Yahtzee

“Yahtzee!” one of the reindeer shouted after tossing his dice onto the table in front of them.

“Mother effing Cupid!” Dancer said. “I know you have this game rigged somehow!”

“I just think someone’s jealous,” Cupid replied with a douchy smile as he wrote down his score into the score card. “And that, my friends, is game.”

The other reindeer walked out of Santa’s cabin and into the freezing cold of the North Pole. ‘Twas Christmas Eve, and just 22 hours before Santa was supposed to make his first delivery. The eight reindeer all looked up towards the sky, seeing the northern lights sway in the night sky. Nothing brought Christmas cheer more than the lights and a Christmas Carol, in fact…

“Deck the halls with bounds of holly,
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la,
‘Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la—”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to sing at 2 AM?!” Mrs. Clause shouted from her cabin window. “Santa’s trying to sleep! Now if I hear one more carol out of you before tonight, I’m going to go out there and rape every last one of you! And guess what! I’m extra loose this year!” With that, Mrs. Clause slammed her window closed, leaving the group of reindeer dumbfounded.

“Speaking of Rudolph, where is the little guy?” Vixen asked.

“Probably getting his tongue frozen to a penguin again,” Dancer replied. “Friggin retard.”

“Alright,” Prancer announced, “Who’s gonna go looking for him this time? Nose goes!” All the reindeer put their hoof up to their nose, but Comet’s hoof was being held down by Vixen. “I guess it’s Comet’s turn.”

“What? No! You can’t—Ugghhhh. Fiiiine. I’ll go see if the twerp is ready for tomorrow.”

The other seven reindeer laughed hysterically as Comet walked off. The last time they went looking for Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had found some way to get his back tied to a walrus. On Comet walked, however, until he came to a cave where he heard the most heart-breaking sobbing. Peaking his head inside, he called, “Hello? Is anyone there?” But there was only silence. “Rudolph, are you there?”

“No,” a sad voice shouted, echoing in the cave. “Now go away.”

Comet smacked his hoof over his face, still angry that he was the one who had to go finding the red-nosed burden. The voice was obviously Rudolph’s, but when he was depressed, he was even harder to live with than when he was cheerful. Walking deeper into the cave, Comet said, “Alright, Rudolph. I know you're here somewhere. Just come on out.”

“But… I’m right in front of you.”

Comet jerked back. He expected to see a glowing red light fill up the cave about a mile away, so how could Rudolph be right in front of him? Walking into the faint light of the cave, however, Comet saw Rudolph… his red nose dimmed into less than a glimmer.

“R-Rudolph? What happened? I mean, why—”

“I don’t know!” he shouted, tears swelling up in his eyes. “It’s been growing dimmer and dimmer every day. I guess there’s no point in me delivering presents this year.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Comet said, putting a hoof around Rudolph. “I’m sure there’s something we can do to make your nose bright again by tonight. I mean, we expect Canada to have thicker fog than normal this year, and we can’t just not give them presents! Not after what happened last time we skipped them!”

“Half of them became Jewish after that.”

“Exactly! We need you, Rudolph. Can you imagine what would happen if the whole world suddenly became Jewish?”

Rudolph shuddered, but then brought his teary gaze back up to Comet’s. “Then what exactly do you want me to do?”

Comet tried coming up with something, but honestly, his mind was as blank as the Christmas snow. That is, until he got an idea, an idea that would save Christmas.

“I have no idea,” Comet said, “but I think I might know someone who can. We reindeer have a relative that isn’t too distant. I want you to travel just south of Apploosa. There’s a tribe of bison there. I don’t know how a tribe of bison would be able to help, but given the circumstance we’re in now, I think that’s the best chance we’ve got. You can… you can still fly, right?”

“As long as there’s Christmas spirit I can! I won’t let you down! See you in a couple of hours!” Rudolph suddenly started sprinting out of the cave and flying into the air. “I’ll make you proud, Comet!”

“Rudolph! You’re… You’re going in the exact opposite direction of where you’re supposed to be going. In fact, I think you managed to go north, even though we are at the northern pole of the earth. “

The sky-borne reindeer then suddenly shifted his direction and began galloping the other way. Comet, though, had no idea how he was supposed to break the news to the other reindeer that the sleigh’s headlights had just gone to find counsel from a bunch of bison. Sighing to himself, he hung his head low, silently singing, “Oh dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. I made you out of clay…”

***

Rudolph had visited the desert many times during his Christmas flights, but never had he ever been to the desert when the sun was coming up. He could already feel the blistering heat in comparison to the icy tundra he was used to. The dirt and sand felt like the polar opposite of snow. Instead of being soft and fluffy, it was rugged and hard. This was the last place Rudolph wanted to be, but he had to find someone who could help him.

Walking around the desert seemed pointless, and Rudolph could quickly feel all the hope evaporating as the sun finally managed to rise above the mountains. Just as he was about to fall down and start crying again, though, he was suddenly surrounded by a large circle of bison, looking angrily at him. Ignoring their fierce looks and smiling, however, he ran toward one buffalo who was much smaller and thinner than the others, but the minute they got within hoof-distance, the buffalo suddenly knocked him down.

“Nigga, what you doin’?” The reindeer weakly got up, rubbing the burning sand off of his Christmas plot. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“My… my name is Rudolph, and I was wondering if there was someone I could talk to.”

“’Bout what?”

“Well… I was wondering if there was someone wise in this camp who could tell me how to make my nose glow again. You see, my nose guides Santa’s sleigh every year, but this year my—”

“Say what? ‘Ey! Listen to this! This nigga said he works for Santa!” The bison all around him suddenly started laughing hysterically. “He said he need someone to tell him how to make his nose glow!” After more embarrassing laughter, the buffalo could manage to speak again, although all Rudolph wanted to do was run back to the North Pole. “Phew. You know, kid, you alright. My name’s Golden Bird. Tell you what. We gon help you find someone who can help you.”

Rudolph wasn’t sure whether Golden Bird was going to really help him or if he was really just leading him into more embarrassment. Still, though, Rudolph needed to do anything he could to save the world from turning Jewish. Luckily for him, though, Golden Bird was a buffalo of his word, leading him straight to the chief of the tribe and his young buffalo assistant.

“Who’s this?” the chief asked as Golden Bird and Rudolph entered the chief’s teepee.

“Sorry, Chief Thunderhooves,” Golden Bird replied. “This nigga said he needed to save Christmas or some s**t like that. Says he works for Santa.”

Chief Thunderhooves looked up and down the strange-looking figure. “Well, what exactly does he want?”

“My name is Rudolph,” the reindeer said, all eyes glaring down at him. “I guide Santa’s sleigh every year, but for some reason, my nose has lost its glow. I didn’t know where else to turn. Please, is there anything you can to do help me?”

“Listen, Rudolph,” the buffalo’s assistant said. “We have more to worry about than your crazy story about Christmas. I don’t know what you were thinking in coming here, but you can—”

“Is what you say true, Rudolph?” Chief Thunderhooves asked.

“Yes, Chief,” Rudolph said. “Is there anything you can do?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Rudolph frowned, dropping his gaze to the floor with no hope left. “I don’t know anything about how to make noses glow, let alone how Santa can navigate the whole world in one night. I’m sorry. Little Strongheart, go get some food for Rudolph. I’m sure he must be famished right now.”

Little Strongheart nodded and looked back to Rudolph, who definitely didn’t look like he was in the mood to eat anything about now. As they left the teepee, the female buffalo put a hoof around the depressed reindeer and said, “Hey, don’t worry. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

“How? It’s Christmas Eve! Santa is expecting me to lead his sleigh tonight!”

“Just wait here. We can come up with ideas over breakfast.”

They had arrived to the middle of the campgrounds, surrounding a fire pit which Rudolph couldn’t believe they’d ever need. The bison took off, leaving the reindeer to his thoughts, which only made things worse for poor Rudolph. He tried thinking of any way he could at least make a difference, but he would just be an unnecessary addition to Santa’s team. Plus, to make matters worse, he kept coming up with worse and worse ideas. It was like he was in the middle of writing some crappy crossover erotica that pandered to weird overweight—

“Here you go,” Little Strongheart said, dropping a bowl of mush. Rudolph couldn’t have been happier to get his mind out of those thoughts. They were getting pretty weird. Happily, he dove his face into the bowl and began licking the bowl dry. “Wow. You must be pretty hungry!”

“I guess food just helps me take my mind off of things. Plus I had to fly pretty far to get here.”

“Fly? Oh! I forgot! Reindeer can fly, can’t they? How does that work, exactly?”

“Christmas spirit!” Little Strongheart cocked her eyebrow. “You know! Carols and family and fruit cake!”

“And that helps you… fly?”

Rudolph took one more gulp of the creamy meal that was given to him before giving Little Strongheart a Christmas smile. “Yup. By the way, do you have some shade anywhere around? It’s really hot outside.”

“O-OH! Sure! Come with me!” The young buffalo then led the reindeer to her teepee, getting him out of the scorching sun for just a moment. “Make yourself at home.”

“I remember this place,” Rudolph said, admiring the scenery. “Santa gave you a melting pot last year, didn’t he?”

“Wow! I can’t believe you remembered that!” Suddenly, Little Strongheart got really close to Rudolph and started batting her eyelashes. “Any idea what he’s getting me for Christmas this year?”

Rudolph shrugged. “Sorry. I’ve sworn myself to secrecy to Santa and the elves. I can’t even say if you’re on the naughty or nice list.”

Little Strongheart couldn’t help but giggle. “Me? On the naughty list?”

“You’d be surprised. Some kids swear that they make the nice list, but—”

“But I’m no kid,” Little Strongheart said, getting a little too close to Rudolph. “I’m all grown up. Isn’t there anything I could do to find out what I’m getting this year? Maybe you could just tell me what’s going in my stocking.”

The buffalo was practically dancing her muzzle around Rudolph’s, getting so close to their lips touching, but just barely missing. Still, Rudolph could feel the soft breath of Little Strongheart against him. That sensation was something that none of the girl reindeer had given him, yet something he had always dreamt about. Without even realizing it, his shaft began to grow out of his sheath.

“Mmmm, I think we’d better switch conversations before we’re both put on the naughty list,” Rudolph said.

“But you work for Santa,” Little Strongheart said, beginning to whisper into his ear. “I’m sure you could sneak my present into his goody bag. I’ll make sure I make it worth your while.” Out of nowhere, though, the buffalo gasped. Looking down, she could see Rudolph’s lengthening penis, already stretching practically halfway past his chest.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“You… seem to have an idea of how I can find out what’s going under my tree.”

Looking down, Rudolph finally saw just how long his shaft had grown. “Oh! I’m so sorry! I just—”

“You know, even though most of the buffalo in my tribe are men, I’ve never seen one of those before…”

The two fell silent as Little Strongheart looked on, her mouth dropping and her breathing getting heavier. “Well,” Rudolph said, breaking the silence, “you can look for as long as you want.”

“It’s so big.”

“And that’s not even at full length,” Rudolph said, chuckling.

“I wanna see it as big as it can get.” Just the sound of her voice in that soft, tender tone was making his shaft stretch farther than he was used to. “Rudolph, I don’t need to know what’s going under my tree this year.”

“You don’t?”

Little Strongheart shook her head and bit her lower lip. “I just want that between my knees. OH—Did I just say that out loud? I can’t believe I just—”

Rudolph suddenly kissed her, stopping her words, worries and thoughts completely. Letting their lips slowly come apart for a second, Rudolph asked, “Better?”

The buffalo nodded her head, ready to go back to contact. “Better.” She then wrapped her hooves around Rudolph, knocking him onto his back and tumbling into the ground. As the two continued to kiss, Little Strongheart moved her pelvis against Rudolph’s, making his shaft grow stiffer against the bison’s stomach. She moved herself up and down, creating a friction before she had even really got started.

The buffalo then let go, moving her mouth down to Rudolph’s penis and putting the tip into her mouth. His shaft was about two feet long, so she couldn’t even begin fitting it down her throat, but she still managed to get the whole width between her lips. Rudolph exhaled a breath, letting his hips naturally push his crotch further into Little Strongheart’s mouth. Soon, the entire front tip of the reindeer’s penis was covered in her spit.

Little Strongheart then moved down up shaft, gently grazing her teeth against the soft sides of his dick until she arrived at a patch of fur below . “Mmmm,” Rudolph moaned. “Play with my jingle balls.” The buffalo closed her eyes and began running her tongue up the crevice between Rudolph’s balls, stopping only to wrap her mouth around one, putting it in and sucking it. “Holy night, you’re good.”

The young buffalo then took her mouth off of the horny reindeer’s testicles and brought it back up to his mouth. The two navigated each other’s mouths with their lips while caressing their tongues against the other’s. Any of the meal that Rudolph had early was now being sucked off into Little Strongheart’s mouth.

Smiling slyly, however, Rudolph then got underneath the buffalo, lifted his head up and began licking, searching anxiously for Little Strongheart’s clit. Instead, however, he found himself pushing his tongue up the buffalo’s orifice, getting the first experience of how Little Strongheart tasted when she was aroused.

“Ohhhh Rudolph!”

“You like how that feels?”

“Oh yes, baby. Keep going.”

Smirking, Rudolph took his mouth off of the buffalo’s vagina. Little Strongheart looked down, taken off guard and panicked that she might have accidentally said something that killed the mood. Too her surprise, however, she was suddenly bending forward, grasping onto a new tool being used to make her horny. Rudolph was now using the tip of his antler to graze in between the buffalo’s labia. He continued to grow bigger as he looked at her folds coming apart, the pink inner layers becoming more and more visible. Trying to find something to do herself, she put her mouth on top of Rudolph’s dick, which had grown so large that she hardly had to move her face to reach it. As Rudolph moved his antler deeper into the buffalo’s vagina, Little Strongheart wrapped her mouth around tighter. She didn’t just move her mouth around his cock, she was really sucking him, trying to get as much of his precum down her throat as she could.

“Ohhhh that’s right. Suck me till I cum down your throat.”

“Mmmm I want you to finish all over me.”

The reindeer then got back up to his feet and walked behind Little Strongheart. Grabbing her by the flanks, he said, “Then I guess we’d better get started.”

Suddenly, his penis was pushing against the tight inner walls of Little Strongheart. Her opening was so small, especially in comparison to how wide Rudolph’s penis stretched her. His bare skin was skidding through the bison’s, letting her anatomy clamp down as Rudolph humped her. Little Strongheart pumped her backside back, moving out with the reindeer so they could really collide when Rudolph went back inside.

The bison’s heart was thumping so hard that breathing was already difficult, but as Rudolph smacked against her on every offbeat, breathing became next to impossible. Just before she was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, she gasped in a breath before moaning it all out. Her tone was erratic and shaky as each collision made a momentary hiccup in her high-pitched voice. She could tell how much the reindeer loved it, though. His thrusting grew into a crescendo of pace and power, shaking the whole bison’s body forward and making her attempts at gasping for breath even more difficult.

Then, slowly, Little Strongheart tried moving her backside up and down, helping Rudolph get as deep as he could. He could already begin to feel jolts of pleasure move down his crotch, just like when he originally went inside her. The reindeer pushed faster, almost as if he were begging to feel that jolt of sensation between his legs. Little Strongheart, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of it. It was like a nonstop pleasure that was just growing by the second, making her wetter and tighter than she knew how to handle. She felt like any second now, she’d be overcome with an orgasm that would plateau her excitement, but more and more, it continued to build up in the center of her uterus.

The sensations were driving Little Strongheart crazy far more than Rudolph. For the reindeer, the main goal was to reach that end where he would reach that momentous climax, but for Little Strongheart, the buildup leading into the climax was far more exhilarating than any orgasm she could have felt. Her nerve endings were sending her so many messages that she could only spread her legs and scream. She, unlike Rudolph, wasn’t feeling sensations in jolts. She was feeling a nonstop pinch inside her that she was trying to let go, yet she somehow wanted it to pinch even harder.

“Oh, Rudolph! I’m so horny!”

“Mmm. I’m gonna bring so much joy to your world.”

“Ohhhh make a winter wonderland inside me.”

Now, speedily humping her as hard as he could, Little Strongheart began to feel her first orgasm. Her legs were shaking as her sense of direction and thought were twisted in a way that just barely let her know two things: keep going and scream. Her inner walls poured cum all over Rudolph’s dick, giving him enough friction and lube to put him just deep enough to finally let out his own cum. His penis shot strand after strand, going up her cervix and around his still pulsing shaft. Rudolph’s penis then slowly began to slip out from between Little Strongheart’s lower lips.

Breathing deep, Little Strongheart panted, “Ohhhh that was amazing.”

“Yeah, I feel so good I could… could…”

Then, out of nowhere, Rudolph’s nose lit up.

“My… my nose… My nose! Little Strongheart! Look! My nose is glowing again!”

“Just a sec, Rudolph. Ohhhhh it’s soo gooood. Mmmm.” Little Strongheart’s orifice was still sending aftershocks throughout her body, and every orifice was clenching.

“I gotta go tell the others! Thanks so much, Little Strongheart! I’ll make sure Santa doesn’t put you on the naughty list!” He then closed his eyes, gently kissed the buffalo on the mouth and ran out of the tent. “Woooohoooooo! Santa, here I come! Christmas is here!”

***

“And you just let him go?” Dasher asked frantically. “Dang it, Comet! He’s probably gonna get eaten by a shark or something.”

“Does that mean I get all his stuff if he dies?” Cupid asked.

“Mother effing Cupid!”

SLAM! The reindeer all looked toward the doorway to see a familiar figure standing triumphantly, nose glowing brightly.

“R-Rudolph?” Comet said quizzically. “How did you… when did you… Your nose!”

“I know!” Rudolph said, running in. “Thank you so much for the advice! It turns out all I had to do was have sexual intercourse with a buffalo! Now I can help Santa!”

As if on cue, a large man with a red suit a large belly walked in with a smile on his face. “Rudolph! Where have you been?”

“I was out having sex with a buffalo!”

“Really?” Leaning down and making sure the other reindeer couldn’t hear, he quietly whispered, “So how was it? To be honest, Mrs. Clause has been as loose as a hall decked with bounds of holly. You think you might wanna give me a recommendation?”

“Don’t worry, Santa! I know just the one!”

***

The next day…

“Little Strongheart! Wake the f**k up! IT’S CHRISTMAS, B***H!”

Groggily opening up her eyes, the small buffalo woke from her slumber and saw Golden Bird unwrapping his presents. “W-what? Christmas? OH! Christmas!”

Little Strongheart suddenly rushed over to the Christmas tree to see what Santa had given her. Hanging from the tree, however, was a stocking that she hadn’t put up. Curiously, she grabbed the stocking and pulled out the letter she found inside. It was a note that read:

“Dear Little Strongheart,
Thank you so much for helping Rudolph! If it weren’t for you, there would have been so many boys and girls that wouldn’t have gotten their toys this year. You will always be a true, true friend to Mrs. Clause and I.
P.S., a friend of mine recommended I give you a call sometime. I hope you wouldn’t mind.”

Little Strongheart then reached deeper into her stocking and pulled out a pack of condoms with a number written on the front.

“What?”

“Baaaahahahaha! Santa’s yo sugar daddy now, b**h!”

Then, digging deeper into the stocking, she found another, much smaller note.

“I’ve gotta make this quick, but here’s my number, if you ever want some action with someone closer to your species. By the way, Santa has no dick. I love you.”

Flipping over the note, she saw a name quickly scribbled on the side. Little Strongheart then angrily crumpled the note and threw it aside.

“Mother effing Cupid!”