Who am I?

by BittersweetSongbird

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure
Length: 3841

They killed me... Now I'm stuck here, between worlds....trapped, with nothing but memories.

In this land…if you are not willing to follow under the rules that the alicorns have laid out for you…you are harshly reformed, banished, or killed… And I was killed. My name is Riddle, that is the only knowledge that has kept me sane all these years. I am not allowed to pass into the other realm. I am stuck here between life and death, unable to drift to my eternal rest. They killed me. And now, as I search through my tens of thousands of years worth of memories, I remember why…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-27 03:12:00 UTC

Let me introduce myself

From high on my perch I watch the Sun Goddess's daughter rule over her kingdom, and I watch the Moon God's daughter fight for a place beside her. Celestia is the spitting image of her proud, dignified mother, and Luna the spitting image of her galliant father. With a tiredly amused grin I suppose the phrase 'the apple never falls far from the tree' applies here, as the same rules that were in place in my era are still around in this one: If you do not follow under the rules the alicorns have set for you, you are either reformed, banished, or killed.

Yet...I do not see such a blind ignorance that I saw in their parents. The sisters are...more open minded. They do not just see the dark. They see the light in ponies as well. I suppose that would come with age... After all, their parents only lived to the reign of Discord, which made them around five hundred years of age when they were killed, and the eldest here is 1,043. I have watch them succeed and struggle through all their time, listening and watching as my mind expands with no set limit.

The exact number of years I have sat and watched is uncountable, yet I assume it is somewhere around 5,000.

Why have I been able to observe this long, you ask? Well, the answer is simple. I'm dead. Their parents murdered me.

It has been so long that I have forgotten their names, but I could never forget their faces, as they always stare back at me when I watch their children. I still remember my own name, Riddle. My name is Riddle. That is the only peice of information that has kept me sane all these years. I used to hold such bitter resentment towards them, but now... Now I can only feel emptiness.

Being hollow hurts...it BURNS my core, sinking my spirits lower and lower... Yet I know that nothing will ever fill the hole that used to hold my heart, and I have come to accept it. Only until recently, since I started feeling this way, did I remember why they murdered me....

A Glimpse Into My Past.

The only other thing that death has not changed over these five thousand years is my colors. A thick, earthy green still colors my coat as it did so long ago, and a deep murky purple mane drapes over my shoulders.

I was a cheeky young filly, and my parents adored me, but they hated my annoying habit... I answered every single question someone asked me with a riddle. I would find some way to turn the answer into a question, and make the question nothing but hints to what the answer was. They put up with it well, even with it annoying them heavily.

In this time all ponies were nomads, without home as we constantly wandered in search of comfort and safety. Demon after demon spawned in this era, neither formed nor controlled by the Lunar Celestial himself...

My heart fluttered from the very moment I had caught glimpse of him one faithful night, falling head over heels for his beauty. He captured more of the night than even Luna could, and his skies were all the more wonderous because of it. He was a masterful artist, and he poured every ounce of his passion into the skies. This, and his daughter both share.

When looking at his mane you swore that if you reached out and touched it you would be greeted by silk, or perhaps even softer and smoother than even that, and this kiss of starlight on the palm of your hoof. His silver eyes gleamed in the dark, holding so much resilliancy and power, yet still kindness and compassion, like the moon itself made its home in his heart.

I could only be jealous of his spouse, the Solar Celestial, but as time passed I learned that they would never leave each other's sides. She stood tall and proud, her white reflecting sunlight into the eyes of any who looked upon her. Her mane looked like nothing but the blaze of her sun itself draped over her strong shoulders. Her eyes held such fury and power that you could very well go blind looking directly into them, yet if you stared just a moment longer you would've seen the mothering care they held as well.

The pair was worshiped highly, and thanked at each dawn and dusk for bringing the light and the rest. In honor of the night we would stay up until the moon was high in the sky, and in honor of the day we would celebrate for an hour each morn. If these traditions had lasted, Nightmare Moon would've never risen...

I digress.

In my early years, I avoided straying far from the safety of our small group of my mother, father, and a young couple. There was a couple who journeyed alongside us. The stallion, who's name I've also forgotten, would protect us from the shadows when they attacked. He was strong, for both his love, and us. It took a long time until I figured out why he would care, but eventually I realized that it was not thrill or praise he wanted, but to see me grow and flourish. To test himself to see if he was suitable to have a filly of his own some day. The mare in that couple gathered food with my mother. They kept us fed, and well cared for. The mare was also a healer. She'd stitch us up, kiss bruises, and sooth fevers, with such care that when being treated by the mare you felt as though she could've been your mother.

Each night the beass would creep from the trees of the Ever Free Forest to hunt us, terrorizing us in the dead of the night. To keep from being eaten in our sleep, we hid ourselves away when our eyelids started to feel like lead. "They're shadows..." I remember my mother telling me, "they will tear us to shreds if we don't take care." While other parents may have spared their children of such gruesome words, my mother and father did not hesitate to tell me the direct truth. They knew I would understand, and would heed their advice.

"They disappear when the sun rises," father added, "the sun's light hurts them."

~~

When we hid ourselves away each night, I'd stay up as long as I could, watching and studying the shadows that loomed over us each night. I had a sickly curiousity, but thankfully for me my parents never woke as I stared out to stare at the creatures of the night. It fascinated me how they walked as though they could see, yet had no eyes were to be seen on them. They lived their lives in total darkness, and were indeed shadows themselves. I always wondered, and still do, how they weren't controlled or created by the Lunar Celestial...

I would stay up as long as I could, just watching and listening to them. My eyes refused to stay open near the sun's rise, and fatigue would lull me into sleep for a shallow rest before my parents would wake me.

My days I spent learning. My parents knew how to read and write, and wanted me to know as well. I was a good learner, and progress was always steady. Mother often times did most of the teaching, giving a guiding hoof and patience. When my father stepped in, he aimed to challenge me, giving me a balance between easy and difficult.

I couldn't have had a better childhood, despite the constant movement.

My Hours

Years passed, and our small group grew. From four and a child, it became seven and a teen. We all shared the longing for a cease in travel, but rumor after rumor spread of safe spots, and we couldn't put it down. Once, we had been told of a place near the top of a mountain where the shadows dared not creep, and newfound hope was sprung up amungst our hearts once more. The journey in itelf had been treacherous, but the rocky, cave-filled side of the mountain held even more dangers.

It had been crawling with the shadows when we had stepped hoof in those grounds. "I told you not to get your hopes up!" the newest mare in the group reprimanded, the first stallion in the couple that had originally been with us sneering.

"You're the one who told us to come!" he shouted, she huffing through her nose.

"Please, you were..."

The argument had not gone well, and by the end of it we were all edgy and upset with each other.

~~

That was not the first failure, and it was not the last... uncountable numbers of times we walked tiring distances in search of safety and comfort, but we were always greeted with dangers and chill. Despair settled into our hearts, and, after two years with our group of seven, we decided it best to start settling. I helped all I could, but, we were terribly sexist in those times and a lot of the mares were just sent to gather food while the stallions worked on the housing.

We didn't mind too terribly, though, and we managed fine. Mother was growing old at that point, and so was father, so both were excused and put to rest while we all played our parts while we were still fit and able enough to do so. Almost no one had anything to complain about, so work went by swiftly and the days went by smoothly. Within a month, after much sweat, and in some cases pain and tears when rocks were dropped on hooves, the first pony settlement was built.

~~

I grew bored... Terribly, terribly bored. I'd work in the fields but my mind would not be completely occupied, my thoughts on the constant yearning of wanting to know more. So... I started to study. I poked and prodded at things, and, with some amount of patience, I watched things play through. I examined everything with a careful eye, and soon enough patterns started popping up wherever I least expected them. I wrote my findings as they came, and soon quite a collection of knowledge was amassed.

Ponies started coming to me for advice, which I cherished highly. When a problem was posed, I could hardly resist the temptation of solving it. But, with each question they asked, they had to solve my riddles.

"Riddle... You seem like someone who'd be able to answer this," I remember a colt saying to me. "Is there any chance of me and ---- getting back together?"

"Mm.... A strong will and a strong heart can mend any tear, but first where loyalties lie must be clear."

"So, all I have to do is show her I'm faithful and keep hope and there's a chance...?"

"Indeed."

~~

Many more questions were thrown at my hooves, I eager to help solve any problem tossed my way. Soon, I was not only a scribe and scholar, but an advisor and oracle as well. Because my fine eye had picked up so many patterns, I came to know certian little things that would happen in the time to come.I would have been content for the rest of my days answering questions and guessing patterns, but I wanted to see beyond my shallow view of what was close. I wanted to start wandering again, if only to find more for my mind to devour.

Learning from Myself

I left without word to anyone else. I wanted to know more. I knew that there was always more, and I went searching for it. I would never know everything, but I wanted to get as close as possible. I ran into other ponies who had settled, and housed with them for a short while, offering my knowledge and taking what little they had to give. Before long I always moved again, the time I spent at each place growing shorter and shorter.

I had been near the beach... staring out at the vast, seemingly endless stretch of water laid out before me. For the longest while I just watched, looking out on the rolling waves. I knew the wind made the water toss, and I knew that if you drank from it you'd get sick. I wondered what was under the waves, and I wondered how to swim. My hoof stretched out to touch the tide, feeling the water lick my hoof before retreating once more.

I stood. I started, very slowly, walking into the water. It was cold, like liquid ice was moving all around me. I wanted to go back to being dry, but at the same time, the urge to teach myself how to swim was too strong for me to resist. I'd know something more. That was all that was on my mind.

Soon I was bobbing with nothing but my head above the water, and I tried kicking my legs. It didn't do anything. I tried kicking my hind legs, without the aid of my forehooves. It worked, but I had to use them eventually to part the water in front of my face. After about a minute of this, I realized, that I was swimming. I knew how to swim. I had taught myself!

Laughing with glee, I swam to shore again and shook myself off, wondering what else was possible if I could only teach myself...

~~

I went back home, greeted with warm smiles and open arms.The first thing I did that day, was talk to a friend of mine. "Nati?" I asked, walking up behind her. She blinked a few times, turning to face me.

"Riddle!" she cried with a wide grin, rushing up to me and giving me a hug. "Where've you been? We've all been pretty lost without you, you know."

I just smiled. "The place I've been to cannot be named, for it is more than one my dearest friend. But this I can say, for one faithful day, I taught myself how to swim."

"You went /that/ far?!"

Chuckling, I nodded. "Yes...but I need a little bit of your help now that I've returned."

~~

Nati was a unicorn, and magic was a concept I had never bothered to delve into until that moment. Why would I have bothered? I'm an earth pony! Still... The more knowledge, the more understanding. The more understanding, the more easily new concepts came. With this simple truth in hoof, I had Nati describe every spell she knew, scrawling every word she said on my tablets.

Again I noticed one of the many patterns I find in the most unlikely places. The aura. The bone protruding from their skulls was able to conduct the magic, but as I listened I thought of it not as the magic, but the mind. With this theory in hoof, I sent my friend away for the day, allowing myself to sit and think.

Because of the horn on the unicorns' head, their thoughts were much more easily projected. I brought my friend back the next day, and asked her to describe everything she felt as she was using magic. I was surprised to learn that magic was a surge of twisted emotions, thoughts, and the world around us. Seeing this I realized that there /was/ magic in the world, not just in the ponies themselves. It was the magic in /everything/ reacting to the pony's aura, allowing the unicorns to do such feats that they did.

Once again I sent my friend away, and contemplated these new bits of information. Eventually... I started experimenting. I'd meditate for hours, sitting in an empty, silent room, just clearing my head. From there, I would slowly start to shift the focus to my hooves, reaching one out and trying to pick up an object without touching it. The first few attempts were fruitless, but on the fifth try I got an aura to surround my hooves.

I was giddy, but as the feeling came to my mind it sputtered out. I cursed, and tried again. This time, I did not allow my emotions to get in the way of the flow of energy, but I simply let them hang in the back of my mind. Focusing, I tried to lift the small pebble in front of me. I suddenly felt it, its entire texture, weight and size without actually having my hooves on it, my eyes widening as I made it lift just an inch into the air.

I then let it drop, giggling with glee and pride as I stood, having taught myself something new once more.

A Plan Concieved, a Plan Abandoned

It wasn't enough... It was never enough. By the time a year past by, my name had long since ceased to be whispered of, and I went back to my old status of merely an oracle. Oh, my sudden ability to minipulate magic had stirred the village to the point that I hardly ever grasped even a blink of sleep for a week. Somepony had always come and pounded on my door, all of the ponies having been spirred to ask me questions, somehow sure that now that I had magic the answers were sure to be even more precise than ever.

It drove me half mad. Until the faithful night I locked my door and boarded the windows shut, I was near seething with annoyance. Once sleep had graced me with its presence once more, however, I was much more open to their questions, while still making sure to shut my door at a reasonable hour.

After all the hubub, I got to explore magic further. With it now at my hoof tips, I found out so much more than I would have with just listening. The first thing I realized, was that anypony could minipulate magic, I being a key example of someone who had no magical properties at all yet still being able to have a sapphire aura around my hooves. It was slow work, but it was steady none the less.

Spells I had heard of I tried, and I listened intently to my friend to know more. Nati was a great help, in both showing me how to better direct it, and in helping me control it. Now that the connection had been made with my mind and my hooves, each day it grew harder to seperate mental from physical. With kind words and a guiding hoof, Nati showed me how to control the arua and offered much help, which I kindly refused.

While her help was needed and appreciated, I was not a foal who needed someone's hoof to guide them through everything. I was capable, and after a while, I got her to see that.

Still...even with a concept so vast to keep me entertianed for many a year, my thirst was not quite quenched. I had learned the basics of one concept, and while my concious was happy to continue learning the complexities, my subconcious could not bear staying on one topic for too long. And so, I departed once more.

~~

I continued my research on magic far into my travels, but as last time, nothing really yeilded new information for me... It was all starting to seem like a song that had long since been stopped being enjoyed, or a desert you'd had one too many times and now it was beginning to taste bland. My idle time brought forth my irritation, annoyed by the ponies telling me of useless things, or even more annoying things I already knew...

One day, my mind turned in a dark direction. My eyes swiveled to look unto the young, scrawny Ever Free, tempted to study the creaturs within its wake. The shadows would surely pose a decent topic to study... I shook my head. No, it was too dangerous. Even with magic, the shadows that could shift at will would be too much of a threat to my overall being. There had to be a better way...

Yet as I sat in silence at my lonely little tent in the vast plain just before the forest, nothing more sprung to my mind. The Sun Goddess and Moon God must've surely known everything... they watched the entire realm through the sun and the moon, did they not? Slowly, as this thought formed, a small smile crept onto my face and started to grow. Oh... oh I had such darling plans forming. If magic did not give me the challenge I wanted, then the keepers of the Moon and Sun would surely quench my thirst.

I would disect their character as I have with my own, and with everypony I knew, and I would be so wrapped in the project I would never need any more.

~~

I needed a plan. One that wasn't half baked, at least. I needed a true, honest plan, to reach the heavens where the 'Celestials', as I'd taken to calling them, housed. My magic would need assistance... /I/ would need assistance. Surely, a team of unicorns along side me would get me to their dwellings... But as this idea was explored another formed.

What if I didn't have to? I'd heard of unicorns giving up their physical existance for a short time, allowing themselves to become nothing but their manefestation of power for a short time. I pondered this idea, and as this sollution came to mind, the other died. The second was riskier, but the first was simply outragous. Who would possibly want team with me? Even with some inspiring words, ponies often did things only when it gave something to them, in turn.

Yes... It would be a lot easier and take a lot less time to simply give up my physical existance for a while, and the concept was yet another opportunity to learn. I would get to know what it felt like to live without a body, free of physical afflictions. I shivered excitedly at the thought. Oh, yes, this was certianly going to be my plan.

I would relinquish my body for a spell, (I actually like making puns at times, hope you'll excuse it,) and find a way to turn back once I had my fill of spying on the gods. It was rich, yet at the same time I knew it was somewhat risky. If they discovered me, I would be in no position to fight, as I would be nothing but a cloud of magic, which, is not very strong.

I supposed a few cloaking spells would disguise me well enough, too tired that night to think on it anymore, I paid a tribute to the Stallion Keeper of the Moon before putting out the fire and resting my head down to rest.