she just cornered herself.

“H-H-How? H-How did you do that?”
“You mean us appearing in a bright flash? You’re the one who can spawn imaginary dragons out of thin air, yet you ask how we did that?”

Her eyes went wide as she comprehended what I was getting at. She was outwardly panicking at this point.

“What do you want? Are you cops? I promise to put all the money back!”
“I guess you can say we are cops yes. But we are both also judge, jury, and executioner.”

I turned my attention to my partner.

“Tell me Garden. What is this mare guilty of?”
“Being a freak of magic and using her abilities for her own selfish gains.”
“Correct. Now that we have gone through all the evidence, I shall sentence thee to death.”

I started to approach the now crying mare.

“Please! I’m nothing more than a petty thief! I’ve never done anything to deserve this! I’ve never hurt anypony!”

I stop in my tracks and glare at her for a moment.

“Never? You claim that you never hurt anypony?” She responded with a rapid nod. I then smashed my hammer into the ground before her, causing her to jump. “BULL! BUCKING! SHIT!” I think my shouting alone was almost enough to slay her. Her pupils shrunk to pinpricks as I moved over to the side of the room. “I can think of a million examples in this very room about how you have hurt others.”

I pointed at one of the drop boxes that she had cleared out earlier.

“This box probably belonged to a parent trying to raise their young foal! Guess they get to do it from the streets!”

I pointed at another empty box.

“This one probably belonged to an elderly mare who needed the money to buy her medication! Well sorry grandma, no meds for you!”

I pointed at several more boxes.

“Chemotherapy! College loans! Transplant! New home! Charity! Birthday gifts! All gone! All bucking gone! And all because some mare decided that she had the power to take it!” She was bawling into her hooves at this point. “Your kind is all alike! All of them! You think that just because you have these abilities, that you can live above others! That all the other ponies around you are nothing but ants to be stepped on!”

I grasped my weapon tighter, causing the stored energy to begin dancing across my flesh. The mare noticed this and hoped she could use it to save herself.

“Wait! Y-You’re one of us too! Surely you can relate!”

I gritted my teeth and had the sparks jump faster.

“Here is something you need to know. I am a freak like you. But I hate this power. I hated it ever since I discovered it. This power, as well as the powers of others have destroyed everything in my life!” I started to approach her again. “It’s not just my life! Countless lives have been ruined because of us! Families have been destroyed! Homes have fallen! Harmony disrupted!” I stop in front of her, my hammer in position to finish the job. I speak one last sentence in a low voice.

“And all because we choose to use it for that.”

I smashed my weapon into the cowering mare. The blow more than likely killed her instantly. Garden, still maintaining her air of indifference approached the mangled body and held her ear to her side. With a quick nod, she let me know that she was indeed dead. I wiped the blood off my maul and turned to my partner.

“Hey Garden. Mind reporting to the boss for me? I gotta go do some reconnaissance.”