Joy, Love, Heartbreak

by 1-oh-First

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Romance, Big Macintosh
Length: 1545

Big Macintosh reflects on some of the joy and pain he experienced in the past year, with a little help from a liquid friend.

"To love another is to see the face of God" - Victor Hugo

Big Macintosh takes some time on Hearth's Warming Eve to look back on some events that transpired in the previous year. Some were amazing, but sometimes those aren't the ones that really stick with you. And heartbreak is a cruel, cruel thing. And it can be hard to move past it.

Published 2013-12-25 04:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-25 04:50:05 UTC

Chapter One

Joy, Love, Heartbreak

Snow flitted around the window as the door inside closed, shutting out the light radiating from the hall. Every member of the Apple family had settled down for the night, eagerly awaiting the next day; Hearth’s Warming Day.

Well, save for one solitary figure that quietly walked down the stairs, prepared to brave the cold and snow. He sighed deeply and stepped outside. Even in the darkness, the large stallion could easily be seen moving around to the back of the barn. He didn’t fumble with the cellar door, he knew this trip like the back of his hoof. Within three minutes, he had retrieved what he wanted and had returned to the warmth of his home.

He sat at the table and looked at his prize: a bottle of Applejack, the potent apple whiskey his father had taught him to make all those years ago. Big Macintosh Apple sighed again as he opened the bottle. Tonight, he didn’t need a glass. Tonight, this bottle would be drained.

--- 10% gone ---

He replayed that morning in his mind. Hearth’s Warming morning. He awoke to find his foreleg draped around another pony. This wasn’t something that had happened to him before. The joy of that moment would never fade from his life. The mare he was holding stirred, turning to face him. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, darling.”

He didn’t even have time to respond as she leaned in and kissed him. They pulled each other tighter as the passionate display of affection continued. One of Big Mac’s favorite books had described the “most passionate kisses in the history of kisses”. He knew that this one blew them all away.

When they finally pulled away, he was struck by her radiant beauty. Rarity was, simply put, the most beautiful pony in all of Equestria. This he knew for a fact. He smiled for a minute before finally saying, “We shouldn’t keep ‘em waiting any longer.” He knew his sisters and grandmother would be downstairs, ready to open their Hearth’s Warming gifts.

Rarity nodded and gave him another peck before rising, donning a robe, and heading for the door. Big Mac was only a step behind her; since they had started dating they had been practically inseparable (barring the times they were working. They had to make a living somehow).

In the present, Mac hung his head. He missed her more than he’d ever admit. And he missed the feeling of having another pony care about him like that. He took another long gulp from the bottle that sat in front of him.

--- 25% gone ---

The following months had been the most amazing of Big Macintosh’s life. He and Rarity had become closer than he could ever imagine two ponies becoming (well, not including that, but they had agreed to wait. No sense in pushing anything). The next day that stuck out in his mind was, to the outside observer, a normal day in Ponyville. Rarity was finishing up an order, Big Mac was plowing the East Field, and the world kept on spinning.

But today, his sister Applejack was acting . . . different. She was avoiding any type of conversation longer than five words. Now, Macintosh may have been a quiet stallion, but he was far from stupid. And he knew exactly how to get his sister to open up to him. All that he had to do was walk past her.

“Howdy, Big Mac.”

“. . . . .”

Big Macintosh Apple had been taught from a young age to never ignore another pony, let alone a family member. And Applejack couldn’t stand being ignored. He knew what was coming next.

“All right, Mac. Ya got me. I ran by Rarity’s today to pick up my Gala dress, and I overheard her saying some stuff.”

“. . . . .”

“Ain’t you gonna ask what?”

“. . . . .”

Applejack sighed. “She was standin’ in front of that big mirror in her workshop. Recitin’ some lines.”

Mac just gave her a deadpan stare.

Applejack looked to the ground and continued, “’Big Macintosh Apple, I love you’. That’s what she was saying.” She looked up and couldn’t suppress a chuckle. Her brother’s jaw was nearly in the dirt, and he looked as though his brain had completely stopped functioning. Which, to be fair, it had. He silently closed his mouth and continued working.

--- 52% gone ---

He and Rarity had already made plans for that night, and he knew they would include him staying with her. He felt the butterflies in his gut as he knocked on her door. He was deathly afraid of messing anything up tonight. Thankfully they had a wonderful, yet uneventful, date. Normally Rarity wasn’t one for pub food, but she called it her “guilty pleasure” and claimed that it was a special occasion.

Later that night, they found themselves in her bed, tight in each other’s embrace. She hadn’t seemed nervous that night, but she was definitely nervous now. Finally, she craned her neck and brought her lips to his. The passion in her kiss was unbelievable; had Mac been standing, he knew that his knees would be weak. After what seemed like an eternity, she broke the kiss.

“Big Macintosh Apple, I . . ., I . . .,”

“I love you, Rarity. More than anypony else I’ve ever known.”

She buried her face in his neck, tears beginning to stream down her face. “Darling, you make me feel so alive, so loved, so wanted, so needed. . . I love you so much, Big Macintosh.” She brought her head up and kissed him again, not as merely a marefriend does a coltfriend. No, this time, they embraced and kissed as lovers.

--- 79% gone ---

A week had passed since they had declared their love for each other. And now, Macintosh Apple sat across from Rarity as she broke his heart. Nay, she did not break it. She ripped it from his chest, cut it into a thousand pieces, and ground it into the dust in front of him.

She had told him that, despite her emphatically saying “Yes, I want you to kiss me” that Hearth’s Warming Eve, he had pushed her past what she was ready for. That, in spite of her suggesting that she stay with him that night, it was uncomfortable for her. That, looking back after the fact, she had decided that she wasn’t ready for any of that.

Mac was speechless. They had always listened to each other’s concerns. Neither of them had ever pushed the other before. To him, this was like being blindsided by the Ponyville Express.

He asked whether or not any of it was real. Rarity’s voice said yes, but the elusive eyes screamed “No!”

“So ya used me. Used me ‘cause I made ya feel loved, and wanted, and needed. Ya didn’t really love me, did ya Miss Rarity?”

Her eyes never met his as she stated that she did love him. And Mac said something he had never imagined he’d ever say to the love of his life.

“I don’t believe ya, Miss Rarity. Ya lied to me.”

And with that, he stood up and walked out of her home.

--- 100% gone ---

Over the next eight months, Macintosh Apple had done a lot of thinking. And he had done a lot of drinking. He had thought about what had changed. It wasn’t another stallion; his sister had made sure of that. He had thought about how empty he felt without her.

But mostly, he had thought about how cruel fate was. He hated the fact that fate had placed him with the perfect mare for him, only to have her absolutely destroy his world. Sure, he had moved on somewhat. There had been another mare or two, but those were never more than flings. Once again, Macintosh Apple was alone on Hearth’s Warming Eve.

He had hoped that she would realize what she was missing without him. But now, a year after that magical night together, he knew that his hope had died. He looked at the empty bottle before him. Well, tried to look at it. He wouldn’t have been able to see his hoof in front of him.

He walked up the stairs as quietly as his drunken form would allow, thinking about the value of his life. Now, he wasn’t planning on doing anything drastic. Even drunk off his flank, that thought had never crossed his mind. No, he thought about what he wanted his life to be. Marriage, his own farmstead, foals. His heart ached at what could have been, with the love of his life. Rarity. The most beautiful pony he had ever seen. The greatest thing that had ever happened to him. The heart breaker.

He closed his door, hoping that tomorrow would bring an end to the ache in his heart.

Author's Note

If you've made it this far, thank you. I know this isn't the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" Christmas/Hearth's Warming story that most people expect, but I enjoy looking at the other side of things every now and then.

Thank you again for reading.