Royal Guards of Canterlot

by Midnight Templar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe
Length: 3826

A retelling of FiM's pilot episode, featuring a stout Twilight Sparkle and an over cynical Spike.

A retelling of FiM's pilot episode, featuring a stout Twilight Sparkle and an over cynical Spike.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-27 10:07:22 UTC

Storming Along

Canterlot

To protect and serve

In the center of Equestria lies Canterlot, the country's heart and soul. With Celestia's guidance, she made Equestria into a land of milk and honey. Of course, like all things made of milk and honey, someone else wants to take it all for himself. So that's why Equestria trained an army to fend off would-be invaders; and one unicorn will take up arms as well.

Our tale begins in Canterlot Castle in one beautiful morning with a young dragon trying to wake the said unicorn up.

"Hey Twilight!" he harshly whispered on her ear. He continuously nudged her before giving her a loud, resounding slap on the face.

"Oh, Spike!" she yawned, unfazed by the slap. "What's today?"

"Seriously, you don't know? Today's your priesthood!"

She quickly rose up. "Oh my, I almost forgot! We have to go, Spike!" She levitated the dragon to her back and ran to the royal hall where Celestia and all the palace guards, priests, and magi are all present for her initiation.

"Twilight!" Shining Armor greeted.

"Brother!" she greeted back. "Looks like I'll be in the royal army!"

"And you well deserve it." and he gave out a smile. Twilight smiled back and approached Celestia with anticipation.

"Good job, my child. All these years of preaching paid off." she warmly praised. She levitated a silver sword and gave her knightly vows.

"I know hereby announce you as a holy warrior of Equestria!" She handed her the silver sword. "This holy blade is now yours." Celestia also gave her a chest. "This chest contains your proper clothing to be a priest." Twilight accepted it with gusto as everyone stomped their hooves.

"Okay everyone, back to your duties!" Celestia shouted and everyone hurriedly left in droves, ending the initiation that lasted for some ten-to-fifteen minutes.

"That was the worst initiation I've ever seen." Spike jeered as Twilight started squeeing, completely ignoring his shallow remark.

"You wasted your childhood for this?"

"My brother wanted to be a knight and I wanted to be a priest, so zip it." she snapped and bolted to their room. Opening the chest, it has, like the lawful queen said, priestly clothes, a scabbard for her sword, an ankh, and a mace. Twilight immediately donned her clerical garb and stared at the mirror of her vanity. She looks more like a member of a marching band than an actual priest with that shako strapped on.

Spike snickered. "You look--"

"Amazing!" she interrupted.

"Yeah. You look good in green and white. So, what are you gonna do now?"

Suddenly, someone knocked on her door.

"Priestess, time for your first assignment." a palace guard said behind the door. The two walked out the door and was herded outside with a chariot ready with her brother standing next to it.

"Brother, you're coming with me?" she asked and he gave a single nod.

"We'll be going to Stormalong in Northern Equestria. This a perfect opportunity to show you the ropes."

"We're going to fight already?"

Again, he nodded to her and the three flew off to Northern Equestria. They traveled north, past the Crystal Mountains, past barren grasslands, and found themselves in the Kitty Hawk Mountains, the borders between Ib'xian and the Gryphon Kingdoms. After passing the mountain range, they arrived in Northern Equestria, the forgotten fifth country of Deondia.

What used to be continuous to Equestria, it is the smallest of the five and is often overshadowed and ignored by Camelu, Ib'xian, the Gryphon Kingdoms, and even Equestria herself. They soon reached Stormalong, a bustling port town and the trio got off the chariot. The strong gale gave the pegasi somewhat of a challenge to lift off, but in the end, they safely flied away into the horizon without even hurling out a comment nor remark.

"Brother! The winds here are strong!" Twilight shouted.

"You'll get used to it." he answered, unfazed, and they entered inside a nearby bar where they encountered three pirates stirring up a ruckus.

"Captain. Drink too much rum and you'll get drunk again." the blue unicorn said.

"Aye, lad--" The captain hiccuped. "--my coffers will be empty again."

"Typical drunkard." the dog sneered as he suddenly noticed Twilight.

"What's a fine lass like you doing out here?" he asked.

"It's been a while, Captain Finder." Shining Armor abruptly greeted, pushing Twilight back.

"If it isn't Shining Armor!" the gryphon greeted back before bellowing out another hiccup.

"It's nice to see you again." Shining continued.

"Is this the assignment you're talking about?" she whispered to his brother's ear and he nodded firmly.

"What are you doing here?" Finder asked.

"I'm just showing my sister how to fight. You see, she just recently turned into a priest and I would like her to know about, you know, combat smarts."

"Oh? Then so be it. Beat me and my crew and she will pass." and with some tipped bottles and a fallen table made by the drunkard himself, the three left the bar.

"Is this what Celestia ordered?" Twilight asked.

"No. Celestia wanted you to go to Ponyville and be its guardian. I just wanted you to test your skills before your leave."

"You know you're getting chastised for this." Spike butted in.

"Spike!" Twilight shot back and they went outside, meeting the blue unicorn.

"Hey there. Just so you know. If any of you three manage to talk to our captain at the docks, you win. Oh, and also, we're not holding back. So be careful." he said, giving out a prolonged bow before hastening to his crew.

"We're outnumbered!" Twilight shrieked.

"Relax." Shining reassured. "They mostly wield axes, and your sword is strong against axes. I wield a spear, but I can handle it."

"Yeah, I learned about the triangle by reading about it, brother."

"Just refreshing your mind." he sheepishly grinned, and their skirmish begins. Spike stepped back from the battlefield as he watched the siblings fight their way to the drunken Finder, as he was too weak to fight directly.

Following the weapon triangle, she managed to strike a pirate with her silver sword. The pirate counter-attacked with his axe but she easily dodged the chop. She striked again and the pirate collapsed; but not dead. Meanwhile, Shining encountered the dog with a steel axe on hand. The unicorn raised his spear and they dueled. The pirate got a few blows but Shining's armor mostly absorbed them. He then swiped the pirate with his spear, leaving a flesh wound on his torso and swiped again, knocking him down and lowered the spear to his chest, signaling his defeat.

"You're not going to kill me?"

"There's more to war than killing." He extended his right hoof to him, which the pirate grabbed.

Twilight inched her way forward as she fought the onslaught of pirates. She occasionally got hit a few times, but they were nothing too serious; just some cuts and bruises, and she continued on fighting, eventually meeting the unicorn.

"Hello there." he greeted. "Sorry there, but you're going to have to get past me."

"Fine by me." and she raised her sword, imitating what her brother did, but the pirate was wiser than her and simply threw his axe towards her that grazed through her neck, making her flinch. As she dropped the blood-soaked longsword, the pirate then tackled her to the ground as he quickly recovers his axe within his magical grasp. He was about to cleave her in half with it, but the unicorn was violently thrown away to a barrel-filled alleyway with a burst of her levitation. With her brush at death, she immediately bolted towards the docks and met Finder, ending this dangerous battle before she gets seriously wounded, or worse, getting killed.

"Looks like we won." she panted triumphantly as she gripped her bleeding neck, giving out a painful moan.

"Gya ha ha!" he heartily laughed. "But not in combat ye don't! Well, I'm a man of my word. Lads, the battle's over!"

After the battle, Twilight healed her neck along with the wounded with a levitated ankh and several prayers.

"Looks like you're not too fond with killing." the unicorn said as the concussion on his forehead healed.

"There's more to war than killing. That's what my brother always say."

After mingling and befriending the pirates, the cloudy afternoon turned beautiful sunset and the three were about to leave Stormalong.

"'Till we meet again." A sober Finder said. "And sorry for my rudeness back there." he apologized to Twilight.

"It's okay. You we're drunk." she chuckled before giving out a smile. Shining Armor's horn then glowed and they teleported to Ponyville with a bright, white flash.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Twilight

Ponyville

A jossed canon

Upon reaching Ponyville, Twilight parted ways with her brother.

"Looks like we better find that house while there's still sunlight left." she said.

"Well according to this scroll your brother gave me, it's an old library named Golden Oak Library."

"Fair enough." and they soon found the library. They went inside and Twilight looked around.

"Not too shabby. Has some books here and there, and even has a pre-made bed. Pretty strange."

"Pretty strange indeed." said Spike. "We'll get to know the ins-and-outs of this place in the morning." and they slept. The next day, Twilight woke up, donned her garb, and went downstairs as someone suddenly knocked on her door. Opening the door, she sees a pink mare.

"Hi there and welcome to Ponyville!" the mare shouted with confetti surrounding her.

It's a local.

"Hello there, local." she greeted.

"Local? Just local? Your tone is so boring!"

"Then how can you make me less boring?"

"By throwing a party!"

"Right now?"

"If you want to!"

"But isn't the Summer Sun Festival happening tonight? Why not you mix your party with the festival. Two parties in one."

"You know what? That's pretty a pretty good idea! Well see ya later, my liege." she jokingly bowed.

"Yeah, whatever." and she slammed the door shut.

"Who was it, Twilight?" Spike asked, walking downstairs, rubbing his eyes.

"A local. A Ponyvillian."

"Ponyvillian? Whatever. So, what are we going to do now for the rest of our lives?" he asked.

"Why not get familiar with the locals first?"

"But let's have some breakfast first." he continued, and she agreed. After eating their fill, they went outside and breathed in the fresh air. Twilight exhaled and looked around Ponyville.

"No one wears clothes here." she said.

"Really. That's the first thing that pops up in your mind?"

"Well, no, but--" She gave out a sigh. "--Nevermind. Let's get acquainted with the locals."

And what better way to meet and greet is with the help of that eccentric pony. They asked the locals about the pony and one stallion answered, "Eeyup! She's Pinkie Pie."

"Where does she live?" Twilight asked.

"In Sugarcube Corner. It's a bakery."

"Thank you." Twilight bowed and she galloped to Sugarcube Corner. Inside, they're both greeted by the same eccentric voice.

"It's you again!" the pony greeted.

"Hello, Pinkie Pie." Twilight greeted back.

"How do you know my name? Are you psychic?"

"It is my duty as a guardian to know everyone's name." she bluffed.

"Well good for you! Looks like you don't need the party after all!"

"Well, see you in the festival then, Pinkie Pie." said Twilight.

"But are you going to buy something?" Her voice gradually muffled out as they walked outside.

"Well that just defeats the purpose for going in there." said Spike.

"Whatever, Spike."

Suddenly, Pinkie bolted through the door screaming, "Wait!"

Startled, Twilight asked her, "What is it?"

"Why not I join you for now?"

"Can you pick up a sword?" Twilight quickly asked.

"Nope." she bluntly answered.

"Can you use magic?"

"That's a silly question! I'm not a unicorn like you!"

"Can you follow orders?"

"Of course!"

"Well here's my order: Set up a party at my place!"

"But you said to set it up at night!" Pinkie slightly raised her voice.

"Then make another party! Three parties in total!" Twilight yelled.

"Whoa, three parties in one day? That's a world record!" she yelled back.

"Don't make fun of me!" she recoiled.

"Okay, okay, bub!" She returned to her normal tone. "See you in an hour at your place!" and she skipped away with a spring in her step.

"She looks like a mouthful, and a handful." Spike snarked.

"Sure looks like it."

An hour has passed and they both returned to the library. Almost everyone in Ponyville attended the party.

"Okay, before we start this party, I just wanted for everyone to know that I am your guardian," Twilight shouted. "and if  there's any problem you can't handle, just ask me okay?"

The crowd murmured in agreement.

"Good." Twilight continued. "Now time for a roll call."

Twilight pointed her right hoof at a pegasus.

"You there, what's you name?"

"Rainbow Dash." the mare answered.

"Okay." She then pointed at a stallion. "What's your name?"

"The name's Time Turner."

"And you, the one with the disabled eye, what's your name?"

"The name's Derpy."

Spike cackled and Twilight kicked his stomach with both of her hind legs, making him crash to a towering bookshelf.

"Ooofff!" he grunted before the bookshelf collapsed on him.

After their roll call

"Okay so I know everyone here, party's over." Twilight said.

"But we didn't get to eat..." a mare complained.

"Then take the food and leave!" Twilight shouted and everyone left with some food on their backs.

"Well that takes care of that." said Twilight, triumphantly.

"So, what now?" Spike asked.

"What there is to do now? Why not we take a stroll until the Summer Sun Festival?" she answered.

"Why not? I like the smell of horse manure anyway."

As they strolled through the paved streets of Ponyville, someone cried, "Twilight! Twilight!"

"Trouble's afoot!" she yelled and they bolted towards the filly.

"What is it?" Twilight asked.

"My frisbee is stuck on a tree!" she wailed.

"Okay, I'll just levitate the frisbee to you." Her horn glowed violet and levitated the frisbee towards the filly.

"Yay!" She chomped on the frisbee. "Thanks, Twilight!" and she ran off.

"What I did is a good deed!" Twilight smiled and they continued their stroll.

"Until they take advantage of you." muttered Spike.

"Twilight!" Derpy shouted. "You gotta help me!"

"And so it begins." he murmured.

"What do you need?"

"Deliver these mail!"

"Anything for a disabled pony." and Derpy gave her mailbag to Twilight. Ponyville sure loves getting mail, as there is a mountain filled with them back at the post office, and hours later, she completed Derpy's request.

"Whew!" Twilight panted. "It wasn't easy, but I did it anyway." and they continued their stroll.

"Yo, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

"What is it, Rainbow Dash?"

"Clear the skies for me!"

"Really? Okay then..." and with her magic, she dissipated all the clouds surrounding Ponyville, wasting half-an-hour.

"Wow, not a cloud in the sky! Not too shabby!" Rainbow Dash praised.

"Your welcome, Rainbow Dash." Twilight said, smiling sourly, and they continued their stroll.

"Hey, Twilight, help me erect a fence here." a carpenter asked for her help.

"... O-okay then..." The question was too awkward for her to grasp, but nonetheless she brought her mace and pegged the fencing around the house even though the carpenter gave her a hammer. She had a blank stare throughout the entire labor.

"Thanks for the help!" he praised.

"You're welcome..." and they continued their stroll.

Twilight shaked her head out of the trance. "What's with everyone today?"

"Probably taking advantage of you."

"It looks like you're right, Spike."

"Twilight! Twilight!"

"Even you, Pinkie Pie?" she groaned.

"Yup! Just going with the flow!" Her tone then sharply rose. "Bake all these tarts!"

"Mow my lawn!" a mare ordered.

"Do my homework!" a colt ordered.

"Give me a sponge bath!" an old stallion ordered.

"What is E=mc2?" a stallion asked.

"What's a paladin?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Feed all the farm animals. Eeyup!" Big Macintosh ordered.

"That's it!" Twilight snapped. "They are completely abusing my abilities!"

"You said it. Besides, it's time for the Summer Sun Festival anyway."

"I bet I get to serve punch, or slice cake, or clean up after the party, or probably all three!" She complained all the way to the festival.

"Fillies and colts, as mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!" Mayor Mare boomed and everyone cheered.

"In just a few moments, our town will witness the magic of the sunrise, and celebrate this, the longest day of the year! And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria... Queen Celestia!

There is a fanfare followed by nothing. Celestia's nowhere to be found and everyone chattered quietly and nervously.

"Remain clam, everyone." the mayor reassured. "There must be a reasonable explanation!"

And suddenly, a black mist oozes out of a window and coalesces into a shadowy figure.

"It's Nightmare Moon!" Twilight gasped.

"Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious, little sun-loving faces." she snarled.

"What did you do with our Queen?!" one of the ponies shouted.

Nightmare Moon chuckled.

"Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?"

"Ooh, ooh, more guessing games!" Pinkie chimed in. "Um, Hokey Smokes! How about... Queen Meanie! No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty--" Rarity hushened her.

"Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?"

"I did." Twilight raised her hoof. "And I know who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon – Nightmare Moon!"

Everyone gasped.

"Well well well, someone who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here."

"You tell me!" Twilight shouted and Nightmare Moon started chuckling.

"I'm here to destroy the Elements of Harmony! The same ones that Celestia used to imprison me! Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!" She laughs again, thunder strikes, and she dissipated into the darkness outside.

"Elements of Harmony?" Twilight thought to herself.

"Twilight! As mayor of Ponyville, I order you to stop her evil plan!"

"Right!" she yelled, and she and Spike bolted outside.

"But what are the Elements of Harmony Nightmare Moon's talking about?" Spike asked.

"Let's go to the library!"

Inside, Twilight and Spike searched high and low until Twilight found a book titled, "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide." she said out loud.

She opened the book and read it.

"There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known: Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty. The sixth is a complete mystery. It is said, the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. It is located in what is now the Everfree Forest."

Taking the books advice, they set out to the Everfree Forest.

"Uh, Twilight, shouldn't we get some help?"

"Nonsense, Spike. I'm Ponyville's guardian. I have to do this myself."

"But not all the time."

"You're not confident with my martial abilities?"

"No, it's just that--" He sighed. "--nevermind."

The Everfree Forest has its share of spooks. One time, a group of explorers were skinned alive by a group of cannibals living in the darkness of the forest; even though it's just a myth, but these kinds of stories are scary enough to scare off most, if not, all of Equestria.

Like the stout mare she is, Twilight, and her cynical companion, Spike, throwing all common sense and sanity to the garbage bin, entered the Everfree Forest. Most of the mythos they heard until now were all fake, and they got proof: their very lives. But changing the subject aside, and encounters of the flippant creatures that bump in the Everfree Forest at night, they made it to the ruins of the castle. They then entered the mouth of the castle and continued heading down the hallway until they found a pedestal housing the Elements of Harmony.

"The runes that hold the Elements of Harmony." said Twilight. "If I can just collect them--"

"Twilight, behind you!" yelled Spike, but it was too late as a black aura tackled Twilight, pushing her away from the runes.

"Nightmare Moon!" Spike gasped.

She laughed evilly and Twilight rose up to her feet.

"What is so funny?" she asked and brought out her sword.

"You're kidding. You're kidding, right?

She said nothing as she attempted to slash Nightmare Moon with the silver sword, but she dodged Twilight's every swing.

"You can do better than that." she taunted with a smug face, and with a glow of a horn, Twilight violently crashed into a facade, leaving an indent. Nightmare Moon then approached the injured cleric. Twilight then looked up and gave Nightmare Moon a cocky grin.

"Why are you grinning?"

"I'm grinning because--"

"--We got balls!" Spike roared, grabbing the five runes. The five stones then sparked and fired in unison, forming a rainbow and enveloped Nightmare Moon. She screamed horrendously before turning into a small alicorn roughly the same size as Twilight and collapsed to the floor.

"What just happened?" Spike asked.

"It's the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight squeeked. "... And we used it?"

"Indeed you do." Celestia said, out of the blue.

"Queen Celestia!" Twilight gasped.

"You make a fine guard. Perhaps too fine to be in Ponyville."

"So you're saying that--?"

"Yes. You're coming back to the castle."

"Good, I hate Ponyville! The entire town took advantage of me!"

Celestia chuckled. "Indeed. But before we leave." She approached the collapsed mare.

"Luna, my dear sister. It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this. Time to put our differences behind us. We were meant to rule together. Will you accept my apology?"

Luna nuzzled Celestia.

"I'm so sorry! I missed you so much, big sister!"

"I've missed you, too. Let's all go back home."

"So about the Elements of Harmony." said Twilight. "How did we exactly-- "use" --them? With our friendship?"

"Please, my child. The Elements of Harmony are not for friendship. It's to repel chaos." and they teleported back to Canterlot Castle.

Of course, Princess Luna is still kept secret except for a handful. There was no pomp, no splendor, or even a slice of cake. The only thing Luna received is the comfort of her bedroom, a warm bath, and the hospitality of Celestia, Twilight, and the rest of the royal army.

So what's next for Twilight, Spike, and the rest of the army? Who knows? It might be something utterly chaotic...