A dark, misty night in Canterlot. The city is dark, except for a few scant lights. A young mare trots through the streets, her wings folded at her sides, her blade sharpened and sheathed, and her suit, elegant.

Coming upon an alleyway, Twilight Sparkle spots her target. A fat, wart infested stallion, the dead body of a filly in his hooves. His eyes are jaundice yellow, his coat a sickly green, his Cutie Mark in in the shape of a claw with red tips at the end of the fingers. "Executioner..." He growls, his arm twisting, until it forms into a large, organic looking handgun. "Die!" He yells, as he fires widely at the Alicorn in front of him.

Twilight grinned, her katana already out, with the speed of lightning, she twirls the gleaming blade in the air, as hundreds of glowing bullets ricochet on the sword, hitting the walls. The stallion is Grease Guzzler, a multiple serial child molester and drug trafficker. He escaped from prison a few months ago, and only now have the Justiciars located him. Seeing his attacks have no effect, he bolts, galloping down a path to the left.

Twilight smirked, running a hoof through her mane, the years in her prosthetic left forelegs whirred in the air, fixing her shades as she lowered her hoof, "The job...Killer is Dead." She repeated, trotting slowly in the direction of Grease. More bullets came her way. Which she effortlessly parried.

Why do they always run? Twilight thought, as Grease scampered away, fear evident in his bulging eyes, It never works.. Keeping her katana ready, she entered a parking lot, carriages and cars unattended, but no sign of Guzzler.

"Boo!" He yelled, firing a bullet into Twilight's skull, her limp body falling onto the wet pavement, the water growing a dark red. "Ahahaha. See, that is what you get for messing with the G-Man! Suck it Twilight! Your movie series sucked!" He turned around, grinning, the barrel of his arm sizzling in the rain.

Twilight stood up, the hole in her head closing, bucking Grease against a wall, "Any last words, spermball?" She asked, raisnging her katana, the moonless night making her appear like a shadowy angel of death.

Grease sputtered, "H-how are you still alive? That's not possible! I popped yah straight in the noggin! You should be meeting The Maker now!" He scrambled against the wall, shuddering. "Please...it's not what it looked like! We can cut out some kinda deal right? You get paid right? Tell yah what, I got some friends, influential too. If you let me go, I'll pay you doub-no TRIPLE, what your client's paying you." He could feel his breakfeast leaving him in fear, tears streaming down his dirt covered face.

Twilight smirked, "The job..." She paused for dramatic effect, watching the stallion wallow in his own filth, katana raised as high as possible. "Killer Is Dead!" She exclaimed, bringing down the katana on her target, as he screamed in a symphony of agony and terror. His blood sprayed on the walls, forming the very words she had uttered. Grease's body dissolved into a red glow, which was sucked up by her mechanical foreleg, fresh blood, great for a boost.

Wiping the blood off her blade using a discarded newspaper, she slid it back into her sheath, pulling her phone, and dialing Celestia. "Celly, Grease has been dealt with. Ceya back at the castle?" She giggled.

"Of course my sweet, I'm wearing your favorite outfit." Her marefriend's sultrynvoice rang through the speaker, "I have your payment, and I'm not just talking about the five thousand bits you got from Mr. Davenport. Excellent kill dear." With that, Celestia disconnected, as a faint beeping could be heard. Flipping it closed and placing it back in her pocket, Twilight headed back to the castle, for three things. To get paid, get laid, and, to get her next contract made. She could hardly wait.

Twilight yawned, laying a hoof across Celestia's body, the scent of love in the air, "You were amazing, and, I can now afford you an early birthday gift." Twilight joked, her mane was wild, just like her lover. "So, any new contracts?" She asked, resting on her forelegs.

Celestia licked her lips, stretching, "Thank you Twiley. And, not at the moment. Though, you never know. Out there are hundreds, no, thousands of scuzznuts ready to get diced by your magnificent blade. Pinkie came back from a contract just an hour before you arrived. A bit sloppy on time, but an orgasmic execution none the less." She smiled, looking out her bedroom window, the rain flowing down the reinforced glass pane.

Twilight shifted, sitting up in bed, laying her katana by the bedstand, letting her sheathe to dry after its use earlier, Celestia's scent still lingering. "Oh really, who did she off? Some hot headed ganger? Sleazy night club owner?" She asked, fixing her mane with a hoof, just like she always did.

Celestia shook her head, chuckling, "Wrong on all accounts dear. It was some artist, Flare Light. The client was a mare by the name of Photo Finish, nice vampony, I trust you know her." A Twilight's nod, she continued, "Anyhoof, apparently, when Flare had commissioned her to shoot some family portraits, he arranged for his goons to steal valuables from his house. They took everything, her statues, her paintings, her sculpted stallionhood toys, everything." Celestia sighed, "Thankfully, Pinkie was able to recover everything."

"That's good to hear." Twilight smiled slightly, scratching her back with her scepter, the Twicane, courtesy of Discord. A thank you gift after she helped him fend off those horny zombie Eclair Slugs two weeks ago.

As Celestia fixed her crown, a piece of paper flew into the room from the fax machine. "Oh, it seems that you have a new contract." She picked up the paper, scanning it, a grin on her face, "Oh Twiley, I think you'll like this.

Twilight bounced over, "Who is it?" Se asked, trying to look over her lover's shoulder, and failing, falling in her purple plot.

Celestia giggled, Twilight was always so eager o begin contracts, and bang. Unfolding it, she began, "The Contract is for...."

---Next Time, on Killer is Dead: Equestria!---

"Wow, the view looks so pretty from here!" Pinki yelled, staring at the stars.

"Eat custard brainskillet!" The thug yelled, firing his custard at our heroine, who deftly swallowed it whole.

"It's time to die skunkbrains!" Twilight yelled at her target, her blade flashing in the light as she quickly unsheathed it.

"BACON IS COCAINE!"

Author's Note

Well, first chapter down everypony. Comments and suggestions for who to o after next are appreciated. If you suggest a target, and I like the idea, I'll credit you as the client. And, yes, Blueblood will be a client.