Ponify all the Stories!

by A Wise Pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Nightmare Moon, Big Macintosh, Random
Length: 2490

Scenes from TV shows, films, books, etc. ponified

Ever watch a TV show and think "Wow, this would work with ponies?" Ever read a book and hear a character speaking in your favorite pony's voice? Ever...well, you get the idea. And my mad mind has been hashing together bits and pieces of MLP with about every other fiction I've encountered over the past 3 months. Now, from my brain to these pages.

Standard Boilerplate: All Characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
All other inspirations and associated characters (if used) © their respective owners.
No infringement intended, no monetary gains made from these stories.

Published 2012-03-14 18:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-14 18:04:02 UTC

Luna: Not a Very Nice Mare (Sherlock, A Study In Pink)

SPOILER WARNING: This scene contains reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS!
Sherlock © the BBC
Luna, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Celestia and Generic Guard Unicorn © Hasbro. Derpy © the fandom.

A police pony draped a blanket over Luna's back for the 3rd time in as many minutes. She frowned at it, but didn't bother removing it this time; they'd just put it back on her again.
Inspector Rainbow ducked under the police line as she trotted over. "Why do I have this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me," Luna complained to the pegasus.

"Yeah, it's for shock," Rainbow answered.

"I'm not in shock!"

"Yeah, well some of the gals want to take pictures," Rainbow said with a grin.

Luna's frown deepened and she turned away and changed the topic."So the shooter, no sign?"

"Cleared off before we got here," Rainbow admitted. "But a pony like that would have had enemies, I guess. One of them could have been following her, but…" she sighed. "Got nothing to go on."

Luna looked back at Rainbow and shook her head in disapproval. "Oh, I wouldn't say that."

"Okay," Rainbow said, leaning against the emergency wagon. "Gimme."

"The bullet they just dug out of the wall's from a hoofgun," Luna said, switching to lecture mode. "Kill shot over that distance from that kind of a weapon, that's a crack-shot you're looking for, but not just a marksman, a fighter. Her hoof couldn't have shaken at all, so clearly she's acclimatized to violence. She didn't fire 'til I was in immediate danger though, so strong moral principle." She glanced towards the police carts, searching the crowd. "You're looking for a mare probably with a history of military service and-" she paused slightly as she noticed a familiar pony standing beyond the police line. "-nerves of steel…" She trailed off; the other pony looked right at her, and then suddenly glanced away. Rainbow followed Luna's gaze. Abruptly, the detective pony stiffened. "Actually, you know what, ignore me."

"Sorry?" The pegasus blinked. Was Luna actually saying she was wrong?

"Ignore all of that, it's just the, uh, the shock, talking." Luna started to walk away.

"Where're you going?" the police pony demanded in surprise.

"I just need to talk about the…the rent." Luna kept walking.

"Yeah, well I've still got questions-"

"Not now! I'm in shock, look I've got a blanket!" Luna held up a corner of the fabric for emphasis.

"Luna-"

"And I've just caught you a serial killer, more or less."

Rainbow thought about it for a second, then nodded slowly. "Okay, we'll bring you in tomorrow. Go on." She smiled as Luna trotted off. As if she couldn't tell where that line of thought had been going.

***

Luna balled up the blanket and telekinetically tossed it into one of the carts as she ducked under the police line.
"Uhm," Twilight began, clearing her throat, "Sergeant Derpy's been explaining…everything. Two pills? Really awful business, isn't it?" Her eyes kept darting up and to the side as she talked. "Awful."

Luna gave a little smile. "Good shot," she complimented.

Twilight blinked, jaw open in surprise. "Yes, yes, must've been. Through that window."

"Well you'd know," Luna said. Twilight's eyes stopped trying to hide as she accepted that she'd been caught. "Need to get the powder burns off your hooves. I don't think you'd serve time, but let's avoid the court case." The unicorn cleared her throat awkwardly. "Are you alright?" Luna asked.

"Yes, course I'm alright."

"Well, you have just killed a mare."

"Yes, I…" Twilight nodded. "It's true…" A macabre smile spread across her face. "But she wasn't a very nice mare."

"No," Luna agreed. "No, she wasn't really, was she."

"No, and a really awful cabby." The two laughed.

"That's true," Luna continued. "She was a bad cabby. You should've seen the route she took us to get here."

Twilight tried to stifle a louder laugh. "Stop it, we can't giggle, it's a crime scene. Stop it."

"You're the one who shot her, not me." A blond grey police pegasus eyed them suspiciously through askew eyes.

"Keep your voice down!" Twilight insisted. "Sorry," she told the sergeant. "It's just, um, nerves."

"Sorry," Luna repeated. They were quiet for a moment as the pegasus walked away.

"You were gonna take that pill, weren't you," Twilight asked.

"Of course I wasn't," Luna said. "Biding my time. I knew you'd turn up."

"No you didn't. It's how you get your kicks, isn't it? You risk your life to prove you're clever."

"Why would I do that?"

"'Cause you're an idiot."

The alicorn smiled at that. "Dinner?"

"Starving." They started walking again.

"End of Baker St., there's a good Chineighse, stays open 'til two," Luna suggested. "You can always tell a goodChineighse by the bottom of the door-"

Twilight saw an all to familiar figure step from a carriage along their path. "Luna, that's her. That's the mare I was talking to you about."

"I know exactly who that is." Luna slowed as the stallion approached.

"So, another case cracked," the white alicorn said. "How very public spirited. But that's never really your motivation, is it?"

"What are you doing here?" Luna asked in annoyance.

"As ever, I'm concerned about you."

"Yes, I've been hearing about your concern," Luna hissed

"Always so aggressive! It never occurred to you that you and I belong on the same side?"

"Oddly enough, no."

"We have more in common than you like to believe. This petty feud between us is simply childish. People will suffer. And you know how it always upset Mummy."

Twilight blinked as Luna balked at the jibe. "I upset her? Me? It wasn't me that upset her, Celestia."

"No, wait, Mummy? Who's Mummy?" The was unicorn was thoroughly confused now.

"Mother, our mother," Luna explained. "This is my sister, Celestia." She glared at her sibling. "Putting on weight again?"

Celestia gave a wan smile at the jab. "Losing it, in fact."

Twilight was still trying to process the information. "She's your sister?"

"Of course she's my sister," Luna said in exasperation.

"So she's not-"

"Not what?"

"I dunno. Criminal mastermind?"

Luna thought about it for a second. "Close enough."

"Oh, for goodness sake. I occupy a minor position in the Equestrian government," Celestia protested.

"She is the Equestrian government," Luna shot back. "When she's not too busy being the Royal Guard and the Seapony Intelligence Agency on a freelance basis. Good evening, Celestia. Try not to start a war before I get home, you know what it does to the traffic." She turned on her hoof and walked away. Twilight remained behind for a moment.

"So, when you say you're concerned about her, you actually are concerned?"

"Yes, of course."

"I mean it actually is a childish feud?"

"She's always been so resentful. You can imagine the Hearth's Warming Dinners."

"Yeah…No, God no. I better, um…hello again." The guard who had exited the carriage was familiar.

"Hello." He barely looked up from the scroll he was writing on.

"Y-yeah, we met, earlier this evening," Twilight pressed.

"Oh!" No recognition entered the stallion's eyes.

"Okay. Goodnight." The unicorn started to follow Luna.

"Goodnight, Doctor Sparkle," Celestia said politely.

Twilight caught up with Luna. "So, dim sum."

"Mmm. I can always predict the fortune cookies."

"No you can't."

"Almost can. You did get shot, though."

"Pardon?" Twilight blinked. She'd shot somepony, not the other way around.

"In Alpacastan. There was an actual wound."

"Oh! Yeah, shoulder."

"Shoulder! I thought so."

"No you didn't."

"The left one."

"Lucky guess."

"I never guess."

"Yeah you do." noticed Luna smiling. "What're you so happy about?"

"Mareiarty." Luna grinned even wider as she said the name.

"What's Mareiarty?"

"I've absolutely no idea." The two continued towards the restaurant. Celestia watched them go with a thoughtful expression

"Ma'am, should we go?" the guard asked.

The white alicorn ignored the question. "Interesting, that soldier filly. She could be the making of my sister, or make her worse than ever. Either way, we'd better upgrade their surveillance status. Grade 3, active."

The guard's horn glowed as he jotted notes on his scroll. "Sorry Ma'am, whose status?"

Celestia nodded after the two retreating ponies. "Princess Luna, and Doctor Sparkle."
***
Author's Note: Yes, this scene was Twilight as Sherlock, etc, until recently. However, since I've included that version here, I've decided to revert this one to the original idea I had, which was Luna as Sherlock, etc. I realized when I tried to extend those character equivalents over the whole run of the series that it didn't mesh, with alicorns being insanely powerful. Still, don't want to double post, so here's the start of my foray into ponification.

Battlestar Celestia, Hurricane: A Prelude to War (Battlestar Galactica: Pegasus)

SPOILER WARNING: This scene contains heavy reference to the NBC Universal Series Battlestar Galactica episode Pegasus. Season 2. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS!
Battlestar Galactica and all associated characters and ships © Universal Pictures
The characters of Spitfire, Silverstar, Twist, Big Macintosh, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Gilda, Nightmare Moon, Cheerilee, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo © Hasbro. All canon familial relations between characters are suspended for this story unless explicitly stated otherwise

The Blue Team raptor jetted away from Hurricane towards the jump point. Captain Silverstar input a series of calculations, then passed the results to his co-pilot. “Check me on these jump coordinates.”

Spitfire hesitated in distraction, then blinked. “Sorry.” She ran through the calculations herself. “Jump coordinates verified.”

“Seem a little distracted, Captain,” Silverstar said. “Something I should know about?”

“Two of my friends just got arrested and charged with treason,” Spitfire said bitterly.

“I suggest you file that under 'not your problem,'” the older officer cautioned. “We have a recon mission to perform, I need your head in the game.”

“Right,” Spitfire said with a sigh.

Silver Star snapped on the comm. “Hurricane, Blue Team. Jump coordinates set and verified, ready to FTL, we will jump in ten minutes on my mark.” He started the countdown. “Mark.”

***

"Any word on the chief, sir?" Twist asked. Macintosh glanced at the deckhoof. She was worried, and rightly so.

He didn't bother sugar coating; they all knew what would happen if the Chief was found guilty. "She's gonna have to stand trial."

"She's a good mare, sir," Twist said.

"I know," the Commander answered.

The all call interrupted their conversation. Lieutenant Sparkle's voice rang out over the speakers: "Attention Celestia, pass this alert to Commander Macintosh, contact the CIC ASAP."

The Commander picked up the nearest phone. "Macintosh."

Colonel Pie answered. "I just talked to Gilda. Court martial's over."

Macintosh blinked in surprise "Over?" It hadn't even been a day! *When did it start?" he demanded.

"I don't know," Pie said. "But they've been found guilty on all counts. She's gonna execute them both for murder and treason."

Macintosh exhaled, made his decision. "I want a Marine strike team in a Raptor in five minutes. Prepare to launch alert fighters." He hung up, and turned to Twist. "You have work to do."

"Yessir." The technician headed for the hangar bay. Macintosh trotted towards CIC, the anger in his heart barely visible on his face.

***

The comm line to Hurricane came to life; the other battlestar's comm officer spoke urgently. "Hurricane, Celestia, please secure a channel. Commander Macintosh would like to speak to Admiral Moon." The admiral picked up the phone as on Celestia, the comm officer assured his own commander the line was secure. “Go ahead, sir.”

Macintosh tried to keep his voice even, but the sharpness of his tone belied his mood. "You told me they'd get a fair trial. What kind of a trial could they have possibly had?"

"I assure you I heard them out," Moon answered calmly. "I weighed their statements against those of the guards and I took into consideration their service records and commendations. It was a difficult decision, Commander, but I dare say it was a fair one." That should have been the end of the conversation, as far as the Admiral was concerned. Macintosh had other thoughts.

"They have the right to have their case heard by a jury," he insisted.

"I am a flag officer, on detached service during a time of war," Moon responded. Apparently the months spent babysitting a civilian herd, answering to a school teacher had caused her subordinate to forget the situation they were in. "Regulations give me broad authority in this matter."

Macintosh covered the phone with one hoof. "Launch the fighters." As his crew carried out his order, he returned to the conversation. "You can quote me whatever regulation you'd like. I'm not gonna let you execute my mares."

"I highly suggest you reconsider that statement, Commander," Moon warned.

On Hurricane, the DRADIS screen flashed with new signatures. "Admiral," Gilda reported, "Celestia's launching Vipers and a Raptor."

"Commander," Moon asked, ice in her tone, "Why are you launching Vipers?

"Please arrange, for Chief Apple Bloom and Lieutenant Scootaloo to be handed over to my Marines as soon as they arrive," Macintosh answered calmly.

"I don't take orders from you," the Admiral spat.

"Call it whatever you'd like. I'm getting my mares."

"You are making such a mistake,” Moon warned.

The commander's tone was grave as he enunciated each word. "I'm getting my mares." He slammed the phone down as he hung up.

***

Moon held onto the dead line for a moment before returning the phone to it's cradle. She closed her eyes for a moment before giving the order. "Action stations."

"Action stations." The alarm sprang to life as the crew passed on the order to the ship. "Action stations."

"Admiral," Gilda warned, "This will spiral out of control fast-"

Moon cut off her XO. "Launch the alert Vipers." The momentary hesitation pressed her to explain. "Macintosh has taken us over the line. He's left me with no choice, launch the alert Vipers.”

***

The Hurricane ran out her broadside cannons, preparing for battle. The space around her was suddenly alive with Vipers, rolling into formation and heading towards the incoming ships from Celestia. In the CICs of both ships, there was a grim silence; they were heading towards what would be the first pony against pony military action in over fifty years, and whatever happened here, it would destroy any semblance of order in the herd.

___
Author's Note: The idea of a pony/military series substitution was inspired by Niban Destikim's Dog Green Zone series on Deviantart. (http://niban-destikim.deviantart.com/art/The-Dog-Green-Sector-255239330?q=gallery%3Aniban-destikim%2F30612155&qo=46)
It took a lot of consideration for character equivalents, and I'm not entirely sure of some of them; if extended across the series, some might fall apart. If you have other thoughts on who should be who, I'd love to hear them.